Author's Note: Written for the "It's a Wonderful Life" challenge in Aria's Afterlife, where the movie's idea gets applied to a character in the ME universe. I may have deviated slightly, but the general spirit is there.
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Tali looked but saw nothing, save for utter darkness. Her mind was hazy and her thoughts were sluggish, as if she had just awoken from a deep sleep. But this could not have been true for she was standing upright, with her arms spread parallel to the ground. Unsure, she lowered them and wrapped them around herself, her hands clutching her forearms in self-embrace. Nearly-dried tears were icy rivulets on her cheeks, which puzzled her for a moment until she realized – her mask was missing. A mental alarm went off. She flailed at the empty ground around her, but to no avail. Panic began to set in. As the panic rose, she struggled to remember how she had ended up there, in hopes that it would provide some clue as to her suit's breach.
Her head was still a cloud of thoughts and memories she could barely grasp, but she forced herself to concentrate. Why was she here? The vague images began to take shape. But abruptly, an intense feeling of anger and despair filled her, as she had never felt before. Her mind instantly recoiled, as if the very thought she desired were a wound still too tender to touch.
"What is happening?" Her voice quavered as it echoed in the surrounding emptiness.
"Stand, Tali'Zorah." The voice came from behind her.
She turned, and nearly stumbled backward. "Father… "
Rael'Zorah stood before her, chin held high and hands clasped behind his back – his body displaying the rigidity with which he had always carried himself. Although the surroundings were pitch-black, his figure was perfectly lit and visible, as if the light were somehow coming from within.
"My daughter." He brought his hands in front of him and held them out wide to accept her. She slipped into his arms, her bare cheek rubbing against the familiar fabric. But as she held him, the impossibility of the situation began to dawn on her.
"You're dead. You're not supposed to be here." She pulled away.
"I'm here to help you, Tali'Zorah."
"Just leave me. This is where I belong…" The words came without hesitation, but Tali could not understand why she said them – only that they were true.
"That is not so. You have touched so many lives, Tali. The galaxy is so much brighter to have had your light."
"And how would you know?" she asked, pointing at him with an accusing finger. "You buried yourself in your work. And even when you were home, you were never truly there."
"I became too possessed by my work," he admitted. "I wanted so much to give us all a home – a real home. But we never realize the gifts that we already possess… "
The blackness vanished, and Tali found herself in a grimy, dimly-lit room. Data pads lay discarded about the floor, and somewhere within the walls there was an unceasing rattle. She looked about the room and noticed that the furniture and architecture were clearly quarian. They were aboard a ship of the Migrant Fleet, most likely on one of the waste processing vessels. A shadow in the corner moved, and a figure emerged into the weak light. It was her father… but different. He crawled on his hands and knees, pawing through the scattered data pads. His suit was filthy, and pockmarked by breaches that were poorly sealed.
"It's here, I know it's here!" The wretched figure on the floor exclaimed in agitation. "My data, it's somewhere in the data… "
"What is this?" Tali's shocked voice barely rose above a whisper, even though the man did not seem to notice the intruders.
"It is a glimpse into what could have been," responded her father from beside her. "This is what I would be if you had never been born."
"But you're an admiral! You shouldn't… you…" Tali couldn't bring herself to finish. The father Tali knew was the very embodiment of military diligence: immaculate, precise, and proud. The squalid man on the ground was familiar, but ultimately he was something twisted and foreign.
"You know how the death of your mother hit me," he said mournfully. "And in tragedy's wake, you know how I immersed myself in my work. But a man needs an anchor, Tali, to save him from drifting too far away."
There came a loud pounding on the cabin door, violent and angry.
"Not now!" The perverse mockery of Rael'Zorah called out from the floor. The electronic locks on the door buzzed as they were overridden, and a tall quarian man with a captain's insignia strode into the room.
"Dammit, Rael!" The captain kicked aside one of the data pads in his way as he entered. "Your shift started an hour ago!"
"Please, I almost have it! I just need more time with my data!"
"I didn't ask to have you on my ship." The captain's voice was low and menacing as he advanced. "You know, I had friends on the Honorata. And the Turelia. And the Alarei. Now they're all gone, all because of you. You're a disgrace to our people, and damned lucky you weren't exiled." He snatched the data pad from Rael's hand and threw it against the wall. "There's nothing useful here in this data! You threw away those lives for nothing! I didn't ask to have you, but here you are, and you willmake yourself useful. Another waste shipment has arrived, and you're going to sort through every scrap of it by hand to find anything usable." He seized Rael by the arm, and tried to pull the man to his feet. But when Rael resisted, he gave him a sharp kick and proceeded to drag him toward the door instead. The unwilling man cried out, reaching in futility with his one free hand – grasping for the information out of his reach. His shrieks echoed and grew faint from the hallway. The scene began to fade, until Tali and her father were once again left in darkness.
"I don't know what you're trying to prove," Tali spoke shaking her head. "Apparently, if I weren't here you'd still be alive."
"Alive, as a disgraced ex-admiral on the brink of madness," her father responded. "Consumed by geth research that became more desperate and more dangerous, to the suffering of so many." He sighed. "You saw his condition. He would not live for much longer."
Tali said nothing. On some level she knew he was correct, but it was if a small part of her hissed venom into her ear. Something terrible had happened, and it was all her fault...
"But I am not the only one you have saved," Rael continued. He pulled an item from the holster on his back. It extended, and he handed it to Tali. "Do you recognize this?"
"It's my shotgun." Tali traced her fingers over the familiar contours of the firearm.
"You became a more capable fighter than I had ever envisioned." There was a hint of pride in Rael's voice. "But I must admit, it's not a weapon I would have expected you to choose."
"When I first started my pilgrimage, everybody would look at me and see just a weak girl, just some 'suit-rat' they could bully and take advantage of. I wanted to show them they were wrong... The recoil was so violent at first, but I trained so much with it. And now, no enemy ever gets too close," Tali murmured as she felt the weapon's weight.
"And so you became a protector, a stalwart shield to guard your friends on the front lines."
The surroundings changed once more. They were in a large room, with discarded tables and chairs half-buried by snow. The wind howled through a broken window, bringing in even more of the wintry mix. Bodies of slain geth lay motionless, their chassis showing the scorch marks of weapons fire.
"It's the lab on Noveria," Tali realized as she walked further into the room. Everything was still and quiet, save for the occasional noise from the window. The harsh staccato of a cough broke the silence, followed by a groan. A figure on the other side of the room stirred. Tali ran.
It was Garrus. Next to him lay the body of a rachni brood warrior, a fearsome sight even in death. Frozen viscera bulged from the many wounds on its body, but a foul-smelling green liquid still dripped from one of its tendrils. Garrus moaned again. He was still alive, but did not look much better. Wisps of steam rose from a jagged puncture in the abdomen of his suit. Medi-gel had staunched the wound, but too much of the snow around him was discolored to a pale sky blue. His carapace was pale - almost transparent – and the faintly visible veins beneath his skin looked to be stained an unnatural green. The color matched liquid oozing from the dead rachni's tendrils.
"Oh Garrus, no… " Tali reached down to touch him, but her hands passed right through, and his eyes stared blankly to the ceiling.
"We are just observers here," Rael reminded her. "We look through a window to see what could have been."
Garrus' face twisted with agony as he struggled to raise a small device to his lips. "My name is Garrus Vakarian and this is a message for my family." He paused, searching for the right words. "Sol… I know I should've made more time to talk with you, and for that I'm sorry. Work's always kept me busy, and this new mission of mine has been chaotic. But… I know that's no excuse." He swallowed and attempted convey a more cheerful tone. "You know, I have an old friend who's a military instructor back home – he forwarded me some results from your latest round of training. I gotta say, it was pretty damn impressive. Give it a few years, and maybe you'll shoot half as well as me."
He started to chuckle, but it quickly devolved into an ugly, hacking cough.
"Don't worry, it sounds worse than it feels," he continued, wiping at the corners of his mouth. "Mom, I got the message about your condition. I've saved up a bit of money, and I've been promised that you'll receive every last credit for your treatment. But I know you can beat this. Dad used to tell us old stories about how great of a fighter you are. Hell, he used to say that half the reason he married you was because you were the only woman who could kick his ass." A faint smile played across his face at the memory.
"Dad. You and I haven't always seen eye to eye. I know you don't approve of me leaving C-Sec, but I really got to be a part of something these last few weeks. Maybe when all this gets finished, you'll hear about the specifics. I… I just wish I could've seen it through to the end. I got a little sloppy. But if it's any consolation, I made sure to take out the bastard who got me. And I didn't let it slow my team down; I sent them ahead to put a bullet in the son of a bitch responsible for all this." His hand started to spasm involuntarily, and Tali could tell that it was taking every ounce of self-control for Garrus to suppress a scream. "I-I love you all." A small beep resounded from the recorder, and Garrus let his arm drop as an anguished cry escaped his lips. He was beginning to shake violently, but with a determination that Tali knew all too well, he reached a steady hand to his waist. The talons closed about the handle of a pistol.
Tali jerked her head away to spare herself the sight of what came next. When they first met, he seemed to be just another arrogant turian who held all the same prejudices as the rest of the galaxy. He had eyed her with suspicion and made snide remarks about her people unleashing the geth. But being the only two dextro crewmembers aboard the Normandy forced them to share meals, and over time the small-talk evolved. She would tell him about growing up aboard the Migrant Fleet, and he would regale her with his adventures in C-Sec. Fighting upon dozens of battlefields together transformed them into a deadly pair. They each knew what the other was capable of, and at times it was as if they shared some mental link that allowed them to tell what the other was thinking. Garrus was the sniper – deadly from afar, but it was Tali with her shotgun that kept him safe. Her eyes clenched shut.
The bark of the gunshot echoed briefly before being swallowed by the snow. And then there was nothing, save for the mournful howl of the icy wind.
"His is not the only life… " Her father spoke in a gentle tone. Tali began to open her eyes, and found that everything had changed again. She blinked rapidly, to clear up a world made blurry by her tears.
They were standing in an open elevator car, and the world before her was horror. The air reeked of smoke and blood, making Tali feel faint; without her mask, there was nothing to dampen the acrid stench. There was an alarm blaring from just outside the elevator, and Tali cringed at the sheer intensity of every strident note's blast. The hallway before them was littered with the dead: C-Sec officers and geth soldiers, illuminated to a ghastly crimson by the fires that continued to blaze. Tali stepped from the elevator, and into what was left of the Citadel Tower.
Tali worked her way through the corpses, doing her best to stay in the middle of the hallway – away from the fierce heat of the flaming trees that lined both sides of the passage. She came to the circular, open area in the middle of the vast room and stopped. There was a softer noise that she could barely hear over the alarm: the sound of quiet sobbing. Huddled at the bottom of the final set of stairs was the remainder of her team: Wrex, Ashley, and Liara. The asari woman was weeping, kneeling on the ground before her discarded weapon. Wrex and Ashley were silent and standing upright, staring with dull eyes into the heart of a smoldering tree. Tali watched them for several heartbeats before ascending the final steps.
She could see a man, his back facing her as he stood gazing through the tower's sole window. A single body lay at his feet: the corpse of Saren Arterius. There were intermittent flashes of light from outside the viewport, causing the standing man's shadow to flicker across the room. As Tali approached him, the scene through the window became clearer. The ruined hulls of ships glided aimlessly past, spiraling in all directions. Larger shapes weaved through the flotsam of battle, crimson bursts of light emanating from between their insect-like tendrils. Dozens, possibly hundreds of Reaper ships were appearing by the second, and nothing in the galaxy could impede their crusade of destruction.
"You found the proof of Saren's treachery. Without that, the efforts to stop him would've suffered a terrible setback. It would've been too late." Rael spoke to her as he followed her up the stairs.
Tali said nothing, but walked toward the silent man at the window. Every step was a struggle, for it was as if a small part of her were screaming, pleading with her to go no further. The emotional torment from before was stronger now – nearly overwhelming – but she forced herself onward. But suddenly, as if he were somehow aware of her invisible presence, the standing man turned. Commander Shepard stared into Tali's eyes, his face a mask of blood and despair. It was a look she had seen before. She began to remember.
"I'm sorry." Shepard's face contorted with agony at the gravity of his decision, yet he was unable to look at Tali directly. His gaze lingered upon Legion's lifeless husk. "Admiral Gerrel started this, and I can't get him to stop. I need the geth fleet, Tali. I need them to stop the Reapers."
"No… " She could barely hear him; the screams were already coming through her suit's communicator. Cries for help, the blaring of ship's alarms, and the muffled roar of explosions sounded, deafening Tali to the rest of the world. Streaks of fire blazed across the skies of Rannoch, as dying ships plummeted from the heavens.
"Escape pods not responding! All hands, prepare for impact!" The death throes of the Rayya – the ship where Tali had been born – echoed in her mind. Tali sobbed, and removed her mask with a quivering hand.
"I'm sorry…" She whispered, and let herself fall.
"Tali?" Rael was standing over her, his voice filled with concern. The Citadel Tower was gone, and they were in the pitch-black nothingness from where they had started.
"What was the point of this?" asked Tali as she slumped to the ground. "Our people are dead."
"All things come to an end, my daughter. But your actions save a galaxy." He held her gently by the shoulders but spoke fervently, imbuing every word with a father's love.
"I should have stopped that stupid war from ever happening. I could have stopped Legion from uploading the code… "
"You have always acted in accordance with your own principles; the fate of the quarian people is not on your shoulders. For all the good you have done... You do not belong here in this dark place, all alone. You need to move on, to be at peace with what has happened."
"I don't know…" Tali closed her eyes.
In her mind, she saw Shepard's face. Many saw him as a hard man: forged in the gang-ridden slums of Earth, and honed to a vicious edge by his N7 training. But people also knew that Tali was the woman who tempered him. John Shepard was a man that expected much from his crew, and so tended to keep them at a distance. However, through some miracle, Tali and Shepard had found each other. She had felt like a foolish girl confessing her love to him, but in return he gave her one of his rare smiles. There was a softer side to Shepard, one that showed affection readily and laughed easily, but few ever saw it. Fewer still saw the guilt and sorrow that plagued him. His decision to leave Kaidan behind on Virmire, his failure to protect the Normandy from being boarded by Collectors, and his regret at every fallen comrade – every defeat took its toll. She was the woman he trusted most, and so Tali alone understood the pressure, his burden. She knew the voice which told Shepard that if he failed now, then all the sacrifices and all the pain would be for nothing… Tali opened her eyes.
There was the sensation of falling. The air was sharp with the scent of salt water as it flowed over Tali's bare face. Mercifully, the sound of rushing wind drowned out the cacophony of wreckage entering Rannoch's upper atmosphere. She gave a quick, silent prayer before activating her communicator, to send him one final message.
"I forgive you."
The tumultuous waters below rose up to embrace her.