I have no idea what this is I just saw some stuff about Temmie and this came out I haven't even finished the game I'm stuck at Undyne
Based off of toddnet's human AU on tumblr (I made Frisk human though), with a dash of background Papyton because I am trash for it. And yes I put fandom references in the YouTube usernames (guess them all for a prize)
I'm so sorry that I have contaminated your pure AU with my filthy sin
There are Internet personalities, and then there are Internet legends.
Internet personalities were the ones with a face and a name that most people recognized. Most of them were gamers, such as PewDiePie. Some made relatable videos, like Tyler Oakley and Dan and Phil. They all had a voice and a name, and some even showed their face.
Then there was Internet legends.
Those were the ones with only a username to their identity. The ones with the weird comments that stuck in your head, who didn't have any original content of their own uploaded-serious content anyways. Most of them were trolls. The most famous legend would be the author of My Immortal, whose true identity was still a mystery.
If Sans had to choose one to describe himself with, it would be an Internet legend.
He was a troll. A good-natured troll. He didn't leave stinging comments and instead linked Rick Rolls and What Is Love. Whenever a new meme hit social media, he was already making puns about it. He did have some videos uploaded to YouTube, the most famous one being the video of him playing the trombone while Frisk slammed the oven door from the Halloween prior. He wore a full body skeleton suit and Frisk wore a monster costume that Toriel had made for them. It was the only video he had uploaded that came close to revealing his face. The rest of his videos were pure jokes.
Like most others, Sans had a steady throng of subscribers and fans. He recognized a lot of users by name and icon alone, filing them away in his mind. He replied to many of their comments (with puns) and listened to some of their ideas.
Some of them were trolls themselves. Either that, or twelve year olds that had just discovered the online world. Sans pitied them. He was a sansational troll, after all. None of them could get the jump on him, save for the few who tricked him when he was first starting out.
And Temmie. Temmie was an entirely different story.
It started on a cold February night.
As usual, Sans had trouble falling asleep. Insomnia and nightmares were a terrible mix. Instead of moving around the apartment and waking his brother, he decided to scroll through his emails and notifications. As usual, most of them were YouTube comments.
57seaweedbrain commented: omg best minecraft vid yet im dying
glad to /sea/ you enjoying it, Sans replied. This guy was a newer fan, whose account had an ocean theme. He was fully prepared for them.
ApopcalypseArisen commented: s0 many puns in 0ne epis0de! y0u really had t0 /mine/ f0r s0me, huh? 0u0
had to do a lot of work to get that many. wore me to the /bone/. This girl was a long-time subscriber, and always had a pun up her sleeve-mostly ones related to death. She was famous in a few other circles. Sans had seen a couple of her videos, and he could see why.
_i_love_pwning_n00bz commented: DON'T READ THIS! IF YOU DO-
Sans scrolled past and flagged the chain comment. He hated it when people did that.
cookiecatsbiggestfan commented: oh my gosh! this is so funny! i need to show connie and the gems!
Sans smiled. It was nice to know that people enjoyed his content enough to share it with other people.
He scrolled through a few more comments until an unfamiliar user caught his eye.
Their icon was a bright mash of blue and yellow stripes, with paw prints printed all over it. The stripes flashed colors as the paw prints moved up and down. The username was $H0ITEM2K13$ . The last time Sans had checked, it was 2015.
$H0ITEM2K13$ commented: oMg! tem….LUV video! ya ya tem love ALOT! tem liek dem al!
What.
Sans stared at his phone. Who the hell was this person? Some kid fresh off of DeviantArt? No matter. He got weird comments all the time.
He scrolled down.
A couple of days later, the commenter struck again.
This time, it was lunchtime. Frisk was over and Papyrus was out with Mettaton for Valentine's Day, while Gaster was at work. Sans took it upon himself to cook Frisk a healthy lunch, which meant grabbing burgers from Grillby's.
Frisk put down their cup and rapped the table to get Sans's attention. He looked up from his fries and grunted as they began signing. Can we watch some of your videos?
"I guess, kid. But you know that most of them are garbage." Garbage that wasn't friendly for children, at least.
But they're funny, and I like them. That makes them not garbage.
Secretly, Sans was flattered. "Ah, you're twisting my arm. Let's clean up before we do that."
Are you going to get your socks?
"Next year."
Frisk rolled their eyes, but scooped their trash in their bag anyways.
Once they were done, Sans woke up his computer and opened YouTube. Frisk snuggled up on his lap as he started scrolling through his notifications. Most of them were from the same person.
$H0ITEM2K13$ commented: gud! v v gud! thas part at 4:13…IS BEZT! yaya!
$H0ITEM2K13$ commented: rly beztet akount! u ar good, makes me prouds!
$H0ITEM2K13$ commented: u must have learn ALOT in ur cool leg! ur v smat!
"Oh, no," Sans groaned. It was this…Temmie again. From the looks of it, they had commented on nearly all of his videos.
Frisk looked up at him with a concerned expression.
"Not you, Frisk. Just this…annoying person that's been commenting on my stuff nonstop."
Why don't you block them?
"They're not harassing me or anyone else, so I'd rather not block them without a good reason."
Frisk seemed to accept that as an answer, chewing on their bottom lip for a bit. Finally, they signed, Let's watch videos now.
"Your pick. Make sure that the video isn't too…frisky."
Frisk rolled their eyes, and Sans laughed.
The commenter appeared again the day after that.
"Sans! It appears that you have left yourself logged in on my account again! I am getting notifications about me leaving likes on videos that I know I have not watched!"
"Whoops." Sans checked the username. He was definitely not CoolSkeleton95. He clicked the log out button and signed in to his account. "Sorry, bro. I'm logged out now."
"You didn't unsubscribe from any cooking accounts, did you?"
"No, I think they'd know that if you unfollowed any of them, it'd have to be an impasta."
"SANS!" Papyrus was probably shaking his fist angrily at the sky. Sans laughed to himself before he started checking on his favorite channels.
Scrolling down the comments section on one, he saw the commenter again, fortunately not on his own videos this time.
$H0ITEM2K13$: aww gud vid! temmie liekz it!
GoldBraidandEyes: how old are u
$H0ITEM2K13$: temz akount is…2 year old!1!
GoldBraidandEyes: not ur account
$H0ITEM2K13$: tem in cool leg…not sayig rel age on inturnit!
GoldBraidandEyes: u type like a middle schooler
BigSuitofArmor: Are you insulting middle schoolers in my presence, brother?
GoldBraidandEyes: stay out of my personal business al
$H0ITEM2K13$: omg! u too…are brothurs?
BigSuitofArmor: Yes, I just called him that. Ed is my older brother.
GoldBraidandEyes: oh my god I give up
Lots of other people were replying to the comments, most of them insulting the Temmie person. Temmie replied to most of them in their misspelled manner.
"Sans?"
Sans ripped an earbud out and swung around to face Papyrus, accidentally thwacking the mouse with his elbow. "Ow-Yeah, bro?"
"I've been trying to tell you that I am going out with Mettaton and Alphys tonight for the past five minutes, because you will need to prepare dinner for yourself. Yet you did not respond! So I came to check on you."
"Sorry. Guess my music was too loud. Where are you guys going out?"
"There is a new Chinese restaurant near the lab where Alphys works, so we're going there."
"Cool, I've heard that place is real rice."
"Sans, I swear!"
Sans laughed and swung back around as Papyrus stomped out of the room.
Apparently, when he had hit the mouse with his elbow, it had clicked on Temmie's username. Sans groaned, but decided to look at the page anyways.
The background was multiple pictures of what looked like a cat or dog with fairy wings and sparkly anime eyes dancing up and down, with a multicolored background. There were no videos uploaded, but there were many playlists with names like "kawai musics!," "many funnie!," "cute cute!," and "Theories on Human Existence." The last one seemed pretty out of place, but Sans chose to ignore it and scroll through the rest of the blog.
He clicked on the about page and found links to an Etsy shop, a DeviantArt, and a Tumblr, along with a description that gave a more accurate view on Temmie.
hoi! im temmie! i run dis akount! im a girl in coleg and studing fysics! i liek cute and funnie things and i comment ALOT! i also haz etsy and deviantart and tumblr yaya! pls follo dem! And do not harass me if you know what's good for you.
Well. That threat at the end was going to unnerve Sans for the rest of the day. He clicked out of the page and put the computer in sleep mode. Maybe some food would help.
Two weeks later, the situation was way worse.
On his videos, people were aggressively correcting Temmie's comments and slinging insults at her. It didn't help that Temmie replied to pretty much all of them. At this point, Sans had to turn off notifications on his phone.
He was also getting message from fans telling him to block Temmie from his videos. They claimed that she would leave them infuriating comments, both in reply and on their own videos. Sans suggested that most of them could block her themselves, but he was getting sick of the whole situation.
Then he got an email from YouTube. "Hello, skelepunsgalore! We have been getting reports of comments on your videos being flagged as spam."
That was the straw that broke Sans' back.
He opened up YouTube community and started typing a message to Temmie.
Skelepunsgalore: hey this is skelepunsgalore. Lately my fans have been complaining about your comments and I hate to block people so do you think you can stop doing whatever it is that's annoying them?
He got a reply almost immediately.
$h0item2k13$: omg temz sowwy that ppl are upset! but temmie want too make them happi!
Did she seriously miss the point, or was she pulling his leg?
Skelepunsgalore: we all want everyone to be happy, but sometimes that means changing something to make them happy.
$H0ITEM2K13$: but temmie! not bad! temmie is god!
Skelepunsgalore: were not all perfect.
$H0ITEM2K13$: temmie is best! temmie doing well in cool leg and etsy! best temmie!
Skelepunsgalore: whoa calm down here, no need to get so worked up. lets start over. hi, im skelepunsgalore.
$H0ITEM2K13$: hoi! im temmie! im the best!
Dear god. Maybe a pun would get this girl back down to earth.
Skelepunsgalore: are you /detemmienated/ to make me think youre the best?
He didn't get a response for a few minutes, but when he did he nearly dropped his coffee mug.
$H0ITEM2K13$: Did you think a terrible pun such as that one could cool me off?
$H0ITEM2K13$: Because that is not the case, as you can clearly see.
What the hell?
Skelepunsgalore: is this a joke?
$H0ITEM2K13$: Clearly you can't tell the difference between jokes and non-jokes.
Ouch. That stung.
Skelepunsgalore: im guessing that's a no.
$H0ITEM2K13$: Damn right it is. I am much more knowledgeable in the area of jokes and know when I see a good one. Your pitiful puns don't even register on the joke-o-meter.
Skelepunsgalore: excuse me?
$H0ITEM2K13$: No, you may not be excused until I am finished.
This was getting too scary for Sans' liking.
Skelepunsgalore: im not even physically with you right now.
$H0ITEM2K13$: Yes, but this medium of information sharing and media development known as the World Wide Web connects us, does it not?
Skelepunsgalore: well shit you got me there.
$H0ITEM2K13$: Good. Now let me finish.
$H0ITEM2K13$: When I said I was god, I did not mean "good." I am a god. I am the god of this life I am living, and the others in it. I am in control of my destiny.
$H0ITEM2K13$: But this is not true for everyone. Most are fated to die early and pathetically. Most are fated to live boring lives, with meager entertainment and bland workspaces. Such as yourself and your fans.
$H0ITEM2K13$: But I am not. I have been in control of ever decision that has involved me. I am in charge of my own fate. I can go down any path that I choose for myself.
Skelepunsgalore: uh
$H0ITEM2K13$: And some might argue that there is no god. That we, as human beings, are bumbling around aimlessly on this floating hunk of space rock that we call our home. But if there is no god, then does my control over my life not make me a god?
Skelepunsgalore: I don't see the point youre building up to here.
$H0ITEM2K13$: My point is, I am above you. If you would like me to leave your channel alone, then I shall. It has become distasteful for me to look at, anyways.
$H0ITEM2K13$: I hope to not see you near any of my comments on other videos, either.
$H0ITEM2K13$: temmie goes now bai!
And with that, the conversation closed. Sans slowly turned away from the computer and sipped his coffee nervously.
That was an experience he could have lived without.
As promised, Temmie disappeared altogether from Sans' channel. The subscribers calmed down after that, and Sans was able to turn notifications back on again. Nobody spoke much of her, save for a few references to "the paw troll."
He didn't hear from her until a month later.
"Brother, we're here!"
Papyrus slammed the door to his car excitedly as Sans climbed lazily out of his side. Papyrus had been eagerly waiting for the community college craft fair to open ever since he first heard the announcement, and he somehow managed to rope Sans and their friends into attending.
"Seems so. Where's everyone else?" Sans glanced around the campus, which was packed with people. Most of them were families with smaller kids, along with actual college students.
"We all agreed to meet up by Napstablook's booth, on the other side of the festival."
"Why couldn't have we parked over there?"
"Because, brother! There's no parking lot! But walking is not a feat too grand for the great Papyrus!"
"Walking is too grand a feat for the lazy Sans."
"Oh, hush. We shall make it to our friends on time!" Papyrus cheered, already setting off into the middle of the crowd. Sans rolled his eyes, but followed him.
The two brothers elbowed their way through the crowd. More accurately, Sans did. Papyrus's height gave him an advantage in the crowd, while Sans ducked and sidestepped rapidly to avoid knocking someone older. Papyrus couldn't have given him a few extra inches
They passed by multiple booths, all selling various items. Sans didn't pay attention to all of them, but he noted a few that stood out. A short boy in green was selling soaps shaped like turtles, while actual turtles climbed all over his products. A girl with bright red hair in a purple cheerleading uniform had gorgeous paintings of stars and fire, while the Muslim girl in purple behind her booth thumbed through a large book with a Raven on it. One guy did gymnastics on a bare table, where other students seemed to take great joy in throwing stuff to make him fall down. Sans pitied him.
Another booth caught his eye, and Sans stopped in his tracks. "Um, Papyrus? I have to go do something, you can go ahead." When he didn't get a reply, he looked to see his brother several paces ahead, nearly obscured by the crowd. "Or just keep going ahead. Cool." He squeezed through the throng of people to the booth.
The booth in question was a table sitting under a bright yellow tent with multicolored paint splashes on it. The table was littered with knitted dolls and trinkets arranged in no particular order. Upon further inspection, Sans realized the products were either anime characters or various cute animals. For some reason, the sight of them tugged at a memory in his head. He wasn't sure what it was about them.
"OI! LEMME THROUGH!" a girl yelled loudly behind him. Sans started and jerked to the side as someone carried a huge box past him.
The girl slammed the box on the ground behind the table, allowing Sans to get a good look at her face. Her light skin was accentuated by her choppy black hair and bright blue eyes. Freckles were splashed on every visible part of her skin. Earbuds hung in her ears, beating music so loud Sans could almost make out what the lyrics were. The gray headband in her hair had two fluffy pointy ears attached to it. Her shirt was white with red paw prints all over it, making her booth the most colorful one at the fair. As he watched, she pulled even more knitted trinkets out of the box, dumping them on the table. When she was done, she sat down and smiled up at Sans.
"Hoi! Sorry for wait-needed more things! Want something?"
The way she talked rang more bells in Sans's head. Then he looked at her nametag, which read TEMMIE in all caps, and he groaned. "What does the universe have against me?"
If you read all of that you deserve five stars
Hello I'm Taylor/TailsDoll13!
This is my first Undertale fanfiction so far. Once I finish the game I'll probably write more, especially since Papyton has snared my gay heart
I write stuff for other fandoms as well. I recently uploaded a Homestuck oneshot called "Locker Room Girls" that's Jade/Rose. I'm also writing a multichaptered Homestuck fic called "The Princess and the Dragon" that's Terezi/Feferi. I write stuff for Percy Jackson too (lots of Solangelo).
This oneshot can also be found on ArchiveOfOurOwn at Gamzee_Makaraoni and WattPad at TailsDoll13.
My Tumblr is autisticedwardelric. I'm mostly fandom (Percy Jackson, Undertale, Homestuck, Ninjago, Steven Universe, and others) with a side of aesthetic and social justice. Check me out!
I hope you enjoyed this one-shot, despite its crappiness. See you later!