Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or Lord of the Rings. I sure hope you didn't expect me to say something clever here. Because if you did, you're out of luck.

Brenman: I've had this idea rattling around in my head for a while and I finally decided to get it out of my system.

Lord of the Millennium Items

Chapter 1: Introducing the Phellowship of the Faraoh

It was a sweltering hot day in Domino city. Most people were staying inside to try and avoid the heat, but this wasn't the case for a couple of hardcore duelists and their best friends. In the middle of the street Atem and Joey stared each other down over the tops of their duel discs. Atem was visiting for summer vacation from the after life. Yugi, Tea, Tristan and Bakura cheered from the sidewalk as Atem made his move. "I play polymerization and fuse together my Dark Magician and my White Magician Pikeru to create The White Wizard." In front of Atem a tall wizard with a long white beard materialized into existence. The wizards flowing white robes caught the suns rays perfectly making them sparkle.

"Whoa, new monster?" Joey said excitedly, "What can it do?"

Atem smirked, "During each of your standby phases, you take 400 points of damage for every monster on the field." Atem raised his hand, "But before that happens, White Wizard attack Joey's panther warrior." The White Wizard raised it's long white staff and aimed it at Joey's monster. A beam of light shot out of the end and Joey's monster was destroyed. Joey winced as his life points dropped from 2400 to 1600. Atem smiled, "This games over."

Joey gawked at him. "What do you mean it's over?"

"I mean this game is over, When I end my turn and your standby phase starts your going to take 1600 points of damage. You have three Scapegoats on the field and I have one monster. Do the math, that's four times four hundred."

Joey looked at the field and then his shoulders slumped, "No matter how hard I try, I can never beat you or Yugi."

Atem frowned, "Don't be upset Joey. You are a great duelist, most people would be very happy to be the third ranked duelist in the world."

Joey laughed, "Since you and Yugi split bodies I'm the fourth ranked duelist."

Tea joined in to the conversation with a laugh, "Still, fourth in the world is pretty good. Besides, Atem isn't sticking around unfortunately."

Joey let a grin adorn his face, "You're right, thanks guys."

"No problem Joey, that's what friends are for." Tristan said.

Off to the sidelines Yugi looked at Bakura, "You know. I'm the main character and I haven't even got any lines yet." Bakura nodded in understanding.

The group headed inside the game shop and went up stairs into the living quarters. Joey sprawls out on the couch and laughs, "You know Atem, that White Wizard looked just like Gandalf, and he was named the white wizard too."

Atem perked up, "How do you know the name Gandalf?"

Joey chuckled, "I watched the Lord of the Rings. How else would I know. Everyone knows who Gandalf is. Right guys?"

Everyone in the room nods their heads. Atem looks perplexed, "What is this Lord of the Rings?"

"It's a trilogy of movies, and a book series." Yugi says. "We have the movies right over here." Yugi goes and roots through the cabinet underneath the T.V. "Here we are. If you guys want to stay for a sleep over we could watch them all."

-- Many Years Later --

"Well, we finally finished watching the movies." Tristan said, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go shave this beard I grew."

Everyone laughed at Tristan's joke. "Well what did you think of that Atem?" Joey says.

Atem looked thoughtful. "Well, it was entertaining, but they got a lot of facts wrong."

The group looks at him oddly before Bakura spoke up, "What do you mean, fact? It's just a story."

Tristan suddenly gasps, "Holy card games! It talks."

Bakura frowned, "Yes let's all make fun of Bakura for getting his first line after everyone else."

Atem sat down on the couch. "I clearly remember all of this happening. Albeit. A little differently then this."

Tea laughed, "But this is just a story that took place thousands of years ago."

"Gather round everyone," Atem said and the group sat on the ground around him, "I have a story to share."

"Great," Yugi said, "I love stories."

"It all started thousands of years ago. I was the young prince of Egypt at the time and I was heading over to middle earth on a diplomatic journey to meet with our trading partner, Gondor, which by the way has been renamed New Zealand." Atem said in a wise sounding voice, like he was some old grandfather telling stories of his youth. "We traveled there by boat. We first arrived in a place called the Shire. This was probably the happiest day of my life. You see, for once I met people that I didn't have to look up to. They were all short like me, and they had really hairy feet, unlike me."

"Hang on, Your not that short. At least not hobbit short, or Yugi short." Joey said.

"Well at the time I was about Yugi's age and I never hit puberty until I was thirty-four."

"What?" Yugi screamed out, "Does that mean I'm going to have to wait another sixteen years before I get taller?"

"Yes. Now stop interrupting Mini Me." Atem scolded the younger boy, " Anyway. When we got to the Shire we found out that middle earth was in the middle of a war between the good guys and this one really mean dude with a spiky helmet. So for my safety we decided we would use aliases to help us hide."

Who exactly were you traveling with?" Yugi asked.

"I was traveling with my two best friends of course, Mahado and Mana. Our journey was supposed to be like a road trip. Unfortunately the absence of paved roads at the time made that really difficult. Now as I was saying, we took on aliases. As long as we were in middle earth I was supposed to be known as Frodo Baggins. Mahado took on the guise of Gandalf the Grey and Mana started calling herself Peregrin Took, otherwise known as Pippin."

"Wait a minute," Bakura stopped the story, "in the movie Pippin was a boy. Mana wasn't."

"Very good Bakura," Atem stated, "you know your genders. See back in that time, Most of middle earth was a bit biased on the subject of women. So Mana pretended to be a guy so as to avoid any miss judgment. Now Gandalf, Pippin and myself all traveled on our way to the nearest town because we heard that 'Mr. Evil-Pants with the spiky helmet' as Mana had taken to calling him, had sent some dudes on horseback after us. So we headed on over to Bree and spent the night at the Prancing Pumpking Inn, none of this stupid Pony stuff. We stayed there for the night, and because this was the first time Mana or I had been able to drink alcohol. Well. You can probably imagine what happened."

"Do we really want to?" Bakura asked.

"Well. I'll tell you anyway. I spent most of the night running around with the Millennium Ring I conveniently had with me, turning myself invisible and drinking other peoples drinks."

"I'm almost scared to ask, but what did Mana do?" Tea queried.

"We got so drunk that Mana started hitting on Mahado. It was pretty funny. She was all like, 'Hey hottie. Do you love me?' and he was like, 'Huh?' and then she went, 'I mean. Do you want to stick your magic staff in my cauldron and-"

"Okay Atem. We get the Idea." Yugi cut in. Everyone was quiet for a couple of seconds looking at Yugi before he spoke again, "So. did they get it on."

"No, they didn't get the chance, because Mana was dressed up as a guy the bartender kicked us out saying that they didn't want gay people in their bar." Atem rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "Now by this time I was so drunk I can't really remember what happened after that, but we stumbled out of town and started heading... Well I'm not sure where we were planning on going at the time, but we did get attacked by these guys dressed up like the reaper of the cards"

"The Ring-Wraiths?" Joey said in awe.

"Yeah. Those guys." Atem said, "Apparently they wanted my Millennium Ring. I told them they couldn't have it so they tried to fight us. Now apparently from what I can remember. Mana had stolen Seto's Millennium Rod before we left and she started using it to brain wash the wraiths. She had them making out with each other. Okay, The next bit is one big blur. Then I woke up in Rivendell with a huge hang over."

"The Wraiths were making out?" Tristan asked.

"Yeah. Too bad Mana didn't make them take bathes or something. Because they all smelled like onions or something rotten." Atem shivered, "Back to the story. We stayed in Rivendell for a while until the elves decided that, because we were traveling dignitaries, we should have an escort. So we ended up traveling with a bunch of guys that didn't really seem to like each other. Some of the guys were weird, like the elf. He was totally a hippy, and this one human kept giving me these looks that basically told everyone he was evil. I did get along with the dwarf really well. Gimli was his name and he was about the same height as me. It was great to have a traveling companion with legs as short as mine. Really, when you're walking across a continent, short legs aren't something you want."

Joey failed to hold back a snort at this remark.

"Do you find something funny long-legs?" Atem asked as Yugi scowled at the blonde boy. "Do I need to whoop your butt in another card game?"

Joey shut up instantly, "No sir."

"Good. Now at first we began trying to travel over the mountains to Gondor, but because we had somehow lost all our shoes when we were drunk, our feet began to freeze in the snow. So the group decided to rely on me to make all the tough decisions, but because my feet hurt, I decided to make us travel through the mines. This was really fun, we got to go into these really hot stuffy mines full of dead bodies and then we got attacked by a bunch of Goblin attack forces or something. We had to run away from them all." Atem Shifted himself on the couch to get into a more comfortable spot, "After being chased around the place by these things for a while they gave up and left. Lazy goblins. Unfortunately after that, we were attacked by a giant flaming Obelisk the Tormentor or something. It was all like, 'Do any of you happen to have a fire extinguisher.' but because this was thousands of years ago we didn't know what the heck that was so we were like, 'get away from us you giant flaming homo.' and we ran away and crossed this really narrow bridge. Turns out Mahado was still kind of drunk or something because he accidentally fell off the edge and we didn't see him again for a while."

Atem began chuckling, "Turns out he only fell down about four feet and hit his head, but we didn't stop to see where he had gone. We ran out of the mines, and after pretending to cry for a while we ran into these woods and Gimli just about crapped his pants when we got there. He kept on talking about some crazy Elven whore that would suck are eyes out or something crazy, I wasn't really listening. Soon afterwards all these elves jumped out and took us prisoner. Mana and myself could have gotten us out of there if we wanted to, but we were bored and wanted to see what they were going to do to us."

Tea scowled, "That could have been dangerous."

"No, Mana on a sugar high is dangerous. This was just different. First off these guys tried to take us to a Green Peace Convention but Mana made them make out with each other until they changed their minds. She really has something about watching people make out. Next we were taken to see this really hot woman who lived in this really cool tree house. I had always wanted my own tree house, but growing up in Egypt, trees were hard to come by. The tree's they had though were huge, at least for a little while. The stupid elves kicked us out after Mana sort of, burnt most of the forest down. She does that kind of thing surprisingly often. Why do you think Egypt doesn't have many forests? You guys should consider yourselves lucky you met Mana and still have all your limbs intact."

The group involuntarily shuddered. Atem sucked in a breath, "Let's continue the story. After being booted out of the Elven lands we traveled by boat down a big river. After a few days of this we began noticing that we were being followed by some shady character on a log. It took me a while to recognize him as the Thief King Bakura."

Bakura gulped, "Oh dear, I hope he didn't bother you too much."

"Nah, he's always been a good laugh. Anyway, I talked to Aragorn about this and turns out he had heard of Bakura following us from the Elven scouts. They had begun calling the thief Golum

because his voice was so rough and scratchy. I thought this name suited him pretty well, so I started calling Golum instead."

Bakura looked indignant, "Well, that's not very nice."

Atem brushed him off, "Shut up Golum. I was busy telling a story. Speaking of this Aragorn guy, I got along pretty well with him after a while when I realized that he was royalty also. So we spent some time talking together about why it's awesome to have lots of slaves and what kind of women we get for our harems. When we got to shore, right near the big honking waterfall. We were busy minding our own business when we got attacked by these big smelly guys with swords. I had thought those other guys had needed bathes, but these guys smelled twenty times worse. They ended up kidnapping Mana, I tried to warn them about her, but they wouldn't listen. They tried to capture me to, but I got in a boat and ran away. Wow look at the time. That's all the story your getting for tonight." Atem got up and headed off towards his bedroom he shared with Yugi.

"Wow. That was one heck of a story." Tea said before turning the lights off. "I wonder when we'll hear the end of it.

Brenman: Here is the first chapter. Hope you liked it. Yami's a Hobbit. Yay. Now children, never forget to review.