The suns shone brightly on a crisp January afternoon, one that for most people would look like a perfect day to go for a walk. However, for Professor Birch, the stocky brown haired man that was sprinting through the fields north of Little Root, it was starting to look like it would be his last. Throwing back panicked glances the professor watches the dark shadows move rapidly through the high grass. Nearly stumbling on a tangled patch of grass he cries out, shutting his eyes tightly as the shadows quickly close the gap. There was no way he could reach the safety of the grove outside the town's north gate.
"Somebody help me!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, a desperate prayer for an unlikely rescue. Fortunately for him, today was a day set aside for the improbable.
A car horn blasted back in response as a private electri-car barreled out of the distant grove at full voltage. The man's eyes widened and a smile split his face as he realized he just might be rescued, but it only lasts a moment before returning to an expression of terror as he realized that it was headed straight for him. The pokémon chasing him noticed it as well and veered off as Professor Birch leapt out of the way of the vehicle as the driver slammed on the brakes and managed to throw open the passenger side door.
"Jump in!" The driver, a heavier man with wild red hair, shouted at the professor who didn't need to be told twice and was already scrambling into the passenger seat. Almost before the professor was even in his seat the car was accelerating again. The professor turned to thank the red haired man but can only scream in horror as a large mightyena smashed through the windshield. The large canine pokémon let out a howled in the driver's face as it fought to pull itself the rest of the way through the windshield. A panicked attempt to punch the pokémon in the face only ended with its jaws wrapped around the driver's forearm. With a pained growl, he reaches down and pulls a large knife out from next to his seat and stabbed the mightyena in the throat.
Blood splattered the dash as the mightyena yelped and struggled to reverse directions. However, the driver grabbed the knife with both hands and pinned the creature's head so that they couldn't pull back as he began to hiss and snarl. Birch watched in awe as the mightyena wined in response and the man pulled the knife out. The mightyena quickly exited the car and the driver sank back into his seat with a nervous chuckle.
"Fuck that was close," He said as he turned to smile at the professor, "Would be a dear and dump all the groceries in the backseat out your window? Thanks."
"Wait, what are you doing?!" The professor asked in a mild panic as the driver began lowering the passenger door window.
"I told her that I'd let her go and trade my cache of meat to her pack if she let the both of us go." The driver replied as he turned around and grabbed a couple of bags emblazoned with a bespectacled bagon, the mascot of a well known Little Root butcher shop. Lowering his own window the man tossed the bags out onto the ground where poochyena and the mightyena quickly tore open the packaging to get at the savory contents.
"I need to get my arm stitched up ASAP, so if you could fucking get a move on it, that would be great, Professor!" The man snarled at Professor Birch, who practically dove into the back seat to start disposing of the groceries. Once the backseat was empty the driver floored it and the car lurched back in the direction of Little Root.
Professor Birch could only hold on for dear life as the electcar sped down the small town's quiet streets towards the ranger union. Once the car screeched to a stop, haphazardly parked in front of the dual aid station and lodging that the Hoenn Ranger's provided for traveling trainers since the town wasn't large enough to warrant a full pokémon center, both men exited the car and let out a sigh of relief. A ranger, investigating the ruckus of screeching tires, stepped out of the station with a bewildered expression. "By the stars, John, didn't you JUST leave? And what the hell did you do to your arm!?"
John looked down at the gashes and lacerations from the mightyena's bite and laughed, "I'll tell you once we get inside. I'm still trying to process what just happened myself."
"Hold up."-the professor hurried around the car and handed the ranger a card from his pocket-"Let me cover the cost of your treatment, and come over to my lab when you are done being patched up."
The ranger and John watched in surprise as the short pokémon professor hurried away in the direction of his lab. The ranger looked down at the card and then back to John, "Seriously, what just happened?"
John patted the ranger on the shoulder and smiled, "Like I already told you, I'll tell you once we get inside."
A little over an hour later, John walked into the lobby of Professor Birch's laboratory with his left arm in a sling. The receptionist looked up briefly when the automatic doors hissed open, looked the man over with his bloodstained clothes and injured arm and returned to fiddling with her cell phone. "Sorry hun, this is a pokémon lab not a pokémon center. The Ranger station is two streets over."
"I…" John took a deep breath, "Professor Birch told me to come when I was done at the Ranger station. Did he leave a note or anything?"
"The professor very intentionally cleared his schedule for the entire week so that he could do fieldwork." The receptionist replied without looking up from her phone, "So, no."
"Right. Thanks anyways, I guess." John turned and started to leave only to be nearly run over by Professor Birch himself.
"Sorry I'm late." The professor apologized as he grabbed John's good arm and dragged him along behind him much to the surprise of both the receptionist and John. "Developed a nasty tremor on the way over so I stopped at the pharmacy and got something to steady my hands."
From the rather strong smell of liquor on the professor's breath, and the mostly empty bottle of cheap rum sticking out of the professor's satchel, John had a pretty good idea of just what 'pharmacy' the professor had visited on the way over, and a pretty good idea of who his preferred pharmacist was.
"Now, I'm sure you're wondering just why I asked you to come here." Birch interrupted John's thoughts as he led the man into a back room where a combusken was double kicking the crap out of a inertial test dummy in front of an array of highly sensitive poké-energy scanners. "The answer is to meet you're new coworker, Marie!"
The combusken stops what she is doing and stares at professor Birch and John. Birch gave her a huge grin and then gestured to John, "Meet you're new trainer!"
John and Marie both stare at each other and for a long moment neither said anything. The combusken is the first to find her voice, [Again with the impulsive drunk bullshit. The professor has been down at the Saint's Vice hasn't he?]
The combusken dashed off to a desk and quickly typed up a message, and a heavily synthesized, if female, voice repeated her words in English. John slowly nodded, "You can't be serious."
"Not at all!" Birch laughed and picked the combusken up, much to her dismay and rage. Turning around the professor shoved the fuming combusken in John's face. "Take her!"
[This is all your fault isn't it,] Marie stuck a claw in John's face, [You drugged him while he was drinking.]
[If it is any consolation, I have no idea what the hell is going on either.] John hissed quietly to the combusken. John coughed and gently pushed the professor's arm down so that Marie was on the ground again. "What is going on?"
Marie quickly forced her way out of the professor's grip but didn't go far as a bewildered expression suddenly overtook her face. The professor on the other hand leaned forwards and pulled john over slightly to his level. "Tell me, John, are you currently employed?"
[You talk.]
"Not really." John admitted as he shrugged off the shorter man, "That said, I don't see what this has to do with anything."
[A human that talks.]
"What if I told you I wanted to hire you as a field researcher?"
[That's impossible.]
"Um, thanks but I lack the required credentials," John said chuckle, "I'm not even an official trainer!"
[You are a scientific impossibility!] Marie shrieked as she leapt onto John's chest and grabbed hold of his wild hair.
[For the love of all things holy!] John howls as Marie's talons stab into his chest. Grabbing the pokémon with his free hand John roughly pushed her off. [I just left the Ranger station, I do not feel like returning there for a third time today!]
The combusken landed deftly with a very hot, indignant huff. Birch raised a brow but otherwise only smiled before commenting, "I have the ultimate say on trainer registration, and I find you uniquely qualified to study pokémon communication and the effect of humans on it."
John glanced at the angry combusken then sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Could I get a calmer pokémon? Maybe something in blue?"
"Marie is my best pokémon, and the only one on staff with a baccalaureate. Thus she is the only one able to compose a proper research report," The professor said as he walked towards the door, "Unless you can do that at a professional level she is your only option. I'll be back shortly with a new set of credentials."
"Don't you need my information for that?"
The professor holds up a wallet, John's wallet. "Already have it along with my expense card."
John's hand shot to his pocket only to find it empty. "How…"
"Get to know your new coworker till I get back." The professor waved and then shut the door behind him.
John turned to look at Marie who just glares up at him. "So, uh, what exactly were you working on in here?"
[Oh, you know, science. The sort that some thug off the street wouldn't understand.] Marie chirped as she walked over to her computer set up.
"Try me." John chuckled, "You might be surprised. I did some university time. Enough to know you were measuring both the physical impact as well as the Rowan-Colress wave impact."
Marie gave John a dirty look as she quickly typed away. [I'm working on establishing the exact formula for calculating how the R-C wave boosts the effective mass and velocity of pokémon in physical attacks. I was actually getting close to sufficient quantities of data to start calculating, but apparently MY project is apparently getting shelved so that I can participate in a bullshit linguistics study.]
"Well, there should be plenty of down time." John said slowly, carefully examining the R-C wave sensory apparatuses set up around the inertial dummy that was bolted to the ground. "Bring your data with you and I'll make sure you have time to work on your project."
[Oh? Maybe I won't kill you in your sleep and feed you to the wild poochyena.]
John stares at the combusken as she disconnects a portable hard drive from the desktop computer she was working on. It is hard to tell whether she is serious or not. Before he could comment, Birch returns with a fresh satchel, "Inside you'll find your wallet, a ten-pack of pokéballs, and a pokédex loaded with your new researcher credentials."
"Great."-John grabbed the satchel and held it open for Marie- "Hard drive?"
Marie slipped the black box into the satchel and sauntered out of the lab with John following at a presumably safe distance. Once outside John dug into his pocket for his keys but before he can unlock the car Marie shot past him, [You can't drive dumbass.]
Marie's sharp claws instantly shredded the wall of the car's rear tire with a bang followed almost immediately by the sound of breaking glass as a bright silver blur flew out the rear driver side window and smashed into Marie's face with the undulating pink and blue wave of a psychic attack radiating from it. Marie rolled with the hit, tumbling backwards with all the grace of a gymnast as she righted herself into a fighting stance.
"NO! STOP! HEEL! FUCK!" John shouted angrily as he rushed over to grab the silver beldum that had just launched itself out of his car and put the metal pokémon in a headlock with his good arm. Taking a couple deep breaths John glared at Marie, "Now, other than the holes you just put in my tire, why can't I drive back to Petalburg so I can pack the shit I need for an extended foot journey. Is it the law mandating that trainer's travel by foot?"- John took another deep breath snarlingBECAUSE I ALREADY KNEW THAT YOU FUCKING PEAFOWL BITCH!
Marie shrugged and jutting her chin out at John, [No, that was pretty much it, and that beldum is a pathetic showpiece not a fighter.]
John rolled his eyes, "I know this. It is part of why he was cowering under the passenger seat earlier when I picked up the professor." John released the beldum, and pulled the pack of pokéballs out of his new satchel. With a flick of his wrist he tossed one of the pokéballs into the air and then swatted it into the beldum even as they charged the combusken again. With a ding the pokémon was digitized and sealed inside the ball.
Marie's brows shot up as the pokéball rolled to a stop at her feet. [Okay, that was kinda impressive.]
Picking up the beldum's pokéball John merely shrugged. "I have my moments." John dropped the pokéball into his satchel and patted his gut with a smirk, "People tell me I could be a badass if I actually worked out and lost a few pounds."
Marie looked the heavy set man over before turning around with a dismissive wave, [Whatever, let's get going to the Ranger station to reserve a room.]
"Actually, we need to make Petalburg by the time the gates close for the night."
[What?!]
John jabbed a finger at a parking meter in front of his elect-car. "I'm too broke to afford a Ranger room, because the multiday charge for parking alone is going to kill my checking account! My only chance is to call in some favors in Petalburg so that the damn thing doesn't get impounded! So start walking! I'll catch up after I grab some stuff."
Marie shook her head in disbelief, but started walking anyway. As she turned the corner, John sighed and pulled at his short goatee, "I can already tell that this is the start of a beautiful relationship and a wonderful new year."
If only he had known.