by Serendipity
Title: A Day In Your Shoes
Author:Serendipity
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy
Email: trekchic@usa.net
Summary: Another spell backfires and the slayerettes find themselves in very awkward positions.
Author's Notes: This takes place about one month after When Stars Collide. Although it isn't necessary to have read that story before you read this one, it probably will help. Suffice it to say, the biggest thing you'll need to know is that Willow and Angel are together. This is going to get VERY confusing so it'd be very helpful if y'all could send me feedback. I need to know if I have to clarify things further....you'll see why....
PART ONE: THE MISTAKE
Amy Madison was pissed.
No ifs, ands or buts about it. It had been a downright crappy day and the last thing she needed to deal with right now was a stupid science project.
So basically, she didn't.
In a fit of teenage angst and rebellion, she decided to ditch the project and work on more….interesting things. Like the ultimate April fools prank she was planning on pulling on Xander Harris. It would be a final blow in retaliation for the time he'd blackmailed her.
The witch grinned evilly. It would be pretty harmless overall, but damn funny as far as she was concerned.
With an almost dramatic flourish, she trained her dark gaze on the vial of blue liquid placed perfectly above a picture of her dark-haired foe.
Waving her hands expertly over the liquid, it started to glow a faint pink. Gold-colored sparks danced around her body.
Closing her eyes tightly against the increasing brightness, she continued to murmur the Gaelic spell softly under her breath. Gradually, the energy in the room flowed towards her and began collecting in the small area before her.
Almost there…. >
Gritting her teeth against the crackling air, she lifted her right hand directly above the vial, causing it to float upwards in the air. Waving her hand downward, the vial tipped precariously and started to pour it's now-pink liquid over the picture…
"Meowr?"
The instant she heard the noise, Amy's eyes flew open.
But it was already too late.
In a flash of light the vial was shattered, it's contents splattering all over her mirror and dresser.
Tiny kitten paws and apologetic kitten eyes greeted the highly annoyed witch.
"Micah!" she scolded, "What are you doing here?"
The calico kitten cocked its head to one side and blinked.
She sighed.
I thought I'd closed the door… > Turning her head to the right, Amy noted that the door was, indeed closed and tightly locked.
"Then how on earth…?" turning back, her voice trailed off when she realized that the kitten was no longer sitting in front of her. "Micah?"
As if in response, the cat materialized out of thin air, directly into her lap.
"Meowr?" it questioned again while staring up at her.
"Oh good grief," she rolled her eyes and picked him up.
Evidently, he was more advanced than she'd thought. Although merely one month old, Micah was proving to be a highly intelligent, skillful cat. Eventually, he'd make a wonderful familiar. Eventually.
Lifting his tiny body up to eye level, she gave him a reprimanding glare, "Already transporting ourselves, are we?"
The kitten licked her nose in response.
Giggling, Amy felt her anger ebb away, "It's okay, Micah, it's my fault. I should have known better than to leave you all alone in the hallway."
Hugging the cat closer to her chest, she surveyed the damage. Making a face, she realized how much work it was going to take to clean things up. Tiny shards of glass littered her dresser and floor. The side of the wall closest to where the vial had been was slightly scorched. The picture of Xander was completely ruined and…
She paused.
The picture was completely ruined….
Uh oh. >
It was covered with the liquid from the vial….
Double uh oh. >
Gingerly, she lifted up the picture and unfolded its sides. It had been taken shortly after Willow recovered from her attack. Although it was indeed a shot of Xander, unfortunately, it also contained the smiling faces of Willow, Cordelia, Giles, Buffy, and even Angel.
Under normal circumstances, Amy wouldn't have been too concerned. However, there had been a split second during which her concentration had slipped….
Meaning, it would be entirely possible that….
Biting her lip the witch groaned.
She was never going to live this down.
**
PART TWO: ABJECT BOREDOM
Willow yawned sleepily and propped her head up with her hands.
Casually, she gazed around the room at all of her friends.
Xander was sitting across from her, trying, unsuccessfully, to balance a pencil on it's tip while shoving a few more Cheetos into his mouth. On one side of his arm sat a bag of cheesey crumbs, on the other was an unopen bag of Oreos. Next to him, Cordelia was scrutinizing her new manicure while frowning. To her right sat Buffy, the only lucky individual in the group who was in possession of both a pen and paper. The blonde girl had gone from scribbling random stick figures to repeatedly scrawling something which looked suspiciously like "This is so boring, kill me now." all across the margins of the sheet.
Suppressing a grin, the hacker glanced over at her boyfriend sitting next to her.
Angel made a face and growled under his breath.
Shooting him a sympathetic smile, she laid a comforting hand on his arm.
"It's almost over," she whispered.
"I'm going to have to kill him," he responded.
Nodding, Willow turned her attention to the object of their angst.
"So, as I was saying, according to the lost scrolls of Lord Myerson…which, although referred
to as "the lost scrolls", aren't in fact truly lost because if they were, then I obviously wouldn't know what
they said…," he laughed slightly in amusement.
The library remained completely silent.
"I'll bet Lord Myerson wasn't this boring," Cordelia muttered.
"I'll bet he was," Buffy sighed, "it's probably what killed him."
"Uh…yes," the librarian continued obliviously, "As I was saying, according to the scrolls, it's evidently been prophesized that the slayer who is the 12th daughter born under the 12th night of the month of August is destined t-,"
"Giles?"
"Yes, Buffy?"
"I was born May 17th."
He paused, "Oh."
Silence.
"Well then who's birthday is August 12th?"
"Mine is September 12th," Willow offered kindly.
"Mine is August 5th," Xander added.
"Oh."
Another pause.
"Well…ahh…well then, this doesn't bear upon us, now then does it?" distractedly, he turned back towards his office, "But, you know, there was something else I wanted to show all of you…."
As soon as the Watcher was out of earshot, Angel turned a serious gaze on the rest of the group, "Okay, on the count of three, we run for it."
Xander nodded, "Yeah, but once we get up, it's every man for himself, got it? No 'wait for me' or 'hang on, I need to get my bag' crap. Everyone needs to haul ass out of here or else you're on your own."
"Cut it out guys!" Willow sighed, taking her usual place as defender of the Watcher, "This might be important. He's just doing his job…besides…He's almost done…I think…"
"Ahh yes, here it is!!" shouting jubilantly from his office, Giles waved a large dusty black book in the doorway, "Now I just need to find the translator and I'll be right with you…."
"Hey, I have an idea," Buffy began brightly, "What if I just SHOVED this pen into my eye?"
Xander looked thoughtful for a moment while licking the residual cheese-flavored crumbs off of his finger. Gradually, he turned to her with growing eagerness, "Wait… that's a good idea!! Then he'd HAVE to let us go, right? Like...like...ALL of us...not just you, right?"
Willow rolled her eyes, "Come on guys, stop it."
Buffy sighed and leaned back to stretch out her tired limbs.
With a partially seductive, partially playful smile, Angel gently placed a coaxing hand on his girlfriend's knee, "Willow, sweetie…"
"Angel, you're staying," she shot back.
"Damn!" he cursed, furrowing his brow.
Shooting the vampire a taunting grin, Xander pushed away from the table.
"So are you, Xander," Cordelia cut him off without even looking up from her nails.
"What?" he practically shouted in utter anguish.
She glanced up at him, "Excuse me, dear boyfriend of mine, but if I'm sitting through this torture, then you sure as hell are too."
"But Cord-," he began, flailing is arms in desperation only to be cut off by a sudden flash of light.
Silence reigned over the library as all six occupants froze.
That's when the REALLY weird stuff started happening.
**
PART THREE: THE CHANGE
The last thing she remembered was turning to give Angel a really evil look, but before she knew it, Willow Rosenberg was leaning backwards in her chair, balanced on a very precarious edge.
Still mildly in shock and completely unprepared to be in this position, she promptly fell over backwards.
Staring upwards at the ceiling, now completely disoriented, she sighed and weakly raised her hands to help push herself back up.
I am such a klutz… >
That's when she saw the lime green nail polish.
A cold, sick feeling invaded the pit of her stomach.
Shaking her head, she sat up, "Oh boy…"
**
"…elia, I never said that YOU had to stay too…" Xander trailed off in mid-beg when he realized that she wasn't sitting in front of him.
"Cordelia?" turning around in confusion, he surveyed his surroundings.
It took him a brief moment to realize he was no longer in the library itself, but in the office.
Glancing down at the heavy black book in his hands, he frowned.
"Oh boy…."
**
Angel smiled sweetly in preparation for his girlfriend's inevitable reprimand.
His smile stopped almost instantly when he felt an unexpected hand on his leg.
Whoa, she want's to play? Here? >
Feeling somewhat surprised but strangely excited, he leaned over to stare down at her only to find that she was missing. Turning to the other side, he found himself eye-level with someone else's chest. A rather familiar chest. Which had a rather familiar build. A rather familiar leather clad build.
His mouth fell open in horror as his gaze traveled from the chest up to the eyes of the person sitting next to him.
"Oh boy…."
**
Buffy paused in mid-stretch when she realized that she wasn't sitting anymore.
Instead, the slayer was standing.
Gagging slightly she tasted something…cheese flavored…. in her mouth.
Looking down, she saw a very confused, very disoriented Cordelia.
Jumping, she glanced at her arms which hovered at either side of her body in a strange way.
I was So not doing this three seconds ago. >
That and the fact that she hadn't come to school wearing a long sleeved purple shirt, but a sleeveless yellow one.
"Oh boy…."
**
The first thing Cordelia noticed was that her brand new manicure had mysteriously disappeared.
The second thing she noticed was that her hand was on Willow's leg.
In total shock and embarassment, she yanked it away just as the other girl turned to look at her.
Oh ew, what the heck was I thinking? What kind of major accident did that have to be? >
Mildly disgusted, Cordelia offered the hacker a weak grin, "Sorry, I didn't mean to…"
She stopped suddenly.
All air left her lungs when she noticed her reflection in the other girl's luminous green eyes.
"Oh boy…."
**
Giles was just about to place the book in his hands on his desk so as to free them in order to better find the translator when he suddenly found himself sitting.
Glancing up, he noted Xander standing in front of him, his arms spread out almost as if in mid-flight.
How did Xander get in here? >
That's when the librarian realized that it wasn't Xander who had moved into the office, but himself who'd moved into the library.
How did I get out here? >
Shaking his head, the Watcher began to stand up again when he felt a sudden draft across his legs.
Looking down, his eyes widened at the sight that greeted him.
A shapely pair of silky, well tanned legs.
Which evidently belonged to him.
Hazarding a quick glance around the library, it only took Giles a moment to realize what was happening.
"Oh shit."
**
PART FOUR: COMPLETE PANDEMONIUM
The silence was finally broken when Willow leaped up and away from the table, "Who are you?" she demanded, pointing at Angel, "WHAT are you?"
"Willow, calm down!" Placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, Cordelia reached out gingerly.
"What?" flinching away again, the red-head glared up at the other girl, "What the hell are you talking about? Why are you calling me Wi-?"
"Hey guys?" the hacker was interrupted as Giles jogged back into the room, "Guys, what up with this? One second I was out here, then I was in there and whoa did I have a wiggins."
Curiously, Xander turned to Angel, "Am I hallucinating, or did Giles just say 'wiggins'?
"Of course not!" Cordelia protested immediately, "I don't even know what that means!!"
"Not YOU," Angel began turning towards the dark haired girl, "but Gi-," glancing up at the person he was addressing, Angel's mouth fell open. Within an instant he was backing away from the entire group, shrieking at the top of his lungs.
Buffy was still in the process of standing up when Xander got a look at her.
The boy looked positively mortified, "Oh…my…..God."
Making eye contact with him, the slayer looked mildly confused, "What??" That's when she saw Willow. "Oh no," she squeaked.
The still completely irate hacker was now standing atop a bookcase gesturing wildly at Angel, "Stop that!" she yelled, clamping her hands over her ears, "Stop it!!! He's not me! Can't you all see that? He's NOT ME! Do something! Grab him!" Growling viciously, she suddenly launched off of her perch and tackled the shrieking vampire.
Jumping to her feet, Buffy swayed back and forth above the fighting pair, looking completely out of sorts.
"Make them stop!" Giles yelled, grabbing her by the shoulder. The blonde girl looked near tears, "An-Angel…sweetie…I-I….," she choked incoherently.
Much to everyone's shock, Willow looked up, "Buffy? You believe me, don't you?"
Buffy looked to be at a loss for words.
The entire crowd waited patiently for her answer, "Who are you?" she asked finally.
All eyes shot back to Willow.
"What do you mean 'who am I'?" the hacker yelled back, "Who does it look like I am?"
Everyone looked back to Buffy.
"Willow," the slayer whispered softly, tears springing into her eyes, "but that can't be right because…because that's me."
**
PART FIVE: THE EXPLANATION
"Damn."
All eyes turned to concentrate on a solitary figure standing at the far end of the library. It was anyone's guess when this person had slipped in and for how long they had observed the events which had just taken place, but it was with a considerable amount of relief that Buffy yelled out their name.
"Amy!"
The other girl grinned sheepishly at the group, "Yup, hi Buff….hi guys."
Buffy frowned, "But Amy..I'm Wi-,"
The witch shook her head as if mentally kicking herself, "Sorry, yes, you're right, Willow. You're Willow."
"No, that's Willow," Giles responded pointing in the red-head's direction.
"No, I don't think it is…if I'm right, then that's…..Angel?"
The hacker nodded numbly and stood up.
Slowly, Amy trained her practiced gaze to the rest of the group, "Okay, I need everyone to stay calm."
"I'm Xander," Giles offered weakly, "Xander in a whooole lotta tweed….ohhhh geez."
"Cordelia," Angel said, barely above a whisper, "And I think I'm a guy….my GOD…I'm a guy…"
"NO!" Xander wailed in frustration, "DAMMIT NO!!!!" He looked around at every other person in the group, "Please..someone tell me that I am NOT stuck in Xander's body…."
Cordelia shrugged, "Sorry…ahhh…."
"Buffy," he ground out while thumping his fist against the table, "It's Buffy…stupid, pathetic, eternally CURSED Buffy…"
"Oh..oh, yeah..so I'm supposed to be thrilled that I'm stuck in a 60-year-old's body?" Giles burst out sounding somewhat offended.
"I'm 47!" Cordelia cut in sounding even more offended, "Is your age-perception that completely twisted that you honestly think that I-,"
"Angel," Buffy whimpered helplessly.
"It'll be okay…," jumping immediately for the crying slayer, Willow made her way over.
"Okay, okay, CUT CUT CUT!" Amy waved her arms in slicing motions and yelled until everyone quieted down again, "I'm guessing you all know what's happened."
"We've switched bodies," Cordelia replied.
"Right, Cor-, I mean, Giles," the blonde girl nodded.
"So now what do we do?" Willow demanded.
"Okay…this, luckily, is only temporary," the witch began.
Buffy let out a sigh of relief.
"It'll be over in 24 hours."
"What?!" came the collective gasp from around the room.
Amy looked like she wanted to run and hide. Exhausted, she raked a hand through her hair,
"Uhhh…24 hours…one day and then it's over."
"Oh gee, I have a question, how did this happen in the first place?" Giles glared at her in irritation.
Amy glared back, "Look hotshot, this wasn't my fault if that's what you're insinuating."
"I'll bet."
"Xander, so help me-,"
"Guys, guys…c'mon…stop. This isn't helping," Buffy sniffed.
"Sorry Wills," Amy looked somewhat embarassed.
Taking a deep breath Buffy forced a smile, "First thing's first," the slayer grabbed a piece of paper, "we need to take inventory."
Slowly, they all nodded.
Within seconds, the entire group had crowded around her.
"When I call out your name, I need you to say 'yes'. Okay?"
One by one, she went through all of her friend's names and scrawled them onto the paper.
By the end, she had a list that looked somewhat like this:
Body Mind
Xander Buffy
Willow Angel
Cordelia Giles
Angel Cordelia
Giles Xander
Buffy Willow
Carefully, the list was passed around to each member of the group who scrutinized it for several seconds before passing it on.
By the end, the entire room was filled with a partly shocked, partly horrified silence.
Nervously, Amy hopped from one foot to another.
"So, what do we do about this?" Angel finally ventured.
"Well Cordy, I vote that we all call in sick tomorrow," Xander replied.
"That won't work, Buffy," Cordelia shook her head, "I have a Watcher's meeting tomorrow."
"Basketball game tomorrow. I have to cheerlead," Angel added.
"Not like that you're not," Willow responded sourly.
Glancing down at himself, Angel frowned, "Good point….well…that just means that…" he glanced at the list, "Giles will have to do it for me." Suddenly, the realization of what he'd just said struck home, "Oh crap."
"I am NOT going to go out in one of those whorish outfi-," Cordelia began.
"WHORISH?" Angel stood suddenly, "WHAT did you just say?"
"He said you'd look skanky, Cordelia," Xander yelled in annoyance, "and he's right!"
"Look, Buffy Summers," Angel countered, putting his hands on his hips, "If ANYONE in this room dresses like a complete and total SKANK then it-,"
"Hey! HEY! HEEEY!" Amy's arm shot upwards causing a deep orange spark to shoot out from her fingertips like a flare.
Almost instantly, the library fell silent.
"Listen," she regarded them all seriously, "If we're going to get through this, we're going to have to do it together."
Biting her lip, Buffy nodded in agreement, "You're right, Amy," she murmured.
"Yes," Cordelia sighed as well.
Within a few seconds, everyone had calmed down again.
"Okay, so let me get this straight…," Giles reached for an Oreo, "Just on terms of what we're doing…Angel has dinner with Willow's parents, Giles has a Watcher's meeting, Cordelia has cheerleading practice tomorrow afternoon and Buffy has patrols tonight."
"I have a history test tomorrow morning," Buffy volunteered.
"Okay, and Willow has a history test. Is that it?"
Everyone nodded solemnly.
"Okay, so in other words…Cordelia is going to take Angel's place at dinner, Giles is going to have to cheerlead tomorrow afternoon, Willow has to slay vampires tonight and I have to go to the tweed-convention."
"Watcher's meeting, Xander. It's referred to as a Watcher's meeting." Cordelia interrupted, narrowing her eyes.
"Yeah, yeah that. Doesn't matter anyway. We are officially screwed," Giles shrugged and grabbed a handful of cookies, "Oh, and wait…Angel takes Willow's history test for her." He paused thoughtfully, "Well gee, I wonder who got the best deal out of all of this. He's obviously gonna ace it. I mean, he LIVED through that stuff."
Buffy rolled her eyes, "Xander, My boyfriend is scheduled to have a formal dinner with my parents. He needs to make a good impression. And now it's gonna be CORDELIA in his body. That is NOT what I call the 'best deal'."
"Okay, what the hell is this?" Angel interrupted, "Pick on Cordelia day? FIRST it was the cheerleading outfit, and now it's this dinner thing. Will you losers leave me alone?"
"Doesn't matter," Willow cut in, "I'll be there with her. I'll make sure that she doesn't make a complete ass out of me….or you for that matter." She nodded at Buffy. "Oh, and Cordy and I are coming with you on patrols afterwards."
"What?!" Angel shrieked, immediately outraged, "We SO are not."
"I'll come too," Xander added, "I may not be able to physically help you out, but I can offer advice."
"Thanks Buffy," Buffy smiled at him.
"Well, perhaps I should come along as well," Cordelia began.
"What the hell is this? A damn field trip?" Angel muttered.
"No, that's okay Giles," Buffy nodded at Cordy, "We already have four people going. Any more and it gets too obvious."
"Five people. I'll go too. Just in case you need back-up."
"I think you've done enough for one night, Amy," Giles retorted nastily.
"Shut up, Xander."
"Well, we'd better get ready for dinner. Come on Cordelia," Sighing, Willow grabbed Angel's leather jacket and headed out the door.
"Xander, you need to go get dressed for the meeting," Cordelia stood and gathered her things.
"Geez Giles, can't we just call in sick on this one?"
"Absolutely not, Xander. These are monthly meetings and of the utmost importance. I expect you to go in my place, be on your best behavior, take excellent notes and…well…not say anything."
"But Giles!"
"Not another word Mr. Harris. We're leaving. Now. You need to go get dressed back at my apartment."Yanking open the door, the leggy brunette stalked out of the room.
"Dressed? What the heck is wrong with what I'm wearing now?" Giles grabbed his briefcase and hurried to catch up.
"It isn't formal enough." Cordelia called back.
"Oh, I see, so we're going for the dressier tweed, eh?" He muttered just before the door slammed shut behind him.
There was a short miserable silence as Amy, Buffy and Xander looked at eachother.
"Okay, let's go to my house," Xander said breaking the moment, "Mom's probably wondering where I am."
"I hope Mrs. Summers doesn't realize that I'm…not you," Buffy headed for the exit.
"Mom's used to me acting weird," Xander shrugged, "And it should be okay as long as you don't call her Mrs. Summers."
"Oh…," Buffy whispered, holding the door open for the other two teens, "Right."
"Besides," Amy smiled as she walked past, trying to make light of the situation, "It's only for a day. I mean, how much can go wrong?"
**************************************************
IMPORTANT: Remember THE LIST!!
Mind Body
Cordelia Angel
Angel Willow
Willow Buffy
Buffy Xander
Xander Giles
Giles Cordelia
************************************************
WHAT CAN GO WRONG: A mini play in 3 parts.
~Part the first.~
"So, you're due at Sir Haverford's house in 45 minutes. I'll drive you there and then pick you up in about three hours. Now, I
want to go over what I've told you once more." Cordelia impatiently brushed a stray strand of dark hair out of her eyes and
leaned over to readjust his tie.
Giles rolled his eyes, "Okay, Giles….I go in and greet the old bald dude with the grey beard, 'cause he's the Sir. So I say
'how's it hanging S-man' and then high five his wife, Mrs. Sir. Afterwards, I chow down on the buffet table, chat it up with the
other stuffy dead-heads on the latest 411 when it comes to demonology and maybe pick up a couple of tweed-wearin hotties.
After, I haul ass to meet you back here."
His speech was greeted with horrified silence.
Snickering slightly to himself, he grinned, "Geez, Giles. I'm just kidding. Breathe man. Breathe."
Cordelia's dark eyes widened in shock and her face flushed a bright red, "This…is NOT a laughing matter, Mr. Harris. Even if
it IS simply a routine meeting, it is of the utmost importance that you conduce yourself with extreme grace and remain as
well-mannered as possible. You will greet Sir Haverford and his wife,
Lady Haverford with a "Good evening, Sir." Then you will bow. Then you will face his wife and
Say "Lady" and bow again."
"Look, it's fine. I'm fine. I know all this. Just one question though…"
"Yes?"
"I'm guessing that bringing my walkman along to get through the more boring parts wouldn't be cool?" Giles asked thoughtfully
"XANDER!" Cordelia shrieked.
"Kidding…..kidding…"
**
Tugging nervously on the hem of her skirt, Buffy stumbled into her room, flanked by Xander and Amy.
"Why don't you change out of the boots, Willow?" Xander said.
"B-Buffy, do you have any other…clothes? Like..pants or something?"
The dark haired boy looked thoughtful and headed for the closet, "Dunno..it's summer so my mom might've put them all away.
I'll go check."
"How about metal armor?" The slayer whimpered softly, and sank down onto the bed, still yanking the skirt down, to no avail.
"Chill, Willow. You'll be fine tonight." Amy smiled encouragingly, "Worse comes to worse and I'll zap you out of there. Don't
worry, I've got your back."
"No, it's not that…it's just that this skirt is..drafty. I feel like I'm flashing all of Sunnydale."
Xander poked his head out of the closet, flinging a pair of black, skin-tight pants in her general direction, "Gee, thanks. That
makes me feel GREAT." He muttered sarcastically.
"No Buffy, it's nothing like that.." the blonde girl shot him a meek smile, "It's just that I'm not used to dressing like…this."
She was rewarded by a raised eyebrow and a somewhat offended looking Xander.
He slammed the closet door loudly and turned to face her.
"Uhh…that was also not what I meant either…I..uh…nevermind." She stammered, dropping her gaze.
Xander sighed, "Forget it Willow, it's not important."
"Right. What IS important, is that we get you ready for tonight." Amy nodded in support and moved to stand next to Xander.
"Buffy, where's your stake stash? We need to pull out all the stops on this one."
"Oh..yeah. Hang on. It's all in here." Stooping, he bent down to peer under the bed before hauling something out from
underneath. "Geez this is heavier than I remember," struggling slightly, he managed to pull out a large duffel bag. Discarding the
clothes on top, he revealed several weapons underneath. All of varying shapes, sizes and nasty edges.
"Okay. Now, personally, I'm an old-fashioned kinda gal, so I go with the stakes. However, I think that Willow would probably
be more comfortable using the crossbow," Smiling, he pulled out the heavy metal contraption. Mounted atop its triggering
mechanism was a blue metal arrow with a wooden point. Its tip was soaked with blood. "Oh crap…that's probably from the
time I grazed that vamp's neck, cause he stood up just as I was aiming for his heart. I thought I cleaned that off." Shrugging
fatalistically, he examined the crossbow, "It was a close one, too. He took off a good chunk of my arm even after I smashed his
head into that tree about five times. I thought I'd bashed his skull in sufficiently to just be able to stake him, but he was a hard
vamp to pin down. I got him in the end, of course, but there was a second when I thought he might get away. Then again,
seeing as how he WAS missing half of his trachea, I figure he wouldn't have gotten very fa-,"
His reverie was broken by sudden movement. Leaping up from her position on the bed, Buffy ran out of the room, top speed.
"I think I'm gonna be sick," she wheezed as she flew past.
Amy jumped slightly when the Slayer slammed the bathroom door behind her. That was soon followed by the sound of mad
scrambling and then, running water.
The witch sighed and flopped backwards onto the bed. "We're so screwed."
Xander stared at her, puzzled.
"Was it something I said?"
**
Checking his watch impatiently, Cordelia, still trying to get over the weirdness of being in Angel's body, sat atop Willow's bed,
waiting for the red-head to get out of the bathroom.
"Cordelia?" Willow poked her head into the room.
"Yeah, Angel?"
"Cordelia, can you..uhmm…turn around? I only have a…well, a towel around me." She wrinkled her delicate nose and stared
at him expectantly. It had been hard enough to take a shower without really looking or touching anything illegal, this whole day
was getting more embarassing by the second.
Snickering slightly, the vampire obliged, "Geez, Angel, it's not anything I haven't seen in the gym locker room….or on myself
for that matter."
Sighing, Willow shrugged and dashed into the room, "Just cut me some slack Cordy, I'm not used to this."
"Whatever, it doesn't matter to me." Angel turned away from Willow and found himself facing her full length mirror. Hence,
took the opportunity to scrutinize his reflection. Damn, Angel's cute!! > Spinning around a few times, he furrowed his brow,
"Now, more importantly….do these pants make me look fat?"
"Cordelia, forget that, you need to get out the window, go get some flowers and be back here in an hour and a half. Mrs.
Rosenberg likes peach colored roses. There should be ample money in my wallet. Run over to the florist before it closes and
buy a dozen." Willow tugged the towel around herself tightly and gestured towards the exit.
"Wow, Angel, you're in severe ass-kissing mode, aren't y-," the vampire began before being uncerimoniously shoved out the
french doors and onto the balcony.
"Now GO. I need to get dressed!" With that, the doors were slammed shut and Willow stalked over to the
dresser. Pulling out various drawers, Angel finally found where his girlfriend had stashed her undergarments. Closing her eyes,
he managed to slip on a demure pair of white briefs, but the matching bra took a little more effort. Better at getting them off
than getting them on > Angel sighed internally. After struggling for several minutes, he managed to figure out the mechanics and
make the silky fabric fit where he wanted it to. Walking past the full length mirror to get to her closet, he couldn't help but
sneak a glance at her reflection.
Holy….!!> instantly mesmerized, she backed up to stand directly in front of the mirror. He turned slowly, staring at the way
her long red hair fell down her back and feeling somewhat excited and self-congratulatory. And she's mine…mine mine mine
> He thought happily. It was amazing. Angel knew she was pretty, but he'd never thought….well, they hadn't been together for
too long and she was still somewhat shy and inexperienced. He'd never push her but damn this was going to make waiting 20
times hard-
"Angel..I uh..I mean, Willow??" The door swung open and Buffy stampeded in, quickly shutting it behind her, "Sorry, Angel,
but you won't believe what I just went through. Buffy expects me to kill people, she has no clothes for me to wear and I am
NOT going out in public in these pants so I need to get at some of my own clothes, and I figure since we're the same
si…uh…ze…" she trailed off in horror.
Willow stared back meekly, the bathrobe she'd hastily grabbed barely covering her slender frame.
"What do you…???Are you….????" Buffy's mouth open and shut and her pale complexion flushed a dark red.
"Willow, sweetie, I can explain, I-," the redhead began.
"I don't want to know. I don't need to know, I'm not discussing this except to say that you'd BETTER go get you-uh…ME
dressed right NOW!" the end of her sentence cut off in a mildly strained screech, causing the hacker to jump slightly and go
frantically scurrying into the closet for clothes.
Muttering under her breath, the slayer pushed past her frantic boyfriend, found what she was looking for, proceeded to
furiously yank off the tight black pants and replace them with a long pleated skirt. With that, she stomped wordlessly out,
yanking open the door.
"W-Willow??? Honey, please don't be…"
"NO, Angel, it's fine," she turned on him with a deadly glitter in her dark blue eyes. "Not a problem, I forgive you..now I just
need to go find Cordelia. Goodnight." And with that, she slammed the door behind her.
Nearly swooning with panic, embarrassment and a mild tinge of relief, Angel didn't catch the final reference until she was long
gone. Cordelia?? Why would she need….>
Her eyes widened in shock OH NO! >
Grimacing, she flopped down on her soft bed. Silently, Angel prayed that he'd remembered to clothe his own body with boxers
that morning…..
**
Giles tried to look casual as he leaned against a wall in the back corner.
Glancing around at the other occupants in the room, he self-consciously straightened up again.
Damn, this jacket itches. > Shuffling around in the brown dress shoes he was wearing, he wrinkled his nose slightly, Can it
be possible…? Can Giles actually be allergic to tweed? >
Sticking a hand into his pocket in search for a pen or paper or something to occupy his mind, he felt his fingers enclose around
two circular objects. Furrowing his brows slightly, he drew out his hand and snuck a peek.
Mothballs?? The man has mothballs in his jacket pockets? > He sighed listlessly, Well, it could be worse. At least he
doesn't carry pocket protectors….come to think if it, he probably does. They were probably just getting cleaned….>
"Mr. Giles, you're looking quite nice this evening."
Startled, he looked up to find a distinguished elderly woman standing in front of him, clutching a dark red purse.
"Why thank you." He nodded kindly.
"Is that a new jacket?"
Actually no, it belonged to my great great grandfather Giles who died in 1882. My family doesn't buy clothes or name our
children. We're all too boring for that…> "Uh..yes, yes it is..how..observant of you." He hoped his hesitation came off as
standard Giles-awkwardness.
"I thought so." The old woman nodded obliviously.
Cool. She bought it. >
"Now then, I was actually meaning to get ahold of you so we could resume our discussion on Lord Myerson and his scrolls."
Holy shit, not him again. > Giles' eyes darted around for anything…anyONE he could escape to. Sensing defeat, he sighed,
"Oh yes…what a…dandy idea." Dandy? Where the hell did that come from? Dandy is a British word, though, right?>
"Splendid, why don't you come join me in the sitting room, then?" turning, she glided off, beckoning him to follow.
Helplessly, he nodded and trailed behind, Let the bug up the butt convention begin. >
**
It didn't take long for Willow to relocate her three friends who had evidently congregated in Angel's apartment after meeting up
with Cordelia at Buffy's house. Within minutes, the spacious loft was assailed by loud, insistent knocking.
Cautiously, a tall dark figure pulled open the door.
"Cordelia, Strip!!" The blonde girl cracked the command like a whip.
"Wha…wha…Excuuuse me??" Angel raised an eyebrow, "Willow, did you just ask me to…"
"Strip. You heard me. Down to the underwear."
The slayer's normally serene features were scrunched up and red. She looked incredibly ticked off. And yet, the tall male still
made the mistake of hesitating.
"CORDELIA!!!" Buffy howled in frustration as she stalked into the room, "Don't argue with me, dammit. I know you were
going to do it anyways, so you might as well do it now."
Looking somewhat embarrassed, he started unbuttoning his shirt, "Uh…okay, Willow. Fine. Like I care, it's not my body…but
what brought this on?"
Biting her lip in humiliation, she plopped down on the couch, "Take a wild guess which terrific guy I found standing in my
underwear in front of my mirror??"
Xander looked distinctly disturbed, "Uhmm….Angel? It *was* Angel, right? It wasn't…like…your dad or something, was it
Willow? Cause if it was, I don't really want to hear th-,"
"Oh for gods sakes, of course it was Angel," Buffy rolled her eyes, "And by the way, Buffy, my life was bad ENOUGH
without that kind of a mental picture."
Xander shrugged slightly, "Sorry, just checking."
"Okay, so I have a question though," Angel began, pulling the shirt over his head, "You two have been together for about a
month, right? Hasn't he already..well…you know…seen you in about that much clothing?"
Buffy firmly shook her head, "NEVER, Cordelia. Absolutely never."
Snickering slightly, he grinned, "So then I take it that you've never seen HIM half naked?"
Again, the blond shook her head.
He unzipped his pants, "Cool! Me neither. We'll chalk this up as a bonding experience. Anyone got a mirror?"
"Hmm..good question, I'm not sure if he bought one recently. He might've. I'll go check the bathroom…," Willow began.
Hoping up and down a bit, Angel managed to get the pants down. With one swift motion, he removed them for good.
A shocked silence descended over the occupants of the room.
"Holy….ever…lovin…"
"Good…God…in…green….Heaven…."
Angel looked down, trying to scrutinize himself, "Gosh darn it, I can't see that well!! Oh wow. Well, from what I CAN
see..Willow, if I've ever been insanely jealous of someone in my entire life… Now is the time."
"We need a better angle…Cordy, turn around and walk towards the door," Buffy instructed.
"Whtever you say, Wills," obligingly, Angel nodded and spun around, making his way for the exit.
"Okay, now turn around again and start walking towards us."
As the tall vampire did what as he was instructed, the others breathed a sigh of awe.
"Unbelieveable."
"Unreal."
"Oh GOD!" Amy had taken that fortuitous moment to re-enter the living room.
She promptly snarfed her soda.
Screaming, she ran back into the kitchen.
"Ooh, carbonation up the nose, that's gotta hurt…" Xander wrinkled his own nose.
"Gross, Buffy…did you know that you're sounding more and more like Xander every sec-," Buffy began.
"Don't EVEN go there, Willow!" Xander rolled his eyes at her, "The sooner I can vacate this bod, the better."
"Speaking of the King Of Cretins, I wonder how he's doing?" Amy cut in as she cautiously re-entered the room.
"Hopefully basking in his glorious tweediness." Xander snickered.
"Probably wishing he was in one of OUR bodies," Angel muttered.
Buffy looked thoughtful, "Yeah, he always HAS had a desire to have breasts."
"Oh look, now I have yet another reason to fear Xander." Xander wrinkled his nose.
Buffy shrugged and sighed. "Well, wherever he is Buffy, he's GOTTA be better off than us."
**
Lord Myerson was born in 18blah blah blah…he was persecuted for believing in
witches, hunting demons for study and boring his colleagues so bad that they went and hid his goddamn scrolls from him. >
Giles sighed Dude, this sucks. This has been a suck-fest from the numero uno. First I end up in THIS body while Giles of all
people gets to be in Cordelia's, next I am forced to dress up like a complete nerd-bomber and come to the stuffy convention
so I can hang with people about 12 times my age and NOW I am supposed to hang with Betty Crocker here and talk about
the boring-ass dude who got me into this thing in the first place. I KNEW I shoulda made a run for it when I could…. >
Glaring miserably into the small, musty room the woman had led him into, he settled down in an armchair and prepared for the
onslaught of irrelevant facts he was about to be subjected to.
He could never have been prepared for what happened next.
"Oh Rupert, thank goodness, we're finally alone!!"
The sudden switch of tone caused him to perk up slightly, Rupert? > "Uhhhm…y-yes?"
"I've waited so long for you to write back to me, I came back from Paris especially to see you. Didn't you get all my letters?"
"L-letters?" Uneasily, he shifted a bit towards the edge of the seat.
"The ones I wrote. Each and every day. Oh Rupert, how I've longed to see you like this. So strong, so noble, so sexy…" With
a smile that would have scared the Cheshire cat, she advanced slowly towards him.
"Se-Se-Sexy?!"
"I've been watching you, you know…."
"Oh…ha ha…you're kidding, right?" he stared up at her nervously.
"I couldn't be more serious." She trailed a finger down his chest and he just about died.
Betty Crocker is a stalker!!!!! I need to get the HELL out of here!!! > "Uhh…do you need anything? Something to eat?
Cheese perhaps? Crackers? Valium?" Muttering incoherently, Giles tried to stand but she shoved him back down again.
"Rupert," she began in a low seductive voice, "What I need is you," slowly, she pinned him back against the armchair and
started to straddle his hips.
Fighting the urge to scream like a girl, he desperately backpedaled and tried to get out of the way, "Uh..uh..per-perhaps we
should discuss this….uhhh.."
"Oh Rupert, you always did adore playing hard to get! Ever since our schooling in England all those years ago. You were
always so mysterious, so strong, so…dangerous….so so.."
"BORING!" he cut her off desperately, "Boring, crusty, old and devoid of any sense of humor. Y-you you deserve better!!
Someone younger, better looking, perhaps a good solid therapist??" Swiveling around, he managed to claw his way up over
the back of the chair and made a mad dash for the door.
Chuckling, she scooted in front of him just as his hand grabbed ahold of the doorknob, "Rupert darling….you know I've
always enjoyed these games, but you can't expect me to hold out much longer under such teasing…"
"Have I ever mentioned the fact that I'm gay? Very very gay. In fact, I think that I'm much too homosexual for you."
"Well," she clucked mischeviously, "Let's see what I can do to change your mind about that.."
Before he could speak, breathe or even blink, she had pounced, taking his mouth with hers.
Hell was being redefined.
I have hit a new low. >
Writhing and struggling desperately, Giles nearly choked himself on his tie trying to get a firm grip on the door handle.
Oh no, wait, there's more….now granny's going for the family jewels, that does it! > In one swift motion, he broke away
from her and whipped open the door. Suppressing the gag reflex, he dashed down the dark halls, his tie flapping in his face as
he rounded a corner and flew past the sitting room.
"Mr. Giles, are you all right?"
Pausing only one split second, he whipped around and addressed the speaker, "Nope, I'm fine, Lady..uh…Lady..uh…..Yes.
Just a mild case of…..uhmm..di-diarhea, you know. Good evening!"
And with that, he bounded out the door.
As luck would have it, fate was smiling (more likely laughing hysterically) at the Watcher. Just as he cleared the front lawn,
Cordelia's red corvette pulled up to the front of the house.
Gasping for breath, he proceeded to yank open the door, fling the briefcase in the back and scramble in.
"X-xander? What on earth…?" The dark haired girl stared at him in shock.
"NOT NOW GILES!" he howled, "Just go go go!!"
"Oh yoohoo!!! Rupert??? Rupert darling, are you alright?" The old woman appeared in the doorway of the house.
Glancing up to see who was speaking, Cordelia's expression went from shock to complete and utter horror.
"Madeline? Oh dear GOD. What on earth is she doing here? She's supposed to be in France….undergoing treatment…."
Looking down, she noted that the passenger seat was suddenly empty, "Xander?"
"What are you waiting for???" The voice came from underneath the dashboard, "Before she catches up, drive man, drive!!!"
Not needing any more encouragement beyond seeing the woman start off across the lawn, Cordelia set her jaw gunned the
engine. Within seconds "Queen C" tore away from the curve.
****************************
Coming Soon...parts 3-4