Ed, Edd, n Eddy: The Sweet Escape

Chapter 1: The Redux of All Reduxes

By The Best Kind of Stupid

I would like to thank Omega Delta for Beta reading this fan fiction redux and for offering criticism that doesn't involve flaming and thousands of exclamation marks. I would also like to thank another individual who sent me a PM saying he couldn't follow along with the Cartoon Cartoon Tuesdays pilot, which will also be reduxed. I will leave him anonymous for his own good.

Just so everyone knows this fanfiction is being uploaded all at once since I don't have any fans. If I had fans, I would hold back a little at a time so they'd have something to look forward to next week.

I'll be typing these updates before and after I write each chapter. There may be a sequel to this as I originally intended but now it seems a little unlikely. Just to let everyone know this story takes place after the CN invaded episode "The Eds Are Coming, the Eds Are Coming", so it won't make sense in some areas unless you've seen that episode or at least know a little bit about that episode, but right now let's get things started on the Ed Edd n Eddy show, (Muppet Show reference for the Fail).

When all was said and done and the members of the cul-de-sac had realized that they had been abducted by real aliens, they were less than pleased. The cul-de-sac's mysterious atmosphere was strangely quiet when they had first found out. There was a strange feeling of sadness rather than panic as the kids realized they had been traveling through outer space for half an hour. The kids had originally assumed that it was merely night time, at one point going into denial about the whole situation, but they soon realized that they were not actually in Peach Creek or Earth or even the solar system. It was unknown as to what the aliens were doing with them.

Nazz was the first to speak up after 3 entire minutes of tension. "Wow, I guess those aliens were real," she said with a certain tone of sadness one would have after realizing an enemy of theirs had only been mean because the enemy had been bullied for a long period of time.

Sarah spoke next saying "I wish we had known earlier. Maybe we could have jumped off and survived."

"No," Kevin spoke with a hint of sadness and a mass of seriousness in his voice, "we never would have made it. We would have just jumped to our dooms if we had done that. No one could've survived that."

Double D, Jimmy, and Eddy were still silent from the shock of such an event. Even Ed was looking into the depths of space with a serious look on his face. Rolf walked out of his house, though mysteriously he did not appear alongside his relatives inside his house. What happened to them I'm afraid I can't say. I could be that Rolf made them up and used a series of mechanisms to make puppets appearing to be Rolf's relatives. I could have been a hypnosis that the aliens put on everyone to believe his relatives had come over. Again, I am not sure what happened to them, but I'm sure it wasn't a pleasant story. Rolf could not believe his eyes as planets passed by in a matter of seconds.

The kids took turns confessing truths that they had never told anyone. Nazz admitted she had, at one point, had a crush on Eddy's brother without even meeting the guy. Sarah and Kevin admitted they once had crushes at each at different times, though they never dated being a couple of year's age difference between the two. Eddy revealed that his brother's name was Jason, because Eddy isn't at all an honest person, who would confess something. Rolf revealed that he had enjoyed eating American Chicken Nuggets despite never admitting him to like any sort of American food before. Double D tried to express his love to Nazz but couldn't find the words. Jimmy never said anything at all, but Johnny confessed many things, some of which you never would have thought would be a secret considering how boring they were. While Johnny may not be a boring character, he sure does have an odd mindset.

Suddenly and completely out-of-the-blue, Double D decided he wasn't going to take this sitting down. I won't go into very great detail about what happened next (mostly because this fan fiction is boring enough already), but Double D assembled a rocket. The rocket quickly fell apart, and Ed pointed out there was a rocket in plain sight just a few feet over from where the old rocket was standing. "How did we miss that?" Double D said amazed.

"I don't know" Ed said, despite the fact he probably already knew about it for an incredibly long period of time.

The children tried to get into the rocket but couldn't. Double D quickly built a pair of binoculars to look for the keys, and after a few minutes of searching, he found a new area that the kids had never seen before. They then took a vote on who should go on a scouting mission for the keys, if any were available. Double D was selected with 5 votes. It is most likely the kids did not vote for Eddy because he did not have the intelligence to dodge the lasers of the situation.

Surprisingly the aliens were dumb enough to set the lasers to go off in a set pattern that would allow only the smartest of people to traverse through the lasers. There was a glass hallway surrounding the deadly lasers. The lasers moved to different directions meeting other lasers midway. At the end of the hallway stood a door leading to an indestructible room with the keys inside. The back of the room was made from glass that was completely unbreakable. Double D looked at the hallway and ran through the paths the lasers had left for Double D to walk in. It is in my opinion that the aliens wanted to taunt the Earthlings by setting up this impossible to reach keys, so they could laugh about it. They were wrong. The keys could be taken. Double D took them and made his way out.

To be continued…

Sorry about the lack of action, but I needed an introduction to the saga. Also, there was a "Magnum Opus Theatre" clip at the very beginning of the original, but I decided not to use it here, because it was very unnecessary.

Anyway, big thanks to OmegaDelta for the help on this fan fiction. Also, I got a Wii U. Hooray!

Final note: This was close to finished a long time ago. I am now finally uploading it to FF, where it will get approximately zero views. (sarcasm) Hooray. —March 28, 2013