AN: So this is basically a bunch of junk I worked on a while back in THE NOTEBOOK (where I write down all of my idea's), but'll probably never post. Surprisingly, I'm a lot more depressing now than I was when I was younger... And I wrote in first person POV then too...

# To Build A Home 02/02/2014

##Humor/ Hurt/ Comfort/ Friendship

###Summary: After a one night stand, Cloud takes his time traveling around the world, meeting a flower girl, curse happy, gun wielding and tea frantic weirdos, a girl with a really big rack, an emo vampire (before it was cool), and materia thieving princesses.

Maybe I shouldn't be here.

I pulled my torso up a little, sliding off the large muscular arm slung over my back, the owner still peacefully asleep with his silver hair splayed out on his large pillows.

Well, now I know I didn't dream it.

Sephiroth- the silver general, demon/hero of Wutai was sleeping soundly next to me, his arm now by his side that I have moved it away from me; all because of one of usual (suicidal on my part) arguments.

Somehow enraged yelling had turned into angry kisses, which then became soft and passionate, leading up to our stumbles into his room, the journey to the bed and...

I sighed feeling the soreness of our actions as I crawled from under the sheets and picked collected my clothes. This was stupid. A horribly stupid decision. I adjusted my infantry scarf, slipping on my boots I began to walk towards the door.

"Cloud." A deep voice called out smoothly.

I glanced back, surprised to not see the usual green eyes and silted pupils staring at me, instead the twisting of his back as he shifted into his side. I turned back to the door shaking my head. He couldn't have said my name.

*But he did.*

I quickened my steps, shoving the thought to the back if my mind as I stepped into the Infantrymen dorms. It never happened.

But it did.

I changed directions- instead greeted by the familiar msuk of chocobos that warked in greeting. "Kweh!" The largest made it's way over to me on it's long legs and stuck it's beak into my hair.

"Hi." I greeted, rubbing the crest soothingly and the bird chirped happily, ruffling it's feathers with a pleased shake of it's sturdy body. The smallest- a chick that had been born because someone hadn't correctly depicted the gender of one of the newer Chocobs.

"Kweh!" It's small feathers flapped as it climbed onto my shoulder with it's beak. I scratched the soft down on it's neck as it let out a happy chirp. It was easy to forget like this.

*"I love you."*

I cursed, allowing a Chocobo to pull me to the ground so it could preen my hair. It was my imagination- when I thought I heard those words in the midst of pleasure- it was a simple phrase I had simply wished to hear.

I hated myself for that.

Though I couldn't deny that it was lonely in the barracks, since nobody really paid attention to me in the first place. It was a nice, short lived experience.

I hated that I could let it happen so easily.

I hated that I enjoyed it.

A few Chocobos brayed, rubbing their neglected heads against me in an effort to redirect my attention and the chick stumbled into my lap. "Sorry." I pointed to the brush hanging on the wall that was eagerly plucked from it's hok and dropped onto my hands, the smallest Chocob folding it's legs beneath it and leaned on my side.

I brushed the feathers in slow strokes, smiling when the Chocobo rested it's head on my shoulder with a 'kweh'. I blinked, recalling the dark bruise under the fabric on said shoulder.

AN: After some serious thought (it wasn't that serious) I think that I just wanted Cloud to cuddle with some Chocobo's, ahaha

Warily, I pulled the hem up a little, looking in dismay at the dark purple finger marks peeking up from my waistband. There was no way to hide it.

Why couldn't they just disappear?

I finished brushing the third Chocobo when I let out a long sigh. Of course, it wouldn't be that easy; he was the General- the silver general, demon, hero or whatever of Wutai, the one and only Sephiroth. He was the gossip of awed cadets, the source of envey and admiration from SOLDIER and the over all image of Shinra.

That snorted when he laughed too hard.

I flinched. Somehow it made him seem more... human...not so distant. I looked down at my thirteenth Chocobo who let out a sympathetic cry of understanding. A chocobo nudged my cheek affectionately, the dark beak moist. Instinctively, I reached up to touch my wet cheek.

How pathetic.

A beak poked my hand away when I tried to wipe the tears away, shuffling closer I let out a biter laugh. Sniffling, I buried my face into one's fluffy feathers, ignoring the slight shake of my shoulders and my trembling hands as I weakly hugged the Chocob chick to my chest.

This was better.

"Take a shower Strife! You smell like you slept with the Chocobos'!" The commanding officer yelled when I finally went to join the training session (to maintain excellent health they say, but really it's more sadistic than that) and he stormed past me in line.

I snorted, obediently walking to the showers and taking my change of clothes from my locker. "Yo, ya didn't sleep in Blondie?" A familiar voice inquired knowingly.

"No, Reno, there was no reason to." I sighed, turning to the red head who was regarding me with a peculiar expression.

The red markings on his cheeks lifted with the corners of his lipos. "Good I was beginning to think that I didn't have a chance."

"Actually... I was thinking about leaving." I admitted.

Reno quirked an eyebrow, the goggles pushing back his hair raising a bit. "Midgar too boring for ya?"

I nodded, adding; "I was thinking about traveling."

"Ya know you could do that as a Turk and still get paid." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "And you'd get to see this beautiful ass all day."

"Reno- a table has a nicer ass than you- and that's saying something." I teased. "Now get out, I'm taking a shower."

He gave a mock bow. "I'm honored that you'd want me to leave to 'protect your virtue'." He snickered; "well what's left of it."

"Out!"

I sighed, striping myself of my clothes and stepping under the cold water. I glared down at the purple (almost black) handprints on my waist and now that I was really looking my wrist were slightly discolored.

"Damn, that looks like it hurts." I heard Reno hiss from behind me.

"Go away." I grumbled, attempting to reach for my towel when he held his hand over the small of my back and a soothing, refreshing wave of comfort washed over me and his hand glowed green. "Thanks."

"By all means continue!" He laughed, his eyes lingering where the shouldn't, and it took all I had not to punch him right then and there.

"Reno! If you don't leave right now I will kill you!" I held the towel around my waist, glowering at the pervert.

"How scary, and angry chocobo chick wants to- ow!" He rubbed the spot my foot kicked him as I began to slide on my clothes. "So where will you go first?"

"South, or to Junon maybe- I was thinking about visiting Nibelheim...but." I shrugged. "Not really looking forward to bullshit."

"I feel ya, why not Kalm?" He suggested, leaning back against the wall.

"Anywhere is fine, I guess. "I just shrugged, sliding my scarf back into place. "What do you think about delivery?"

"You can wear a uniform!" He exclaimed happily. "It can be like a mini skirt or something- ow!" He looked that the bottle that clattered to the floor with a raised eyebrow. "Is that lube?"

"Its ointment! For bruises!" I felt heat creep into my cheeks, snatching the cream away.

"Among other things."

"Get out!"

"This is public- ow!" He rubbed his head, glowering at the bottle I had thrown at him again. "Fine- get your bags by tonight."

It wasn't hard- I didn't even have many possessions in the first place, just a few clothes and the dull sword I had used to get to Midgar. Reno leaned against a bike, swinging a key ring on a long finger with a sly grin. "Cloud Strife, no longer." He laughed.

I accepted the keys gratefully. "Thanks Reno."

"Just keep me updated every once an a while; I'd like to know if you get kidnapped by Chocobos." He snorted as I swung my leg over the bike. "Well it'd be more of adoption, but I'd like to keep your ass in my line of sight."

I rolled my eyes. "Goodbye Reno."

"Uh, wait!" He scratched his cheek, and unreadable expression on his face. "I'm serious, call me. I worry sometimes." He leaned forward, pressing his lips softly to my cheek.

"Alright." He took a step back, watching me drive off and Midgar blurred past me until it was only a small image in the rear view mirror. That felt nice. But it was Reno, and while Reno was a good person as much as Midgar was a good place to live he was still a Turk.

Just don't think about it.

So I didn't.

The world...I wondered why I had settled for Midgar when the world was such as vast and beautiful place that was begging to be explored. The Midgar marshlands were another story, however. I growled, hacking of the head of the second Zolom I couldn't run from, grumbling as my legs sunk a little deeper into the bog.

Of course, I had the G-bike, but I was hungry and apparently there was nothing I could chop to uneven pieces other than Zoloms. I looked at the snake curiously, pulling out my PHS. "Reno, can you eat Zoloms?"

"Spike. What the hell are you doing?"

"Looking for food. So how do I get the scales off?" I looked back to the snake curiously, ignoring the growing welts and scratches growing worse by the second- and this damn bog wasn't helping matters either.

"Uh... A really big knife?"

Cloud looked down at the blade in his hand.

"Oh."

"Prepare Traveler!" The PHS nearly fell from by hands into the marsh when I jumped, whirling around to face... "who are you supposed to be...?" She didn't look that old, wearing shorts an waving around a giant shurikan, but I simplpy watched as she stomped her foot and pouted indignantly: "Who am I?! I am the uniltimate ninja, the great Yuffie Kisaragi of the Wutai clan! Hey! Don't walk away from me!"

"Sorry Reno," I said into the PHS, "there's some kid playing pretend out here." I explained haphazardly, ignoring the furious cries coming from behind him he

# To Build A Home (Rewrite) 06/25/2015

Cloud sighed, awkwardly shuffling out of the bed that felt even colder since he had managed to fall asleep last night despite restlessly staring up at the roof- the silver haired beauty slept next to him, looking even younger as he slept deeply.

He scrambled for his clothes, and as quietly as possible he made his way out the door and down the empty hallways.

He felt lost.

Having nowhere else to go, Cloud made his way to the Chocobo stables, figuring the man should be happy with whomever he choose, they fired out happily when they saw his golden halo that resembled their soft down, one of the larger one's pulled him close and pulled him to the hay ground with it's large orange beak, a few others delicately preening him.

Right now; the affection was wonderful, knowing he probably wouldn't have gotten such affectionate care from his temporary partner. He ignored the sting of knowing he was just a side lover, only meant to hold the older man over until his other lovers returned.

He felt pathetic.

He breathed in deeply, the Chocobos' musk masking his previous activities and he stood, focusing on the task of reaching from the brush hooked to the wall, smiling at the happy chirps he got in return.

He supposed anybody would be happy even being near the famed silver general, let alone being able to sleep with him- he could name people who would kill and give up life and limb for that opportunity- but... 'Its just sex'.

He flinched, recalling the words the man had grumbled before he turned over and slept.

He felt so pathetic.

He was painfully aware that 'it was just sex', even though his lovers had approved and repeatedly assured that it was okay for him to be with Sephiroth some nights the words hurt. He deserved someone better anyways.

Cloud looked down at himself with a frown. The orange chocobo he was brushing squawked, nudging his cheek with its beak in an effort for him to continue his grooming.

Taking another deep breath, Cloud forced his thoughts to the back of his mind, and focused solely on brushing down each and every single feather on all of them.

When he snuck away to the showers, sun not yet over the horizon he undressed himself quickly, letting the cold water pour weakly down on his pale skin. "You smell like a chocobo barn." A familiar laugh kept him from jumping, and Cloud turned his head back to meet Reno's gaze.

The turk sat calmly on one of the benches, suit haphazardly worn and leaning back with one foot up on the bench. "Damn, now I get why Zack says you have a nice ass." He snickered, admiring Cloud with a hint of sorrow.

"Go away." He grumbled, not interested in Reno's antics as the red head looked him up and down. "Go stand outside or something." He quickly added before Reno could reply.

"Sure thing babe; I'll be sure to keep your perky little ass safe and sound." He winked, sauntering out the door and leaving Cloud to himself. Cloud frowned, working his hands through his damp hair and letting out a tired sigh as his thoughts returned with a vengeance.

"Damn, he was rough with you." Reno's soft voice did startle him- as touched the tender fingers that brushed his hips, where dark purple bruises in the outline of fingers darkened his skin.

See what did I tell ya? I'm just a depressing little raincloud most of the time.