I don't know if I should continue on this plot or not, all I need is quick down and dirty review to give me advice on my writing style before I continue, all I ask is a few minutes of your reading time, thank you LSC
No Pokemon, or their characters belong to me
Untitled: Rough draft reviews (forgive the grammatical and spelling errors)
Darkness spread like silk over the grassy clearing reaching with soft fingers into the deeper darkness of the forest the ringed the gently waving grass. In the distance a bird sounded out the first trills of a night song, and then all was silent. From the direction of the song a tall cloaked shadow detached itself from the base of a tree trunk. From the deeper darkness of the shadow blue eyes flair bight as drops of moonlight and darken to a glowing crimson before settling to a wolf like hazel. From the base of the shadow small dark eyes brighten in response detaching and standing beside the figure, its catlike body poised like a dancer.
"Espy?" the high melodic voice questions softly, long ears tilted towards its partners inclined head.
"Yes, very soon Beloved." The shadow answers, voice strangely honey like though a feral husk shadows its depths. " I can smell them on the wind as well"
"On-Espy" the small creature replies- almost mockingly dark eyes lightning to a teasing blue before it turned and melted into the shadows of the forest once more. Leaving the shadow to stare after it with a soft sigh.
"No beloved- I'm afraid it's not that simple." And it too was gone in a whirl of soundless darkness.
From the west the steady crunch of foleg and bickering broke the stillness of the night as three figures stepped confidently into the lighter darkness of the clearing.
Lightly, and then stronger, the sound of a lone night bird trilling its song floated like a whispered melody twined though the evenings breeze.
"Ash you idiot!" Misty growled as she ripped yet another leafy sapling from her scratched face. "I swear to god if you make one more of those things hit me I'm gonna shove it up you're-"
From further up the trail Ash snorted as he blew a strand of his unruly hair from his eyes "That's assuming I'd ever let you get close enough to even think of touching my-"
"Hey now guys lets not get to hasty." Interrupted the tired pleading voice of Brock as he stepped between the two fighting teens. The rock master let out a weary sigh as Misty glared over his shoulder at the cocky youth behind him, the feel of glacier blue eyes crashing into amber almost tangible in the gathering darkness. Brock let out a silent prayer the nether one of them would assassinate the other in their sleep before prodding Ash on.
"There's a clearing a little ways ahead- we can camp there for the night." Ash intoned helpfully pointing to the lighter patch of darkness ahead of them.
"Thank you caption obvious" Misty growled softly to herself despite the warning glare Brock sent her though his silted eyes. "Don't worry about it." She half growled at her dark travel mate, "I'll just ignore the idiot for the rest of the night."
"Please just try to get along with him." He pleaded softly, eyes flashing towards the still chipper youth before him. "you know he's just edgy because where still so far from home."
"I know," Misty's eyes softened as she remembers the reason they had dropped their journey into the northern regions of Kento and started back towards Pallet Town. "Poor Mrs. Ketchum," Both She and Brock looked away from one another in silence, the loss of Ash's mother still a raw edge in there minds.
Brock and Misty watched with freshly heavy hearts as their young friend disappeared into the clearing ahead, his movements quick and purposeful.