I take a deep breath. It isn't easy you know. It was never supposed to be.
This place used to be my home, but now it's just ashes.
I try to avoid this place, but it's too hard. I don't want to see her.
Sometimes I just wish she would've died instead of...
Madge.
I remember that day. When I first realized it was love. We were sitting in the shade of a tree. Silently. I heard her sigh and I looked over at her. Her golden hair was still in the humid air. She was actually kind of... beautiful. I smiled.
"What's got you all happy?" she jokes.
"Oh nothing" I say trying not to smile, not looking straight at her.
Of course I felt like I still loved her. Her as in the Capitol's device. Yes, I mean her as in Katniss Everdeen. But did I really? I only realize now that it wasn't love. It was just longing. Longing for the right girl. I held on to that longing too long, because when the right girl came, I just ignored her.
Now it's too late. The right girl is dead.
And stupid Katniss Everperfect killed her. It's all her fault! If she hadn't left that damn arena she would still be alive.
Why am I here? Why am I in this forsaken place? No one wants me. No one wants me here. No one wants me in District 2. All that anyone ever wants is themselves. I'm tired of waiting. I wanted Katniss once. I still want Madge. I can't have either, though, because they're both gone to me.
I step over a large piece of wood. Where did it come from? What did it belong to? Who did it belong to? Who do I belong to?
No one.
All this time I've been manipulated by these cruel Capitol people. In the war, my own strategies were used against me. I have been destroyed by them.
She was destroyed by them
I don't know how, but all my thoughts just lead back to her, Madge.
Why didn't I save her? Why didn't just think about her for one second?
I did though. One second too late.