The List of Doom, a harry potter fanfic

Edited October 6th, 2008.

Lily Evans was a seventh-year redheaded Gryffindor whose temper matched her hair. She was Head Girl and prefect, and her best friends were Alice Kessler and Hestia Jones. Her biggest pet peeve was the Marauders. Or rather, one of the ringleaders of their little group, James Potter.

James Potter was Head Boy, something Lily didn't agree with. Potter had never been a prefect, and he was always causing trouble. Why, he had broken the records for the most detentions in all of Hogwarts history in his fifth year!

OK, so he hadn't—his best friend, Sirius Black had. So? Potter only had 21 less detentions than Sirius Black had. (Being Head Girl gave you some extra privileges.)

Then there was Peter Pettigrew, the annoying blonde boy who was more of an admirer of Potter and Black—something like a hero-worshipper. He was included in their little group, however.

Remus Lupin was last. He was the only one who was decent—he had been a prefect, he actually cared about his grades, he tried to pay attention in class, and he was a friend of Lily. He was the brains of the group, and he was the one who created plans for the Marauders' pranks.

But when all together, Lily couldn't stand them.

On a rather chilly late March morning, Lily Evans was sitting in History of Magic class. It was really a boring class, and even though she was Head Girl, Lily found her mind wandering. She could just study the History of Magic textbook later, right?

Lily's thoughts wandered to a certain messy-haired, hazel-eyed, glasses-wearing Head Boy with a cheeky grin on her face. Her heart thudded.

Instantly Lily wanted to punch herself. Why? Lately she had been feeling rather weak at the knees when Potter, the bigheaded, arrogant prat, was around. Once, when he had poked her, when she had been caught in a daydream where somehow she and Potter were kissing, her skin had become all tingly where his finger touched. Instantly, Lily had mentally slapped herself about her wild daydream. Repeatedly. Then she had berated Potter for touching her.

Lily did not want to like Potter. She wanted to hate him. She needed to hate him. It was important for her sanity.

So Lily, being bored in History of Magic (who isn't?), drew up a list.

Why Lily Evans Will Not Go Out with James Potter

One: He is a bigheaded, arrogant, egotistical prat. Like that time in fifth year, he hexed Snape and said it was because Snape existed. That's just awful. Even though Snape called me a Mudblood, it's still cruel.

Two: He's always showing off with his broomstick. Just because he's Quidditch captain doesn't mean he's above everyone else. And he's always messing up his hair because he thinks it makes him look like he just got off his broomstick. Oh, and he plays with that stupid snitch he stole (another reason for me to hate him). He's a Chaser, for God's sake, not a Seeker!

Three: He asks me out every single day. OK, not anymore, but he used to!

Four: The only person who can stuff his face more efficiently than Potter is Black!

Five: He wasn't a prefect, yet he got the Head Boy badge! I worked for mine, all he did was act immature! How is that fair?

Six: He pranks people all the time. Since he's Head Boy now, you would think he would be able to show a little more responsibility, but no, of course not! I mean, "mature" probably isn't even in Potter's vocabulary. I still have that orange polka dot on my arm from that prank in second year.

Seven: He NEVER pays attention in class. Yet he gets top marks! I have to work, he just goofs off and gets good grades! Tell me, what did he do to deserve his marks?

Eight: He's better at Transfiguration than I am. And he always gloats about it and offers to tutor me. As if that would ever happen.

Nine: He needs to deflate his big fat head. Figuratively, of course. (Although literally might be needed…)

Ten: He's a Marauder, even though he's head boy. And as a Marauder, he plays pranks. Being Head girl myself, I cannot associate with a Marauder. (Pfft. As if I'd ever want to. Besides Remus, that is. At least HE'S ok.)

Eleven: He is too immature. One moment he's alright, then when I turn my back the next moment, he hexes Snape. That just makes me hate him even more.

Twelve: He lies all the time—I can tell, he's not a very good liar. And normally I wouldn't care, but he lies to skive off patrol duty—at least once a month. Last time, I had to deal with five angry Slytherins! (They're all mad that a "Mudblood" is head girl.)

Thirteen: He doesn't help other students when they go up to him for help from the head boy. He just tells them to bugger off or hexes them if he doesn't like them. That's even worse than hexing Snape!

Fourteen: He and his friends (except Remus) are insufferable.

Fifteen: He thinks up ridiculously complicated passwords for the Gryffindor common room. Even I have a hard time remembering them. How does he expect a first year to remember the password, then?

Fifteen: He only wants me because I don't want him. If he got me, he would show me off like a prize, to show everyone that Potter always gets what he wants. And then he'd dump me within the following week. I'm not going to be used that way. I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of letting him have what he wants. And I'm NOT going to fall for him. Really.

Sixteen: I do NOT like James Potter! I hate him. End of story.

"Lily? Lils. Hey Lils, you okay?" Alice waved a hand in front of Lily's face.

Looking up, Lily realized, startled, that class was over. Professor Binns was nowhere to be seen in the classroom.

"Oh. Sorry." Lily blushed and stuffed her things into her bag.

"So, wasn't that just so boring? I'm never going to pass my N.E.W.T.s…" Alice chattered on happily as the two friends walked out of the room.

Unbeknownst to them, the piece of paper with Lily's list on it fluttered out of her bag and landed on the floor.

James Potter was going to go find the Head Girl, Lily Evans, to tell her of the change of password to the Gryffindor common room. This time, it was no longer a ridiculously long, complicated tongue twister. It was something simple and easy to remember: Hippogriff.

Just then, James nearly slipped on a piece of parchment lying on the floor. He scowled and bent to pick it up, and the heading and familiar handwriting caught his eye:

Why Lily Evans Will Not Go Out with James Potter

James's bespectacled hazel eyes scanned the list, and they widened. New password forgotten, James ran off with the list to find his friends.

Lily was eating breakfast in the great hall the next morning when a piece of paper fluttered onto her plate.

Lily looked up, but she couldn't see where it came from. Her eyes widened, not unlike they way James's had the previous day, when she saw what it was.

It was her list from yesterday that she had made during History of Magic! She had completely forgotten about it. But it was different. Someone had added things to it. With a sinking feeling, Lily scanned the rest of the parchment.

Why Lily Evans Will Not Go Out with James Potter

Lily, I've tried to change. Really I have. I've also tried to stop hexing Snape so much (even though it's hard, but I try!). And besides, I have a reason to hex him now, but I don't.

I only did that a few times in fifth year and twice in sixth year. I put the snitch back, and I don't do it anymore. The snitch is now for the seeker only, ok? And I'll try not to show off anymore. It's hard, though. (Sorry.) And my hair is just naturally messy. I only do that now, not because I want to show off, but only when I'm nervous.

Three: He asks me out every single day. OK, not anymore, but he used to!

See, Lily, even you admitted it. I don't ask you out every single day anymore!

Four: The only person who can stuff his face more efficiently than Potter is Black!

What can I say? I'm a growing boy, and I need my nutrition! Sirius too. Remus eats in a more refined way than us, I'll admit that, though.

Five: He wasn't a prefect, yet he got the Head Boy badge! I worked for mine, all he did was act immature! How is that fair?

I'm not allowed to go into specifics, but I did save a student's life last year. Dumbledore knows I've matured a bit.

I don't prank that much anymore, Lily! Really! And all you have to do is set the "Alohomora" charm on that polka dot. Sirius set it up. It sounds weird, but it takes the polka dot away.

Seven: He NEVER pays attention in class. Yet he gets top marks! I have to work, he just goofs off and gets good grades! Tell me, what did he do to deserve his marks?

Believe me, Lily, a lot! And I do study—I just don't like to advertise it.

Eight: He's better at Transfiguration than I am. And he always gloats about it and offers to tutor me. As if that would ever happen.

It could… and I try not to gloat anymore. And I'll stop offering to help you, if you want. You don't need it anyway—you're really good at Transfiguration, second in the class.

Nine: He needs to deflate his big fat head. Figuratively, of course. (Although literally might be needed…)

You're the only person who's said that my head is actually fat. But that's not the point. I think my head's deflated a little… but I won't brag about it.

Honestly, Sirius and Peter and I are ok, too! And the marauders are more than just a prankster group—we're true friends. Maybe if you hung out with us sometime, you would find out and see.

Eleven: He is too immature. One moment he's alright, then when I turn my back the next moment, he hexes Snape. That just makes me hate him even more.

Believe me, there's a reason. Snape deserves everything he gets. And I don't know what people have been telling you, but I don't hex Snape anymore! Not unless he hexes me first, anyway.

Well of course, what more can be expected of Slytherins? And I have a good reason to skive off—it's to help a friend. I can't tell you the details, but I promise that from now on, that'll be the only time I skive off patrol duty. Well, unless I have a detention or something.

I don't hex people when they ask me for help!! (And no, I am not in denial!)

Fourteen: He and his friends (except Remus) are insufferable.

Really, they're fine. I promise I'll ask them to ease up a little. And they're true friends, you know. I'd die for them, and I'm pretty sure they'd do the same for me.

Fifteen: He thinks up ridiculously complicated passwords for the Gryffindor common room. Even I have a hard time remembering them. How does he expect a first year to remember the password, then?

When I found this list, I was just going to go and tell you the password I just changed. It's "Hippogriff." Is that too complicated, too?

Lily, how can you think that? Even I'm not that dense. Why else would I chase you all the time? (use to chase you, anyway) It's not because I want to show you off, it's because I genuinely like you. Please keep that in mind.

Sixteen: I do NOT like James Potter! I hate him. End of story.

I don't mean to offend you or anything, but it sounds like you're in Egypt—in the Nile. In "the Nile," in "denial," get it? (Sorry, I couldn't help myself there.)

Lily's cheeks flushed and it became hard to breathe. She instantly turned her glare on Potter, who looked back at her, alarmed.

"Potter!" she screeched. Most people ignored her, because they were used to their head girl yelling at the head boy. Some people, however, looked up in interest. It was always fun to see their spats.

"What is the meaning of this?" Lily held out the paper as if it were diseased.

James's eyes flashed briefly in recognition. "I…"

"Don't. I don't want to hear it." Lily crumpled the piece of parchment up and tossed it at Potter, who picked it up from the floor and stuffed it in the pockets of his robes. Lily turned and stormed out of the Great Hall, closely followed by Alice, and then Hestia.

"Lily? Lily, what's wrong?" Hestia called.

Lily ignored her and raced up toward the Gryffindor common room. "Hippogriff!" she said tearfully, and jumped into the common room and ran up toward the girls' dormitories.

"Lily? Why are you so upset?"

Lily let out a sob, and her face crumpled like the parchment she had thrown at James.

Alice and Hestia went over and comforted her, and after a few long minutes, Lily tearfully recounted the whole story of the list to her friends.

There was a long silence. Then—

"I'd say Potter was right. You really are in denial," Hestia remarked, amused.

Alice threw a pillow at her.

"What? It's true," Hestia defended herself.

"Yes, but it's not making her feel any better," Alice shot back. Then, to Lily, "No offense, but I think Potter had every right to read your list."

"What?" Lily's friends were supposed to defend her, not side with her enemy!

"I mean, he picked it up," Hestia jumped in, "to see whose it was, so he could return it. But then he saw his name on it, and I'm guessing he couldn't resist reading it."

"I guess… if you put it that way, it actually sort of makes sense," Lily had to admit.

"Right," Alice agreed.

"So go out there and face him!" Hestia finished.

Lily privately felt she would much rather face the much-feared Dark Lord named Voldemort. (OK, not really, but I think you catch my drift.) "I can't."

"Yes you can. You're a brave Head Girl, so act like it!"

Lily sighed reluctantly. "OK."

Alice smiled serenely. "Great! Now let's hurry up or we'll miss the rest of breakfast."

"You can do it," Hestia encouraged Lily at lunch that day. After classes, in which Lily had avoided James, Lily was getting up the courage to apologize to James.

"You go girl!" Alice added, grinning.

"OK." Lily took a deep breath and walked over to James, who was standing with his friends. "Hi, Pot—James, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure." James smiled slightly and left his friends, who grinned encouragingly after him.

Lily's mind jumped to what James had written on her list—that his friends weren't so bad after all. Maybe it was true…

James pulled out the crumpled piece of parchment and handed it to Lily. "Here's your list… I'mreallysorryIreadit," he added in a rush.

Lily smiled nervously and accepted it from him. "That's OK… I'm sorry I yelled at you."

James looked surprised. "You are?" This was a first—Lily apologizing to James for something that was partly James's fault.

"I mean, I was mad you read it at first, because it was my stuff, but then I realized you were going to give it back, but you couldn't help reading it when you saw your name on it," Lily continued quickly.

James grinned lopsidedly. "That's for sure," he said.

Lily's heart fluttered, and she mentally scolded herself. There was no denying it now… she liked James Potter.

Surprisingly, the thought wasn't nearly as horrifying as it would have been a week ago.

"So, I was… thinking… you're not that bad after all, and I… kindoflikeyou," Lily finished, rushing the last four words.

James looked confused. "Pardon?"

"I kind of like you," Lily repeated, feeling more confident when she saw Alice smile at her and Hestia give her a wink. "You're not that bad."

James looked as if his wildest dreams had come true (and they had, actually). "Really? You mean it? Today's not April Fool's Day, is it?" he added.

Lily grinned despite of herself. "No, March isn't over yet."

"That's…" James still looked as if he couldn't quite believe it. "…I mean…"

Lily put the poor guy out of his misery. "I know."

"So do you want to go out next Hogsmeade weekend?" James asked.

"Sure."

"Thanks!" And with that exclamation, James ran off to tell his friends, who were talking among themselves.

"I knew you could do it, Lily!" Alice squealed the moment she walked up to her friend.

"I did, didn't I?" Lily smiled. And the best thing was, she actually felt pretty good about it.

First oneshot. Read and review?

-xAndromedaBlackx-