Title: Dreaming of Nineteen Roses

Summary: "We have to stop, Hibari. It's not fair to you or her." Every year, he got roses to fit his age. Last year there had been eighteen. This year, there would be none. Dino was getting married, and he was leaving Hibari behind. D18

A/N: Well, here comes the angst… I'm actually writing this for Kate because, guess what, I have a fangirl! A little creepy, yes, but it made my day. Also, since this is so depressing, I will write a happy D18, too, and it will be multi-chaptered. This story is also AU-ish (aka it doesn't really follow the plotline), so, well, be warned.

Disclaimer: Oh, Dino, why won't you ever be mine? Why don't mangakas ever share with their adoring fans?

Dreaming of Nineteen Roses

Roses, sweet and fragrant, were perfuming the air. Hibari had never gotten flowers before. There were eighteen of them, a rare blue color, rich and smooth, the petals feeling like silk against his curious fingers. There was a card, too, and it read:

On this day, you turn eighteen.

Though it's your birthday, I have one selfish request.

Smile for me.

Dino

He did smile then. Only once, though. It was a tiny smile; a secret smile. Because, in that moment, all he saw was the brilliant sunlight. Because, in that moment, he saw the face of an angel. He smiled, and he celebrated.

He celebrated the birth of his heart.

He probably should've known it was too good to be true.

It was annoyingly ironic. Dino was the one who was always bright and happy and open, yet Hibari was the one who ended up falling the hardest. He was the one who kept everyone at a one-mile radius and made sure his heart was blocked off from the rest of the world. He was the one who threatened to bite everyone to death. He was the one who killed without a second thought. He was the one who was heartless.

Well, until his heart was found.

The day that Dino approached him, ridiculously cute and clumsy and charming in his awkwardness as he professed his love with an embarrassed smile was number three in the List of Best Days in the Life of Hibari Kyouya. The way he had taken Hibari's smaller, whiter hands in his and looked into his dark eyes with a kind of honesty that was so hard to find had stirred Hibari's frozen heart, warmth seeping into his chest for the first time in longer than he could remember. And, somehow, the fact that Dino tripped on his own feet right after saying, "I love you," only added to the experience.

Normally, Hibari would've beaten the guy who dared to knock him over into a pulp.

But Dino was special.

He'd always been.

And always would be.

The day that Dino first kissed him beneath the blooming Sakura trees in April was number two. It had been so sweet and gentle and pure. There had been no hidden agendas lurking beneath the surface. It had been slightly awkward and clumsy since Dino's men weren't present, but it had more grace than it would for anyone else, since, even then, Dino thought of Hibari as part of his family; a person to protect and love.

Dino had just looked at him, like he was the most beautiful thing in the world. Dino had simply leaned forward, cupping Hibari's porcelain cheek, brushing the pad of his callused thumb across his super-sensitive skin, adoration in his eyes. The kiss itself had been just a soft, chaste brush of Dino's lips against Hibari's, testing his reaction. Hibari had immediately grabbed a fistful of spun-gold hair and roughly kissed Dino until his lips bruised because kissing Dino was like kissing sunshine. But, Dino hadn't complained.

Because Hibari was special.

He'd always been.

And always would be.

The day of Hibari and Dino's first time together ranked number one. It had been romantic and perfect and mind-blowing. But Hibari, emotionally-repressed teenager that he was, hadn't been able to express that fact to Dino. But Dino, being Dino, got the message anyway. Hibari had loved the act itself (what healthy teenage boy wouldn't, especially with someone like Dino?) but his favorite part had been waking up beside the one he loved. Yes, it was needlessly clichéd but incredibly nice all the same.

Dino smelled amazing. He smelled like a warm, sunny summer day. He smelled of brilliant sunshine and lush forests and babbling brooks and puffy white clouds drifting about in an endless blue sky. His fragrant hair felt like spun gold silk, soft and smooth to the touch. His skin was silken caramel, smooth and rich against Hibari's curious fingers. He had the face of an angel, smooth and lax in sleep with high, pronounced cheekbones, a silken, strong jaw and firm chin, perfectly arched golden eyebrows, and luxuriantly long lashes, the sharply handsome planes of his face softened by full pink lips.

Hibari had felt safe in Dino's arms. Though he usually shunned all physical contact except for that of the violent variety, something felt immensely right about having Dino's leanly muscled arms around his waist, his dark head cradled against a bare honey-colored chest. Kissing Dino was magical, and making love was bliss.

Hibari hated being sentimental.

But, remembering the good times made the bad times easier.

"We need to stop, HIbari. It's not fair to you or her." The surreal feeling had been dizzying. The touch of calloused fingers against his ivory skin had usually felt welcome, but Hibari didn't lean into them. He couldn't move at all. He felt frozen, as if his feet were bolted to the ground and he was paralyzed with something akin to fear. But, Hibari wouldn't know what fear was like because he'd never felt it.

"Why?" All he could do was stare as his mask crumbled away. He'd worked so long and so hard to build unbreakable iron walls around his heart, constructing a barrier that could not be breached to protect his delicate ice heart. But Dino had come, and Dino had broken them down. He'd started to chip away that first day, and he'd found Hibari's weak spot. It'd all come tumbling down then, and that ice heart had been exposed to the sun, to Dino, and had soaked in the sun's rays, the icy layers melting away, infused with warmth and happiness.

But, it was still delicate.

And now it shattered.

"I'm getting married." Hibari didn't move. He'd seen it coming, of course. The Cavallone family would need an heir. Hibari could not give them one. And Dino deserved so much more than a petulant teenage delinquent who had never once been able to open his mouth and say, "I love you".

"Was it worth it?" He stared up at Dino, steel and sadness in his eyes. "Was all this worth the entertainment of breaking me down? Did it make you feel good, seeing me give you everything I could give? Was it worth your while? Are you sad at all, throwing me away?" He was bitter yes, but it was hard not to be, when the person he'd loved for so long was leaving him. He had tried. He had tried so damn hard, and all he got was a broken heart and no one but himself to pick up the pieces.

"Hibari, I-"

"Does it matter anymore? Sorry means nothing when the deed is done. Sorry doesn't keep it from hurting, Dino. Sorry doesn't heal the pain." It was harsh, yes, but he was blinded by the pain. It was like an open wound in his heart was gushing black, toxic blood, and that it was poisoning his whole body.

Dino looked sad, almost sorry, that he was getting married and that he was breaking some lonely boy's heart.

"Tell me one thing. Did you ever really love me?"

Silence, dark golden eyes refusing to meet flat black.

"…I didn't think so."

Six months.

Six months of lonely agony. Six months of telling himself he couldn't cry. Six months of telling himself Dino wasn't worth it even though he was. Six months of shutting his pain away and feeling it anyway. Six months of hiding and dreading one day. Six months of running.

Six months.

Six months had passed, and now he could run no more. That day had come.

Dino was getting married.

She was beautiful, he was sure, but all he could see was Dino. Dino, golden sunshine and warmth, glowing with an ethereal light; Dino, the angel sent to Hibari who had betrayed him; Dino, the man who had stolen his heart and never gave it back.

On the outside, Hibari looked like he didn't care. He was painfully, almost scathingly polite as he congratulated the newlywed couple. He didn't look Dino in the eye, though, because he knew Dino would see the pain and the sadness. Dino always saw right through him. He saw right into his heart and soul.

If he looked Dino in the eye, he knew what Dino would find there.

Nothing.

Roses, sweet and fragrant, were perfuming the air, again. Hibari had only ever gotten flowers once before. There were nineteen of them, a rare blue color, rich and smooth, the petals feeling like silk against his resignedly curious fingers. There was a card, too, and it read:

I'm sorry.

I love you.

I always did.

But I have a duty to my family.

I don't love her, and she knows that.

I think of you always, Hibari.

I would give anything to see you, but this is goodbye.

For good.

Though I may never see it, please, smile for me.

Dino

He didn't smile then. It hurt too much. He'd smile once, just once, remembering the memories he and Dino had shared. But, right then and there, he let himself cry. The tears rolled down, crystalline beads of water, and he let himself mourn silently.

He mourned the death of his heart.

A/N: Um… please don't hurt me for doing that to them… It's short, I know… And, also, review, please. Knowing what you guys think brings joy to my soul.