"It's still me," I say looking into the young eyes of Gracie, of the old me. Drew wraps an arm around my shoulder and gives me a squeeze. I wince when he does so, from the bruising left my Fitz and Owen. Once my family leaves, I turn to acknowledge Eli and Clare. They are the best friends I have even had, by far, aside from Drew. I watch the remnants of my old identity disintegrate into ash. And cling to the picture of myself.
"To a new way of living, Gracie free." Clare gives me a reassuring look and I smile in response.
"Gracie free," I repeat Clare, mostly saying it to myself. Eli rubs his hands together and steps closer to the fire.
"Maybe we should get out of here, it's getting kind of cold," Clare suggests. I nod taking a final look at the fire. The tree of us head towards Morty, I take a seat in the back behind Clare, rolling up the sleeve of my gray hoodie and run a finger over the several swollen burns, the last of the burns that would ever occur.
"So, now what?" Eli says shifting his eyes from the road to Clare, then finally to me. I shrug my shoulders and he looks back to the road.
"Well, we could work on our group project for English?" Clare suggests in a questioning manor.
"That would be worse than the time we skipped to do homework," Eli is quick to respond. I could almost hear him rolling his eyes and smirking.
"Maybe we could just go to The Dot, hang out, eat?" I suggest sticking my head in between their heads looking at Clare then Eli.
"That sound like a good idea," Eli says, Clare lets out a faint laugh. We go to The Dot and order three chocolate shakes, we talk while drinking them and leave. Eli takes Clare home first, and I hop up front.
"So, how does it feel?" Eli asks me confusing me. "Being rid of Gracie." he corrects the confusion between us.
"Oh, man it feels pretty great. I finally feel like my mom actually will try, you know, to accept it." for the first time I really did feel, whole. I feel like I am just Adam now, first time since I came out as Adam.
"I have another question, it's a little more on the personal side, though." The way Eli says this makes me sit a little less at ease. I nod nervously, giving him the go ahead to ask.
"How did you know? One more thing, how did you tell you mom?" I knew both those answers, but I wasn't entirely sure Eli would understand. But I trusted him, and he was my best friend.
"Well I knew from the time I was really young, ever since I can remember, actually." I pause, reading his expression, calm. "I just remember hating having long hair, and fought wearing dresses." Eli raises his eyebrows and nods two or three times, slowly. "About my mom, that was a little harder, the first person I ever told was Drew. Like my mom always says we were best friends from the time we met. He actually told me he'd help. I decided I liked Adam, and chose that as my new name.
"I used as bandage wrap to, uhmm, tighten something items. Drew let me barrow some clothes, this was before he turned all preppy. I looked at myself in a mirror and drew came up and took a look at me. He said, 'Hello there, Adam.'' I stop again. "That was the first time I was happy with who I was, Adam. Both Drew and I knew the next part would be the hardest. We went downstairs, mom was in the kitchen and I sat on the stairs. I heard Drew tell mom that he had to introduce him to a new friend he had." I look at Eli he was surprisingly blank.
"Keep going, I'm intrigued," he says. Giving me a confidence boosting look. I smile.
"Well, I went in there and she gave me a confused look, as if she was unsure what to think of this 'new friend'. Then I think she knew, her face twisted, 'Gracie?' she questioned me, I just said 'Adam' she simply just didn't get it." I sigh. "So I guess changing schools was the way to fix it, she finally accepted that I wasn't going to change. She still tried to get me to, but I won't pretend its ok that way, because it's not."
"Wow, I don't see her big deal." Eli starts, "You are a really cool guy, and you are Adam, not Gracie. She'll have to get used to it."
"I guess so, I was her precious little girl, now I'm a teenaged boy and she wasn't expecting it." I say when we're pulling in.
"Well, looks like we're here, talk to you later?" he puts the car in park.
"Definably," I shut the door and go to my front door, waving goodbye. I went inside to see my mom and step dad watching TV. I hear my name so I shut the door hard making my presence known.
"Oh, Adam you're home," my mom says coming over to hug me. She kisses my forehead and says she want to talk with me. I sigh to myself and follow her to the kitchen table, another one of the Adam/ Gracie talks, again, already. I pull out the chair around the corner from her, she smiles genuinely, and put her hand on my right arm.
"Yeah, mom?" I ask, hating the seemingly fading smile on her face. Her eyes glow with confusion and a pinch of mild happiness.
'It's about your friends, honey," she rubs my arm light before reclaiming her hand for herself. I cock my head slightly to the right and give a questioning eye. "Well, I am just wondering how close of friends they are." I roll my eyes because this isn't the first talk of this variety we've had either.
"Great fiends, best friends, my only friends." I say coldly.
"Well, I'm glad," she gets up with out another word, waves her hand telling me to go about my merry way and do as I please. I decide to find something to do with the picture, removing it from my pocket. I go to my room and sit on my bed thinking. I could; frame it, put it in my locker, or even in an album. After a solid twenty minutes I decide it should go in my pillow case, on the bottom. I slide it into its new home and lay my head on the opposite side.
"It's still me," I whisper to myself.