A/N: Who else screamed at the ending of tonight's finale? I did of course and then had to watch it again just to make sure I wasn't dreaming, I couldn't help but hear the words "My dearest Clare" as Clare kissed him, which then of course turned into this, I know I owe some chapters on Cop A Feel and I really haven't forgotten but wouldn't it be adorable for love letters? May be a little OOC, tried to have Munro/Eli's voice in my head while writing this.
My Dearest Clare
As the sun begins its daily journey across the sky and I sit here in this lonely airplane seat thousands miles above the earth I can't help but think of you. Where do I begin with the many thoughts circling around my head? The way your lips tasted of cotton candy with that one small token of goodbye you gave before I left, the way you without a doubt thought yourself as my trigger for a disease that has never had a cure, the way you smelled as you took a leap of faith on me or your slight smile as you told me to keep all my thoughts until I got back? I ask you this when have I ever been one to keep things inside? Insert all my past mistakes here if you will and I think history speaks for itself.
I will admit it to you now that when I first offered my help that being friends with you was enough, you had simply agreed our feelings for one another were in the past and I simply accepted that I was just one of your ex-boyfriends who had moved into friendship territory. I was alright with that. I will tell you another thing in confidence because I know you are able to keep a secret. My offer for lunch was a simple way to catch up with you and see if you had room in your life for me, I was going to be a positive in your life not the negative you've grown accustomed to me being and was more shocked than hurt when you turned me down and I accepted your answer knowing you had your reason's just like I had mine for asking in the first place. That however is in the past.
This next little part would be best if read alone and forgive me for going there but I must. I will never look at Cauliflower soup the same way nor you for that matter after the incident, I stopped you because you were getting dangerously close to a spot that never would I have thought you getting close to again, and I had to stop you before you started something I had little control over. In that instant I knew you had changed, the Clare I knew would mumble an apology and hand me the napkins seeing as how it was in a spot that should only be reserved for girlfriends hands not instantly start mopping up the mess and I slightly wondered how far you and Jake had gotten because you seemed comfortable mopping up the soup. Alas however that is none of my business. I can tell you however I did like the touch as innocent it was, your touch brought the feelings back to the front lines and I knew that being your friend would never be just okay but if that's what you wanted then that was what you were going to get. I also knew I had to get you to touch me again at whatever the cost, and it seems I wasn't the only one feeling that way.
Now comes the purpose of this letter and you re-read this section until it sinks in, You Clare Diane Edwards are not and never have been my trigger. Nor will I ever allow you to be. I do not blame Fitz as my trigger either, it was something that had been lying dormant for quite some time and only worsening since the death of Julia, I no longer feel pain about bringing her up, she was a part of my life just like you were but with her I can see it now I was getting in over my head way to quickly, I was fifteen when I met her and from then on we were living together and that may have started it all, but I doubt it, this disease choses to rear it's ugly head whenever it chooses but I am better now, I am continuing to get better and I have you to thank. There are no words with as deep as meaning as the ones I need to thank you with, without you I would still be the jealous overbearing person I was turning into. You saw I needed help that was out of your hands and had to step back. I understand now and I have never hated you for it. Even if the outcome of my play made you think I did.
I like to think with time we will grow stronger and have a better understanding of each other and able to help the other grow instead of squashing the other down.
The "please fasten your seatbelts" sign has dinged on along with the Pilot's voice telling us of our arrival so I bid you farewell my lady.
Until next time
E.
A/N: Again I have no idea where this came from. Shall I continue?