Stuckstuck Act 1 Part 1
You are now JOHN JONSON. You decide that second person perspective is a terrible way to read or write a story, since it results in headaches and blood-letting from both parties. You change your STORY MODUS to THIRD PERSON EASE.
That's better, the writer thinks. That's better, says the reader.
John Jonson picked up an errant pair of panties from his bedroom floor. Odd, he thought. ROSE ROSIES hadn't been back home for quite some time, and JADE JADEITE lived on the other side of the world. There was no way that either of them would have left their frilly skivvies to soil the fibers of his Dorito-infested rug. Hopefully, that is.
And as far as he was sure, his bro DAVE SWALKER wasn't experimenting with feeling the soft fabric of ladies' garments on his sack. But John decided to chat up the blonde-haired douche master, just in case.
ghastlyTitser started pestering turnGodDickhead 11:00 AM
GT: hey.
TG: oh ding dang looky here
TG: its that bro of mine who hasnt returned my messages
TG: didnt you see the messages
TG: dont you read your internet
TG: speak to me you prick
GT: whoa!
GT: you're angrier than usual.
TG: well why wouldnt i be
TG: especially since id expect you to run to your magic computer box the minute you found my rancid panties on your floor
GT: ...
GT: wait.
GT: i.
GT: what?
TG: yeah thats right jonson
TG: those are my grody taint panties
TG: at one point in time those panties were all up against my taint
TG: and you know why there there
TG: *theyre there
GT: ...why?
TG: a reminder bro
TG: a reminder that one day im going to tie you down and make you sniff those god damn underthings of undying affection
TG: im gonna straddle your stiff schlong and make you scream with anticip-p-p-pation
TG: im gonna go frankenfurter on your frankfurter
TG: im gonna go kelly clarkson on your cock
TG: cause we beloooong together nowww, yeah
TG: forever uniiiited here somehowww, yeah
TG: you got a piece of me
TG: and honestly
TG: my life
GT: ...my life?
TG: would suck
TG: withoooout youuuu
GT: ...dave, i mean
GT: gosh!
GT: i support you in all of your decisions, but this is a little sudden.
GT: if it means that much to you then i'll keep these somewhere safe but
GT: is that what you really want?
TG: yes john
TG: lock them away somewhere safe
TG: until the day comes where i require them for your submission
GT: okay, i will!
GT: i... thank you, dave.
TG: no prob sweet bro
TG: oh and one other thing
GT: yes?
TG: ahahahaha those arent really my panties
TG: i dont know who the hell those belong to i saw them when i was at your house like a week ago
TG: you really have to clean your shit jonson
GT: god damn it swalker!
GT: swaaaaaaaalkeeeeeeer!
TG: he he he he
TG: sweet panty dreams bro
turnGodDickhead ceased pestering ghastlyTitser at 11:03 AM
John slammed the lid of his laptop closed. What right, he thought, did Swalker have to lead him on like that? With his repertoire of irony, it was hard to tell when the sunglassed snarker was being sincere or pulling the shit out of his ass.
John picked up the panties with the tips of his fingers. A dark spot - smaller than his pinky nail - stained the back of them. A musty smell came from the stain.
John decided that he would have to ask his father about this. Nay, he supposed. Never a dull nor normal moment at the Jonson household.