This is a Rumbelle Secret Santa prompt for dr-rushs-glasses.
Prompt: "First time without the curse."
It was almost too good to be true. The curse was actually gone, for the first time in 300 years. Rumple was human again, without his magic, without the curse that plagued him for so long. Rumple could be free again, without the temptation to use his magic for wrongdoing.
So what was the matter?
The first day of being curse-free went well-enough. Belle and Rumple had a quiet celebration at their place. No big frills, no huge party. There was no need. They enjoyed each other's company, and that was enough.
At least Belle hoped it was enough. She did think she saw something in her beloved husband's eyes, something that indicated not all was right as it should be. Still she would let it slide…until later, at least.
"Now no one can control you with the dagger," she gushed enthusiastically over dinner. "We can truly be together now without the usual magic crap getting in the way."
Rumple reached for her hand across the table and squeezed it. "Now I can be the man you deserve. The man I need to be for you. No more lying or deceiving. I may now be merely a coward, but I'm no monster. Not anymore."
Belle wished he didn't think of himself as a coward. The man became the Dark One to help his son. And while he had done some cowardly things, he had also done heroic things. But the man's depths of his self-loathing was deep and vast. It was beyond her comprehension.
"Rumple, I have faith in you. You are a good man. I know it."
Hours later, they went to bed and made love, desperately, lovingly, emotionally. They fell asleep almost immediately after, holding each other tightly, as if the other would disappear otherwise.
When she woke up in the morning, she found herself to be alone.
"Rumple?" Belle called.
No answer. She climbed out of the bed and put on one of his shirts.
"Rumple?" Belle repeated as she left the bedroom and headed into the hallway.
She finally found him in a room that went unused. It was a room where he kept his son Baelfire's stuff.
"Hey," she said softly.
He looked up from the photo he was looking at. "Hey," he responded, also softly.
"What's going on?" she asked, coming over to sit next to him and put a hand on his shoulder gently.
"My magic," Rumple said. "I know I should be happy that I can be the man you deserve, and I am, I truly am, but I'm nothing without my magic. Before, I could at least protect you and keep you safe. Now I'm just a coward with a limp-pathetic and useless."
Belle's heart ached with sorrow for him and his self-loathing. She yearned to help him. "No," she corrected gently. "You are a brave man. You walked through fire to save your son from the ogre wars. You became the Dark One for him, and while you have made terrible decisions, I know you're good. I love you, Rumplestiltskin."
He sighed. "I just…don't know how I can get by without my magic. I can't protect you. Belle, I've already lost Bae. What will I do without you?"
How her heart yearned for her husband-yearned to take away his pain. He's had more than his fair share. "Rumple, you've gotten used to the power your magic brought you. You think it's the only way you can be happy and keep me safe. But I can keep myself and you safe. I didn't fall in love with you because of your magic. I fell in love because deep down I knew your heart was good. Whatever you're going through now…this magic withdrawal or whatever you want to call it, I'll help you through it. You don't have to be alone in this.
Rumple looked at her how he frequently looked at her, like she was some rare creature he couldn't believe existed, but was glad she did.
"How I ever lived without you…and how I even deserve you…I'll never know," he said.
"We've both made our fair share of mistakes, Rumple," Belle told him. "But we will work this out. I promise. I love you."
She kissed him tenderly, cradling his face in her hands. God, but she loved this man. He had been through hell and back…and then to hell again, and then back. And he was probably in hell again, because he couldn't seem to catch a break. Still here he was, fighting through it all, for her. He was braver than he knew. Braver than anyone knew, even.
He had been addicted to the powers that came with his magic and now that his powers were gone, he felt powerless, weak, like the coward he believed himself to be. Rumplestiltskin desperately needed help and support and love. He needed to know Bae's death wasn't his fault, that he was still good and still worthy of love.
He needed Belle…and Dr. Hopper.
"I think you need to see Dr. Hopper," she said after a minute. "I think there's something you might have. PTSD, I think? I read about it in a book, and from what I've read, it seems it fit you perfectly."
"I don't need Dr. Hopper, or anyone else, for that matter, Belle," he disagreed. "I need you."
"I know, and of course I'll be here for you always, but you seriously need to speak to Archie. I'm no medical professional. I can't help you with everything you're going through."
He gave her an unsure look. "I don't know, Belle…"
Belle held his hands in hers. "Please. For me," she said. "If it doesn't work out, we can try to work this out on our own. But I think this could help. And I'll still be here. You're just in so much misery that I think Archie could help."
He sighed. "Fine. But how can I say no to the one woman who believes in me, and always has?"
It felt good knowing he would get help for his sake. Maybe Dr. Hopper would work on his addiction issues, and his crippling self-loathing.