Haha... This pairing is so damn fun to write...

Anyway. First pairing other than HikaXKao that I'm writing. (Well, not technically first, but first in my archive.) I just randomly wrote a poem about TamaXHika, and... it inspired this. I plan to write a whole list of drabbles about this crack pairing.

Warning: While it's canon T right now, I can't say that I'd stick to the same thing each drabble. Basically, Hikaru's swearing and Tamaki's weird fantasys.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran. Or else there'd be tons of hints of tons of pairings everywhere.

Like Hell

: a way to describe the way they make and break their relationship

"Y-You bakatono! Like hell I'm going to do that!"

Kaoru sweat dropped as the book defied gravity and swerved, instantly hitting Tamaki in the head making him crumple to the floor. Kyouya stood quietly, making notes of the damages to certain hosts made by certain hosts as Hikaru dropped the backpack he was about to throw and noticed the king lying on the floor pathetically.

"Stupid lord," he scoffed, stomping off in a mad rage, the music room doors slamming closed.

The rest of the host club moved in, their attentive eyes on the twitching junior.

"Ne, Tama-chan," Hani poked at the other blonde, pushing Usa-chan into his unconscious face. His mouth foamed a little. Hani turned towards Mori, chirping happily, "I think Tama-chan is dead!"

"H-Hani-senpai," Kaoru placed a hand on the smaller male's shoulder, rubbing his forehead with the other, aggravated, "He's… not dead."

At that, Hani lit up, "Ah! He has to eat cake now to feel better!"

The senior ran off to the back pantry, where hopefully, he was not raiding next month's reserves.

Haruhi deadpanned the scene, "…So… Who thinks they should stop it?"

"Haruhi, that question's useless, you know that," Kaoru said, slightly tired and annoyed, crossing his arms, "They can't stop."

Haruhi nodded, almost knowingly, "Ah, but, seeing him knocked unconscious every time he makes a wrong move… isn't that too much?"

"It is. Their relationship causes quite a scene," Kyouya marked another note in his notebook, "Nothing moe or appealing about it."

His pen made another jab at the paper before he snapped his book closed.

"Besides, it would be even more hell if they do break up."

Kaoru glanced at him, nodding in agreement.

"OKAASAN!" Tamaki suddenly jumped up, his eyes shining with tears, practically choking his friend, "Don't talk about us like that, Kyouya! It'd come true if you do!"

He stared in reply, before slapping the blonde off onto the floor where he fell with an 'oof!' He adjusted his tie sophisticatedly, his eyes closing, "Like I said, hell."

The other hosts had enough grace to sweatdrop.

"Hikaru, can you forgive me for being so insensitive to your feelings earlier?"

The elder Hitachiin flinched, amplifying his angry waves at a fixed spot on the side of the wall.

"No," his said stubbornly.

"… You mean, you'll agree?"

"There's no way in hell would I listen to you and your damn daydreams."

"But, but, Hikaru!"

Hikaru turned away from him, plugging up his ears with his fists.

Tamaki sprang onto the Hitachiin quickly, before letting go and jabbing a finger at him with authority, "I demand you, as your father!"

"You're not my freakin' father, milord," he retorted loudly, as Tamaki sucked in a disbelieving breath, "And you're not allowed to say temporary parent guardian."

Tamaki cried large balls of tears, wailing loudly, just as Hikaru closed his eyes and hummed, I don't know him I don't know him I don't know him.

"But Hikaru! You agreed before!"

A vein popped on Hikaru's head, as he whipped around again.

"That was before!"

"But, I still want you…" Tamaki whimpered, staring into Hikaru's death glare unflinchingly.

(Tamaki probably doesn't notice he's death glaring though.)

"Please?" Tamaki put on his best puppy eyes as he kneeled in front of him, "Please? Please, Hikaru-chan?"

…Hikaru-chan?

Tamaki perked up slightly, as Hikaru froze, entirely still.

"… Hikaru-chan?" he asked hopefully again, and he widened his eyes, in shock, "Hikaru-chan? Did- DID YOU JUST DIE ON ME-"

"FINE, I'LL GO!"

Tamaki stopped crying, peeking at the freshman with teary eyes, "…You… You will?"

Hikaru's face was burning red, as he crossed his arms, averting his eyes, "Yes, I will go to your stupid junior's dance as your date."

Tamaki's eyes shined hopefully, "And?"

"And…" Hikaru murmured inaudibly, his cheeks flaring, "And… I'll wear the dress."

"Yay!" Tamaki shouted, shooting from the ground and tackling his boyfriend with a firm hug, "I love you, Hikaru-chan."

Hikaru frowned slightly at the stupid nickname, "… I hate you too, milord."

"Hikaru! You can't hate me! You can't!"

"Yes, I can!"