I think what I love most about itty bitty Adrien is that he doesn't know. All he knows is that Da is holding him. Da Da on days when he's feeling particularly articulate. Usually he cries for mama. Today, as if he did know, he cried for me. For Da. But he doesn't know that today is an occasion. He just knows he wants Da to hold him.
Rachel is in the kitchen making something special for me. Caesar is in the living room playing with Isabel. It's supposed to be my day but all I want to do is hold Adrien. I love him, love them all. But my little boy, he's special. I love that he is chubby now because when he came to us he was malnourished. I love that we've taught him how to say mama and da when he had a frightening chance of never having those things. I love that with his thick black hair he'll never look like Rachel or I but he'll grow up knowing he belongs, that he's ours. I wouldn't trade this moment for a trillion dollars.
My little boy is snug in his Pokemon onesie. He's gonna grow up loving the games. I let him tug a little at my hair, the poor kiddo pouting because another tooth is coming in. I give him his teething ring. He smiles at me, patting my cheek and calling me Da again. I can't help but grin back. That's me. I'm Da. I get to shape this beautiful toddler boy. Make him into something good. Sometimes I have nightmares about failing him and Isabel. I see them turning out like I had. I will never let my children suffer abuse, and Rachel will never hold them to impossible standards. It's amazing how much you can learn from horrible parents.
It's important for Rachel and I to, above all else, make our children feel at home. Because we never had a home until each other, and I hope that we saved Isabel and Adrien from that fate. Because I really do love them, more than life itself. And each time my son calls me Da my heart swells and I feel at home.
I bring him out to the dining room for lunch and Rachel surprises me with my favorite meal.
"Happy father's day!" My family cheers, Adrien mumbling Da as if he understands. I'm amazed by the surprise, but my family is all I need today. Today, and forever.
Happy father's day to those out there who are fathers and to those who have fathers enjoy your day with him. :D