Snow storms scare me. No one would know this by just looking at me. I hide it well. But, at the moment, tears are falling freely down my pale skin. General Winter had apparently decided to punish me yet again for asking him to come a little later this year. Another snow storm before spring. My people were enjoying the warmth of the "summer" in my house, so I couldn't take that away from them. A soft whimper escapes my mouth, then another. "A-Alfred... I want- No..." Even as I was about to say that I wanted to comfort of the strong American nation, I realized that wasn't true at all. My heart never belonged to the American.
His silky brown hair... sullen, but shaped lips... Those damned eyes! They always got me. Thinking of him helps me slow my breathing and distract myself from the violent storm. The Baltics are no doubt asleep... They have no problem with the weather anymore. Little Latvia, so afraid of me, but brave and unbothered when it came to political affairs, and weather. Estonia, only afraid of me. Wonderful. Lithuania was afraid of me, and loosing Poland. The jerk! I'd taken care of them as best as I knew how. And still... Still not one part of my family wanted to be around me. What did I do to them? Katyusha ran away in tears when I asked her if there was anything I could do to help her... Nicholai's mind was far gone. He'd been put in a mental institution a few years back. Last time I went to see him he'd been rocking back and forth with a sunflower plushie I'd given him, just muttering. It broke my heart. Especially since I feel as though it's my fault. Why else would he keep mumbling "Marry me big sister!"
My mind flashes back to him. Romano. It had been 5 years since the last time I'd seen him. His power was growing though. I wondered if he was much bigger. I hoped so. Ugh! Every thought of him tortured my mind! He was so amazing, so cute, so... angelic. How could it be that my angel caused me such pain? The very same heartache I caused my family.
Evil Angel.
My mind whispered it to me over and over. Several of the strange voices in my head cackled at the thought and agreed with it. Evil... Evil angel. "No... No! Shut up!" I screamed as the madness started in once more. It was hard for me to keep them at bay. They always pushed and tugged at my mind. So very, very tiring. They told me that I was alone and that no one would ever love me. That no one would ever be my friend or help me. i deserved every ounce of pain I felt for what I'd done. Even my Finland was starting to back away from me inch by inch. Tina was ever-so-slowly abandoning me. Or was it just them telling me that? I wasn't so sure. In a mind like mine, it's so east to forget what is real and what they tell me. Well, at the very least, she's hanging out with me less and Australia and Hungary more. Even Denmark! Those damned voices...
There was always a way to make them shut up before they drove me to the brink. I had the scars to prove it. Both burns and cuts. The Russian Revolution was a result of me loosing my head. All the death I'd caused because it was my duty to do what was needed in the best interests of my people. My boss was and is the most commanding voice in my head. It changed ever so often, but I couldn't even really keep them straight. The worst was Stalin. That bastard ruined so damn much! But that was besides the point... I can feel my fingers itching for a blade. Or a match. Something to get the unwanted guests to give me a moment's peace. But, instead of getting up to do just that, pain shoots through my stomach and everything goes black... The only thing I can see now is Romano. He's got that crooked smile on his face and he's watching me with a warmth in his usually hostile eyes. I... I want him... I have to find a way to see him again.
Blackness. Numbness. I'm gone from consciousness. From the waking world.