Garrus Vakarian knew all about strange. Well. Maybe not ALL about it, only asari could come close to maybe claiming to know all about any one thing, and that was just a biological factor of their lifespans. However, it was also a fact that in his time he had all sorts of weird, frightening, improbable experiences and by the time he'd helped dispatch the Thorian, he'd adopted an equanimity about strangeness that wasn't very turian of him at all.
It was a very useful trait, as he was in the middle of the strangest conversation with Councilor Sparatus.
Garrus' official entry into the ranks of Spectres was a mere courtesy after the Reaper War; there was no question about it.
Through chance and careful maneuvering, Shepard and Sparatus developed a cordial working relationship with each other. It mostly involved using Garrus as a go between, because only he, having been with Shepard out in the field, could interpret her actions later in reports that weren't too likely to give the Councilors fits.
He was standing in Sparatus' private office. That alone indicated some sort of import; that Sparatus wanted privacy that Garrus now knew was ill-afforded by conventional communications technology. Liara would see and hear all.
Sparatus lead off with inquiring as to what humans found humorous. Garrus was confused right from the start and proceeded to ramble (probably very unhelpfully) about various things he'd overheard over the years on the Normandy, how overall, things like flatulence seemed to be humorous across species, but things with specific cultural implications couldn't.
Sparatus had wanted less generality and more specificity.
Shepard? Well, ah, she found it amusing whenever he managed to say something that seemed perfectly normal in his head but came out as some kind of absurdly colorful piece of innuendo. Things of the moment, unstudied and embarrassing, were funny to her. But not, he hastened to explain, ever hurtful. Shepard never wanted to put anybody in a truly embarrassing situation.
Some people liked to trick or frighten others with pranks, but Shepard isn't like that.
Sparatus allowed a long pause after, as he considered what he had heard.
"What about her response to not getting things her way?"
...Hm. Was this some sort of peer evaluation, Garrus wondered.
She doesn't like disappointments, Garrus answered forthrightly. Mission success is very important to her. But of course, she also understood very well that not all things could come together, that uncontrollable circumstances happened. She was a lot better at coming to terms than himself, Garrus humbly admitted. He had a lot to learn from her in that respect.
"What about personal matters? Not on duty?"
Ah? Garrus blinked. Huh.
He thought back on how she'd lost the color on her cheeks after speaking with Ashley on Horizon. How brittle the whole situation was, how he'd wanted to hover, to do something about it. But unable to, because at that time, it wasn't his place or business.
She'd pull herself together and get on, he told Sparatus. People say things that they regret later, she'd told me. She's always ready to forgive or at least to set matters aside.
Oh. Wait. That sounds sort of sociopathic. Regroup.
She works through her negative emotions with meditation. She learned that from an asari Justicar. Soaking in a hot bath for really long time, that's apparently therapeutic for her. She spars with me.
Garrus can't tell if this new pause from Sparatus was better or worse.
"Whose idea was it for the two of you to be together?"
Who- the- What? Now wait just one minute!
It's Garrus' turn to start a great long pause, because this isn't supposed to get that far into their personal lives. He stared at Sparatus, who was staring right back.
"I don't have to answer that," Garrus settled on using the tone for deterring news reporters.
"No," Sparatus surprisingly agreed. "And I don't ask for prurient reasons, Spectre."
"Just what, historical reasons?" Garrus replied skeptically.
Sparatus' mandibles clenched. Well, he's aggravated, Garrus sighed to himself. Great.
"I don't doubt the sincerity of your relationship, Spectre. Which isn't, as you stated, my concern, barring a sudden decline in effectiveness. Rather."
And here Sparatus made another pause.
"It is that you are in a unique situation and I have need of your knowledge of it. Before I can make a decision about my own potential situation."
Whoa. Wait. Whoa. What?
Sparatus endured Garrus' spastic mandible fluttering as he finally understood his words.
"Uh. Um," Garrus coughed. "Shepard isn't a typical example of her species, sir. And actually, statistically, a sample of one is useless, you know-"
"Vakarian!"
"Shepard started it. Uh. Maybe."
Sparatus made an impatient mandible flick.
"Spectre, I begin to wonder how it is possible for your reports to be so full of clarity and your speech to be so full of... otherwise."
"If you go by who made the first, actual, very-clear-I've-got-a-proposition come on? It's her. But that's in response to me, making a I-hope-I'm-interpreting-this-right-I'm-so-bad-at-flirting move. And I did that because we were just..."
Garrus shrugged helplessly.
"Muddling along. Watching her. Watching me. Watching her. Tali, uh, Admiral Tali'zorah, said that it was all very amusing, but get a move on before she electrocuted the both of us. So."
"The threat of electrocution does tend to give one impetus for action," Sparatus finally said.
Dryly.
"I have much to consider. You have been helpful. Thank you, Spectre. You may go."
Since it was clear that it wasn't a peer evaluation after all and therefore he could speak to Shepard about it, he did so over dinner.
"That must be so uncomfortable for you," Shepard said sympathetically.
"He's not my father," Garrus shrugged. "Could be worse."
"Right."
They ate in comfortable silence. Shepard made an amused sound.
"Hm?"
"I wonder who she is. The human who made a move on the Councilor and he doesn't know what to do so he asks the only turian in a relationship with a human he knows. During work hours."
"It's not that big of a deal."
"Oh, yes, it is. He called you in during WORK hours."
Okay, Garrus had to concede that it was actually highly irregular for a turian who meant business.
"Oh, no," Garrus shook his head. "Here we go. The idea is in your mind and you've turned it into a mission."
"You have to be curious too," Shepard grinned.
"Aha. But it concerns his private life and we aren't prying."
"No, we won't," Shepard agreed.
She politely let Garrus finish drinking.
"Kasumi and Liara will, obviously. That's more their skill set."
tbc