Truthfully, I've had something similar to this idea floating around for a while, but this is the first one I've written for my particular AU. Um, I can't say it's something I'm extremely proud of, but it'll do. It originally started off somewhat cracky, but slipped through the...uhhh...cracks. Thank you (in advance) for reading, and I hope you (somewhat) enjoy!
"Thank you for your hard work as always, Sohma."
"Kyo. It's Kyo. Don't mix me up with that bastard."
Kyo Sohma. Age: 16. Occupation: Assassin. Likes: Beating Yuki. Dislikes. Yuki and leeks.
Kyo stalked out of the office and slammed the door behind him, scowling. "Too many damn Sohmas here anyways," he muttered. It was true. The family name was like a damn curse in the profession.
"Kyo, Kyo! Over here!"
Momiji Sohma. Age: 15. Occupation: Assassin. Likes: Candy and bunnies. Dislikes: None.
"Speak of the devil…" Momiji Sohma had inherited his looks from his mother – all blond haired and blue eyed, like some sort of demonic angel. "Whaddya want?" he said louder. And what sort of assassin jumped around looking like a kid?
"Want ice cream?" Momiji pulled out three identical ice cream bars and stuck one in his mouth. "It's good," he mumbled around it. "Yuki got it."
Kyo looked like he was about to pop a vein. "Get…Out!" He took a step forward towards the innocently smiling little boy, cracking his knuckles and glaring all the while as he did so. "As if I'd ever touch anything that'd been in his hands!"
Momiji froze. And stared. And his face crumpled into a fit of tears. "Wahhhh! Kyo's going to hit me!" If it weren't for the handgun riding on his hip or the knives tucked into the bottom of his boots or the sinister looking black trench coat that some dumbass had been genius enough to insist on, Momiji would've looked exactly like a fifth grader being picked on in the school yard. Only…
"Are you an assassin or not? Have some shame, you—" What he'd been about to say, which went along the lines of 'stupid brat', was interrupted along with his impending downward smack on Momiji's little blond curls.
From around a corner, summoned no doubt by Momiji's desperate cries for help, stepped a fashionable young man with white hair, pierced ears, and enough jewelry hanging off of him that he could almost be called 'ganster' – if his clothes had been different.
Hatsuharu (Haru) Sohma. Age: 15. Occupation: Assassin. Likes: Rin. Dislikes: Motorcycles.
"Don't be mean, Kyo." Haru stepped around the corner, and stopped Kyo's strike just inches above Momiji's head. "Or do you want to take me on instead?"
As Haru's expression changed from bored indifference to annoyance, or perhaps anger, Kyo's changed from anger and irritation to…angrier and more irritation. Today had not been going well.
"I'd like to see you try," he growled.
Haru stepped forward and shoved Kyo backwards. "Too chicken to pick on someone your own size?"
Kyo dug his heels in and pushed the white haired boy back. "As if. You'd just lose."
"Watch me beat you into a pulp, you mewling kitten."AndHaru pushed Kyo back.
Meanwhile, Momiji had dropped all pretense of crying and was staring quite intently at what had quickly become a sort of reverse tug-of-war. A push-of-war instead, maybe. "Oh. Haru's gone black." 'Black', referring to the almost split personality Haru developed at various points in time. If nothing else, Haru's 'black' personality always made interesting situations – especially if it was someone really hapless – or Kyo, who was involved. Momiji went happily back to munching on his ice cream bar.
"Just go back to yourself already!" Kyo was fast losing patience.
"Not until you admit defeat, chicken scratch!"
"Chicken scratch? Is your 'black' personality going stupid? Did it get lost in the dictionary?"
"Ha! You're just scared, kitty."
"Who's scared? You used to get lost going to the washroom! At your own house!"
"Stop trying to run away. You'll take this if you're a real man!"
"Huh? You really want some? Fine then! Don't cry when I beat you, Haru!"
"You should've done that from the start, coward! This is why you lose to Yuki!"
That was it. If he heard that name one more time today – actually, that had been the 'one more time'. Kyo snapped. "He only wins 'cause he cheats!" he shouted as he launched a sidekick at Haru from close range.
The next thing he knew was that he was sliding down an opposite wall, and Haru had gone quite 'white' (Mainly because 'black' was exhausting, and after declaring a couple times that he'd make Yuki his, Haru eventually calmed down), and Haru was also talking to the last person Kyo wanted to see in the world. Or rather, the last person Kyo wanted to see while said person was healthily alive.
Yuki Sohma. Age: 16. Occupation: Assassin (Notice a pattern?) Likes: His garden. Dislikes: Kyo and idiots. Cats.
"You bastard…" Kyo stood and wiped the blood from a cut lip with the back of his hand. "You're going down today!"
Momiji and Haru – to whom the former had handed one of the rapidly melting ice cream bars to – both wisely stepped out of the way as Kyo charged the silver-haired youth. Who also stepped away and struck out with his elbow. Kyo dodged, and aimed a kick at Yuki's stomach from underneath, which was countered with a downwards block and a quick side kick which did connect quite solidly with Kyo's stomach, and produced much the same results as half a minute ago.
Yuki straightened the white blouse he was wearing and turned to go, but not before shooting a retort at the hapless idiot. "Only idiots lose to the same move twice."
"Shut up! There was no way you could've won that fair and square!" He was pissed. There was no way he was going to let this day go by without exacting some form of satisfaction. "Just you watch! I'll beat you some day!"
Yuki snorted. "Idiots can never win. I only came to keep Haru from turning black, and to keep him away from your contagious stupidity." He ignored the remainder of Kyo's angry remarks, which went something along the lines of 'I hate you', and 'you're the idiot' and 'I'm gonna kill you', and disappeared around the corner from which both he and Haru and Momiji had materialized.
"Bye bye" waved Momiji, before he followed after Kyo's life long rival, laughing as Haru wiped ice cream off of his face.
"Dammit!" Kyo slammed his fist sideways into the wall. He'd lost again! To that good-for-nothing spoiled brat who took everything for granted. There was no way he could've lost!
There was also no way this day could get any worse. It was already 'worst'. Well, there was one way, but it was highly unlikely as—
"Kyo!"
Kagura was out of town…supposedly.
He really had rotten luck.
"K-kagura…"
"Kyo, I missed you so much! But you never sent me a letter, or called back, even though I called you so many times."
"Aren't you working for another week?"
"But…I couldn't stay away from you any longer! AHAHAHAHA"
Kagura Sohma Age: 18. Occupation:… Likes: Kyo. Dislikes: Kyo cheating on her.
As if the past events of the day hadn't been enough – hell, even just the past half hour – Kagura charged towards him, her eyes sparkling madly with laughter, and before Kyo could get out of the way, she had managed to overtake of him. And proceeded to pummel him quite heartily.
"Why did you not contact me at all?"
Kagura, a slightly built girl, shook Kyo as hard as she could, as if that would make the answer come from him any easier.
"I was so worried…"
"About you!"
First Haru, and then Kagura. Why was it that he had been cursed into this family anyways? "Ugh…"
"Ah! Kyo, you're hurt! How terrible!" Kagura pulled him into a gentle embrace, and brushed a finger over an especially painful looking spot. "Who could've—Oh!"
At least she remembered this time, Kyo thought. Although if she could remember that this was 'terrible' before she started shoving her feelings onto him, it would be a great improvement.
"I'm so sorry, Kyo! I just…I just wanted to see you so much, I…" Kagura looked like she was about to burst into tears. "I couldn't help it…"
Kyo sighed and somehow pulled himself up. Getting thrown twice into a wall and then being beaten by a girl was not his idea of an ideal day. "I get it. It's fine." Well no, it wasn't. But if he wanted to get any peace today, he was leaving – now.
"But I was so frightened! What if you hadn't called because you'd suddenly…" This time, as Kagura stood as well, a tear did leak out of the corner of her eye. Kyo understood – there was always the danger of capture or death.
"Ah. Well, since I left without permission, I have to leave! But before that, you have to promise me you'll never look at another girl!" Kagura got a dangerous glint in her eye as Kyo took a step backwards. "You will, won't you?"
"Eh…Urk…Yes…" Scary…
"Well then, bye-bye!"
And with that, quiet again returned to the hall. Thank goodness the boss had insisted on a soundproof door.
Kyo sighed and stalked down the hall. He was going to go home. And sleep. And a cup of milk.
- - -
"Kyo! Phone, for you!"
Kazuma's voice rang down the hall to where Kyo was napping in his room.
'Don't…wanna…get…up…' he grumbled, but did anyways. The sun streaming through the wide windows felt really good to sleep under. Since he'd gotten home, Kyo had been catnapping, apart from a bath and a glass of milk. Master had said to leave the training until later. It was important to rest one's body in order to train it.
In the living room, Kazuma Sohma was leisurely reading a newspaper in the afternoon sun – moments of relaxation were rare for him as well. He looked up when Kyo's steps sounded in the room. "It's from her," he said.
Kyo nodded. "Man, they really don't wanna give me a break…" Nonetheless, he picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Sohma? We've got something for you."
"…Yeah. What?"
"Two days. He's in the book. 27."
From well-practiced habit, he shifted the handset to be clamped between ear and shoulder, and pulled the book out of his pocket and flipped through the pages. Page 27. David Penbar read the caption under the picture, followed with a short blurb.
And when the person on the other side of the line knew he must've seen the page, came the dreaded command.
"Kill him."
To give a visual, the words triggered in his mind a sort of wiring switch that would last until the order was completed. Picture a row of coloured light bulbs whose colouring depends on the wiring. Suddenly, someone switches two of the wires – all the colours are still there, but there's something that's a bit different. Priorities, for one.
Kyo picked the receiver back up into his hand. "Alright," he conceded. "I'll do it." Not that he had a choice.
"Good. Because Yuki said you wouldn't." Had Kyo been listening past the word 'Yuki', the smirk in the person's voice would've been undeniable.
"Who said I wouldn't? I'll do it and I'll show him!" Without waiting for a response, the ginger-haired youth slammed the handset down into the receiver.
Kazuma looked up and smiled the way a parent would when watching a amusingly miscreant child. "Don't slam it, Kyo," he admonished gently.
Kyo looked towards him like a kicked puppy. "Sorry, master," he apologised.
"It's alright. Are you going out tonight?"
He paused and shrugged. "I guess."
"Then we'll train first thing in the morning. Would you like me to make dinner now?"
Master…cook? Images of burnt rice and charred black noodles crossed his mind. "I'll do it!" he said hastily. "When master cooks, it doesn't even smell edible. I'll leave it on the table."
Kazuma tilted his head and laughed. "Haha, I suppose. Good luck, Kyo."
A genuine smile lit his face before he ran back to his room. "Thanks, master! I'll see you tomorrow!"
He hoped he would, at least.
- - -
There seemed to be an utter lack of security, he thought, as he swung down from the roof into the just opened window. This guy wasn't that much of a bigwig then, he figured. But they were all the same, one dead body was the same as another, and it was all don't know don't tell.
He landed lightly in the room, cat like. His eyes adjusted quickly enough to see that the room was empty save for a made-up bed and a chest. Spare room, then, just like the blueprint had said. He crept to the door, thankful that nothing creaked, and made his way down the hall.
"First door on your right," came instructions through his ear piece. I know, he grumbled in his thoughts, but didn't dare to say aloud. Not yet.
But…who made such big houses anyways? Every time it was one of these rich people's houses, 'first door' on the right was always a mile down – comparable to the Sohma main house, he supposed. But big houses really sucked!
On the other hand, he thought as he slipped like a shadow into the designated room. People were less likely to hear what was going on in other rooms.
He held the handgun sideways to the sleeping man's head. 'Sorry,' he mouthed out of a habit he'd developed from when he was twelve, before he pulled the trigger and pumped a small mass of lead into his brain. Whoever washed the sheets would have a messy job. David Penbar never opened his eyes – there was only the familiar twitch just before his nervous system lay dormant forever.
The silencer all but muffled any audible sign of what had just taken place. But what had just taken place did not account for another set of footsteps coming from an adjacent room. Kyo spun and pointed the gun at the doorframe.
"There's a girl," he whispered unthinking into the mouthpiece, knowing he'd been discovered anyways. Her brown hair hung about her shoulders, sleep-mussed. Her eyes were still half closed – she hadn't registered what had just happened.
"A maid. Leave no witnesses. Kill her," came the indifferent command for the second time in a day.
Kyo made sure his aim was true. Before she could move or call for help, he squeezed the trigger for the second time in a day. His aim was true. She crumpled without a cry or a sound, red blossoming through thick white pyjamas resulting in a dark pink flower around her chest. He watched her fall, and wondered why those reproachful eyes seemed so familiar, before he opened the window and escaped to the ground below.
"Congratulations, Sohma. That's two in a day."
"Shut up. It's not like I wanted to."
"Then, congratulations on beating Yuki, Sohma."
"…"
Tohru Honda. Age: 16 (deceased) Occupation: Live-in maid. Likes: Cats. Dislikes: Loneliness.
- - -
"If you don't take care of her, I'll never forgive you…"
- - -