Reasons
There were many reasons why Merlin wasn´t able to hate Morgana.
He really hated her methods but not her aims and intentions. To be honest it was exactly the opposite. To bring back magic to Camelot and the entire land of Albion was also his own wish.
But this was not the only reason. Morgana didn´t hide who she is and was honest about her true self, anyway how dark she has become. While he, Merlin, had to hide himself maybe even for the rest of his life. There was no way around it.
Merlin knew that in the end he would have to kill her but just the thought of that made him feel sick.
He didn´t know how to fulfill his destiny without losing himself and falling into a dark hole of hatred and guilt like Morgana did.
It´s not like he would be a good person. It was clear to him that he has done terrible things in the past and in the present to protect Arthur, Camelot and everybody else he cared about.
He killed, lied and betrayed and most of the time he shut down his feelings and so didn´t felt any guilt. He always knew that these things were the right things he could do to survive and reach his aims.
His friends and family were not the only people he was responsible for. The future of every person with magic was in his hands though they probably didn´t know it.
Merlin was aware of the consequences his actions could cause. Future generations would grow up within a world without magic and they will never learn how beautiful and good magic could be, if he made the wrong decision. They only will remember magic and the old religion as a story of a bunch of sorcerers and sorceresses who killed each other with their evil powers. He couldn´t let this happen.
Merlin thought about his own future which looked like a nightmare to him. Most of all it was going to be lonely. Time wasn´t something that would affect him. He wouldn´t age but everybody else were getting older and were going to die. Except of him…and Morgana. How should he force himself to take the live of the only person he wouldn´t lose?
She hated him now but Merlin was sure that with some time they would be good with each other. At least he really hoped so.
Hi, this is my first story so thanks for reading. I´m sorry for grammar and other mistakes. English isn´t my first language.
4th May 2013