A/N: At the end of LOTTL, the Master's ring was picked up by a female woman, (not necessarily Lucy Saxon). This plot bunny of what occurs between the 10th Doctor and the Female Master was inspired by another story, "The Child's Pets", in which an omnipotent being makes the female Master and the Tenth Doctor dance.
It is not related to my other stories inspired by the Master, i.e. "The Takeover" or "The Rose and the Thorne" and it can be read independently. It's slightly AU.
APRIL'S FOOLS
After letting Martha and Donna off temporarily in London on the first day of April for a well-deserved holiday, the Doctor settled down in Brighton Park to read a novel he'd told himself he would read ages ago. His eyes fell on the sky over some buildings across the street. It was an overcast day, but the Time Lord was in a good mood. He had just completed a successful mission, and for once, Martha and Donna weren't complaining about his penchant for seeking adventure and danger.
Nothing can go wrong today, the Doctor mentally declared. Unfortunately, fate had a way of putting monkey wrenches in the Doctor's proclamations.
Before he could return to his book, the Doctor heard a familiar humming sound coming from one of the wooded areas in the park. He walked over to where the sound originated, and there, where there should have been empty space, a disguised TARDIS materialized.
Oh, bollocks! The Gallifreyan thought, as he waited patiently for the occupier to come out.
A petite, blonde female wearing a red leather jumpsuit with a mandarin collar came out. She scanned the terrain, and then snorted in disgust when she saw the Doctor in all his pinstriped glory.
"Oh, bollocks!" the woman echoed the Doctor's thought. "Why do you always have to be wherever I am? Isn't this universe big enough for us to not always be bumping into each other?"
"Nice to see you too, Koschei," the Doctor returned sarcastically. "Up to more mischief on Earth?"
The female Master crossed her arms, saying, "If I were, you'd be the last to hear about it!"
"Aww, come on now," the Doctor teased. "Is that any way to be about your latest dancing partner?" He thought back to the time an omnipotent being, simply called "the Child", had made them dance.
"Go to hell!" the female Master snapped.
"Now, now, Koschei, you shouldn't stress yourself," the Doctor said, warming up to his teasing. "You seem so upset that I wonder: are you suffering from PMS?"
The Master grinded her teeth. She was about to leave when the Doctor's voice stopped her. "Running away again?" he asked.
"Not so much running away as itching to leave you here!" she rejoined.
"Why?" the Doctor asked. "I'm just standing here. Haven't made a move on you, or anything, and it seems I've rattled your cage already! Or are the drums getting to you more than usual?"
Koschei pulled out her laser screwdriver and set it on kill. The Doctor didn't move from his present position. The Master challenged him with a superior look in her eyes, daring for the Doctor to use his sonic screwdriver, but the Doctor didn't move at all.
"Fight, damn you!" she shouted. The Doctor stood his ground. She aimed the laser at a nearby tree, destroying it.
The Doctor shrugged, closing the distance a little. She aimed at a bush, totally blowing it to kingdom come.
"Stay right where you are, or I'll…" the Master threatened.
"What?" the Doctor wanted to know. "I mean, you could kill me in cold blood, but would you really want to? I'm the best entertainment for you, aren't I? That's why the last time we tangled, you turned me into an old man. You wanted me to suffer, sure, but you also subconsciously didn't want to kill me, right?"
The Master's brows actually lifted at the Doctor's remark as she questioned, "And why would I not want to kill you eventually?"
"Face it…you like having me around," the Doctor responded, coming a little closer. The Master lowered her device as the Doctor continued. "I'm your bread an' butter, a fellow Time Lord who is tough to beat; one who is your equal in every way!"
The female Master shouted, "Don't ever compare yourself to me, Theta! You are a mere bug on the ground that I will squash when the time is right!"
The Doctor stopped closing the distance between them. He held up his hands in a surrendering gesture, saying, "Oakey-dokey. You win. I'm here…do your worst. But remember, if you do kill me, there'll be no one to fight that will give you the best challenge of your life. Mind you, I know you pretty well. The whole 'I've gotta control the universe' thing only works with you if you are able to break someone in the process. Of course, I never understood the irony of that. You want subjects to declare absolute loyalty to you immediately, and yet you want to be able to whip your subjects into submission over the long haul…"
"Stop! Stop! STOP YOUR INFERNAL PRATTLING!!" the Master was shouting hysterically. "Your endless nattering is worse than the drums!"
"Really?" the Doctor rejoined in mock confusion. "I never would have guessed."
He walked over to the Master so that they were very close to each other. "Of course, there is one thing even better than seeing who will win this little contest we've got going…" he said conversationally.
The Master's curiosity got the better of her. "What's that?" she bit back.
"This!" the Doctor shouted, grabbing his former friend and kissing her square on her red lips. After several moments, the Doctor released her. The Master sputtered and grumbled, wiping her lips of traces of the Doctor's kiss.
"April fools day, Koschei!" the Doctor cried, his eyes lighting with mischief. He started to walk away, but the Master grabbed his shoulder. The pinstriped Time Lord turned around.
"I don't suppose you've wondered how I feel about you, now that I am a woman," the Master purred. With an evil glint in her blue eyes, the evil Time Lord (or Lady) kissed him back.
The Doctor, for once, was totally speechless. He gazed into her eyes, and then heard the Master's familiar evil laugh. "Guess who's the winner now?" she asked seductively. She released the Doctor and left him standing, gob-smacked, as she returned to her ship. The Doctor didn't recover until the Master's TARDIS faded out of sight. For once, the Doctor wasn't distressed. He smiled as he made his way back to the park bench.