The Following Trailer Is Rated NM For No Mercy!

From a Swede that nobody gives a damn about, comes a film guaranteed to viciously rip your heart out of your chest, crush it into dust between its uncaring fingers, and scatter it to the wind.

Hachi: A Dog's Tale!

If you thought that it couldn't get any more emotionally devastating than Where The Red Fern Grows, Shiloh, or My Dog Skip, then move that amateur bullcrap out the door, because there's a new master of emotional distress in town.

When a jackass Japanese priest mails a unsupervised puppy to America for no adequately explained reason, the pup is rescued from the legendary incompetence of the United States Postal Service and Asia's long history of animal abuse, by loving music professor Parker Wilson.

Be lulled into a false sense of security as the two form a beautiful bond of love and friendship during the first half on the film, which comes to a screeching halt when Wilson flips the audience the bird and croaks.

Then enter an emotional hellhole, the likes of which have not been seen since Old Yeller, as a heartbroken Hachi abandons his family, and spends the rest of his life waiting for his deceased master at the train station were they met. Sink into a come-like depression as Hachi's loving family repeatedly brings him home, only for Hachi to leave them and return to his lonely vigil.

Feel your soul wither and die as Hachi finally perishes of old age, in a scene that will want to make you travel to the underworld and drag Parker's dead ass back to the world of the living, just so everyone can be happy and you can stop contemplating the dark, uncaring nature of the universe.

So stock up on Prozac, Zoloft, Luvox, Lustral, Paxil, Seroxat, Lexapro, Celexa, Cipramil, Faverin, and anything else that you can get your hands on, and prepare for a film that was clearly created by drug companies as a means to sell their product, because after watching this, you're going to need something to fill the empty void were your heart used to be.

Starring:

The...Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Hachi: Destroyer of Souls!

"Sniff," Okay, I am going to watch Braveheart now. Watching Mel Gibson viciously disembowel people is just what I need to feel better!