Preface:

Dying—it usually never crossed my mind—though, it might have had reason to with the death rate increasing steadily everyday. I reasoned that everyone has to die somehow. Maybe it is a good thing to just end the pain now.
I calmly remembered my life as it had been. Even after all the pain, there was still something left to smile about, like Jesse. I sifted through all the memories of my life and realized my life could have been worse. Yeah, surely this was the right time to die. I mean, if not me, someone else would most likely be dying in my place. So me dying had to count for something, didn't it?
I laid my head back and smiled as big as I could. Might as well live in the moment. I stopped struggling and stayed perfectly still. I knew I was going to die anyways, so why not speed up the process and get it over with? I wanted the pain to fade, to float away, though, there was no point in doing so. I laughed to myself as to why this even mattered to me. It was just another stepping stone and I had already walked over so many.
As I waited for myself to die, I whispered, "I love you dad. I love you Jesse," and I closed my eyes.

Ch. 1:

Flower petals fell off of the beautiful cherry tree and landed on my curly, black hair. The beautiful flowers were slowly falling apart— sort of like I was. I stared up at the blue sky and sighed. What a beautiful day. I heard a car's engine coming closer and looked toward the noise. I saw my dad's truck coming slower than normal down the street. What was dad doing home from work so early? I got up from my spot under the cherry tree and met up with him as he hopped out of his old, beat up truck.

"What are you doing home now, dad," I asked staring at him with a puzzled face.

"I'd rather not talk about it, honey," he said looking at me with a sad, silent stare.

"No— you don't mean— you lost your job," I said stuttering.

"Don't worry about it, I'll find another job, sweety," dad said while looking at the ground.

"How?" I asked as my eyes started filling with tears.

"I don't know," Dad said walking toward the front door of our small, three bedroom house, leaving me standing in the driveway alone. I chased after him and followed him into the house. I walked over to the cordless phone and punched in Ixie's cell phone number.

"What do you want, sis, I'm working?" she answered annoyed.

"Dad lost his job," I blurted out as fast as I could.

"Oh, um.....can we deal with this later, Ana?" she asked.

"I guess," I said defeated. I had been hoping for some sort of comfort from her. It was just like her to give me none.

"Okay, love ya, bye," she said as she quickly hung up.

"Bye," I said even though she had already hung up the phone. I walked to the bathroom in a slow, tired pace and looked into the mirror. I saw a pale girl with sunken eyes that was sobbing uncontrolably look back at me. Unable to look at myself anymore, I looked away from the mirror and fixed my running mascara and messed up hair. I put on a fake smile so I looked like I was happy, but just one smile can cover a million tears. Everything is going to be fine. I'll just work another shift and earn some extra money to help pay the bills and Ixie can do that, too. I smiled even bigger and walked back down the stairs.

My eyes searched for dad. He was sitting on the couch, quietly talking on the phone. I tried to hear what he was saying, but he was talking in such a muffled voice it was almost impossible to make out anything. What am I doing? I walked away, disgusted with myself for being so noisy.

I looked out the huge glass window at the pond my father and I built ourselves. I remembered how surprised mom had been after we made it for her. She had loved it and spent all her spare time taking care of the vegetation and filling it with beautiful exotic fish. I had been so proud of myself on that day. Thinking of that day made me think about mom, which brought on a whole other flood of tears. I blinked them away quickly. If mom were here now, she would have had a backup plan. She would have thought everything out and found dad another job, but she was not here, and worse we had no plan. I walked out the side door and quickly ran over to the pond. I looked into the pond at the beautiful fish that were swimming around. Since mom had left us, Ixie had taken over the jobs involved with keeping the pond just the way mom liked. She did a pretty good job and I'm sure mom would have been proud. I stared into the pond and noticed my reflection. I remembered how I used to look down at my refelction in the pond all the time when I was younger. I noticed how crystal clear the water seemed and reached out to touch the surface with my index finger. A million rings circle my fingers and I laughed for the first time in the past days. It felt good to laugh and it helped relieve my stress. One of the beautiful coi fish looked up at my finger and swam near me. I lifted my finger out of the water afraid that it would bite me. I laughed at myself again. There were scarier things in life than a fish. I dried of my finger in the green grass that my dad worked so hard to keep perfect.

I felt a drop of water on my arm and looked up at the sky. There were no clouds, but it was raining out. Weird. The droplets got bigger and came down faster. I watched them hit the pond, making rings all over the surface of the water. The water droplets soaked my hair and ran down my face. I jumped up from where I had been sitting and raised my arms toward the sky, letting the rain wash away some of my stress. I lowered my arms and looked back up toward the sky where all that was left as a sign of the rain was a rainbow that filled me up with joy. I counted all seven colors in my head and sighed. I looked back toward my small quiet house and noticed my dad looking out the window. He was staring at me with his deep blue eyes with a smile on his face. I waved at him and flashed him a huge smile. He waved back than turned away from the window. I felt a wave of calmness run through me. Everything was going to be fine, or so I thought.

At about ten o'clock, Ixie walked through the door. She looked really tired and gloomy.

"I'm home," she yelled as she put down her purse.

"Hi," I said not looking up from the book I was reading.

"Where's dad?" Ixie asked.

"In the kitchen, I think," I said.

"Thanks," Ixie mumbled as she walked past me and into the kitchen. I got back to reading my book, hoping not to get distracted again, but of course that was nearly impossible.

"Ana, come in here," Ixie yelled from the kitchen five minutes later.

"Coming," I yelled annoyed. I got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen, where Ixie and my dad where sitting in chairs around the dinner table. I sat down next to Ixie and stared up at my dad and Ixie.

"We're going to make up a plan," Ixie said.

"Ok...," I said. Dad said nothing.

"I was thinking Ana and I could work longer shifts to earn more cash to pay the bills, while you look for a job," Ixie said apparently talking to dad.

"That would help us out alot, but I think you and Ana work to much already." Dad said staring into Ixie's gloomy, tired eyes.

"Dad, I wouldn't mind working longer," I said.

"Me either. What do you propose we should do to pay the bills?" Ixie asked Dad.

"I don't know," Dad said defeated.

"So, thats the plan then," Ixie said ending the discussion. She stood up and left the room, leaving dad and I staring at eachother.

"You sure you want to do this, Ana?" Dad questioned.

"I'm positive," I said as I got up from my seat. I walked up the stairs with silent footsteps and walked into my room. Through the wall I could hear Ixie talking to her boss. I should call my boss, too. I crossed my bedroom and picked up my cellphone. I dialed the number and sat down on my bed.

"Hello," my boss said in a tired voice.

"Hey its Ana. I was wondering if I could work some extra hours, to help out my family" I said knowing she owuld most likely say yes. Less time for her to work.

"Of course you can," my boss said in a thrilled voice.

"Thats great. I'll start tomorrow," I said.

"Ok, bye."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and started doing a happy dance. Most other people would not be happy that they had to work extra hours, but I was very happy to help out my family. I fell back onto my bed and stared up at the cieling. I laid there thinking of how this could be a turning point for my family when I heard a knock on my door.

"Come in," I yelled, to lazy to open the door myself. Ixie opened the door and crossed my bedroom.

"Will your boss let you work the extra hours?" she asked.

"Yea, will yours?" I asked.

"Yea!" she screamed excitedly.

"Thats good," I said thrilled.

"Yea, get some rest now, its going to be a long day tomorrow," she said sighing.

"Okay, night," I said yawning.

"Night," she said as she crossed my room back over to the door and walked out. I quickly changed into my pajamas that had little kittens all over them and laid back down in my bed. As I waited for sleep to take over me, I thought about how everything would be fine. Assured by my thoughts, I fell asleep quickly, ready for another day to begin.

I woke up with a huge smile on my face. Everything seemed so perfect for once in my life. I got dressed in my waitress outfit and walked down the stairs where my joyfulness would soon come to an end. I walked into out small living room and saw Ixie. She was sobbing on the couch as she watched a show on tv. What is wrong now? Something always crushes my peace and happiness. It never fails.

"Ixie, whats wrong?" I said even though I really did not want to know.

"Everything," Ixie said still sobiing.

"I'm not a mind reader, what does everything mean?" I asked annoyed.

"My life is over. Chad broke up with me, I lost my job, what else can go wrong?" she said sobbing even harder now. This did not seem right at all. Just last night Ixie had been all smiles and as happy as ever. So much can change in a matter of minutes.

"Oh my freaken god. Tell me the whole story," I said as my hopes faded away, into space.

"I called Chad last night and he was all like I have some bad news, so I was like what, and then he said he wanted to break up with me. I was like why, and he said it was because he didn't like going out with me. I started crying ,of course, and he was trying to apoligize, but I could tell he wasn't sorry at all. Then this morning my boss calls and says she doesn't need me anymore because she doesnt have enough money to pay me my regular salary never mind my salary if I worked an extra shift. Which I think she could have told me last night rather than lie to me and get my hopes up," Ixie said as she curled up into a ball, "I can't even face dad to tell him!"

"I'm so sorry," I said for lack of things to say, "I'll tell dad, and I'll help get us out of this mess,"

"Tell me what," dad said from the other side of the room," I already heard the whole story,"

"Don't blame me," Ixie said sobbing uncontrollably.

"I'm not, sweety," dad said walking over to her. He gave her a hug and whispered,"Everything will be fine,"

"Of course it will," I said even though I was not really sure that it would. I walked out of the room and ate a quick breakfast although I did not really feel like eating right now. I did not feel like doing anything. I grabbed my purse and walked out the front door yelling, "Bye," to Ixie and my dad. I hopped into my car, started the engine, and backed out of my driveway. This was a wonderful way to start my day. Great, now I have to pretend that I am perfectly fine. The sad thing is that I am almost always pretending. I wanted this day to be different. I wanted to actually be happy and not have any worries. I screamed out loud, trying to get rid of some of pain. Why me? Why not someone else? As I was questioning myself I noticed that I was going 80 miles per hour. I'm going to get in a car accident at this rate. I slowed down as I drove down Main St. My cell phone satrted ringing with my favorite ringtone, 'You Found Me.'

I picked it up and said, "Hi,"

"Hey it its Mia, whats wrong," Mia said.

"What do you mean whats wrong?" I said pretending to be fine.

"You haven't called me in ages and you sound all depressed. You know your fake smile can't hide that," she said. Damn, I need to work on my voice now.

"Everything is wrong," I said quoting Ixie.

"Please tell me," Mia siad in a begging tone.

"Ixie and my father lost their jobs, Chad broke up with Ixie, and I have to work alot of extra hours to get as much money as I can to help pay of the bills," I said with tears filling my eyes.

"It will be fine, and I'll help you out," Mia said.

"Thanks but I can't ask you to do that,"

"I'm not asking, I'm just gonna do it,"

"Oh, Mia, what am I gonna do with you,"

"I don't know,"

"I have to go to work, now," I said as I pulled into the restaraunt parking lot.

"Okay, bye," she said.

"Bye," I said. I put my cell phone into my purse and walked out of my car and into the restaraunt. I put my stuff down and got to work. It was going to be a long day.