As I lay here, trapped in my own daydreams, I remember the times we spent with one another. The times that meant so much to me and that I thought would never go away. But like all good things, as they say, come to an end. For me, this was more along the lines of an end to my era. The era that will forever be kept near and dear to my heart.

I think back to all the times when she would confide in me. She told me so many things about herself and her past-life and I was always the one who would listen to her when her world became too chaotic and restless. She would always tell me that I was "one hell of a listener" – it didn't mean that much to me back then, but I would give anything to hear her say that again. Anything…

I ponder on the thoughts of us walking underneath the pier at practically two in the morning; hand in hand. We would stop by one of the largest posts holding up the giant wooden structure and she would lean against it; pulling me closer to her. And without thinking, I'd drape myself over her and we were content. She was easy to please and I think that's what I liked most about her. The tiniest things would make her day. It's true, though – I could give her the world and receive a decent hug. But I could give her a smile and a kiss and receive that decent hug, plus the knowledge of knowing that that, without explanation, made her feel loved. That is what I loved about her.

She was always the kind of person to do things unexpectedly. I would go to school that morning and see her standing next to my locker with a huge smile on her face and a very toothy grin. Of course, I'd smile back and wonder what she was up to. But once I made my way to her, I found out that all she had planned for me was a warm, soft hug and an extremely short, but passionate kiss. I miss those kisses.

It always seemed as if everyone was against us. Like, we were the epiphany of a bad example for living your life. We were put down so many times that it felt second nature to us. I had told her in the beginning that I didn't want her to go through this; the harshness of naïve people. But with a swift head tilt and a hint of glee in her eyes, she told me that nothing would ever stop her from being with me. And she stuck to her word. She was always the first one to grab my hand while walking down a boulevard or something. Those times I cherish more than others. I'd give anything…

I will always remember the first time we got intimate. She was so nervous and I could tell. I remember doing a recap in my head about what all we could be doing, but when I'd stop kissing her and look into her eyes and see what she wanted, those thoughts were soon discarded. I wanted more than anything to make her feel the love that was inside me. I wanted to like… paint a picture of my love for her, but – no words or colors could describe my feelings for her. It was like an unattainable desire that you longed for, for so long, and it seemed like you could never reach it. It was my goal in life to make her realize how deep my love ran for her. I hope I showed her.

By now, you can probably guess that she is no longer apart of me. The last time we spoke, the only words that escaped our mouths were harsh ones. Words that no one in their right minds would ever declare to someone else. I wish I could go back in time and tell her what I wanted. But I can't…

As I come back to my senses, I am immediately slapped in the face by reality. There's soft music playing in the background; I'm guessing it is to try and ease our souls. I hear more than one sniffle of someone's nose and I turn to look at the person who made the noise. I see the glaring eyes of an unwanted onlooker and I quickly move my head to its previous position. I can't deal with her right now. So much has happened in such a short amount of time and it's all crashing down around me. I feel a nudge on my left side and I turn my head in the direction. Finally, I see a friendly face; but it is the face of sadness. No one saw this coming and I feel as if I must blame myself. Some have told me that this could not have been predicted and that it was neither hers nor my fault. But it is…

Just then, the soft music playing stops gently and a man approaches the front of the room. I turn my head back around to meet the same pair of angry eyes. The eyes of a mother. And in those eyes – I'm practically the devil. I was the one who "changed" her sweet little daughter into an evil-doer. A sinner --- just like me. I look on at her mother and a single tear drops from my brown eye, but a thousand tears are falling from my heart. I can't believe this is happening.

The man clears his throat before opening his mouth and protrudes a couple of starter-words.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to honor the death of a young child. She was and forever will be, a child of God. I would like everyone to take a moment or two, to pray for her family who is, without a doubt, deeply saddened. Let us bow our heads and pray… for Spencer Carlin."

I bow my head and allow the tears to fall freely.

She will forever… be loved.