A short one-shot (for now) inspired by my crazy friend and her even crazier dreams, which is really saying something for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about.

Disclaimer: I am obviously not J. K. Rowling. If I was, I probably wouldn't be writing here, now would I? Although I suppose with Jo, you never really know.

Nightmares of Pink Elephants

Hermione's POV

I don't believe it.

It's inconceivable.

It just doesn't make any sense.

Un-fricken-believable.

My subconscious has a crush on Draco Malfoy. And no, just because my subconscious likes him does NOT mean that I do. It simply means that my subconscious is unaware of what an egotistical, self-centred, conceited, arrogant, megalomaniac, condescending, self-absorbed, rude, spoiled, rotten little pig he is. Honestly! It's not as if he tries to hide it.

I've been having these dreams, or nightmares depending on how you look at them, for months now. They're never exactly alike, but they usually follow the same pattern. Take last night's drea-no, nightmare for example. It started off normal, they always do. We were eating dinner in the Great Hall, and by "we" I mean the entire school. That's about as far as the realism extended. As usual, things got very weird, very fast. Last night's weirdness came in the form of Ron entering the hall, wearing what appeared to be a set of Dumbledore's old robes, at least that's what I'm assuming since they were purple and seemed to sparkle subtly. Now, that would be weird on it's own, but of course not crazy enough for one of my dreams. No, Ron was also riding on a pink elephant.

Oh yes.

Pink. Elephant.

And trust me, I've had weirder.

Anyway, then Ron, my boyfriend of several months, proceeded to proclaim his undying love for …"Lav-Lav"

Shudder.

I, of course, was devastated by this news. However, I am proud to say that instead of bursting into tears, I decided to curse Ronald, who had now dismounted from his elephant and was staring lovingly into…"Lav-Lav's" (shudder) eyes, into next Thursday first. It was then that Malfoy made his entrance. Apparently as I was taking aim at the gooey-eyed couple, I somehow missed the giant neon elephant charging toward me for some unknown reason.

That part of the dream was a little unclear.

What was clear however, was Draco Malfoy, the valiant hero (insert eye-roll here) coming to my rescue. He dove and pushed me out of the way of the stampeding animal, which then continued on toward the Entrance Hall and out to freedom I assume, in the nick of time. Of course.

My dream-self chose then to burst into tears. Draco, being the perfect gentleman that he apparently always was in my dreams, picked me up and carried me to what I can only assume was the Room of Requirement. There were several comfortable couches and armchairs around a fireplace, one of which he sat on with me on his lap. There were also pillows and blankets, which he surrounded us with, and around the walls were bookshelves containing what I somehow knew were all of my favourite books.

It was very warm and comfortable and the fire was giving off a beautiful glow, being the only source of light in the room and…well, we kissed, and that's when I woke up with this massive headache, feeling less rested than I did before I went to sleep in the first place.

The worst part about these dreams is that they won't stay in my sleep where they belong. I've been unintentionally distancing myself from Ron since they started. I've seen it happening and been unable to stop it. Repeated publicly humiliating break-ups, real or not, will do that to a person I guess.

Another unfortunate side-effect of the dreams is that I keep finding myself staring off into space thinking about them. More specifically, staring off into the space that coincidentally happens to be occupied by Malfoy. Unfortunately, I think Ron's noticed. Even less fortunately, so has Malfoy. His noticing being followed immediately by that insufferable smirk of his.

He's just so hot.

Wait…no-I mean he just thinks he's so hot. He probably thinks I'm some lovesick fool.

Well he is. And you are.

But he knows it! And I am not.

He'd have to be blind, deaf, and dumb not to. And whatever you…I…say…?

I really have to stop having conversations with myself. It's definitely not helping the headache.

I suppose I have to admit that he's been better this year. He hasn't been outright rude or obnoxious in ages. He appears to actually listen in class, he's even raised his hand with answers lately. Correct answers. Unlike me because I've been too busy staring at him. Trying to figure him out of course. Not staring because I find him attractive at all. Not that I don't find him attractive, I mean, seriously, this is Draco Malfoy, but there's so much more to him. Recently he's been polite, even kind occasionally, and he's funny and not really a bad guy at all…once you…get to know him…

Oh, damn it.