Disclaimer: The title comes from the book A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray. The inspiration for this story comes from The Road by Cormac McCarthy, The Book of Eli and somehow, in some weird way, from Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins, which is also where the quote below comes from
"The Great and Terrible Beauty of It"
"What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses." Mockingjay, Suzanne Collins
If Noah Puckerman had had a choice of who to be stranded with at the end of the world, he certainly wouldn't have picked Rachel Berry. Girl is tiny, like freakishly tiny, talks too much, is opposed to violence and talks way too damn much. Pretty much all things that you wouldn't want in an end of the world companion. But, it wasn't like he was going to turn her away when she had nobody; he might not be prince charming but he's not a complete dick either. Besides, he finds her pretty much by accident and she calls it fate or whatever and he can't look in those big brown unnervingly large eyes of hers and tell her to get lost.
It all happens pretty quickly. When he looks back on it, it seems like Tuesday, everything is perfectly normal with school and glee and football and his mom and sister harping on him and shit. Then Wednesday everything goes to hell, like someone flipped the switch from orderly to completely fucking crazy.
The news says it's some sort of air born disease, worse than bird flu or swine flu or whatever and incredibly contagious. Millions of people are all ready dead before the hospitals around the world even realize that there might be a connection. Then the doctors are dead. The scientists don't know where it came from or how it started or what they could do to stop it. Then all the scientists are dead. The newscasters advise everyone to stay indoors, drink only bottled water, eat only packaged food and get to a hospital (yeah, like there were any hospitals left) if they feel any flu like symptoms.
His mom goes first, just because she had been on call when the first bodies started rolling in Wednesday morning. He doesn't really know what to say to Hannah when she cries about their mom and asks whether or not they're both going to die. He's starting to wonder that himself. Instead, he sticks his sister in her room with a stack of DVDs and wants to stuff towels under the door to keep any contaminated air from getting inside.
At first, he keeps up with his buddies, but only via cell because everyone is taking that contagious thing pretty seriously. Millions more people are dying every hour, it seems. The news reports have stopped on TV because that tool Rod Remington and everyone else has dropped dead. He hears through Mike Chang that Sue Sylvester has dropped too. Seems like something could get that bitch after all. He hears from Finn that Mr. Schuster is gone and so are Artie and Mercedes and Sam and his whole family. Then he hears about Mike and Tina and Quinn and Santana and the whole lot of them. He stops hearing from Finn pretty much after that.
Hannah dies a few days after their mom and after that, he grabs his bag and throws in a bunch of clothes and heads out into the world. He's not going to sit around in his damn house waiting to die. If he's going to kick it, he wants to at least be leaving Lima when it happens. It was just dumb luck that he's made it this long when clearly everyone else has all ready died.
Place is like a ghost town. The shops have broken windows, the stores have been looted. There are cars crashed into trees and telephone poles and people dead on the sidewalks and roads. All those zombie movies and apocalyptic video games aren't really so appealing anymore.
He passes a few people running out the grocery store, clutching cans and shit they probably never would have bought, looking around like they expect someone to come swooping out of the sky and kill them at any moment. Maybe that was how the whole thing works, how should he know anyway? All he does know is that the grocery store seems like a pretty smart idea because he hadn't really thought to throw any food into his pack before leaving.
The last thing he expects to see in the store is Rachel Berry. As soon as he sees her, he feels like a jerk for not asking Hudson about her before and then feels like an even bigger jerk because he'd pretty much just assumed she was dead. But there she is, sitting down with her back against the customer service counter, knees drawn up to her chest, eyes staring straight ahead. He stops walking when he sees her and she blinks and turns in his direction. The lights are out but there is sun streaming through the broken windows and she squints at him. "No-Noah?"
He shifts, fumbling with the strap of his backpack. "Yeah, Berry." He mutters gruffly. The reasons why he doesn't want to be dragging Rachel Berry around during the end of the world start running through his head in that moment and he really wishes he'd just turned around and left when she'd said his name. He can't be bothered with taking care of someone else, though, if he thought about it, it probably really doesn't matter because he's bound to drop dead at any minute anyway. If he's being really honest, he'd admit that he doesn't want to drag Rachel around only to have her die on him first.
Rachel gets to her feet and launches herself into his arms in one quick motion. He's too surprised to push her away and it feels good to be close to someone, even given the circumstances. She starts crying and he knows then that he's going to be stuck with her. He pushes her away. "Stop crying Berry." He orders, uncomfortable because of her outburst. "Shit's not going to help anything."
Rachel sniffs and wipes at her eyes, like she's trying to do as he'd asked. "I…I didn't know where else to go." Her breath hitches in her chest, her voice wobbly. He'd always been a sucker for crying women but somehow a crying Rachel is even worse. "My dads are…they…" She covers her face with her hands, like that can keep him from seeing her tears.
Puck sighs and shakes his head. "Let's get some food, Berry and get out of here." He moves away from her without waiting for a response.
Of course, Rachel tails him dutifully, seeming to feel a little better now that she's realized that there was someone else left in this completely crazy world. She doesn't even argue about his food choices or the fact that they're stealing. He figures the world really is over if Rachel isn't complaining about something. He grabs her a backpack from the back-to-school section and tells her to fill it and he sets about doing the same thing. She doesn't ask where they're going or why or why he expects them to survive the night or the next day or the next. She just puts a few OSU shirts and shorts in the bag with some shampoo and deodorant (things Puck had neglected to pack) and food items that look like they'll last and be easy to cook and eat. She figures giving up her veganism now is perfectly understandable.
They leave the store together and walk out of Lima. He wishes that he could divert her attention from all the dead bodies around, especially the ones that belong to the people they knew, but he figures she's all ready seen that shit so it would be like closing the barn door after the horse was all ready gone. She doesn't try to talk and he doesn't encourage her to break the silence. He does, however, keep glancing over at her every so often to make sure that she's not lagging behind or coughing or sneezing or has suddenly dropped down dead. But Rachel is there, trudging along beside him, staring at her feet as they walk in silence.
As night begins to fall, she moves closer to him, putting her hand in his without so much as a word. Puck is surprised when he doesn't pull away from her; he is even more surprised when he holds her hand tighter than he'd intended. It's getting dark, after all, he doesn't want to get separated from her. A companion is a companion. Even Rachel Berry is better than being completely alone in this world.
They stop when their feet hurt too much and it's too dark to see well enough to tell whether they're still on the road. It's still warm, for September and he knows sleeping outside isn't going to be unbearable it's just going to be…sleeping outside which, you know, is never super fun. Plus, there's the whole hoping that he doesn't die over night thing too.
Rachel suggests making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but they settle for just eating the PB and J right out of the jars as they sit down beside each other, staring up at the sky. Everything around them is silent, aside from the chirping crickets and the wind that moves through the trees. It really is the end of the world and Puck had never expected to be the one left standing.
"Where are we going, Noah?" He knew it was only a matter of time before she asked. "Why are we leaving?"
"You want to die in that shit hole?" He questions and he feels her shake her head in the darkness. "If I'm gonna die, it ain't gonna be there."
Rachel is silent and he can hear her daintily licking peanut butter from her fingers. He imagines if he kissed her that would be all he would taste. He doesn't stop to wonder why he was thinking of kissing her at all. "What do you think it is, Noah?" She asks after a few more moments of silence. "Why is everyone dying?"
Puck scoffs, shaking his head. "Fuck, I don't know Berry. Doctors couldn't figure it out, what makes you think I know?" She's quiet and he feels bad for yelling but, Christ, this girl and her questions.
"Why…why aren't we dead?" Her voice is softer this time, like she isn't really sure she wants an answer.
Of course, he doesn't have one for her. "Go to sleep Berry."
They use their bags for pillows and sleep with their backs pressed against one another. In the morning, he wakes up first and rolls over to make sure that she's still breathing. He wakes her up, just to make sure and tells her it's because they have to get on the road, not for any other reason. When she moves to hold his hand again, he lets her.
They get used to walking pretty quickly. Sometimes, they talk but most of the time, the only noise between them is the tattoo of their feet on the ground. They leave Lima behind and walk through the other towns and cities, each looking more desolate than the last. Other people are leaving too but he doesn't trust them for the most part and doesn't like the shifty looks in their eyes, like they're all ready turning into savages after two weeks. Cormac McCarthy couldn't have written this shit better.
In some of the cities, there are people gathered around, arguing over what to do with the dead and the food and whether or not the sickness is still spreading. There are people gathered on sidewalks, listening to psalms and verses being read in booming voices. Men and women wander around the wreckage, crying for lost loved ones. Children cry for their parents. Rachel tries to go to one little boy but Puck grabs her quickly, pulling her to his side rougher than he'd intended. "Could be sick, Berry." He mutters low, pulling her along. "Gotta be careful." He can tell she wants to argue, but she somehow refrains.
The city populations grow smaller and smaller the longer they walk. The mountains of dead seem to grow, a signal that the disease is still spreading. The sidewalk congregations grow smaller but more feverish and those holding court have stopped reading from the Bible and have started preaching about the wrath of God and the plague upon the earth. They walk past these groups, their eyes down, shoulders touching.
They walk. They no longer talk about where they were going. Every morning they both wake up alive, they both press on, like they are somehow trying to outrunning the illness that has claimed their friends and family. Walking seems like the only thing they can do. The stop often to replenish their supplies because the grocery stores are becoming emptier and the air is starting to stink with the smell of rotting food and bodies. Puck notices that people are giving one another a wide berth, distrust and hunger in their eyes and in the next city he pulls her into a sporting goods store and gives her a Bowie knife even though he knows she abhors violence and probably won't even know how to use the thing. It makes him feel better to know she has it looped around her belt. He expects her to protest and talk his ear off about violence and doing harm to your fellow man but she just takes the knife with wide eyes and he figures she's noticed the looks too. He grabs a few items for himself, figuring it's better to be safe than sorry. He is more than ready to protect his girl should the situation arise. And yeah, he just called her his girl because she pretty much is and fuck you if you don't understand how apocalyptic situations can change a person. A month ago, he wouldn't have looked twice at Berry unless she was telling off Finn or Schue in glee club. Now he has nightmares about finding her dead beside him in the morning. And yeah, he's heard her crying in her sleep and she's woken him up before just to hold him so he knows she understands where he's coming from. And that's all that matters.
They don't really mean to end up with the others but somehow they do and Puck regrets it pretty much from the first minute it happens. They've been walking and walking for a month, maybe two, he doesn't really think it matters anymore. They're just walking without a destination in mind, figuring there's no point in planning because every city they pass looks like the one before it, only maybe worse, and walking to that familiar sound of footsteps is all they really know how to do now. Rachel has found her voice again by this point and most of the time he doesn't mind it because her talking is as soothing as the sound of their footsteps and at night he can sometimes talk her into singing to the darkness and it makes him feel better. She still talks about nothing, only in a much more careful way now, so that his family or hers or their friends don't come up on accident. A year ago, all this talking would have made him want to stab out his ear drums or rip out her vocal cords or something but now he finds it nice and he thinks it's kind of sad that it took the end of the world for him to realize that Rachel Berry really isn't so bad after all.
The day they end up with the others, she's talking a mile a minute about some now dead Broadway star and somehow she rolls her ankle and goes down like her legs just got tired of the monotony.
Puck has her in his arms practically before she's even processed that she fell and yeah, her ankle hurts more than a little bit and she's glad that he's there to carry her but he can't just carry her for miles and miles, which she quickly points out to him. But he refuses to let her argue and girl probably weighs ninety pounds now that they really only eat once a day.
But, Rachel is right (as usual) and around midday Puck starts to grow tired and sore from the added weight. She might not weigh a lot but he hasn't exactly been in the best shape recently either.
When a voice calls out from somewhere off to their left, Puck practically drops her in surprise but manages to avoid doing so. There's a guy standing on the side of the road, where the asphalt gives way to dirt and flat land beyond. He's not young but he isn't old either and he's got this unnaturally happy grin on his face as he waves them over.
"We have some supplies, if she needs medical care." The guy is telling them, chipper as can be, like Rachel just sprained her ankle during dance class and there's someone there to attend to her. "Got a fire going too."
Puck starts to tell the dude to fuck off because, seriously, no. Going to some stranger's campfire and letting him poke around at Rachel has got to be one of the stupidest ideas he's ever heard. But Rachel looks up at him with those doe eyes of hers and he can tell for some unknown reason she thinks it's a great fucking idea. "You can't keep carrying me, Noah." She points out. "We could rest for a little while." She tries to wiggle out of his grip but he just holds her tighter because she's like the most precious thing he's got and if he's going to let himself be talked into following this weird dude, he's at least going to hold onto her while doing it.
When they get to the campfire, Puck sees that there's about six other people sitting around it and he's ready to get the hell out of there. Because these people all look weirdly happy but there's this look in their eyes that he can't quite place and he wonders how he let her talk him into this when he's been spending the past few months avoiding everyone else but her. They've been doing all right, just the two of them.
A woman binds Rachel's ankle with bandages she takes out of her well-stocked pack. Puck can see all the bags around look pretty full, like they've had more than their fair share of luck finding the things they need. Which is pretty impressive, considering they haven't passed a city or town for a couple of days. Puck makes sure to keep their bags close by. They might not have much to speak of but he doesn't like the way the guys are eyeing the bags (or Rachel, for that matter).
The guy that called them down from the road tells them that there's others in their party, who will be along later and Rachel asks where they are and no one answers her. So, yeah, Puck is really ready to get the fuck out of there. He'll throw her over his shoulder if he has to. But he plays it cool because the last thing he wants to do is give these weirdos a reason to think he's antsy.
So they just sit there around this campfire, waiting for whatever is going to happen next. Three other guys finally show up, carrying two packs, which they add to the others and Puck can seem them looking at Rachel and whispering amongst themselves. Yeah, fuck this noise. It's getting darker, so he figures they can get the hell out of there pretty soon.
One of the women starts digging through the packs and pulling out any food items she finds and starts making some sort of stew over the fire. Puck feels his stomach roll when she adds pieces of this really weird looking meat to the concoction. It's either gone bad or it's…well, he doesn't want to think about that. They both get offered bowls but Rachel politely explains that she's a vegan (which Puck hasn't heard mention of in the past few months) and he just refuses his portion, which doesn't seem to bother anyone else.
Almost as though some unspoken order has been issued, everyone starts to unroll blankets and get ready for sleep. Puck notices that two of the guys who came later don't make any moves to lay down but he pretends not to notice as he lays down beside Rachel. Rachel shuts her eyes tightly but she can still hear the low voices of the men, talking over the popping of the fire. She shivers and not because of the rapidly descending chill. She wishes that she hadn't ever suggested that they agree to go to the man's campsite because she has slowly started to realize what Puck perhaps knew all along. These people are scavengers, luring in travelers with the promise of fire and food only to kill them and take their belongings. She knows that the women here have been spared a more unpleasant end only because she can overhear the men talking about keeping her around for the same purpose. She knows that Puck will not be so "lucky" because they plan to kill him before he can realize what's happening. The idea makes her heart seize in her chest and she stretches out her fingers to brush against the top of his hand, hoping no one else sees the movement. She realizes his eyes are all ready open. "Noah…" Her voice is barely audible to her own ears.
"I know." He says just as softly. "I can hear them." She wants to apologize that she has led them to this, that this is the fate that has befallen them. It seems sad, somehow, that they are going to be killed by human beings and not the sickness that has killed the rest of the world.
One of the men moves away from the other and suddenly Puck is up, grabbing his bag in one hand and Rachel's arm in the other and he's pulling them both to their feet and they're running as fast as they can away from the shouts and curses surrounding the campfire. Rachel ignores the burning in her ankle because it hardly seems important and she can hear footsteps signaling pursuit and she's glad that he has such a tight grip on her arm because she might otherwise lose him in the darkness. But she is also thankful for that same darkness because it lets them evade their pursuers, who don't waste much energy on chasing them anyway.
When they finally stop running, she holds onto him tightly and apologizes into his chest and he strokes her hair and tells her not to worry because it's fine and they're okay. What he means is you're okay, nothing else matters because you're okay but if she can't hear the subtext he doesn't want to clarify.
The first time he kisses her is sometime around the place where they realize that they're going to have to take the shoes off the dead in order to replace the shoes they left Lima in. He can't believe her little flats lasted as long as they did. He's seen the blisters on her feet, he's seen the calluses when she finally takes her shoes off at night and he swears he's going to get her some good tennis shoes this time. The people in the city are skeletal and rotting but that doesn't exactly make things easier. He makes her wait a few feet away when he pulls the shoes off the people who died wearing them but she still bows her head and cries when she slips hers on.
"You must think I'm so stupid." Rachel says softly, her fingers struggling to lace up the shoes because she can't see through her watery eyes. She hasn't cried since that day he told her not to because it wasn't going to fix anything and he was right. She cries in her sleep sometimes, she knows this, but he can't blame her for that, now can he?
He comes to sit down beside her on the sidewalk and takes her face in his hands and wipes away her tears before kissing her softly. It's something that he's been wanting to do for far too long. But the gesture always seemed out of place, something beautiful and special and important in the middle of a place that seemed like it could never be beautiful or special again. But now, seeing her cry over long dead people she never even knew, it reminds him that there is still beauty in everything, especially in this girl that was entrusted to him months ago. The kiss is short, soft, nothing like the way they used to kiss when things were much, much different. But that makes it even better, somehow, a lingering promise that he will continue to find the beauty in her.
Rachel smiles at him when he pulls away and blinks away the rest of her tears. "I was wondering when you were going to do that." She admits softly. Which only makes him kiss her again.
When they start walking again, this time he is the one to take her hand and pull her close.
It becomes clear, eventually, that they have somehow managed to survive the sickness that decimated the rest of the world. He doesn't know how or why it happened, why they were lucky enough to survive when everyone else they loved was taken away but he doesn't really want to question it. He knows that there are other survivors; they see them in the cities they pass through or on the road, creating makeshift homes for themselves out of scrap metal and debris from the structures that are beginning to fall into disrepair due to lack of proper care. Every time they pass these other people, both parties regard the other with equal coolness and caution and he is always relieved when it is just the two of them again.
Food is getting harder to find and wonders if it really will end like this eventually, if they will be the victims of starvation and exhaustion instead of illness. They are walking now to outrun the cold that is spreading across the nation but it isn't enough and they shiver as they walk and he keeps his arms around her, trying to keep her warm.
They find one of those big department stores that spans two floors and seems to have everything and though the place has been pretty thoroughly looted, they manage to find things like socks and gloves and sweaters patterned with argyle and animals that look right at home on her but make him look like her Frankenstein-crafted soul mate.
It is here where he makes love to her for the first time. In all her wildest imaginings, she never would have conjured up this moment, on the floor in the home and garden section, with this boy but it's somehow perfect away. She cries because she feels herself being reminded of the elusive beauty that she thought had completely vanished from the world. He kisses away her tears and whispers that he loves her and she knows that he means it because she can feel it in the way that his fingers ghost over her heartbeat and thread through her hair. It is slow and quiet and perfect despite the crying and the pain and the world continuing to end around them and she holds him close when it's over, her fingers curled around the back of his neck, whispering those same three words into his ear as he falls asleep tangled against her.
There is radio that still works in the manager's office of the department store and he finds it during the third day they've made this looted and destroyed place into their little home. It is nice not to walk and it is even nicer to be able to lay down with her curled against him and to see her smile again. Seeing her smile makes him realize that maybe they can start over, maybe they and the rest of the survivors will all eventually start over and forge a brand new society in the ashes of the one before it. The New Wild West. On the radio he picks up an endlessly looped recording of someone further west (fitting, he knows) calling for survivors to come and do exactly what Puck just thought they might: rebuild, start over, count on each other again. He listens to the recording over and over again, until she calls from somewhere in the store that she found something she thinks he'll find interesting and he shuts off the radio and hides it until he can decide what to do about the recording.
In the end, they decide to go out west, because, really, what else are they going to do?
The days and weeks and months have all become meaningless now but sometimes Rachel wonders what notable days have come and gone that they have missed and where in the world they are now. Puck doesn't really care because he's got his girl who still hasn't run out of things to talk about and a bit of a plan in mind. He never was one for scheduling anyway.
One night, when they have been heading west for several weeks, Rachel asks him, "Do you think we can do it? Rebuild everything and start over?" She isn't sure she wants to be a part of this new world, one without her fathers and where it isn't just the two of them. He has become her necessary piece and she doesn't know what it will be like when there are other people again.
He takes her into his arms, kissing her softly, gently, his hands in her hair and down her back and fitting perfectly around her hips. "Sure." He shrugs and keeps kissing her because it's hard to stop when he gets started. He knows they don't need to go out west to rebuild, they can stop right here and start all over again and he can be content with the two of them. It's easy for him to answer her question because he can feel a new beginning every time he kisses her.