A/N- They say to write what you know, right now, this is what I know.
One hand on the steering wheel, one hand on the gear shift, Regina hardly registered that the light ahead of her changed to yellow as she pushed down the gas pedal harder. She rehearsed what she wanted to say one more time in her head. There was thirty minutes until her next class.
Normally she spent her lunch break with the rag tag band of misfits who had become her dysfunctional group of friends over the past four years. Now getting ready to round out their final year of high school, the teens were thick as thieves, having gone through so much together.
She knew that she would find the other seniors in their third period class, it was the one class that they all had together and the teacher was nice- letting them spend their lunch period in his room rather than in the crowded cafeteria. Though today was different, today she had taken a break, gone for a drive, and was on the way back to finally do it.
Today was the day she would finally tell Emma Swan that she liked her.
Regina thought back to the phone conversation she had with her best friend the previous night.
Regina pulled over to the side of the road, she was just down the road from her house (far enough that she wouldn't be seen from her own home, and close enough to be comfortable). She had a lot to think through given the day she had been through, and the last thing she wanted was to have to think through it with her mother breathing down her neck.
The brunette whipped out her cell phone, and dialed her best friend. She only had to wait through one ring before the familiar voice greeted her, "City morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how can I be of service?"
The fact that she had this greeting memorized was more disturbing to her, than the greeting itself. Pushing aside that, she went ahead with what was weighing on her, "Jefferson, I'm pregnant."
Regina was met with complete silence, the only sound was a brief crackling to ensure her that Jefferson hadn't hung up. She waited, counting the seconds in her head, until her friend came back, his voice was low and cautious as if he were afraid of scaring Regina away, "It's alright, we can get through this together. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I'm here for you, Sweet Pea."
Regina cringed in her car, clutching her phone a bit tighter, she felt bad for making her friend resort to the nickname he insisted on using since the third grade- he was the only one who could get away with calling her that. Then again, she would never let go of this small time she got one over on her friend. She was glad that Jefferson couldn't see her face, as she was fighting off a smile, "Thank you, Jefferson. Also, I'm kidding."
The reply came quickly this time, "You bitch."
"Love you too, kid."
"What the hell do you want?"
Regina took a deep breath, "I need your advice."
"Lay it on me."
"So um- I like Emma."
She braced herself for any number of teasing, or depreciating things that her best friend would hurl at her, she never would have expected the laugh that she got in response, "No shit."
"Excuse me?"
"Regina, the only people who haven't seemed to realize that you like Emma, is you and Emma."
The brunette resisted the urge to roll her eyes, and settled for leaning her head back on the headrest, "Well now I have realized it," she began with an air of indignance, "so what do I do?"
"I think you already know the answer to that one."
Regina sighed, he was right. She had just been hoping he could pull some magic third option out of a hat and she could stop worrying about the whole thing.
"I have to tell her."
"Or suffer in silence."
"No." Reginas answer was quick and definite, "There's less than a month left of school, we're not going to college anywhere remotely close to each other, and I refuse to let this be one massive 'what if'. I've got to tell her, and if she doesn't like me, I can move on. I just need to be sure that she doesn't like me so I can move on."
Jefferson smiled at his friend's resolve, "You can do it, what are you going to say?"
"The truth. I'm going to tell her I like her and that I don't expect her to like me back. I'll tell her I can get over it because I value our friendship and I just need her to tell me she doesn't like me and I'll move on."
"What if she does like you too?"
The hopeful words that Regina had been preventing herself from even thinking, now couldn't be banished from her mind. But she knew better than to believe in them, "I highly doubt she does."
"Ok, but what if?"
"I'm at least 99% sure that she doesn't."
"But what if?"
Regina sighed at her best friend's antics, "Then I'll deal with that if it happens."
Both of them fell quiet a moment, "When are you going to do it?"
"Tomorrow, I need to do it soon." 'Before I lose my nerve' crossed the girl's mind, but she didn't voice that sentiment.
"You can do it."
"Yeah, I can." She smiled and nodded to herself, steeling her nerves and settling any lingering doubt. "I can do it."
Now she tried to recall that resolve as she pulled into the school parking lot. She slowed into a spot in the back corner where her baby should be safe from the bad driving of all the other students.
Regina got out and slung her backpack over one shoulder before she began trekking through the lot towards her third class. She was on autopilot until she reached her destination, pausing only when she dumped her bag next to her desk.
Jefferson was at his desk in front of her, and spun around as soon as she settled in, "How are you this afternoon, beautiful?"
Regina rolled her eyes, but couldn't help and smile a small bit, "I'm hanging in there."
"Mhm." He hummed as he appraised his friend. She was looking past his shoulder to where Emma and Mary- Margaret were a couple desks away. The blonde was doing everything in her power to steal some fruit snacks from the petite girl, "When are you going to do it?"
"Now." She stood from her desk, and grabbed her water bottle. Emma and Mary- Margaret paused in their playing around to regard their friend, "Emma, do you need to fill up your water bottle?"
They both knew it was not a question, but the blonde nodded anyway, "Yeah." She grabbed her own bottle and trailed Regina out of the room.
Mary- Margaret was on the verge of standing and following them as well, but Jefferson jumped in, "M&M, are those new shoes?" He asked with enthusiasm.
The brunette couldn't scowl at the nickname as she was too excited to talk about her new shoes, "Yes! I just got them this weekend."
Out in the hallway, Regina led the way down the deserted hall to the closest water fountain. She paused
"Emma, I need to tell you something." She began, taking a deep breath and focusing on playing with the water bottle lid in her hands so she wouldn't have to look in Emma's eyes, "Before I do though, you have to promise that you won't do that thing you do where you get all awkward and don't talk to anyone."
The blonde laughed, "Yeah I guess I do that."
"You do, and it's the worst." Regina smiled. She was amazed that she could still smile when she was so nervous, but that was what she loved about Emma.
"Ok, yeah I can promise that."
"Ok." Regina finally tore her eyes up from the bottle to lock onto the deep sincere green eyes begging her to continue, "The thing is, I like you. I like you in a way that makes me feel about twelve years old for saying that I like like you." Emma smiled encouragingly as Regina finally drew her eyes up to lock with the blonde's, "But it's not a big deal, because I can get over it, and I'm pretty sure you don't feel the same way."
Regina's gut clenched a little bit as Emma didn't respond yet, "See all I need is for you to tell me that you absolutely and unequivocally don't feel anything for me which isn't platonic, and I'll get over it."
Emma still didn't say a word so Regina just steamrolled on, "So what's going to happen is I'm going to stop talking, you're going to tell me that, and then we'll hug it out and go back into that classroom and pretend this never happened."
The brunette was close to losing her composure as she finished, but she managed to keep her voice from cracking. She waited now, Emma had an unreadable expression.
She didn't have to wait long, before Emma finally responded, "Let's just hug."
The expression on the blonde's face was halfway between pity and sympathy. She opened her arms, until Regina stepped into them- it was a familiar gesture between the friends, but this time it felt different. Emma held the smaller girl to her chest and patted her hair briefly before releasing her.
"Are you alright?" Emma asked, the worry evident in her eyes, though Regina was doing an admirable job of holding it together.
The brunette laughed shortly, "See, that's not part of the script. Now, we head back into the classroom."
"Like nothing ever happened?"
Regina nodded, "Like nothing ever happened."
And that's how it went. Until that evening, Regina waited until she was sure that her mother fell asleep before she snuck out of bed, pulled on a sweater, and laced up her sneakers. She opened her window, and crept out onto the roof. She pulled the glass so it was almost shut and crept silently along until she was on the sloped portion of the roof over the garage.
Regina considered the edge. She scooted closer and closer, feeling her legging catch on the rough edges of the roof tiles. She didn't stop until she was sitting at the very edge with her feet dangling off. From there, she laid back, one arm behind her head, the other wrapped tightly around her abdomen.
She considered the edge. Deep down, she knew that she wouldn't do it. Whether it was because she didn't have the strength required to make the leap, or because she was too strong to make herself do it, she wasn't quite sure.
Either way, it didn't matter. She knew that she wouldn't be going over the edge tonight. Instead, she just remained as she was with her legs hanging off. She considered the edge.
She fanned her fingers out and felt down the harsh shingles until she could feel the very edge of the roof, she splayed them across the sharp bits, relishing in the way they bit into her flesh.
Regina replayed the events of the day in her head, and couldn't help but kick herself for her naive stupidity. Life wasn't a fairy tale, and she wasn't a queen, she wasn't even a princess. Hell, she wasn't even a Lost Boy.
A line of a poem she had once read came back to her, and she finally understood the sentiment behind, "How sad it is to be lost, and not a Lost Boy." She looked up at the stars and was struck with the serenity of the night. Even if she did find the strength to fling herself over the edge, they wouldn't find her until the morning. She would lie out under the stars, her limbs bent at unnatural angles, her eyes vacant and unmoving as she would wait for the boy with a magic shadow to take her to the second star from the right and straight on till morning. But that wouldn't happen, because life was not a fairy tale, she was wrong, and she was too weak to make another leap of faith today.
A/N- The End.