Disclaimer: none of these characters belong to me; they belong to Shoot the Moon Enterprises and Warner Bros to whom I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to take them out for a spin and bit of light humour.
A little fic in time for Father's Day and another day where Lee finds out something about real life. These stories are not in chronological order - just random tales that occur to me!
Love Lessons: Who's On First?
Lee knew better this time. This time he'd borrowed an Agency car for this particular errand. At least now he understood why "Inspector Shamba" had been so unhelpful about carrying his own bags when he'd arrived. Such behavior was at least marginally more forgivable now that he knew the man he still couldn't help thinking of as Shamba was actually the Prime Minister of Estoccia. It didn't seem possible that Shamba could have more luggage than when he'd arrived, but glancing around and finding leopard skin patterns among the zebra made it clear that Shamba had indeed been shopping on this trip to America.
He glanced up from putting the last bag in the trunk to see Shamba smiling cheerfully at him from under the brim of the Orioles cap he was still sporting. "Thank you very much, Mr. Stetson," said the Prime Minister. "It is very kind of you to let yourself be loaded up like a desert camel this way."
Lee couldn't help returning the warm smile. Shamba had turned out to have quite the mischievous sense of humour, even about himself. He had laughed uproariously when he'd told Billy about all the different ways Lee had managed to ditch him, culminating in that drugged coffee.
"Your Mr. Stetson is full of the most amusing tricks, Mr. Melrose! Every time I tried to stick to him like a burr in a lion's mane, he would find a new way to leave me behind! He and Mrs. King worked together so efficiently, like a hyena and his mate, hunting down those jackals at the EAO. Joe would still be being hunted like a wounded antelope and I would still be hiding in the shadows like a hippo hides in deep waters if it wasn't for the two of them!"
Billy had blinked in the face of so many animal references used at once but had smiled and nodded in agreement. "Well, yes, we are very proud of our agents here, Prime Minister. And of course, it is always an extra pleasure to help out such a good friend to the American government, I mean, the American people."
Shamba had laughed boisterously at that. "Oh Mr. Melrose! You were right the first time – the country of Estoccia is far more important to your government than it is to your people. I am sure most Americans couldn't even find my little country on a map!"
Lee had interrupted them before Billy had to admit that was probably true, pointing out that they really needed to get to the airport if the Prime Minister was going to be on time to catch his flight from Dulles. As he'd gone to follow Shamba out of the office, to where Joe and Amanda were talking quietly in the bullpen, Billy had started to chuckle wheezily and Lee had paused in the doorway with an enquiring look.
"A hyena and his mate, Scarecrow?" Billy's laughter had become full-blown at the embarrassed look that went across Lee's face.
"Aw, cut it out Billy! You saw what he's like, always trying to sound like Uncle Remus. Amanda and I are not -". He stopped and glanced across the bullpen at the trio, laughing together over something.
Billy followed the direction of his gaze and grimaced. "Think that'll cause any problems with her working here?"
Lee didn't even bother to pretend he didn't know the subject had changed. He ran a hand over the back of his head absentmindedly, leaving the hair at the back sticking straight up. "I don't know, Billy. I hope not." He thought back to the night before when he'd gone back to Dooley's to pay off the bar tab he'd saddled Shamba with, only to find Amanda nestled in Joe's arms on the dance floor. Their eyes had met and her face had lit up as if she'd been expecting him. At the time he'd felt relieved, but now, looking at the familiar way Joe had an arm resting around her waist, he couldn't help the uneasy feeling she was teetering between two lives and realized glumly which side her family would tilt her towards.
He sighed and then pasting on a pleasant expression, he strode out of the office towards his partner and her ex-husband, never seeing the look of concern on Billy's face.
Amanda had said her goodbyes to the Prime Minister there at the office, pressing her lips together and trying not to laugh as he'd pronounced his usual traditional blessing on her future happiness. Her twinkling brown eyes had immediately flicked up to meet Lee's over Shamba's shoulder and he hadn't been able to help grinning in response.
"Why thank you so much, Mr. Prime Minister, I'll certainly bear that in mind if I ever acquire a wife," she'd responded.
Shamba had chuckled and taken her by the hand, shaking it vigorously. "It has been a pleasure to meet you, Amanda King. You are not at all how I imagined you from the way Joe has described you. I thought I would be meeting a typical dull American housewife and instead I meet an Amazon!" He had lifted her hand to kiss it and over his head, Amanda had turned to look at Joe with a quizzical expression that had him shrugging and flushing with embarrassment.
"Have a safe trip!" Amanda had said brightly, pulling her hand back from Shamba's grasp.
Lee had stopped beside her as Joe and Shamba had turned to leave, leaning down to whisper "So not just a hyena but an Amazon as well!"
Amanda had turned to stare at him wide-eyed and gave a choke of laughter. "Whaaat?"
Lee had grinned and whispered "I'll tell you later."
"I'll hold you to that," she'd replied, reaching up absentmindedly to smooth the hair he'd left sticking up when he'd rubbed his head earlier. "Have a safe drive – that highway is a nightmare at this time of day."
"Uh huh," Lee had answered distractedly, catching the speculative look Joe King was giving them. "I'll talk to you later."
"I'll hold you to that too," he thought he heard Amanda mutter as he'd walked away.
The drive to Dulles had turned out to be an exercise in self-control for Lee. He thought he was keeping to safe subjects when he'd asked the Prime Minister about the baseball cap.
"I hear you managed to get to a real baseball game while you were here," he said. "Did you enjoy it?"
"Oh yes, I did. Joe took me to see the Orioles of Baltimore yesterday, along with his sons. It was most enjoyable."
"He even caught a foul ball," said Joe from the backseat. "The players signed it for him afterwards."
"That's a nice souvenir," commented Lee, neutrally. "Along with everything else," he added, thinking of all those extra bags.
"Oh yes, that is a great souvenir," said Shamba with an expansive smile. "What is it your American comedian says? Baseball has been very, very good to me? It is very nice to have such a thing, but it is the memories that are the best souvenir, is it not? I got to do the seventh inning stretch and eat crackerjack just like in the song. And of course, I got to meet Joe's sons, Phillip and Jamie. They are fine boys, Joe. You must be very proud of them."
"I sure am," Joe answered. "They're growing up so fast though. I almost didn't recognize them when I got home."
Lee's grip on the steering wheel had tightened slightly, and he hadn't been able to help the small huff of annoyance that Joe seemed to be taking any credit for how the boys had turned out when it had been Amanda who had brought them up almost singlehandedly. He felt Shamba's eyes on him and turned to give him an apologetic smile. "Crazy drivers," he muttered, gesturing at the cars ahead of him.
Shamba nodded and turned back to talk to Joe. "Your sons told me they also play baseball."
"Yes, Little League," replied Joe. "I'm looking forward to actually getting to some of their games next year, now that I may be State-side for a while."
Lee's eyes rolled at that – how could Joe not know Phillip would be too old for Little League by next summer?
"That will be most enjoyable for you," Shamba said. "Jamie is a shortstop, is he not?"
Joe shifted uneasily. "Um, yes, that's right. I think he used to play outfield, but he's at shortstop now."
Hasn't been in the outfield since I met Amanda, Lee thought silently.
"And Philip plays third base," Joe was continuing.
"Second" muttered Lee quietly.
The Prime Minister's eyes flicked between the two men but he gave no other sign of having heard him. "Really?" Shamba asked in a tone of gentle surprise. "I thought Phillip told me yesterday he played second base."
Glancing in the rear-view mirror, Lee could see Joe squirming slightly and looking guilty. "Did he? I must have remembered that wrong."
"They are also both most proud of their mother's ability on the field," Shamba was smiling broadly. "They say she is the very devil at performing something they called a hooker's lie."
Lee couldn't help the bark of laughter that escaped him at that. "Hook slide," he corrected the Prime Minister. "She's good at a hook slide. Although she did manage to injure herself pretty badly a few years ago trying to demonstrate it." In the rear-view, he could see Joe processing that extra confirmation of just how long he and Amanda had known each other and kicked himself, knowing he'd be explaining that to Amanda later too.
They arrived at Dulles in plenty of time for the flight. Joe disappeared to go find the Estoccian ambassador who had made the travel arrangements and would be meeting them inside. Lee busied himself unloading the many suitcases onto a trolley.
"Joe is a very loving father, is he not?" asked Shamba, seemingly out of nowhere.
"Uh, yes, I guess so," replied Lee, startled.
"But he is not a very good father," Shamba went on, in a speculative tone.
"Oh, I don't know about that," blustered Lee, uncomfortable with how close to the truth he thought that was.
"Don't you?" Shamba said in that same tone of gentle surprise he'd used in the car. "And yet, when it came to fighting for them in the gym that day, it was you Mrs. King looked to, to protect them, not Joe."
Lee stayed silent, although his heart rate increased slightly at the memory of that moment he'd come in the gym to find the boys in such danger.
"Your face gave you away, you know. You care about them very much."
"I haven't even met them," answered Lee without thinking. He saw Shamba's brows rise and went on. "It's safer for them not to know about the Agency or anyone in it. It's just my job to look after them."
Shamba gazed at him speculatively for a moment. "No, I do not think so," he said finally. "Joe is a loving father, but not a good father. And they may not know it yet, but you are much more of a protective force for them than he is. Amanda knows that too." He met Lee's startled look. "Her face also gives her away."
Lee had no answer for that, but over the Prime Minister's shoulder he could see Joe returning.
"It's been a pleasure meeting you, Sir," he said hurriedly, holding out his hand. "I hope you have a safe trip home."
Shamba shook his hand firmly, laying his free hand over their clasped ones. "I wish you a very happy future, Mr. Stetson, with many sons."
"Not too many," Lee couldn't help responding.
"No, but maybe two will be enough?" Shamba's dark eyes glinted with humor. "After all, it is much easier to remember what position they play when there's not so many of them."
"That's not such a difficult thing to remember."
"You wouldn't think so, would you?" agreed Shamba gently. "But I do not think it should be so difficult to keep busy saving the world and remember such a small thing, do you?"
Lee didn't have time to answer before Joe was back beside them, accompanied by the Estoccian ambassador. After much back-slapping and hearty goodbyes, the two men found themselves back in the sedan, driving silently back towards Arlington.
"So you'll be staying with Amanda for a while then?" asked Lee finally.
"Yeah, just until I can find an apartment to rent. The EAO wants me to stay here for a while, until we sort out the mess and see what other countries have been affected. I need to find somewhere close to the office but with enough room for the boys to visit, if they want to."
Lee grunted noncommittally. "I'm sure they'll want to."
"I don't know about that," sighed Joe. "Jamie was friendlier with the Prime Minister at that game yesterday than he was with me."
"He just doesn't know you well enough yet."
Joe ignored the implied criticism and forged on. "He doesn't know the Prime Minister at all and he was getting along with him just fine."
"He knows where he stands with him. He's going back to Africa and Jamie has no expectation of ever seeing him again. He doesn't know what you're doing yet, that's all."
"That's all? You make it sound so simple," said Joe bitterly.
Lee sighed and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He knew Joe had gotten himself into this situation and it ticked him off on Amanda's behalf, but he also knew what she'd want him to do. "Look, Joe, I don't know anything about being a father, but I do know that I spent every day since I was five wishing I could have had even one more day with mine." He looked over at Joe's shocked expression. "Just give it time and make it clear they have a mother and a father they can count on and it'll be fine." He couldn't believe he was giving anyone parenting advice, least of all Amanda's ex. Joe King had obviously never been around enough to watch her in action and learn anything.
Joe looked over at the agent, noticing not for the first time the way his jaw muscle jumped when he was clenching his teeth and annoyed about something. "Will they have a mother around to count on?"
Lee's gaze swivelled off the road for a moment to stare at Joe, unable to believe he'd just asked that. "Are you kidding? Amanda is the most dependable person I've ever met!"
"I would have said that too, before I realized she was involved with you. With your work, I mean" Joe amended when Lee's angry gaze turned on him for a second. "You two seem pretty close though – what does a guy like you see in a suburban mother of two?" He watched, fascinated as the cheek muscle went into overdrive.
"I don't see anything in Amanda, if that's what you're implying," Lee ground out. "But she has turned out to be a damn good agent and we have a good partnership."
"Partnership? That's what you're calling it?"
Lee fought to control his temper. "Yes, because that's what it is. Amanda and I are like…" he paused searching for something Joe might believe. "- like brother and sister," he finished, lamely.
Now it was Joe's turn to grunt, slightly disbelieving. The silence stretched out for the rest of the drive, until Lee deposited him back on Maplewood Drive, feeling a small pang as Amanda greeted Joe on the doorstep, accepting the light kiss on her cheek as he went in, calling out a greeting to his sons as he went. She stayed on the doorstep for a moment, waving to acknowledge him with a smile before turning back to follow Joe into the family home.
Family home, thought Lee bitterly as he drove away. Brother and sister – where the hell had that come from? He heaved a sigh, knowing having Joe around watching them work was going to be a whole new level of surveillance and that didn't even factor in how Amanda was going to feel about having him back in her life. I guess brother and sister is going to have to be how it is for a while.