I smashed all the mirrors in the house. I couldn't bear to look at my own reflection any longer. All I saw in the mirror was a pale imitation of him. That was all I would ever see. That was all I could ever be. Whenever anyone saw me, they would all be seeing him. Before when I would look in the mirror I would only see myself. Now all I do is try to pretend it is him; I try to pretend that he is still alive. I pretend so I can tell him all that I never got the chance to. I tell him that I love him, and that without him I only feel like half a person. I tell him that even though time still passes I feel like I am still back in the moment I watched him die. I tell him that I would do anything to get him back and I tell him that I might not last longer here without him. But I can only pretend so long. After a while my reflection is only my reflection and nothing can stop my tears.
I cried for the longest time, but not just from the pain. I cried because I was giving up. I was finally admitting that you would never walk through the door again, never ask me to joke around with you or smile. I would never be able to see your laughing eyes again, even if I hadn't smashed the mirrors. I can't smile without you. You were always the reason for my smile and without you, I have none. Without you I am only a half. I am broken, and my missing piece has been destroyed. I love you Fred. I wish you would come back.