Okay. So this is my new story. Don't bother reading my other one cuz I'm not continuing it. I've had this written up for a while now bit I thought the other one was better. And I was wrong. My opinion. But please read, review, favourite, and follow!
I sit in my room, with the covers pulled up to my chin. My tear-stained pillow is rumpled, and my hair is dishevelled. At night is really the only time I allow myself to cry.
The pain in my chest is almost unbearable, but I have to stay strong.
For me. For Maxon. For us.
If you could really call us an "us".
The last time I'd seen him alone was the night after the Report. He had come in and talked to me, told me I had to work hard and do my best if I wanted to get anywhere in The Selection. After that, he just stopped visiting me.
His father, the King, took every opportunity to insult me. Every time I met his eyes at the dining table or in the halls, he'd glare a glare so intense it made me feel faint. King Clarkson's eyes were full of pure hatred when they found me. He made me feel small and weak, made me feel like a bug he was waiting to squish.
I kept my head held high at all times, and hid my trembling hands. I plastered a fake look of confidence on my face, hiding the lost girl inside. But it was harder than it sounded. Especially when I felt Celeste's smug eyes boring into me, or I saw Maxon with the other girls, or King Clarkson looked at me like I was a cockroach.
To ease the pain, I drowned myself in work. Silvia has surely forgiven me, as she smiles every time I enter the Women's Room to slave over sheets of paper.
Geography. Economics. Politics. Funding. All just jumbled-up words and numbers in my head now.
I tried to do everything with the focus of a King and the grace of a Queen. I tried to mask my emotions, show only what I wanted people to see. But my resolve crumbled every time I saw Maxon making Kriss laugh, smiling at her like they were already married.
I never slept anymore. I stayed wide awake every night looking at my ceiling in the dark, waiting as the last tears slid down my cheek and onto my lip. They tasted salty. They were the only thing I tasted anymore, as my appetite shrank everyday, and my weight dropped extremely low.
Then there was another matter to cry about.
Aspen.
How would I break the news to him? More importantly, how would I tell Maxon that I had been seeing another man behind his back. Would he cane me? Kill me?
I knew Maxon would never do such a thing, but I couldn't say the same for his father. I can imagine a conversation between Clarkson and Maxon. King Clarkson telling him that Maxon should have listened to him and eliminated me a long time ago, Maxon agreeing.
Even though I knew it was all in my head, it still hurt.
It hurt so bad.
Yeah it's short but it will get better. I promise.
okay?
okay.
~Queen Zeena