Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and I make no money off this.
Notes:I just realized that I just celebrated my 2nd year anniversary here in FFN!
NOW OR NEVER
Her body tensed, tossing and turning, limbs tangling amongst the powdery blue, sweat-soaked sheets. It was all so stupid; this feeling. This thought. This longing. It refused to leave, haunting and taunting her. So what was she supposed to do? Lie there in bed, staring restlessly at the ceiling, counting the dozens of reasons why she should or shouldn't pick up the phone, write an email, or get into the car and drive?
She knew what she had to do. The only question was…could she do it?
To be blunt, she was afraid. Afraid of making a mistake. Of taking a risk. Of facing the ultimate rejection. But she couldn't keep hiding behind her fear, allowing it to make excuses for her when her brain and her heart refused to agree with one another. She needed to push it aside, break through the barrier - free herself.
She needed to tell him how she truly felt.
Before she knew it, she was out of bed. Turning on her heel, she flew out her apartment door and then half ran, half-slid across the smooth, wooden floor and threw her body into the building's front doors, causing them to give way. A startled breath escaped her as she was met by a huge gust of unexpected wintry wind, but she kept her pace, sprinting across the blackened surface of the parking lot towards her car.
Her space was parallel with the door, so it didn't take her long to spot it in all its empty glory. She came to an abrupt halt, mouth falling agape and eyes widening.
Where the fuck was her car?
She slapped her forehead. It was still at the shop, wasn't it? She had forgotten to pick it up this morning…
It took every ounce of her energy not to hijack the car sitting next to her empty space, but, after taking a few breaths of freezing air, she unclenched her fists, relaxed her jaw, and jogged towards the sidewalk.
It was very cold outside that night. It had only been, what, five minutes? But her hands were already frozen, her flushed cheeks and ears stung, and her teeth were chattering rapidly. Why the hell did she have to run out at one in the morning on an errand that could have been done years ago, or at least waited until the sun came up?
Maybe it was because he was going back to Suna in a little less than ten hours to get a head start on his next assignment as Konoha's representative to the next village.
She struggled to keep her pace steady. Ten more blocks to go.
A chill descended her spine, racking her body with a wave of shivers. Why else would she question whether or not it was really worth it? Running all this way in an effort to grasp something – no, someone that may not have even been hers for the taking? After all, there was that other girl, the Kazekage's sister. He had met her during the Chuunin exams; Temara? Tenari? Terani? Tall, voluptuous, pretty, and cocky as hell. One of those women who thought she could get her hands on any guy she wanted. And what's worse was that she probably could…
Except for Shikamaru.
He was her best friend. Her better half. Her personal confidant. Her partner in crime.
As of late, Shikamaru had been spending so much time with that blonde girl from Suna. The time they spent together 'strategizing' would usually extend four to six hours. It shouldn't have perturbed her, but the flames of jealousy and frustration still ignited inside of her. She knew the girl was interested in him. Hell, he probably did too; he'd have to be blind not to.
Shikamaru would have prevented something like this from happening. They could have been walking down the road together, arm in arm, laughing about something stupid that had happened earlier, and then, as the obstacle approached, he'd reach out and yank her from its path with such force that she'd tumble into his side. And he, being the refined gentleman that he was, would always take advantage of the situation by wrapping his arm around the small of her back and holding her there, tightening his grip whenever she attempted to slip away.
It would sometimes take a while – she knew because she'd usually wait for it – but eventually, he'd reach over and tuck a few stray locks of hair behind her ear, caressing the side of her face with his soft fingers in the process (she had yet to decide whether this action was accidental or intentional). She'd then quickly divert her eyes in his direction and he'd send her this indiscernible look accompanied by a cocky grin; like he knew something that she didn't.
All the hints and innuendoes were meaningless; the signs and signals void. They shouldn't have been, but they were. She had just been so caught up in her own efforts to hide her feelings that she totally missed his. It made her feel stupid. Oblivious. It had been dangling in front of her like a fish on a hook for the past, what, thirteen years?
What the hell was she thinking?
Her face contorted as she struggled to catch her breath, folding her arms across her stomach and leaning forward in a fruitless effort to subdue a painful stitch that had spread across her entire midsection. The deserted road stretched on for what seemed like miles before it connected with the distant settlement, snow falling as far as the eye could see. It was like staring into a black and white photograph; a moment captured in time.
She had run another three blocks. Seven more to go.
After about twenty minutes of breathless humming, she had finally reached the other side of town. Eyes half-open, she reluctantly unclenched her teeth as she rounded a corner, her destination finally in sight.
It was a familiar, black-brick apartment building with metal balconies coated in an off-white hue, a rusty red trim that lined both the very top and bottom floors. There were six stories; Shikamaru lived on the fifth. Last time she was here though, which was probably about a week ago, the elevators were out of order.
With her composition regained, she directed her gaze towards the list of fifth-floor residents, bringing a snowy glove up towards the jutting button that sat beside a blue label with his last name printed on it. But just before she pressed it, she froze, index finger poised mere millimeters from the button.
The words left her lips in a soft, breathless tone: "What the hell am I doing here?"
It was a good question. Because the last time she checked, she and Shikamaru were just friends. But now that she knew how she truly felt about him, everything seemed different, foreign – even frightening. It was as if she were treading into uncharted waters, as familiar and revisited as they may have been.
Eyes narrowed, she scanned the elevator door for a sign or symbol that might have indicated it was still out of order, but found none. So, taking a deep breath, she brought a wet glove up towards the "up button" and slowly pressed it.
Nothing happened.
She pressed it again, except this time a bit more forcefully.
Still nothing.
She pressed it again and again, faster and faster until she couldn't hold her arm up any longer and it fell to her side.
"No…freaking…way."
Unable to contain her anger and frustration any longer, she released an ear-splitting "damn-it-all-to-fucking-hell!" and kicked the closed metal door, hard. Cursing under her breath, she proceeded to walk towards the nearest staircase for a five-story up-hill hike, struggling to think of it as more of a quick cool down than a sign that Somebody really hated her.
She took a break after every ten steps, throwing her back against the wall and sliding down until her butt hit the floor. This went on for the next ten minutes - the climbing and collapsing. It was driving her mad, but her strength had faded too much for her to avoid it.
She scrambled though the door and into the well-lit hallway. Her heart began to pound as she turned left and slowly made her way down the hallway towards his door. It was so ridiculous – the butterflies dancing nervously around inside her stomach; it made her steps sluggish and sporadic, her brain a hazy mess, and her face contort and crease.
As she rounded the next corner, a door opened about halfway down the hall, allowing the voices within to be heard. A woman with dark blonde hair was the first to exit the room, turning back around to face a black-haired man who had stepped up behind her and was leaning casually against the open doorway. His arms were crossed and his head was cocked to the side, almost as if he were allured.
She quickly dashed back around the corner, damp blonde hair flying in her wake. That stupid girl. What the hell was she doing there? In his apartment? At 1:30 in the morning! Did he actually spend time with her of his own accord? Willingly? Was she wrong to think that he was beyond Temara/Tenari's blatant efforts to seduce him?
Hushing her frantic thoughts, she waited there, silently, until the door had clicked shut, the footsteps had faded, and the stinging sensation in her eyes had numbed. She then closed her eyes, squeezing out the remaining tears that had accumulated behind her lids, took in a deep breath, and cautiously peeked around the corner.
Empty.
She felt crippled. Powerless. Anxious. But why? Why did this have to be so goddamn complicated?
"Ino?" a familiar voice said.
She lifted her gaze and saw Shikamaru staring at her. She didn't know what else to do. "Hi."
His black eyes softened. "What are you doing here so late?"
Why couldn't she answer?
"Geeze, you're frozen. What did you do, walk here?" Shikamaru asked when he noticed the slight shiver in her lips.
She looked away. "No. I ran."
His calm expression faltered. She knew it did. She could sense it. "You what?"
"I ran."
He didn't say anything for a moment; he was probably shocked that she had actually made such a valiant effort to come and see him. In the freezing cold. At one in the morning. Shocked or not, he hid any such baffled emotions well. "You're crazy, you know that?"
She took in a deep breath, releasing it as she replied: "I like to think so."
"Come on. Let's get you inside."
He turned his body around, arm twisting backwards in an effort to hang on to her wrist, and tugged her from the wall, causing her to stumble and fall into his back. Her senses were immediately overwhelmed by an alluring, musky scent that made her head spin and her legs wobble. She quickly pushed herself away and yanked her arm from his gentle grip.
Spinning around, he opened his mouth, as if to protest, but she cut him off with a swift wave of her hand. "I can walk just fine by myself, thank you." He raised a curious brow, shook his head, turning his back to her as if to follow orders.
She leisurely made her way past him, struggling to focus on the open door before her as opposed to his gorgeous chest, concealed only by a thin, form-fitting brown muscle-tee. But before she was able to reach her refuge, she was caught by the arm, pulled backwards, and embraced from behind. She wanted to squirm, to run away, but the warmth that encircled her body kept her still.
His chin brushed up against her jaw line as he leaned in to reach her ear, hot breath caressing her neck as he whispered: "Quit being so stubborn, will ya? You're making me feel so unloved."
Before she had a chance to respond, he lifted one of her ensnared arms up above her head, twirled her body around, and pulled her close, staring into her eyes with that same, unreadable look; like he knew something that she didn't.
"Ino…" His face was mere inches from hers now, mouth set in an indignant frown. "Not that I don't want you to be here, but…what's with the sudden house call? It's not like you to show up unannounced."
A small smile tugged at the corner or her lips. He looked so incredibly adorable when he did that. "I just wanted to see you. Is that a crime?"
He smiled, removing his hands from their interlocked position behind her back to place them her forearms. "Of course not. I'm just curious is all. It's kinda late…"
"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"
He snorted, squeezing her arms as he said: "No way. I never sleep. You should know that by now." He paused, amusement dissipating as he whispered: "Seriously, though…what are you doing here?"
She sighed. What was she supposed to say? This wasn't as easy as they made it look on television. "I…I just…I realized something a few hours ago."
He nodded, directing his gaze upwards for a moment as he muttered: "Right, right." There was a mischievously glint in his eyes as he refocused them on her and added: "Just admit it…you're gonna miss me. A lot."
She opened her mouth to retort, blue eyes flashing red for a moment, but decided against it and instead released her comeback in the form of a weary sigh. Yes. She was going to miss him. There was no doubt about that. But…that wasn't why she was there. "Can you just do me a favor?"
Shifting on his weight, he cocked his head to the side and raised a brow once more before rejoining: "Depends on the favor…" The intense glare she shot him made him smile as he added, "I'm just kidding. I'd do anything for you, and you damn well know that."
She paused, lowering her gaze to his chest for a brief moment before returning it to his expectant one. Did he honestly not know? Was he really that blind? She loved him. To pieces. She could see it in his eyes…
Couldn't he see it in hers?
"Ino?"
She took in a deep breath, despite her pounding heart, and released it slowly, envisioning all of her remaining tension, doubts, and fears slowly slipping away with each molecule of CO2 that exited her mouth.
He was leaving tomorrow. Not forever, but he was leaving none-the-less. And tomorrow, considering he was going to be back at Suna by nightfall, he'd most likely be too caught up in his own, paranoid preparations to have time to sit down and listen to her babble.
"Are you okay?"
That meant, her only chance to say something…was now.
"Ino…"
It was now…
Or never.
Before he say could say anything more, she hurriedly snaked her arms around his waist, looked hard into his eyes, and whispered through slightly parted lips: "Shikamaru?"
After as short, blank, pause, Shikamaru blinked, lowered his brows and pouted; like she had just said something that cut him deep. It was really just his way of saying "What?", "Did I do something wrong?", and "Don't tell me you're not in the mood for some of my killer hot chocolate!" all at the same time. Yet, what he actually verbalized was a soft: "Yes?"
She smirked ever-so-slightly. "Just shut up and kiss me."