Carl feels like he's settled down at Alexandria already, even if they've only been there for less than a month. He's still on alert when he walks around, but the walled in community is almost normal again. There's other families and nice people, and most important, other teenagers.
Carl's not used to having people his own age around. It takes him a while to finally work up the courage to talk to them, and when he does, they instantly take him into the friend group. There's only three of them involving Carl, but it's more than the boy needs.
But there's something eating away at the boy, making his anxiety spike and paranoia act up.
They don't know he's transgender.
He would have thought they knew right away or thought he was a girl right off the bat, but they didn't question it. At least out loud, anyway. His voice is still fairly high, yet he was gifted with a flatter chest, so wearing two sports bras makes his chest disappear. Which is perfect, since it's not exactly easy to get a binder in the apocalypse.
Time passes, days go by, and he hangs out with the two boys as much as he can. They talk, play games, or just sit there enjoying each other's company while they read comics. Anything is nice. It's just relaxing for Carl to have other kids to be around.
He has a passing thought that pops up in his head. It makes him backtrack and think "what the hell?"
He thought he only liked girls. But here he is, staring at his friend Ron while he reads his comic and marveling at how good he looks with his hair tucked back into a beanie. How it shows his face with its clear skin and hazel eyes.
"What's up, Carl?"
The voice snaps him out of his trance, blushing and averting his eyes anywhere but his friend.
"N-Nothing. I'm fine," he stuttered, pointing his gaze back down to is own comic.
Ron just gives him an odd look and goes back to his own.
After that day, three things weighed on Carl's shoulders.
One, he still feared that they would find out about him being trans.
Two, that he has a crush on his best friend.
Three, he wants to tell his best friend that he's trans.
He wants to hide it, but at the same time, he wants to open up to another person his age, have a connection with them, an understanding. He wants to have meaningful relationships, whether they be romantic or platonic. He just wants love and acceptance.
The next week, he pulls Ron aside and asks if he wants to come over later- not mentioning that the other boy in the group won't be there. Ron agrees, and goes off to do his own thing until the time comes.
Carl sits on the living room couch until he hears a knock at the door, instantly rushing to the door and opening it. Of course, it's Ron.
"Come in." Carl opens the door, closing it once Ron is inside. "My dad's out scavenging with a few people, so it's just us today."
"What about Mikey?"
"Said he was busy," Carl lies, hoping that Ron wouldn't ask the other boy about this later.
As usual, they went up to Carl's room. They talked about random things, jumping from topic to topic, before Carl suddenly got serious.
"Uh, can I tell you something?" He feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest, blood rushing loudly in his ears.
"Yeah, what's up? What's wrong?" Ron looks up, all of his attention on his friend.
"Well, I don't know how to say this…" Carl made awkward hand motions, making weird noises along with it as he tries to find the correct words.
"You don't like me do you?" Ron jokes, a playful smirk playing at his lips.
Carl's heart almost stops.
"Um, uh-"
"Do you?" Ron gets a shine to his eyes, sitting up a little bit.
Carl looks up at Ron, but instantly looks down at his lap again, fidgeting with his hands.
"Maybe." He nearly whispered.
A beat of silence passes between them. It's thick with tension and only makes Carl's anxiety worse.
"Well, I, uh, I like you too."
Well, that's not what Carl was expecting. This is a total change of plans.
"What?" Carl looks up, staring back at Ron in disbelief. "You do?" His ears have to be deceiving him. He has to have misunderstood.
"Well, yeah." Ron scratches the back of his head, a blush rising to his cheeks. "You're really cute."
Carl makes a high pitched noise in the back of his throat involuntarily, hating how girly it sounded.
"Um, if you like me, you should know that, uh-" He takes a deep breath, steadying himself. "I'm, uh, not a normal boy."
"What do you mean? You look perfectly fine to me." Ron raises an eyebrow, giving Carl a once-over.
"Thank you, but-" He clasps his hands together, palms sweaty. "I'm transgender."
He lets the words sink in, this time around expecting disgust and slurs to be thrown at him. His whole body is tense and he feels on edge, ready to bolt if need be. He shuts his eyes as if he's waiting for a hand to come down and hit him, bracing himself for the impact.
"Oh."
That's all Ron says for a moment, and Carl feels his heart sink. Oh? That's all? That could mean anything.
"You're still cute." Ron smiles, and relief washes over Carl like a wave. He lets out an audible sigh, not aware until now that he was holding his breath. "Male pronouns, right? Just wanna make sure."
"Yeah," Carl replies, a smile gracing his features. "Yeah, male pronouns. Thank you." He's never been asked that question before, really. He's only ever dealt with the same group for the few years that the apocalypse has been going on. There's been people that have doubted him, have still looked at him as a girl. But they're either gone or dealt with and keep their mouths shut.
"…Can I kiss you?" Carl asks quietly, scooting closer to the other boy, his comic lying forgotten in his lap.
"Yeah," Ron laughs, and he pulls Carl close, pressing their lips together. They stay together for a few long moments before pulling apart, both blushing. They can't help themselves from giggling.
"Your lips are soft," Ron runs his fingers through Carl's hair, the boy leaning into the touch.
"Can I kiss you again?" Carl asks, leaning forwards so they're touching noses.
"Yeah," Ron chuckles, meeting Carl halfway and kissing him again. This time, the kiss is longer, and Carl is the first to open his mouth and deepen it. They make out until they have to pull apart for air.
They pull apart, both breathing heavily.
"You're a good kisser," Carl compliments Ron, scooting even closer so that he's cuddling up to the other boy, comic forgotten on the floor next to him.
"So are you," Ron rests his chin on top of Carl's head, hugging him close.
"I've never kissed anyone before," Carl admits, nuzzling Ron's clothed chest. "It feels… nice."
"It does." Ron kisses the top of Carl's head, running his fingers through Carl's hair again. Carl closes his eyes and relaxes. This went so much different than he'd planned, but it was a good outcome. His heart feels like it's flying, and he can't stop smiling as he cuddles up against Ron.
For once in years, he feels genuine happiness.