~Hanna's POV~

She was completely lost and was spiraling down fast. Days lasted longer than she would have liked it seemed. Alcohol was her best friend more these days than Spencer, Aria, and Emily. Thinking of Emily made her cringe. It was like ever since Alison came back she has been bending to her every whim and falling right back into the trap she laid before she faked her death. Hanna did not care for the reason she did so, nor did she care for Alison in general. She hated Alison. Every fiber of her being could not bring itself to even feel the least bit of remorse for her. She remembered everything that the other blonde made her do. The way she would make her feel. To make things worse Mona told her a couple of weeks ago that she made her into an Alison clone. That she made her into the one person she never ever wanted to become. This sickened her. The thoughts of everything she had ever done since Alison's fake disappearance brought on a bout of a feeling of not knowing who she was anymore. She changed her attire, got black highlights in her hair, drank a lot, and tried to ignore Emily and Alison as much as possible.

Walking down the school's hallways made Hanna feel nothing but hatred. Every single step she took the memories of her past came back to haunt her and all she wanted right now more than anything was a beer in her hand and lying on her bed listening to every depressing song she had ever downloaded. She was tired and she wanted to get away from this hell-hole as soon as possible. Unfortunately graduation was still months away. That meant having to relive this never ending nightmare over and over and having to lay her head at night in a place she once called "home". Gathering her History book out of her locker she turned around just in time to see Spencer, Aria, Emily, and Alison making their way towards her. She rolled her eyes underneath her sunglasses and pulled her beanie down farther to cover more of her forehead. She was hungover and really did not want to deal with them. Not now, and quite possibly not ever.

"Hanna. Where have you been? Spence and I stopped by your house this morning to give you a ride but your mom said you had already left." Aria spoke this with a worried tone. Hanna sighed and slammed her locker door without looking directly at them. Not that they could tell. Her eyes were being shielded and she could not be anymore grateful for that. "No offense Han, but you look like hell."

She scoffed and held her history book tighter to her chest. This felt more like a gang up than best friends trying to ask questions for her well-being. It was making her uncomfortable. Sighing one more time she turned around and ignored Aria's question and the yells from Spencer. Turning the corner she let out a few tears before angrily wiping them away. She would not allow herself to cry in front of people. She would not allow herself to cry over two people who obviously did not give a damn about her. No matter how hard she tried the tears never stopped. They kept running down her cheeks one by one. Clutching the book tighter to her chest she began to sob out loud.

She eventually found the girl's restroom and made sure no one else was in there. She locked the door and made her way towards the stall farthest from the door. Sitting on the floor she pulled out the flask and the razor she had hidden in her purse. She laid them on the restroom floor and stared at them for a few minutes. A little voice inside her head said not to do it, but she ignored it and grabbed the flask downing the whiskey she put in there the night before. It was almost empty before she put the lid back on and laid in back down next to the razor. Staring at it made her head hurt and her chest felt like it was going to suffocate her. Her chest began to rise and fall faster every time she inhaled and exhaled. She had to do it. It was becoming her daily habit and she had no means to quit anytime soon. This razor had became her kryptonite along with the alcohol. She grabbed it slowly and held it in her right hand just staring at it. She pulled the long sleeve up on her left arm and stared at her wrist. It was adorned with many cuts. Some old and some new. She took the razor and slid it across her wrist. She closed her eyes and allowed the feeling to wash over her.

~after school~

Hanna closed the front door of her house and made her way towards her room where she planned to stay the entire night. It was a Friday and she was suppose to be making her way to Spencer's where they were all going to have a sleepover. She had other plans in mind. Having to see Emily's and Alison's face was not something she wanted to do at the moment. She was sick of seeing Alison and hearing her name. She already told the girls that if she heard that name brought up in her house one more time she would not allow them to come back. Threatening them must have worked because they have not done it since. It did not mean she did not get glares from them and questions afterwards. Like always she ignored them and went about her way as if nothing was wrong. The truth is everything is wrong.

Lying down on her bed she winced when her wrist hit the bed a little harder than was meant. Ignoring the pain though she allowed herself to let out a few more tears before closing her eyes. Emily meant so much to Hanna and having Alison come back and whisk her away like everything they have been through the past two years was nothing made Hanna cry harder. She curled herself into a ball and allowed herself to fall asleep.

She awoke three hours later and by now it was a quarter past six. She sat up in her bed rubbing her eyes before grabbing her phone off of the nightstand. She groaned when she saw that she had two missed calls from Spencer and one missed call from Aria. She did not want to deal with them. She turned her phone off and threw it across her bed in hopes it would just crawl away and never come back. The one thing she loved so much was now the one thing she hated so much. The pain she did not want to feel coursed through her once more and she bit her lip in order to not let the tears fall this time. The one person whom she wanted to care for her was in fact not caring at all. She shook her head and made her way downstairs to find something light to eat.

Emily did not speak to her nor did she text her to see if she was coming or if she was all right. This alone hurt Hanna more than she would ever admit. Her feelings were all over the place. Maybe this was something she had to experience in life in order to find who she was and what she was meant to do. She and Emily may be in a relationship, but their relationship was anything but healthy. Hanna knew that Emily still had feelings for Alison and that her spending more and more time with her was going to ultimately lead to them getting together and her breaking things off with her. She knew this deep down and that was why she was doing what she was. It was a lot easier to deal with the pain now than having to deal with it later. She needed to find herself now in order to be able to take Emily leaving her for her first love. Why did everything always lead back to Alison? She hated her so much and she knew that would never change. Even though she was anticipating their break up, she knew that no matter how hard she tried it would still hurt all the same. Their relationship coming to an end would break her more than what she is breaking right now. This fact alone scared Hanna. She was already going down a destructive path with no one she felt comfortable talking to about anything with. She was alone. No one really cared for drunk Hanna. Truth was—she did not either.

*AN: So like I know I said I was only doing one story at a time, but I could not resist! Hannily is like my main otp next to Haleb and I just cannot get enough of these two. This story will start off angsty and all that stuffs but it will eventually turn around. Hannily is endgame...there is nothing else needed to be said lol. I am not an Emison shipper, so sorry for the very little Emily/Alison interaction there will be in the rest of the chapters. Mentions of Alison will happen, of course, but as far as her being the main focus of this story...not going to happen XD. Anyway hope you enjoyed. :3