Um... This is kind of embarrassing, but I was wanting to writed a short story just for the sake of trying it.
Eli: But what about me? D*****, am I not that important to you anymore? And why can't I curse?
Me: Heavens no, I think you're my most important story. It is just that I need practice with something else or your story may be affected adversely by my grammatical or literary slip-ups. Also, I'm making this one a little more kid friendly.
Eli: Fine, but I expect my to be fantastic after this.
Derisio: She's adamant. I think you should just do whatever the Suicune-empowered Vaporeon should say.
Me: Fine, fine. *Dodges a Water gun, just barely* Ugh, anyway, I haven't done many disclaimers, so I'll just say that the song in this story is not mine and Pokemon is not mine. Please read and review.
A Voice by Admirer of the Moon
Um… Hello. My name is… Lilith. Um… I'm… I'm a Zoroark. More specifically, I'm a Shiny Zoroark with the lighter than usual black-gray fur, purple claws and hair, and green hair band and eyes. Also, I'm a mute. I have never said a word no matter how hard I've tried. Also, I am an orphan. The kindly Blaziken couple that lived at the end of the suburbs raised me. Though, they mostly just raised me though. They have given food, shelter, the chance at an education, and a pseudo-family, but I was still alone.
I could just get this feeling that they tried to love me, but they never could. Maybe, it was just the fact that I could never express how I felt. That came especially during school. As a mute, my opinion is never really taken into account. As a Zoroark and a Shiny one no less, I was the oddball in my class, but no one ever cared about me. I may have looked different, but I was just as important to them as their shadows. Sometimes, I think that I might as well have been black instead.
I revisited internal depression often, but the one thing that always keeps me going was Armon. He is a Lucario and a fairly well known individual in our school. Needless to say, Armon had more than just looks. I had crossed paths with him on several occasions, and at each, he seemed to be helping someone else. Furthermore, he is athletic, always knew the right thing to say, and handsome. Every girl would swoon for him. I have already as well, but I can't tell him. I think I loved him. I shared most of my classes I am in with him, and I'm not an idiot. I like to challenge myself, and to see him in the same classes only makes my desire stronger. He was weird though because Armon would always squeal for cute things. It was more adorable than anything else.
Anyway, I digress. It is mathematics, and I am staring at him, again. It is fairly simple today. It is a review over what limits were supposed to be and how they work. I am obviously dozing to the nearby teacher while staring at Armon in front of me, and I don't believe that she likes me all that much. She likes to make me do stuff that requires me to speak. For example, she randomly calls me in class to answer a question like now.
"Lilith!" The overgrown Gardevoir announces my name loudly, which snaps me back into reality and looking at the board. He held her arm out and told me to solve it.
Limit -|x^2+4x-10|
x-∞ |x^2-2x+13|
The answer is easy. The limit would be –1 because the two x^2 values would basically cancel each other out leaving the –1/1, so the answer is –1. It is simple, but the class suddenly focused on me. I looked at each face expecting me to say the answer, but they all scared me. I could feel my throat clog and my brain stop functioning. I just want to ball up, so I pulled my legs up and kept my head down to the desk. I so do want to cry. I hate seeing so many faces at me. I don't like it!
"The answer is –1, right?" Armon asked our teacher as the class soon shifted their attention thankfully away from me. I could not help myself staring at the pokemon with admiration. Gardevoir continued her class until the bell rang. Everyone went their separate ways, and I was left alone to the shadows, again.
I am stopped by a Sneasel of fair height and beauty, but what irks me most of all about this pokemon is that she is Armon girlfriend. However, she is always mean to me. I am glad that I am able to blend into the shadows at times mainly because of her. I would not have to deal with this sort of stuff unless they willing seek me out. Of course, they would though. She does not like me all that much because she is able to see that I have a crush on Armon. I mean, what girl would not?
"I told you once and I'll tell you again, stay away." She threatens while coming up with a couple of other girls. I do not want to bother with memorizing who they are because that would only cause more problems. "Oh, can't you say anything in return?"
I opened my mouth to growl, but my throat clogged, again. I could not even iterate some semblance of a sound. "Oh, yeah, I forgot. You can't say anything, right? Isn't that pathetic? But then again, what is there to say about you?"
"She drab, uncoordinated, unstylish." One girl says as she looked at the Sneasel. Unfortunately, it is true. I have never known about recent trends or anything that these girls talk about. I am just not normal, I guess.
"Yeah, she's a natural freak." The other says. I bit my lip as my silence persisted. I was a Zoroark, a Shiny, and a mute. I was a freak. I was abnormal. It hurts so much to hear it come from them that I want to cry so badly. I despise this feeling!
"Aw, does the freak want to cry?" Sneasel mocks. I do want to cry, but the sound of the bell reminded me that I had not gotten to class. I shake my head and got out of the trio that surrounded me and ran to my next class.
The rest of the day just helped me ruminate over what that Sneasel said, and every word sends a emotional stabbing pain through me chest. I do not want to think about it, but the more I try, the harder it is to forget about it. Sure, she thinks that anything strange is bad like Armon's funny like quirk with cute things, which I do not believe is all that bad, but I suppose that she is right with me. I am a freak. Maybe that is why mom and dad abandoned me or that the Blaziken couple can't seem to love me. I am too much a freak.
School ends, and I take no time in running away from the place to get away from the pressures and taunts. Maybe, I should just run away and never return. I have contemplated it on several occasions, but I never had the guts to do it. So instead, I just walk around town in order to fake a sense of freedom. I just want to be myself and keep away from all the taunts. I just want to be alone. I should be alone for a freak like me.
I soon just turn into a couple alleys and cry my eyes out. I ball up behind a trashcan as I let the tears run down in silent sobs. I could not even voice my own sadness. I am pathetic. Why could I do nothing like that right?
"Hey, are you okay?" I am shocked to hear the sudden question and jump back against the wall. I am scared to see the sudden appearance of this pokemon. He is a Zangoose, and one that is about as high as my chest. He is normal in most sense with his red and white fur and his long claws. He also has this very comforting smile.
I am still a little scared, so I do not actually open my mouth to semblance that I am going to say something. I give a heavy silent sigh while standing up and looking down at the older pokemon. I will not say anything, and there is nothing to say. I start to make my way out of the alleyway, but the Zangoose runs up in front of me, which makes me panic a little because an alley and a pokemon that does not want me to escape is a very bad combination.
I tremble a bit and feel an overwhelming fear of the pokemon. "Hey, look I'm sorry. Look, my name is Adrian. You just seemed so sad, and I was wondering if I could help." Adrian steps off to the side of the alley, which will allow me enough space to run if the desire comes. However, his face looks very trustworthy. He is smiling and always keeping his paws in the open but down. I look back down and shake my head. "Are you sure?"
I open my mouth to try and say something, but nothing comes out. It has taken him a while, but he finally comes to the conclusion that I could not speak. He looks a little downtrodden at my lack of speech, but instantly brightens as he grabbed my paw and leads me to this back door a on the other side of the alley. I am a little apprehensive, but because of that fear, I dare not take any brash action. In that case, I just walk with the pokemon into his store. It is a music shop with plenty of guitars, pianos, and other gear like amplifiers. I gaze upon the systems with awe and a sense of beauty.
We are behind the counter of the store, and thankfully, no one is actually inside to buy things. I could see many pokemon were viewing the instruments on display every once in a while, but they never come in to buy the items. Adrian so comes up with a board and a marker on which to let me write. I am quick with my writing as I state the obvious about myself. I am a mute, and that I was crying because I cannot say anything in my defense. I have no voice.
He looks very intrigued by my last statement. Adrian grunts and shakes his head at me. "Everyone has a voice. We just have to find yours." He quickly takes off towards his separate instruments, but before he could even grab one, he asks about my moves. I find the question odd, but I wrote them down.
'My moves are Faint Attack, Dig, Roar, and my favorite Detect.'
"Really, that's interesting. It seems you prefer a defense than anything else, correct?" I nod and quickly scribble down another response.
'I have had Detect since I was young, and it has always helped me run from other pokemon.'
Adrian looks at me really quickly and starts to think about something. I could not tell what, but I do not have the courage to actually interrupt him somehow. I quickly look at the ceiling and the floor as the silence started to make me flustered despite my obvious tendencies for silence. He jumps away and quickly grabs a lone guitar. It is a faded tan, and it does not adorn anything special. I put the board down and take the guitar in my paws as I look at the Zangoose questioningly.
"That guitar has been with me since I was first playing." Adrian answers my unsaid question. "I won my now late mate with that guitar, and now, I think it is best that I pass the baton to someone else." The significance of such a gesture has me flustered when I realize that this simple instrument means so much to him. I try to give it back, but he is adamant.
At that moment, Adrian starts to teach me to play the instrument. It was months of arduous training that I spend at his place or I do it alone away from the Blaziken couple. I slowly get better, and I notice that with each song that exists there is an accompanying voice. When sad, I play a sad song. When happy, I play something happy. When angry, I do the same. It is exciting to find this piece of inspiration.
Actually, it is in no time at all that the talent show is coming up, and that Sneasel happens to put my name up on the roster for participants. It is a sign-up thing where anyone who wants to play will be chosen by a preliminary round where judges and other pokemon who desire to view them will choose the pokemon that actually perform at the real talent show. Of course, the Sneasel uses some connections to get me into the already admitted list of people to be in the real show.
Why does that pokemon want to haunt my life so? However, something starts to burn when I think about this turn of events. I look at the list and quickly run out of school. It is the end anyway, so I quickly run away and find Adrian. He is back at his shop tending to the bills as usual. He is very short on cash, and I try to help him by working for free at his shop. It is very difficult, but the way I see it, I am paying for the lessons that he is giving me. I throw open the door a little too dramatically and quickly went over to the pokemon who quickly found my change in action a little disturbing.
I sigh my silent exhale and grabs the smudged board that I have been using every time I come to Adrian's shop. There is one other pokemon in there that is eyeing the trumpets, but I don't really care at the moment. I am too transfixed on my writing.
'Adrian,' I wrote with a little too much furry. 'I am in the talent show at my school, and I was hoping that you would help me learn a new song, so that I may play it at the show.'
"Really!" The Zangoose applauds my scribble, which has sent a little embarrassment to my cheeks. "That is great news, and I would love to help you. But is there a specific song that you would like to… Actually, I have the perfect one."
The other pokemon in the store looks back from his trumpets at us, which made me feel a little uneasy and timid. I shrink away as the pokemon grabs a trumpet of average quality and asks to purchase it. Adrian looks happy at the purchase and quickly gets everything ready for the pokemon. The customer starts toward the door, and as he is about to leave, he gives a quick smile towards me and goes into the crowd. I feel very relieved to actually be alone with Adrian, again.
With another silent sigh, Adrian comes out with this sheet of music as he placed it on the table. It is a beautiful composition as the piece flows from one note to the other, and the words are so perfect that that seem to echo to my very soul. I love the piece that I just nod profusely as I eye the Zangoose expectantly.
He smiles and shakes his head. "You know, it is actually kind of funny. I wanted to show this to my daughter when I could actually face her. We gave her to an adoption service, and when I get enough money, I plan to find her, again. I almost regret giving her up, but I barely have enough money to live in my shabby apartment. But maybe, if I can teach you this, it will come to her eventually."
I look at him to see those amazingly sincere eyes that I just could not shake my head. Adrian so does very much want to meet his daughter. I feel a slight pang of guilt that I will be playing the song instead of him. Anyway, it has words, which I can't sing of course. I give him a big smile and wrote that we should begin as soon as possible.
For the next few weeks, we practice as long as possible. One day, I start singing the lyrics in my head with a made up voice that I want to be pretty. Adrian hears me playing and has a shocked look on his face. I ask him what is wrong, but he just seems to almost shake it off. After that, he looks at me with a questioning look that I mostly ignore because it seems to almost brighten him up every time he thinks about it.
Soon, the talent show comes, and I was ready to go. I grab my old guitar and leave with Adrian following behind me with a smile on his face. We came to my school, and he was on his separate way. I am surprised that he is thinking of actually listening to me play, and watching the entire show. I could not help but give him a hug before he completely left.
He pats my paw with his claws and whispers, "You should sing while you play. It would make it sound more beautiful."
His statement confuses me a little, but I quickly assume that he was talking about the time that I imagined singing the song that day. I must have played better than usual because I was able to get into the song better. I nod at it and let him go. I run with the precious guitar in hand to backstage. I wait a little anxious behind those curtains, and looking at the cumulating audience doesn't exactly help my problem. I took a few breaths away from the curtains as the Sneasel comes to greet me, or I should say torture.
I give my silent sigh as she gives a smug look. "Well, what are you going to do?" She takes a quick look to my guitar, which I could not help but grip it closer to myself away from her. I will not let her touch Adrian's memorial guitar. "Are you going to play? Eh, it looks horrible. What could you possibly play with that?"
The pokemon leaves with her words continuing to cut deep into my pride, but this guitar is perfect. Just remember the song! I tell myself that constantly for myself to remember what that song means. It is an item more important than all the gold in the world. It is a parent's message to a long-lost child. That is the most important part of this. I have to do it because I would become Adrian's voice. I will play it to their child no matter where she is.
"Next up, is someone new." I hear the announcer man call on the microphone. "She's the most silent pokemon in this school, but today, she is going to show us her talent. Let's give a round of applause for Lilith Utobrun."
I did not hear much applause but rather a lot of talking. I take a deep breath as I head on stage. I look quickly at the crowd and anxiety started to grip harder onto my heart. I glance from one unfamiliar face to another, but suddenly, right up in front, I see Adrian. He is smiling, and gives a small wave towards me and a 'claw-up.' The grip starts to lessen as I focus on my friend. I readjust the guitar and quickly tune it in front of the audience. I smile at the sound.
I quickly play my beginning notes as my beginning notes play:
Made a wrong turn, once or twice Oh, the mistakes are always the once we take in fear. I am here to make that up. I will spread what I feel. I will spread Adrian and my message to these pokemon, and hopefully, I can transfer it further. I love this song.
Dug my way out, blood and fire
I feel the chord ring out through the theater as the voice in my head sings those lovely words. Oh, how much of this world does hurt? However, it is through these times that we become stronger.
Bad decisions, that's alright
We all make bad decisions. I have done mine when I ran away. I was a coward. Now, I am standing here in front of these pokemon. I am me, and there is nothing that they can do about it. Whether I am a mute, a Shiny, or a freak; I am me, and I should proud of it.
Welcome to my silly life
Now, it is my turn to show my feelings.
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss, no way it's all good, it didn't slow me down.
Mistaken, always second-guessing
Underestimated, look, I'm still around.
I hold a small smile when I realize that I am coming up to the chorus. This is my favorite part. Whoever that pokemon that Adrian loved was had obviously wanted to love her daughter so much. The strength of a mother can always be seen, but to hear it, it almost made the feeling resonate.
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than freakin' perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're freakin' perfect to me.
You're so mean when you talk
About yourself, you are wrong
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead
It's true that so much of this world comes to so much pain that we can't escape. I wonder if what we do is mainly run away. After all, I ran away back then. This mother wanted her child to stay strong. I feel a small amount of tears push at my eyes, but I had to continue playing. I have to get this song across to their daughter. They love her dearly. I will send it to her to help her stay strong.
So complicated, look how big you'll make it
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game
It's enough; I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, see you do the same
Oh, the chorus, again, it sings wondrous beats into my soul. I can see someone telling me them in such a loving tone. I am who I am, and this person wants me to be me and all that I can be. I stand tall here on this stage playing that guitar into the stage microphone with the song being sung in that beautiful voice that I imagine I have.
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than, freakin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing you're freakin' perfect to me.
I admit that this next part always felt like gibberish to me when I read it, but a song is a song. I still understand what Adrian's mate meant when she wrote it. How much this world including myself wants to hide from everything? I have heard of some teenagers go into drinking and drugs because of stress. Maybe, she was trying to warn her daughter of the problems with letting that fear win. In the end, there is no gain.
The whole world stares while I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice-cold beer
So cool in lying and we tried, tried, tried
But we try too hard; it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics 'cause they're everywhere
They don't like my genes, they don't get my hair
Strange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that? Why do I do that?
I pause on that note when I look out into the crowd to let this whole thing sink in for them and me. So much of the lyrics seem so important to my life, and more importantly, to others. What have we done to elicit the judgment of others? Why are we judged? I've heard that judgment is to be only carried out by Arceus when we die, so why are judged by other mortals? We are all perfect!
Yeah~ Oh~ pretty, pretty, pretty
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than, freakin' perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're freakin' perfect to me.
I repeat to everyone that could hear the feelings in this song. Hear the tune and feel the melody that lies in it. Feel the mother's love, the father's drive, and my experiences. We all have gone through this, but we are too silent to display it. Now, I will play. Through this guitar, I have a voice!
You're perfect~ You're perfect~
Pretty, pretty please if you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than, freakin' perfect
Pretty, pretty please if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me.
With that, I finish my playing and look out into the crowd with a quick bow. I hear clapping from the first row first, and quickly, the rest followed. I could already guess who actually is that first pokemon. With that, I look to Adrian who held a triumphant smile on his muzzle, which I mimicked to a lesser degree.
I walk off-stage and away from the talent show. I care not whether I receive praise or discontent with what I played. I played with my entire soul in that song, and I will forever keep it dear to my heart. I begin to wonder if that was actually what having parents is like. It gets me thinking that Adrian has been more of father figure than my adoptive father, and this unknown mother… I feel more of a connection from her one song that I have ever felt with years of living with my adoptive mother. If I ever knew my real parents, I would hope that they were even half as loving at those two.
I am off in my own little world when Armon suddenly takes me out of my daydream. He looks right at me with a smile and immediately complements me. "Dear Arceus, that was amazing. I didn't know someone could sing as beautifully as that. Actually, I thought you were unable to speak."
I am utterly shocked to hear him say that. I could not possibly be able to sing. I am a mute. I have been since birth, but then again, I never really wanted to talk with people either. Maybe, I am just so used to not talking that I forgot how to do it. I look up right into Armon's eyes. They are amazingly handsome and a deep red. I blush a bit at his attention and look away.
I sigh, and I think of what I want to say. I just smile and bow my head, though. He takes my paw and starts walking off. I see the Sneasel grinding her teeth while I smile a little too smugly. "Hey, why don't we get out of here? I noticed that you want to leave already, so why don't we get a bite to eat?"
I seem to have given a sudden giggle at his suggestion. I am again utterly surprised to hear something coming out of my throat other than air. I have a voice. I smile at him and nod as we walk together out of the school. I take a second before actually leaving campus to see Adrian walking out of the door. I could not read any of his facial features because we were too far away, but I wave towards him.
He waves back as I turned back with Armon. Today, I spread and find my voice in the music that two parent hold dear. That only makes me think further. Every song must have a voice and every musician has an unsaid message to spread. Anything can express your voice, all that one needs to do is find it.
I never did like how so many people actually tell us who we are or how we should act when we are who we are. My heaviest faults are that I am unable to have a voice in real life, but anything can be a voice. I will write for those that are not loud. I write to give some semblance of a voice that I cannot express in real life. This is my voice, and I want people to hear it... Sorry, I'm getting emotional. Anyway, this is my first ever short story, and I tried it in the present tense instead just to be a little fun, but I suppose that I was trying to hold some frivolity in such a serious topic. I hope this spreads to many people because what I want to say applies to everyone. Finally, I have to say thank you Adrian... thank you very much for everything that you have done. And I have to thank P!nk for making that song that I was able to use for this fanfiction. I wish everyone the best!
-AotM