He wasn't ignoring her, Burke told himself. Just not trying to run into her like he usually did. After all, she had told the chief. He was angry with her! Only… he wasn't as angry as he had been before. He still didn't want to talk to her yet though.
And somehow, he ended up in the scrub room, alongside O'Malley, watching the surgery. He heard himself begin to talk about the surgery, step by step, but his eyes were focused on Cristina. Had been focused on her since he walked in. It should have been him on the other side, doing the surgery. Yet he was somewhat glad that he didn't have to carry around the weight of the secret anymore. At least now he could try to repair things with Cristina, when he was ready to.
Still he watched her, wondering if she'd even notice d he was watching. Probably not. When she was focused into a surgery, she was totally focused.He hadn't done this in a while, just stand and watch her without her knowing.
As if she could read his mind, Cristina looked up, her dark eyes meeting his
She had known when he had walked into the scrub room, known that he had been watching her. It was strange how much she just needed to know he was there, even if it was in a different room, even if it was just silently watching her. She needed him even if he didn't believe that.
After a few moments, she risked a glance at him. It hurt her, to know that it was her fault he wasn't on the other side of the table. But she had done it for him. For the both of them. It had begun to tore them apart. Their gaze met for a few seconds.
Focus, Cristina. Surgery going on, she told herself, turning her mind and her eyes back to George's father, lying on the table, answering Dr. Hahn's question. When Dr. Hahn spoke again, Cristina focused on that instead of Burke's gaze on her.
"You remind me of myself when I was an intern," the other doctor began.
"I do?" was all she could say, looking up.
"Focused, intense, cold. And I don't mean that as a bad thing. Cold is good. The dating, the friends, the family. If you ask me, it's all overrated." At that, Cristina had to look up, glancing at Burke.
A few months ago, she would have agreed. But now…
The beeping interrupted her thoughts, as she glanced down. Dr. Hahn began to speak, and she replied, more instinct than anything else. She might not be good at relationships… but this, this she could do.
"Why's she doing that? Why… why's Hahn letting her?" George asked, worried.
"No, it's okay. She's doing a running whipstitch. She's done it before," Burke replied, too into the surgery to say anything else. He'd taught her that. He felt slight pride, knowing that Cristina was more advanced than the others in surgery, especially in cardio-vascular, because of… what they'd done. "There you go…" Now, he was talking to himself. And perhaps Cristina, although she couldn't hear him.
"Dr. Hahn's work was impeccable, O'Malley. I wouldn't have done anything different myself. It's just, you can never tell how the body's going to respond. Every surgery… everybody is different. You just.. never know." Once again, he was talking to himself, reminding himself that the tremors weren't really Derek's fault. And the lying, and deceit… it wasn't totally Cristina's fault either. It was partially his.
He had over reacted, and he needed to fix it. But he wasn't completely ready to talk to her, not just yet.
"That's beautiful work, Dr. Yang," Dr. Hahn said, nodding slightly.
Cristina fought the urge to look up, just to see if Burke was still watching. Watching her perform what he'd once taught her. What he couldn't do any more. But she didn't. She was still in surgery, doing something she could do, and do well.
Dealing with people, being friends with them, weren't her thing. Never really had been. But she had been trying. She'd spent her whole life trying, trying to be the best. And her relationship with Burke had become one of those things, since he had been shot. She wasn't going to just let him ignore her. The lie, it was over now, but that didn't mean their relationship had to be.