"And that is why I don't want you to go to the Stevens' daughter's birthday party," Randy Marsh said firmly to his extremely confused son.
"What? How do you even know about the party?" Stan asked, staring at his father in disbelief.
"Didn't I just tell you?" Stan pinched his nose in frustration.
"No. You just walked in here and said 'and that is why I don't want you to go to the Stevens birthday part' with no explanation or anything!"
"Oh." Randy scratched his head awkwardly. "So then, I should probably tell you why you can't go then, huh?"
Stan rolled his eyes. "I don't even want to go to that stupid thing."
Randy decided to ignore his son's protests, and began yet another one of his pointless anecdotes.
"So I was sitting in work one day, when Mrs. Stevens-"
"Dad, I don't care. I don't even want to go to that stupid party!"
"Now Stan, you be quiet when I'm telling you a story. Where was I?"
Stan put down the Gamesphere controller he had been fiddling with and sat back on the couch. "Fine. You were at work."
"Right. Well, I was at work when Mrs. Stevens came in with a polaroid picture. She told me that she had discovered a new rock when she was hiking, and that she was going to be rich. Naturally, being the good person that I am, I went out to look at the rock she had found first hand. Apparently, she had been on a hike, and she hit her foot on it. So she showed me where the rock was, and sure enough, it wasn't any kind of rock I'd ever seen before. Being a geologist, I've seen every kind of rock there is... on Earth. So I examined it, and determined that it was not an Earth rock. Logic told us that it must be from outer space."
"Let me guess, it wasn't from outer space," Stan said in a dull, you're-an-idiot-leave-me-alone tone of voice.
"Well we thought it was! And Abby- I mean Mrs. Stevens- just happens to be a publicist. So we went to the press, and told everyone about the space rock we found. We actually became quite famous in our little state. So then, we decided that we would sell our rock to a museum. We took it in a little red wagon, and we walked it over to the Planetarium. They bought it for a few hundred dollars and we went home happy." Randy's voice dropped into a bitter, mocking tone. "Your uncle Jimbo was at the planetarium with Ned a few days later when he came across our 'space rock'. He called me, laughing. He had thought that I was pulling a prank."
"Dad, have you ever seen Joe Dirt?"
"It was fossilized shit."
"Yeah, dad, you need to watch more movies. That's pretty much exactly what happens in Joe Dirt."
"I had sold shit to the Planetarium! And Jimbo would know. As a hunter, he's studied every single animal's shit. It's still at the planetarium to this day. The most embarrasing thing of my carreer... But it's not like I could go back, and be like, here's your money back, I sold you shit."
Stan's eyes had gone wide. "Dad," he began, starting to smile. "I think that is possibly the coolest thing you have ever done."
"So you see why you can't go over there- I'm so embarrased about- wait, what?"
Stan was truly grinning at his father now, Okama Gamesphere completely forgotten. "Dad, YOU. SOLD. SHIT. to the Planetarium! That's so awesome!"
"Oh. Well, uh..." Randy grabbed his neck and smiled a little. Stan leaned forward and hugged Randy. "Um." The man didn't know how to react. Neither of his children had ever thought something he'd done was cool before. "How about I take you out to some ice cream?"
"Okay. And maybe later, we can go see your 'exhibit'!" Stan said, grabbing his father's hand to drag him to the car.
"Alright. And, Stan?
Don't tell your mother."
A/N: Hahaha, yeah. I just thought of this on the drive home today and decided I had to write it. I don't really care if you like it, but comments are always wonderful to recieve. I WILL be working on SFTD tonight, so chapter 2 ought to be ready anytime from tonight to two days from now, hopefully.