A/N This does not include any spoilers for ME2 although a side character from that game appears. It can comfortably fit into any timeline. It is also dedicated to the Kaidan Alenko Appreciation Society. I lurk you. I really, really lurk you.
Disclaimer: This drabble is Exhibit A on why I should not be allowed to get bored at work…
"Be careful, ma'am, as you wander the Citadel. We've been having some trouble with a Krogan."
Shepard had been several paces beyond the C-Sec officer screening the influx of traffic in that area when he spoke and now paused, turning back to him. "Trouble with a Krogan?" She asked returning to speak with the white tattooed Turian. "You need help with that?"
The Turian's mandibles flexed slightly in a manner Shepard had come to know denoted emotion…sometimes anger or laughter or embarrassment. "Not really, ma'am." The Turian coughed slightly. "He isn't hurting anyone. He simply jumps out in front of the passing females completely nude and begins quoting poetry."
Shepard's mouth opened but after no sound came out she closed her lips together and stared at the Turian saying nothing.
"No, ma'am. I am not kidding." The Turian officer was losing his humor and getting nervous. After all this was THE Commander Shepard. They said she head-butted Krogan's who pissed her off and everyone knew that humans had a barely passable skull plate under that creepy, squishy skin.
"You have a flashing Krogan on the Citadel?" Kaidan asked in tones part incredulous, part laughter.
"I'm guessing that's not C-Sec's top priority mission." Garrus added, his own mandibles twitching…the left more so than the right. The appendage had never healed properly after he'd tried catching that missile in his mouth back on Omega.
"No." The Turian C-Sec Officer agreed. "Apparently the Krogan's Asari girlfriend broke up with him and he's taken it rather badly."
"A Krogan taking a breakup badly usually involves a body count, not…not…" Shepard shook her head as if still having difficulty processing the thought. She flicked her fingers out from her body in a gesture the Turian C-Sec didn't even try to interpret…human body language confused him.
"Well, if you've ever wondered what a naked Krogan looks like, Commander, now is your chance." Garrus was openly laughing at her reaction which had the C-Sec officer relaxing.
"Why would I wonder that, Garrus?" Shepard demanded in outraged tones glaring at him.
"Maybe the better question is why Garrus would." Kaidan added chuckling at both of them.
The C-Sec officer fully expected the scarred Turian to pull out his weapon and begin showing how well humans leaked when their squishy skin was punctured, but the older warrior simply laughed and shoved at the human male like bonding adolescents would.
Commander Shepard shook her head in disgust. "I should go." She stated implacably and continued into the Citadel, the males at her back.
The Turian shook his head in confusion and began scanning the next group.
Shepard was still shaking her head in disbelief as she continued on toward the Souvenir shop that had threatened last time to stop selling her fish if she killed that batch. She was certain she could convince them to give her another chance. Maybe if she played with her gun or had Garrus distract Kaidan while she smashed the Asari's face against the counter glass. Besides she was pretty sure that last batch of fish had already been on their way to dying before she'd come anywhere near them. The store should definitely look at the quality of their stock before foisting them off on unsuspecting consumers like herself who were simply trying their best…
"OH, MULTI-COLORED ROSE OF THE CITADEL!"
A massive shape leaped out toward her sending her fingers clutching instinctively for her hand cannon before she saw that the Krogan in front of her was unarmed.
And completely naked.
"LET YOUR ROOTS DIG DEEP INTO THE HOT SOIL OF TUCHANKA."
Really, if she was going to shoot anyone it would be the two idiots laughing hysterically at her back and not this poor deluded male.
Shepard spared a glare for those behind her while holding up a hand to halt the next line of verse from the earnest Krogan before her. He stopped quoting immediately and seemed at a loss as, instead of screaming hysterically and running, she tilted her head to one side and began to study him with slight frown of concentration.
Finally, with a nod of decision, Shepard jerked her thumb over her shoulder in Kaidan's direction and addressed the Krogan.
"His is better. I've got to go with quality over quantity, buddy. Sorry." She pronounced and then moved gracefully past the Krogan, determined to get her fish because this time they were not going to die if she had to threaten them with her gun to make sure of it.
Garrus hit his ass to the floor laughing so hard the mandibles on his jaw were spasming while Kaidan stared after her, his face an almost neon red color.
The Krogan slunk away deciding he would have better success on Omega. He'd heard there was an Asari female that ran the station and he was betting she would love a sensitive, poetry writing Krogan male.