A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own anything in here other than the plot ideas, so you'll have to go elsewhere to try to buy the rights to Superman and the like.

Wally sat alone in a dark mood where he'd encircled himself with fatty foods and a pile of kitchen textiles. The Flash's mask was pulled down around his shoulders revealing short, orange-ginger hair; but his face was still momentarily obscured thanks to a fluffy, white cotton cloth. The hand towel was the latest victim of previously clean cloths sacrificed in an effort to keep his face reasonably dry: he was using it as a makeshift XXL handkerchief in between stuffing his face with the remains of the 'hot dog fort' he'd created around him before plopping down in a back corner of the rec room. On the ground lay already sodden dish cloths that had been precursors of the hand towel.

Damn spandex suit designers who never provided pockets so a guy could keep a facial tissue handy.

Damn hyperactive tear ducts that would have made it necessary that the pocket be able to hold a case of family-sized tissues for instances like this.

Not that his costume's lack mattered really. Not anymore, Wally thought morosely as he crammed another bun into his face.

The Flash was soon to be forcibly retired from The League.

His version of The Flash, anyway.

Moist green eyes welled up yet again at the depressing thought and the tear-soaked hand towel quickly joined the dish cloths. He snagged a couple of washcloths from the pile of linens--one for each eye.

Wash cloths.

He was washed up all right; an obsolete, has-been, might-as-well-retire-the-old-thing-to-pasture-now, superhero.

It was crazy! It was ridiculous! It was...so unforeseen. Sure speedster's suffered from fast metabolisms, but..but...

Damn it---he wasn't even 23-years old yet while Batz and Supes were in their 30's at least and--heck--J'onn was way past the AARP membership requirements!

None of which could erase the fact that the other Leaguers wanted him gone so that some replacement speedster they'd already found could be The Flash. He'd indirectly heard the news from Mr. Terrific and Big Blue as he'd been running past the monitor room. The occupants apparently had missed the fact that he was within listening distance outside because they hadn't even tried to sugar coat it for him.

[Two minutes earlier]

"Well, frankly, Superman, the problem is your Flash is out of date....utterly useless. It's what's slowing everything down."

"That's been rather obvious. So...what do you recommend?"

"Well, you'll have to get the new Adobe one. Until you do, all your work here will be for naught."

Neither superhero heard Wally's gasp of horror as the distraught speedster had already sprinted towards the commissary.

Wally didn't know who this Adobe upstart was, but he was going to challenge that jerk to a race and prove he was the better Flash!

Just as soon as he finished eating all of this yummy comfort food.

A/N: This hit me out of the blue because I am damned tired of my online searches getting filled with things that have nothing to do with Wally West/Flash! Curse you, Adobe, Wally World, Flash Gordon, Flash Thompson, and so forth!

P.S. If you like the Waid era Flash comics and don't mind AU (think Elseworlds here), go read DeChunk's Flash category story. Heck, anything of his. It's very well written and the plot is nicely intriguing. The work is not getting nearly enough hits/reviews as it should. He's reviewed this, so you can easily link over to his story list from this story.