The memories flooded her mind. It was only natural for her best friend to die on her favorite holiday, Halloween to be exact. Mimi remembered a lot about her life it on Avenue B. With the death of Angel, the family fell apart. She and Roger weren't talking much, sure she was found in the park near death, rushed to Roger's side, but it wasn't all happiness.

The only sane couple of the family wasn't even a couple, but it was Collins and Mark. Maureen and Joanne were at it again, and Mimi and Roger? Well no one ever knew about them. Angel was the binding of the book, the glue that held everyone together. With her death it made it harder because no one knew what to do anymore. "I can't believe.. this is goodbye."

She sat there at her window waiting to see if he would ever come back home from Santa Fe, not knowing if he missed her, or even loved her anymore it was a lost cause. The family tree had died, the leaves dropped, and the branches broke. Like the changes within seasons winter was where everything died, so that when spring came there would be new blossoms... It was supposed to be the blossoms of happiness, but as she sat there still at the window sill one early spring morning Mimi knew it was true. He wasn't coming back. The young and naive child was now 20 years old, and she wondered if she would ever see him.

Mimi had tried desperately to find him in the phone books in Santa Fe, New Mexico to ask him if he could come back, but of course he wasn't listed. The only people Mimi talked to now and days were Collins, Mark, and Benny, with Maureen and Joanne it was whenever she was able to spot them they would have a brief conversation. The year passed and Mimi's happiness began to fade. She was in worse condition then she was found in, though she had stopped her drug habit, she was still working at the club.

Every now and then she would have the withdrawals, and she would resort to Heroin. Before Angel passed away Collins had made a promise to make sure he watched out for her even if Roger wasn't in the picture he would always trail down to her loft right before she shot up. It was as if Angel knew in heaven what was happening, and send Collins.

Mimi had lost quite a lot of weight because had become close to anorexia, AIDS was getting to her faster then she was prepared, it honestly scared her, and she was basically on her death bed at times. The constant sickness in which she had Mimi was too weak at times to even go to work. She would end up mustering the strength to go two days a week, gather her money and go home.

There she as in the windowsill that she always climbed out of to go see Roger, the windowsill in which she watched him drive away and out of sight, the windowsill in which she remembered they shared a lot of secrets for future plans. Benny came by every week just to make sure she was ok, and he would usually just be there to look after her also, clean her loft from drugs when he knew that she had gone to go get some.

Mark tried to get Mimi to move up with him so he and when Collins was home from NYU could really watch out for her, but she rejected. She felt the connectivity of the windowsill through Roger. Mimi was folded like a pretzel in the windowsill wrapped in blankets, a few of the Kleenexes which she had over a year ago were still there as she wiped her tears away. Wrapped in blankets Mimi shivered violently only wanting comfort.

She knew that if she changed her ways there would be possible hopes upon his return, but day in and day out the feline waited for him to return to her knowing she truly lost the one she loved. Mimi never knew how to love like Roger said love wasn't a three way street, she learned the hard way because she lost him. The only memory she was able to hold onto was when they shared their first actual kiss.

It was the second night after she barged in on him playing the guitar, the defining moment of wanting to know the guy upstairs; Mimi used her tactics, got her way, and flaunted her body too. Two people with AIDS walking out in the snow talking about a stupid candle, why she had gone upstairs, hearing him talk about why it was blown out. That candle rested on her coffee table as another memory of him.

Mimi felt like all the memories of life were fading. Fading like the trees in the winter, like there was no more reason for her to live... She needed him, still loved him very much and wished she could start something over with Roger, even if it was an introduction in meeting him, getting to know him for who he was, letting Roger see her personality without the drugs, without the flirtations with other men and with her staying faithful to him this one last time.

The saying that always seemed to go around was "You only live your life once." That one time? Mimi screwed up. She was young and naive, and though the year had passed she regretted all the crap she put him through because deep down inside even though he was and introvert she knew he loved her deeply. Mimi had lost it all.

Mark went down the fire escape seeing Mimi there asleep, curled up tightly as he slowly pushed the window open knowing she hadn't eaten much, that the heat was constantly going in and out through out the lofts that this might be the last time he knew her. Mark went over and grabbed a wash cloth, and soaked it with jot water. "Meems..." Mark said lightly as he squatted down next to the feline seeing her shiver violently.

"Honey, I think it's time you come upstairs now." he said as he dabbed her forehead with the wash cloth to wipe away the sweat. It was a flashback of what had happened to Angel.

No one knew how low Mimi's T-cells were, and Mark did know that she either needed to go to the hospital to get treatment there, or at least go upstairs with him so that he could watch out for her and Collins would too since he was coming home more often to help take care of Mimi. She looked at Mark as he continued to speak; feeling some warmth from only the wash cloth Mimi shook her head. "M-Mark I can't he will be home... He's got to come some..." she rolled over coughed violently as Mark sighed heavily.

He carefully picked Mimi up and carried her up the stairs. "Mimi, Roger's not coming..." he said hating to break the news to Mimi, knowing she barely left the loft only for work and the occasional drugs. "Your going to stay in Collins' room, it's the warmest part of the loft, we've got extra blankets for you, and Collins is coming home today." he was afraid about Mimi's health, she was twenty years old, and too light. He could feel it as he carefully carried her up the stairs. "Would you like to watch some old films I made?" he asked her as he reached inside and took Mimi to Collins room.

She shook her head lightly. "No, I want R---Roger." she said rolling over to vomit on the floor. Mark sighed heavily as he walked out and into the kitchen to get something to clean up the mess.

"At least you can do is sip something to drink, I will still play the movies for you."

"I... want..." Mimi curled up tighter as Mark laid some blankets on Mimi. "Rog...roger." she couldn't grasp that the guy she ever truly loved wasn't coming back.

Mark hated seeing her in this state. "I know baby… I know." He said slowly as he continued to care for Mimi into the next day.