Author's Note: Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything, but I'm back. This piece was written for OUAT Secret Santa 2016. I hope you enjoy it, the-not-so-evil-queen!
Standard Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, locations, or any canon plot referenced.
Italicized paragraphs are flashbacks. Italicized sentences are thoughts.
It was a sunny day; unusual so early in the season. The Queen decided to take advantage of the fine weather by taking a stroll through her garden and tending to her trees. As usual, the young princess had accompanied her, utterly enraptured with the woman only six years older who was unwillingly cast in the role of her mother. While Regina did not share these familial feelings, she wished the girl no outright harm. All she desired was that Snow White leave her alone, and be removed from her life, if possible.
However, she suddenly noticed that the girl's prattling had ceased and only perfect silence filled the air. Her gut panged uneasily. She strode up and down the rows of her garden, searching behind every tree and bush. But Snow was nowhere to be seen. Where had that girl gone?
"Snow?" She called out uncertainly, picking up her skirts and breaking into a run toward the grounds, eyes darting to the greenery blurring in her vision. Still, the princess eluded her. What if she had run away? The King would not be pleased. Regina knew all too well what that would mean for her.
Panicking, Regina ran towards the stables, hoping her search would go faster on horseback. From the doorway, she saw Snow struggling to mount a horse, hands grasping clumsily at his fur as her leg grazed his side, just to thud back on the ground.
She let out a relieved sigh. "Snow." The princess turned around, startled. Her eyes widened, sparking with fear as she looked at Regina. "What are you doing?" Concern laced through the question, less gently than Regina had intended.
Young Snow White gulped, glancing around nervously. "Your Majesty. Regina," she scrambled, dropping into a hasty curtsy. Regina watched the performance impassively, as if the princess were making her obeisance to another. In her mind, she was still Regina. Just Regina. Not Queen of anything.
Interesting how despite all her begging to obtain Regina as a mother, the girl never called her anything with a maternal connotation.
She raised her eyebrows coldly, waiting for Snow to continue.
"When you saved me from that runaway horse, you told me that the only way to conquer my fear was to get back on the horse. I never got the chance in your stables, and then the coronation made it impossible to try, and then winter began, and I-" she babbled, hands scrunching the fabric of her dress. She exhaled suddenly, shoulders dropping from their tensed position. "I never got the chance to get back on the horse. I just wanted to try it." She finished, eyes cast down on the hay strewn ground.
Regina examined the girl, whose head was bowed to the ground in quiet deference. Her expression was inscrutable as she examined her. Snow, who so admired Regina that she followed her around like a stray dog, had left so abruptly, to go to the stables. Some of the ice that froze over her heart cracked, a small chink in her hollow armor. "So you came out here…to ride?" It struck her as unbelievable, but the evidence was before her eyes, the poor horse still appearing affronted by Snow's ungraceful attempts to mount him.
Snow's head bobbed in a small, guilty nod.
"You should have told me where you were going instead of just disappearing," Regina scolded. "I didn't know where you were and got really worried." As she said the words, she found that she meant them.
"Really?" Snow's eyes gleamed as she smiled hopefully. She cleared her throat awkwardly, repeating the question with a more restrained enthusiasm. "I mean, really?"
"Yes, really." Regina sighed. She was too young to be a mother. Snow was such a spirited girl. She loved to wander and explore and ask questions that were entirely none of her business. She was the embodiment of a childhood that Regina had only barely left. Still, this was her duty, as Snow's…guardian. That was a term she could stomach. And she had always loved to ride…
"Do you want me to teach you how to ride properly?" She asked Snow, whose eyes flew up to meet hers.
"You'd teach me?" Her face lit up as she beamed. "Oh, Regina…thank you, thank you, thank you!"
The young queen held up a hand to stop her inevitable gushing. She hadn't anticipated the extent of her gratitude "Yes. But you have to listen to me very carefully," she emphasized the last two words. "Horses, while gentle by nature, are nevertheless very large, and you need to be able to maintain control over them at all times."
Snow nodded slowly, hypnotized. "I understand."
"Good." Regina wiped the sweat that had accumulated on her hands on her dress. "Now, the first thing is to choose a horse with the proper temperament. Zeus here," she patted the disgruntled stallion affectionately, "is a bit too, well, feisty, for you." Of course Snow would go straight for the wildest one. She cast her eyes about the stable until she landed on a sweet old mare lazily munching some hay. Perfect.
"Why don't you try her?" She pointed at the mare. Snow contemplated the suggestion, eyes narrowing as she regarded the mare. Her lip curled slightly at the edge.
"Can't I just ride Rocinante?" Her plea was so earnest that it made Regina laugh.
"Absolutely not," she replied. "It takes a while to earn his trust. Believe me, he wasn't even fond of me when I started."
Snow quirked her eyebrows disbelievingly.
"I promise you, I'm telling the truth."
A few weeks had passed since her fourteenth birthday. Regina adored the beautiful horse her father had given her. Rocinante, she named him, after the steed who accompanied her favorite fictional adventurer. She secretly hoped that Rocinante could whisk her away to another land, like Don Quijote. Rocinante was a handsome horse; his chestnut fur gleaming in the sunlight as she passed a currycomb over his side- up, and down, and up, and down…
"I believe you have brushed that portion as much as you could." Her mindless strokes were interrupted by the new stable hand's observation. Regina jerked back the currycomb, embarrassed.
"I'm sorry," she chuckled. "I'm still quite new to horse handling." She moved a wayward strand of hair out of her eye.
He chuckled back, and Regina noted how his dark blue eyes sparkled. "It's quite alright, milady," he reassured her. "I'll show you how." He covered her hand with his, placing the currycomb back on Rocinante's side and gently stroking up and down a few times before moving to another section.
"That's it," he encouraged her after she twisted to check his reaction. "You've got it." She finished brushing the horse by herself, as the stable boy supervised.
"Thank you," Regina smiled at him warmly. "It's fortunate you were here. Otherwise poor Rocinante would have continued suffering from my poor grooming skills."
His laugh was such a beautiful sound that Regina vowed she would try to coax it out as often as possible. "You're welcome, Lady Regina. I'm glad to be of service." He turned to continue tending to the horses when Regina called after him.
"Wait! What's your name?"
The stable boy turned around and smiled at her. "Daniel."
"Rocinante didn't let me ride him for a couple months. He's very…particular, about whom he allows to control him. This mare is different. Do you see how much smaller and calmer she is? She won't fight you."
"But all of these are my father's horses." Snow frowned in confusion. "Surely the trainers would have taught them proper obedience. Wouldn't they know to listen to me? I am the princess, after all."
Regina laughed at her naivete. "Horses are animals, dear. They only obey those who show they are worth obeying, royalty or not." Not everything can be bought with your title, dear Snow. Some things still have to be earned, like respect.
Snow nodded slowly. "So, the mare will let me ride her?" She waved a hand toward the mare, without the begrudging contempt she had held earlier.
"Yes," Regina affirmed. "She's older and very gentle." She led Snow to the mare, who turned her long head toward them curiously.
"Do you want to say hello?" She prompted, seeing that the girl didn't know where to begin. Snow reached a hand towards her mane, flattening it as she hesitantly petted her neck.
"That's it," Regina reassured her. "Let her know you're friendly."
Snow grew bolder, moving to her side and wrapping her arms around the horse's large body. Regina smiled tenderly at the sight of the princess hugging the mare, her eyes shut contentedly. How could she show such affection to the horse, who trusted her unquestioningly, when she had been responsible for the death of Regina's love? How could someone be so cruel and yet so kind at the same time? Regina could not comprehend it, eyes growing stormy as she contemplated the matter.
"Are you ready to ride?" Regina asked, interrupting her own thoughts. Images of Daniel's death, his lifeless body hitting the hay-covered ground, invaded her mind and tortured her as she thrashed in bed, enveloped by darkness. They would not steal her waking hours too. She blinked them away. Snow peeled away from the horse, nodding eagerly.
Regina removed a saddle from a hook nearby. "Okay, the next thing we need to do is saddle the horse. That way, you won't fall off while riding."
"Got it." Snow took the saddle. "Will you show me how to put it on her?" She held out the saddle as if it were a peace offering. A tense moment passed before Regina took it stiffly. For the horse, she told herself. She would help Snow learn how to ride to prevent any more equine abuse at the hands of the entitled princess.
"Of course." Regina helped Snow place the saddle on the mare's back and fasten the straps around her belly.
"There you go." Regina tugged on the strap to make sure it was tightened properly. "Now watch me as I put the bridle on her, and then she'll be ready to ride."
Snow appeared mesmerized by Regina's deftness, which made short work of the bridle. Regina gave the mare a rare smile, patting her side. After she finished, she turned to the princess, who was beaming at her so proudly that she felt the princess had intruded on something clandestine that even not even Regina could identify.
"It's so nice to see you smile, Regina," Snow commented innocently. The older woman furrowed her brow, caught off guard.
"What do you mean?" She cocked her head, puzzled.
"Well, when I met you, you smiled all the time, but then you didn't get to marry your stable boy, and you became sad." Snow's explanation was so laughably simple and wrong. And yet…
A strange expression flitted across her face: confusion and anger and sadness a hard glint in her eyes before leaving as swiftly as they came. She had no right to speak of him. Not after what she did. But she couldn't let her see that. The smile she offered Snow was more of a pained grimace, which she quickly rearranged and softened into something resembling pleasantness. There, that was better.
"Let's get you on the horse," Regina said, hiding comfortably behind the vacant smile. Thinking about Daniel wouldn't help her fulfill her duties as Queen and…mother, to Snow White. It was futile. Thoughts like that were reserved for her lessons with Rumpelstiltskin. Soon, he'd show her how to bring him back. He claimed she was progressing nicely with her magic. Surely the day wasn't far when she'd be reunited with her Daniel.
Snow looked at her with panic in her eyes. "I- I don't know how," she admitted, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth anxiously. "I've never done it by myself before."
Regina knew this, but didn't draw attention to it. She pointed to the stirrup hanging on the mare's side. "You see this?"
Snow nodded.
"Put your left foot in this one," Regina instructed. Snow slipped her foot in the stirrup and faced her expectantly.
"Now hold onto her mane, push up and bring your other leg over to the other side." The princess contorted her face in concentration as she swung her leg over, perhaps a bit too energetically, clutching her mane for dear life.
"That's it." Regina's smile was genuine. "You're on the horse."
Snow squealed gleefully. "I am! Thank you, Regina!"
"You're quite welcome, dear," Regina replied graciously. "See, horses aren't as terrifying as you think." It's people you should be wary of, she thought to herself. People whom you trust with your secrets that spill them carelessly and ruin your life.
Snow giggled, her nerves dissipating. "You're right. But…" she frowned, "this isn't how my mother would ride. She sat with both legs to one side." Regina gritted her teeth annoyedly.
"There are different riding styles." Regina kept the irritation out of her words as much as she could. Ignoring Mother's lectures, looping incessantly through her head, she continued. "I thought this might be the easiest for you to learn."
"Okay." Snow accepted the explanation without question. "So, maybe someday you could teach me to ride like my mother?" Because this isn't good enough for you, right, Snow? Regina pursed her lips, taking a deep breath.
"One step at a time, Snow. Master this style first, and then we'll move on to something more difficult," Regina promised, itching to point out that there was nothing wrong with this more straightforward style.
Despite Mother's opinion.
"You ride like a man, Regina." Cora's assertion stung as she flailed, trying to keep her balance on Rocinante. Both legs hung on the same side, and she arranged her skirts primly over them. Regina felt she was perched quite precariously on the poor horse, and he seemed to agree, but she had to prove Mother wrong. She could act like a lady. No man would want to marry a woman who rode that way. She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes to try and calm herself. Everything would be fine. She wouldn't fall off Rocinante. If Mother could do it, she could do it.
Just as she was ready to go, she dug her heel into Rocinante's side, pushing her balance precisely off kilter enough to cause her to slip off the horse and onto the grass. She landed on her palms and knees, the breath knocked out of her lungs. All she could think was that she had failed, again. She looked up cautiously, afraid of her mother's reaction.
Cora stared at her icily. "Where did I go wrong, Regina?" The question felt like a slap to the face. "Tell me. Where did I fail as a mother to have such a… mediocre daughter?" She sighed disappointedly. Regina slumped as she stood, crushed.
"I can do better," she pleaded. "I'll try again. I'm not mediocre, Mother." She brushed a clump of dirt that clung to her skirt.
"Enough." Cora cut her off, the word sharper than the keenest blade. "Come inside, Regina. I will not have you soil all of your clothing."
"Yes, Mother," Regina whispered dejectedly. She took Rocinante's reins and led him to the stables, to find Daniel leaning on the doorpost.
"Are you going to comment on my unfeminine riding too?" She asked sullenly.
Daniel smiled at her kindly. "Not at all. Actually, I think you're a great rider."
Regina gave an incredulous chuckle. "You must be joking."
He shook his head. "I mean it. You have natural talent. It's Cora's fault she can't see that."
"Don't speak ill of my mother," Regina reprimanded, but the heaviness she felt was dissipating.
"Sorry," Daniel gave her a dimpled smile, and Regina felt she may lose her balance again. "Is she always this…strict with you?"
"Yes," Regina affirmed. "Mother says that discipline leads to stronger character and self-respect."
Daniel cocked an eyebrow critically, but said nothing.
Regina studied him, taking in every inch of his kind face, weathered hands, strong body. She was just a girl, and he was a man. But…
"Would you like to teach me?" She blurted out, unable to contain her longing.
"I'm sorry?"
"How to ride. Could you teach me how to ride properly?"
He shook his head, laughing. "You ride just fine, milady."
Regina continued smiling, hoping it seemed inviting and not desperate. "Well then, would you like to ride with me?"
"Okay, so once you're on the horse, you have to tell her when to start walking. You do that by nudging her with your heel, right in her side. Gently," Regina cautioned, arms outstretched preemptively.
Snow tapped her heel on the mare warily. Immediately, the horse began a slow walk. Snow gasped, unprepared for the motion, but recovered quickly. Regina held the reins as the two walked out of the stable and onto a dirt path.
"This isn't so bad," Snow proclaimed, giggling and satisfied, her hands buried in the mare's soft mane. Regina watched her approvingly. She was doing it. She was riding again. Perhaps the things that were didn't have to stay that way.
"Do you want to try leading her?" Regina held out the reins to Snow. Snow looked at her uncertainly.
"Are you sure? I don't want to do the wrong thing." Regina's heart sank as she heard her own words echoing out of Snow's mouth. She would not be like Cora.
"Take them," she urged, shaking them toward Snow, who took the ropes warily, staring at them with a vaguely horrorstricken expression, as if they would leap out of her hands and bite her. "They're not going to hurt you," Regina pointed out with an airy laugh. "Just grasp one in each hand. Pull back one if you want to turn, both if you want to stop."
Tentatively, Snow gave the left rein a small tug and the mare turned to the left. "That's it!" Regina exclaimed, beaming at Snow proudly.
"Th-thank you," Snow said courteously, somewhat taken aback by her sudden enthusiasm. "I can't believe I'm riding!"
"Well, there was no reason for you to stay afraid, just because you had one bad experience. You can't let the fear control you. You just have to cover that bad experience with a new, good experience. Otherwise, you'll end up afraid of everything." Or drowning in bitterness, she mused.
Snow said something in agreement, but Regina was no longer listening. Maybe she had a point that was greater than just the horse. She snuck a glance at the happy girl, trotting around the grounds. Maybe she should try to bury the past too; or, at least try for a better future.
Her arms wrapped around his waist as they rode, her long plait bouncing on her back. The spring wind whipped around them, tinging the bright day with cold. Regina scooted forward, pressing herself against Daniel's back and feeling the hardness of muscles earned by labor. Her eyes fluttered shut, committing the sensations to memory. This was a perfect moment. She never wanted it to end.
"Hey, Snow," she called after her. "Let's go back to the stables. I want to saddle up Rocinante and ride with you." She smiled at her, and this time it was real.
Snow's excitement was so genuine that Regina thought at that moment, that perhaps it could be possible to start over.
Thanks for reading and please review! I'd love to know what you thought!