A/N: Howdy ya'll. Welcome to my new story, Novocaine. It's pretty different from my Bloodflowers/Vermillion stories, and there's a lot less angst here. I hope you all enjoy it, as it's unlike anything I've ever written before. A big thank you to my beta, Misty aka Edwardrocksmysocks for editing this for me numerous times ;) The story will be told entirely from Bella's POV. All chapter songs will be on my profile if you want to check 'em out, which I recommend you do. Enjoy, and review! :) xo

Disclaimer for all chapters: I own nothing!

Chapter 1: Feel It In My Bones
Chapter Song: Feel It In My Bones by Tiesto feat Tegan and Sara

I always enjoyed being completely isolated in a large crowd. The sense of not having any form of identity, or individuality seemed usually appealing for me, and I basked in it whenever I was given the opportunity to do so. Sometimes you just need a moment to step back and reflect on your surroundings. Living in the suffocating town of Forks, Washington made me want to hit my head against the brick wall. I mean that in the nicest possible way. Honest. Whether you want them to or not, the town population managed to know everybody's business. I can see why my mother ran away, far away, to Arizona, and eventually to where she currently lives, in Jacksonville, Florida.

I pulled my wheely suitcase along the thick carpet of the airport terminal, desperate to find a McDonald's or Burger King. I would kill for a happy meal and a large strawberry shake. Or three. Knowing me, I'd buy an extra toy because they're that damn awesome. Maybe I could eat my weight in fried food. The two and a half hour flight from Jacksonville to Chicago didn't offer any form of food or refreshments. What is this? I was a growing young lady in need of sustenance and shitty food to soothe my broken heart...mainly for comfort, too, because a date I did not want to remember was vastly approaching.

March eleventh.

"Comfort food, where are you?" I was absolutely frantic, my eyes manically searching for something to eat; something wickedly delicious and very, very bad for me. But not even all of the double chocolate ice cream could soothe this tortured soul.

I eventually found a cafe and ordered a coffee with cream and two sugars. Both McDonald's and Burger King were closed for 'maintenance'.

I sighed in contentment as I took my first sip of coffee and waited for my cheesecake. My coffee and I go way back, you see. We're soul mates. Best friends. We share BFF stickers and have slumber parties. All of the world's problems could be solved with coffee. Coffee won't tell you you're not good enough. It won't tell you your ass is too fat for your favorite (and only) pair of sequined denim hot pants. It won't ground you for two weeks because you were caught smoking pot behind the principal's car during lunch. No, coffee was always kind to you, never judging, always understanding.

If only people were like coffee. Maybe then I wouldn't hate the world so much.

A felt my cell vibrate in my pocket. My eyes quickly read Alice's text message.

Taco flavored kisses for my bestieee xxxxxx

I couldn't help but laugh, maybe even snorting a little. Alice and I loved making South Park references all the time. I called her instantly, and was greeted with her chime-like voice and loud background noise. They were in a bar or something, with fake ID's I bet.

"Bella-boooo!" She squealed. A chorus of 'BELLAAAAA' synchronized in the background. I greeted my best friend through a mouth full of caramel cheesecake.

"Are you sure you don't want us to wait around at the airport? We'll be heading over there in a bit to pick up Carlisle's son. He's due in about an hour."

"I'm not going to ask you to wait around for four hours for me, Al. I won't be getting in til one in the morning."

"We don't mind seriously. Do we, boys?"

"WE MISS YOU!" Jasper and Emmett yelled out. I grinned sheepishly. I missed my boys, too, and my beautiful Alice. That was the only thing I missed about Forks while I spent three weeks in Jacksonville with my mom. Okay, all I need in this world is my coffee and my three best friends...and the forbidden fruit that is my first love.

My internal monologue froze like a deer in the headlights. I don't know why I continue to punish myself over someone that I simply cannot have. Maybe it was being here in Chicago, where he lives. I squashed the thoughts of him and tried to smile as wide as I could.

"Charlie's already in Seattle somewhere, waiting for me. You know Charlie, always punctual."

"Creepishly punctual."

"Amen, sister."

"B-Bear!" Emmett took the phone from Alice. I could hear her yelling obscenities at her brother, but he didn't seem to notice. "I'm looking at people and picturing them as drinks."

"Oh yeah, what have you come up with?" I could easily see where this conversation was headed, and my cheeks were already bright red from trying hard not to laugh like an idiot in the middle of a busy airport.

"Well I just saw this businesswoman, and I thought 'Cosmopolitan'. Then, there was this prude, so she was called a...shit, what did we decide on?"

"Water. She's water," Jasper exclaimed, as if he had reminded Em for the twentieth time. He probably has reminded Em that many times. Bless his little heart.

"Holy shit did you just see that chick, Jazz? Bel, she's a fucking 'Sex on the Beach'!"

"You know, I don't really like that you're making my boyfriend check out chicks with you, brother," I heard Alice complain in the background.

"Well aren't you glad you're here to supervise? NO FUCKING WAY, if that chick's a sex on the beach, that chick that just walked past it... Phwooaaar!"

"Hmm. I know that chick," Alice muttered thoughtfully. "Rosalie Hale, you can't have her."

"You know her? Introduce me!"

"Fuck no. She deserves better than you, Emmett."

"Would she classify as a wet pussy?" I asked, smirking to myself.

"Fuck yes she's a wet pussy. If I'm lucky that wet pussy can meet the screwdriver. Cell phone high five me, Bella!" Alice and I groaned in disgust at exactly the same time, in the exact same pitch. If there was one thing Emmett didn't know how to do, it was to use his indoor voice. I was pretty sure that half the club heard this conversation.

"And who said that being drunk lowers your IQ?" Alice said, her voice dripping sarcasm.

"...Well that was a dry martini."

"And how are we related again?"

"Well you see, mom and dad got really horny one night and-"

"DUDE!"

"Okay guys," I was wiping the tears away from my face, I was laughing so much. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay?"

"And at the wedding!"

"Of course. Can't wait to see you guys."

As soon as I was off the phone, the smile fell from my face. In less than two hours, it would be my least favorite date of the year, March eleventh. How the fuck was I going to put on the perfect facade of happiness at a fucking wedding when all I would want to do is sit on my ass, eat large quantities of ice cream, watch sappy love stories and cry for the entire day? Not possible when I am going to Alice's mother's wedding tomorrow. She's marrying the town hunk, Carlisle...I shuddered. Even my mind couldn't think his last name. It reminded me of him...of Edward.

I didn't even want to think about what Edward and I once had. If we were going to be technical, nothing ever really happened between us. Not officially, anyway. We met when we were both thirteen years old, by chance. We had been thrown into one of those crazy MSN group chats and for some unknown reason we just started talking. I normally exited those conversations immediately, but there was something about the way he spoke to me that made me reconsider. By the end of our first conversation , I had a crush on him. Two weeks later we sent our pictures to each other. His beauty still makes my heart skip a beat, even after all these years. Two months later I told him I liked him. Six months later, he told me he loved me for the first time.

Two and a half years ago was the last time he ever spoke to me all because I fucking ruined any sort of potential of a relationship by going out with my still current boyfriend.

Ugh! There was no point in thinking about what could have been, because no matter how much I wished that I did things differently, I can't jump in a time machine and change the past. The fact of the matter is that he lives in Illinois and I live in Washington. See why I can't stop thinking about him? I'm on his turf AND in two hours it's our anniversary of the day we met. Talk about a big fuck you.

Not only that, but I'm with Jacob! A big teddy bear, softy, kind hearted, poor bastard who was completely oblivious to my still-evident love for Edward. Edward, of course, knew about Jacob. He hated him. His thoughts ran along the lines of homicidal. Though now I'm not so sure. For all I know he could be shaking up with a leggy, strawberry blonde named Tanya with blue eyes and a huge rack.

Ha. What would be the chances of a strawberry blonde being called Tanya, right?

My cheeks blushed a deep scarlet at the thought of what Edward and I used to get up to on the phone. Using my magazine as a fan, I furiously tried to blow wind on my face to calm me down. I shouldn't even be thinking about him. I have a boyfriend; a boyfriend who I left for him. No matter how much I told myself those words, it would never stick. It's like my heart refuses to accept it.

Fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck!

As I boarded my plane, I couldn't help but wonder where Edward Cullen was right now, and whether he was happy with his life. We were both seventeen now, the age when we both agreed to meet in person. Does he ever think of me anymore? What is he doing right now, at this moment? Did he still have that twinkle in his green eyes that took my breath away? Was his hair still that unique shade of bronze that I simply adored? Does he still do that side-smirk that I thought was so sexy, it made me fan myself with a paper fan at the mere thought of it?

I let my thoughts create different scenarios as I succumbed to jet lag.

!#$%^&*(!%^!~~

I woke up at precisely eight twenty am.

"SHIT!" I exclaimed, immediately jumping out of bed and running toward the bathroom. Why the hell didn't Charlie wake me up? I mean, sure, I appreciated the extra beauty sleep, but damn! It takes hours for me to put on my face! And today of all days? I whimpered as I saw a large pimple smack bang in the middle of my neck. "Could this piece of shit day get any worse?"

I trotted down the stairs, pissed off with the world and wanting someone to start shit with me. It was like PMS, but on an entirely different level.

Just call me Bellzilla; the PMS lizard.

I just couldn't look dad in the eye when I saw him sipping on his coffee. What was he doing here? He had errands to run! I loved my dad, don't get me wrong, but there's only so much of him I can handle in the morning especially on a day like today.

"Alice is going to kill you for not being at their house yet," I mumbled as I poured myself a cup of coffee. I piled mushrooms, bacon, sausage, toast, eggs and fried tomatoes on my plate and sat opposite him. I still couldn't work up the nerve to looking him in the eye. All this food was making my mouth salivate in delight.

I growled as I noticed an empty carton of milk on the kitchen counter.

"Is it so hard to replace milk?" I exclaimed. "You put it all in the scrambled eggs, didn't you? You only need one teaspoon. Is it too much to ask to have milk in my damn coffee in the fucking morning?"

"All right," Charlie interrupted, putting his newspaper down. He was looking at me seriously. "You gonna tell me what's really bothering you?"

"What's bothering me is I'm not drinking my damn cup of coffee right now."

"Why don't we do something today?" Charlie blurted out unexpectedly. I froze mid-bite, my mouth wide. I even think some drool was forming like a pool on the floor.

"We are doing something today. Carlisle and Esme's wedding tonight. Remember?"

"I meant during the day. Take the day off school. You've only technically had three and a half hours sleep."

"Since when do you want me to ditch school?" I asked through a mouthful of eggs and toast.

"What kind of kid doesn't want to ditch school? Look, we'll have some fun. Take your pick. Let's...I don't know...go fishing...or visit Jake and Billy..or paint bowls of fruit, or something."

"That," I sighed, "is exactly why I don't want to ditch school. You have things to do today, anyway. And if you don't do them, Alice will castrate you."

"I could always call Esme and see whether Alice can take the day off with you. I'm sure she won't mind. It's not like you'll both be paying attention in class."

"She's taking a half day."

"I could really use the help, Bells."

"Breakfast was great, dad. Didn't realize you were a regular Jamie Oliver." There was a tone in my voice that made Charlie surrender. Maybe he saw the look of frustration in my eyes, or the aggression in my voice. Whatever it was, I'm glad it worked. He walked me out to my car and stood in front of the driver's side silently.

What is he up to?

After five minutes and fifteen seconds (yes I actually counted), my patience ran out. I sighed loudly, even rolling my eyes a little too.

"Spit it out, dad. I know there's a reason why you want me away from school today, so go right ahead. I'm all ears." I raised my eyebrow impatiently, throwing my bag over his head and through the open car window. If there was one thing I mastered over many, many years, it was bag throwing over people's heads and through a car window. If it were an Olympic sport, I'd own it. He ran his fingers through his mustache thoughtfully, his eyes distant and unreachable.

"Mph. I'm that transparent, huh? Look, I just want you to take some time out here."

"Dad," I nearly growled, losing my patience. "You complained like hell when I told you I was going to see mom. I'm back from taking three weeks off school and on my first day back you tell me to take a day off?"

"Is it so wrong to want to spend time with you, Bells? I haven't seen you in weeks."

Guilt punched me in the gut. I felt my shitty resolve slightly crumble and I wanted to hug Charlie with as much love as I could. This was his way of telling me that he missed me. Well, I missed him, too. But the difference is, I live with him. I can see him whenever. He would understand that...right? That, and I don't want to be in my room, a constant reminder of computer and phone memories of Edward plaguing my mind today.

"Of course there isn't," I whispered, "And I missed you too. But I can't miss out on anymore school. I'm already so far behind as it is."

"Is everything okay with you and Jacob?"

My mind went absolutely blank. I was gobsmacked. Why on earth would he ask me about Jacob?

Oh riiight, he's your boyfriend.

I tried to smile, but I was sure that it came out as a grimace. Another damn reminder of my mistake.

"You're worried about Jake and I?"

"Yes."

"Dad," I sighed, suddenly feeling extremely exhausted. "We're...peachy."

"Is that a code word for something?"

This time I smiled a real smile. "No, no code word. Just means that we're the same as we've always been. So now that we have established that all is well in the world of Bella Swan, may I please leave for school now? I'm already going to be about fifteen minutes late."

"Uhh...sure, Bells. I'm just worried you're spreading yourself too thin right now."

I wouldn't speak the words out loud, but part of me feared that Charlie was right.

~!#$%^&*!^~

I pulled the covers over my head, still holding the phone to my ear as if it were my lifeline. I had been grinning for so long that my cheeks were beginning to ache in protest, but I couldn't stop. He had this ability to make me smile, no matter how shitty I felt, or even when I didn't want to smile. He chuckled, his voice smooth and luxurious as he continued to tell me the story of why his mother grounded him for the next two weeks.

"So I said to her, 'I shall dub thee Bitch Kitty, the kitten of bitches'. I even rubbed behind her ears and everything."

"You didn't!" I gasped, now laughing hysterically. "How did your mom take your affectionate nickname of her?"

"Needless to say my mother was less than pleased with my antics. And this is why I am locked in my room right now and not at that house party down the street."

"That's gotta suck. I know you were really looking forward to that party."

"There's a plus side to this scenario, you know."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"I get to stay on the phone all night talking to you." My heart skipped a beat, making my breath come out in short, shaky gasps. His voice was so gentle now it felt his words were caressing me. Washing over me. Only he had this ability to make me feel like my heart would explode with love. "Bella?"

"Mmm?"

"There's something that I've wanted to tell you for a long time. Since the first time I started talking to you, actually." She sat up slowly, telling him to continue. "I love you."

If I thought I was grinning before, I was most definitely wrong. My heart was thudding so loudly I was sure he could hear it. I just couldn't believe it. He loves me. The most beautiful soul I have ever encountered in my entire life is in love with me.

"Oh, Edward," I whispered. "I love you too."

"Bells? Is everything okay, babe?"

I blinked several times before I realized that I was reliving a memory that made me want to punch myself in the face several times. Feeling like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over my head; I was truly lost for words. Is everything okay? I'm not so sure. It depends on what you would define as okay. It's like asking whether her soup at a restaurant was okay. No, she was definitely not okay. I hated being this dramatic. It just wasn't in my nature.

I bit my lip, trying to work up the energy to lie and say that there was nothing wrong. That he was just imagining things—what I always say to Jacob when he suspected that something was wrong—but he was always right, always aware and I resented that he knew me so well. I was sure that he already knew what I was feeling even though I wouldn't dare speak the words.

Jacob Black was the only person that knew about Edward and he thought I was over him.

Wrong. You're so wrong, Jacob. I wish that I could get over him, but I can't. I'm sorry.

I re-opened the Internet page, gnawing at my lip absentmindedly as I stared helplessly at the page. You shouldn't be doing this, my mind screamed at me. Am I just the type of person who enjoys punishment? I must enjoy this torment and agony, otherwise I wouldn't keep doing this to myself. I am such a glutton for punishment.

Yep. Just call me Bella 'the masochist' Swan.

"Can I call you back, Jake?" I asked in a near whisper.

I didn't bother to wait for a reply, immediately terminating the call. Today was a bittersweet (mostly bitter) day for me. March eleventh. The date held strong memories for me, most of them I knew better than to remember, especially when on the phone to my boyfriend but I still do it. It's the only reminder for me that he actually existed.

It was the day I met Edward.

I averted my eyes back to the screen, re-reading our last e-mail exchange.

Subject: I'm sorry...

From: Bella Swan

Date: 26 June 2007 23:55:30

To: Edward Cullen

Edward,

When you and I first started talking it was like something out of one of those cheesy movies except it was real life. By some form of luck, or chance, we met online of all places. And even though we were separated by computer screens and a wide space of land, I felt the stars align. I felt something that I never thought I could feel at the age of thirteen. How is that normal?

You know that I have had a reluctance to meet you, mainly because of fear. I know that you are who you say you are, and not some creepy online pedophile, but I fear that once you see me, really see me, you'll hate what you see.

That's why I'm doing this.

I've talked to you about my friend Jacob. I know you sensed that something was wrong when you spoke to me tonight...and you were right. He asked me out tonight and I said yes. You know I love you, but I can't do this anymore. I can't wait for someone who isn't here with me, and on the other side of the country. I need to feel you, kiss you, see you.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Subject: RE: I'm sorry...

From: Edward Cullen

Date: 27 June 2007 13:34:03

To: Bella Swan

For someone who says that they're in love with someone, you sure have a funny way of showing it. When you love someone, you don't turn around and do what you have done to me. I'm so angry I could fucking tear my hair out and scream. I have been crying and breaking shit and the fucked up part of this all is...all I want is you. I want you to make me better and you can't fucking do that anymore because you're too much of a coward to wait three more years to be with me. Is that what you want to hear? Do you want me to be happy for you? Because I won't say I am.

There is only one person that you belong with, Bella, and that's me. Not Jacob. ME.

If you love me, you would wait for me. I was willing to wait for you, and I will still continue to wait for you even though right now all I want to do is fucking kill that Jacob 'friend' of yours. You've broken my heart, Bella. How could you do this to me? Couldn't you have at least called me to tell me this? You didn't even have the guts to do that?

Until you break up with him, I won't be speaking to you anymore.

Whatever you send to me I won't reply to until I know it's over for good. And don't feel guilty, which I know you will, because you made your bed. You chose so deal with the consequences.

I hope for my sake, you forget I existed. At least then I can try and get over you.

Edward.

"Shit," I groaned.

My eyes lost focus while I continued to idly stare at the computer screen. I don't know why I bothered to read his last email, for I knew every word, every comma, every full stop. Every time I thought of him, my heart shattered that extra piece that I thought wasn't possible anymore. I thought my heart couldn't be damaged any more than it is, but it still breaks. Whoever said that words don't hurt is a liar. They hurt. They devastate. They haunt you each and every moment of every day, until you drive yourself crazy from it; until you can't bear it anymore.

I tapped my fingers lightly on the keyboard, my mind truly in another place.

I still wrote to Edward occasionally, praying that he would reply but he never does. Two and a half years later, I was still with Jacob—the reason I broke up with Edward—and still just as broken hearted. I obviously managed to hide it well, because the facade that was Jacob and I was convincing to everyone else. Although Jake and I were in a comfortable place with one another, my heart was with the green eyed boy I never had the honor of meeting.

I quickly exited out of the Internet screen and put my head in my hands.

I felt numb, physically and emotionally. I haven't been completely happy, or the same person since the day Edward stopped talking to me. It felt like a part of me died the moment he said goodbye for good. Maybe a part of me really has died but Edward was right, I had no right to feel this way because it was a choice I made.

Is it possible to break your own heart?

"Lamesauce. Fucking lamesauce," I mumbled vehemently.

"Oi whore! You ready to go?" Alice yelled from behind my closed door. I was most definitely not ready for tonight, but how would I explain that? I yelled out a quick yes and listened to Alice's high heels trot down the stairs and outside again. I quickly put on my high heels before meeting her in her car.

"I was right," Alice smirked as I closed the car door. "That dress looks fucking fantastic on you."

It was a midnight blue dress, silk and low cut, but not trashy at all. I felt really classy in it, like a woman. Not like the awkward seventeen year old girl that I am.

"If my memory recalls, I chose this dress, sweetie."

"Don't be ridiculous, I chose that dress."

"No, seriously, I bought this. In one of those boutiques in Port Angeles, and gasp! On sale!"

"Blasphemy!" Alice growled as she sped toward her house.

As we drove up the winding driveway that led toward Alice's mansion, my stomach started to sink involuntarily. I was extremely happy for my best friend's mother, Esme, and even Carlisle, but being around Carlisle made me sad and uneasy. He was a beautiful, kind hearted man, who was compassionate and understanding but he shared his last name...Cullen.

I shuddered involuntarily and Alice glanced at me curiously.

"You sure everything is okay, Bel? You haven't been very..you..today."

"Yeah, I guess I'm just jet lagged from the flight last night."

"If you say so."

Damn your ability to know when something's wrong, Alice.

We walked up the stairs toward Alice's room in silence. Alice knew when to give me some space and now was that time. I sat in front of Alice's vanity mirror, looking at my reflection without really noticing. Alice immediately plugged in the hair curler and started applying foundation to my pale skin.

"I know you're hiding something from me," Alice said as she rubbed in the foundation with a sponge. "And I would really appreciate it if you tell me what it is."

I take that previous statement back. It only makes her more determined. I should have known better. I playfully scowled at her through the mirror. She smiled innocently.

"You're really pushy, you know that?"

"I share everything with you. I just expect the same in return."

"It's really nothing, Alice. Just drop it."

"You will tell me," Alice muttered as she stabbed her with eyeliner. "Not now, but you will."

Time went by so quickly that before I knew it, it was time to sit down for the ceremony, which was in the Cullen backyard. Alice quickly ushered me to my seat, which I would have found by myself anyway, because I saw Charlie's large frame. He was a large, lean man, but with a pot belly. As I sat down next to him, he grinned widely. His cheeks were stained red.

I laughed wholeheartedly. "You're drunk already, dad?"

"Izza par-teh, Bells."

"Hey baby," a hot breath sounded in my ear. I immediately froze, knowing who it was immediately. It was honestly the last person that I wanted to see right now, today of all days! It felt like a betrayal to Edward, even though I had no right to think of him anymore. This would be an insult to him. Stabbing the knife in over and over, even if he wasn't around to feel or see it. I nearly groaned as I looked at Jacob.

He looked gorgeous, as he always did, in a gray tuxedo and black shirt. His long hair was tied back, his russet skin striking. His brown eyes showed nothing but love for me, and that only made me feel even more guilty for recoiling from him. For doing this to him. Lying and betraying repeatedly. I had to be the worst person on the planet. I hated myself for causing all this hurt. He lazily put an arm over me.

"What are you doing here?"

Jacob's smile fell from his face. "Alice invited me. Don't you want me to be here?"

Yes, that's exactly what I want.

"Don't be silly." I leaned into him, even though my body screamed at me to back away from him. He smiled again and kissed my forehead. Bridal music began to play and everyone turned to look behind them. The first two people who walked down were Alice and her boyfriend Jasper. She was skipping along, her excitement evident. Jasper was smiling at her, like she was an angel sent from heaven. The next to walk down was Alice's brother, Emmett, with a blonde girl I didn't know. She was a stunning girl, tall and sex incarnate. I immediately felt my self esteem drop and my appetite diminish.

God damn, she's hot!

Emmett winked at me as he stepped up on the mezzanine, facing the forty guests. He pointed to the nameless blonde and mouthed 'wet pussy'. I snorted loudly and several heads turned in my direction. I blushed and mumbled a quick apology. I turned back around and was wriggling my eyebrows at Alice playfully. She poked her tongue out at her and we were trying desperately not to laugh too loud. I saw something move out of the corner of my eye, something that immediately caught my attention. It was a blur of color that I had only seen once before. My entire body shifted, desperate to see where the color was coming from. When I saw where it came from, I froze.

"Bella? You okay, honey?"

With all of the energy I could gather, I suppressed the urge to tell Jacob to shut the fuck up. My entire body was paralytic. Stiff and still with fear. My heart was in overdrive. Turn around! Fucking turn around! And as he stepped up on the podium, and turned to face the crowd, I felt like I was going to be sick.

It was him. Edward Cullen.

He's...he's actually real. I felt like I was doused in gasoline, my entire body on fire. I didn't know what to feel right now. How was I meant to feel, seeing him like this for the first time? I let out a shaky breath, feeling sick to my very core.

As if sensing eyes on him, his eyes slowly scanned the intimate group before they met mine. Whatever my facial expression was right now, I was positive that his mirrored mine. His entire body stiffened, his eyes wide. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

We obviously knew what we looked like. We took photos, we went on web cam, we did everything that we possibly could to make up for the fact that we couldn't physically be together but those photos, the web cam sessions meant nothing. They held no justice for his beauty. He was hands down the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. His bronze hair was so much more complex than in pictures, shining different shades, so multifaceted. His green eyes were a lot lighter than I remembered and his skin was flawless. He didn't look like the boy that I fell in love with, but was now a man. He was so fucking beautiful it made my heart ache. That's when I noticed the date that was holding onto his arm possessively. My heart sank.

You're kidding me. A strawberry blonde? She was fucking stunning. Hell, I had other girls at school as a reminder of how physically inadequate I was, but this girl...she could give even Rose a run for her money. Not a hair out of place from her immaculate hair style and she had piercing blue eyes that could slice right through you. She was slender and tall and everything I'm not. She leaned close to him and whispered in his ear, but his expression never changed. His eye's never left mine.

"Baby?" Jacob sounded so unsure. I couldn't bear to look at him right now. I was afraid that if I so much as opened my mouth, I would spill the truth and freak the fuck out. Once I freak the fuck out, I'd have to tell him why. Not when the love of my life was standing across the room, looking at me like I was the shit beneath his shoe. Of course he hated me. I was probably the last person he'd ever want to see, even on his deathbed. His stare was so intense it sent goosebumps through every cell of my skin.

If he was here...could that mean...

Holy shit! He's Carlisle's son!

"I'm fine, Jake. Just not feeling well." The words barely left my closed lips. I watched Edward's eyes move to Jacob, narrowing ever so slightly. He knew that it was Jacob who had his arm around me protectively. I sank in my seat, wishing I could disappear.

Never did I think that Edward and I would meet like this. I had dreamed up all of these ridiculous scenarios, and none of them were like this. This was a fucking disaster. If I had stopped avoiding Carlisle, I most likely would have known that he was related to Edward. If I had known what would I have done? Would I have rushed to his side and begged him to forgive me? Or would I have hidden away, like I long to do now? That fucking strawberry blonde stroked his cheek affectionately, but he did not respond. His hard stare was as intense as ever. Hey, at least her name isn't Tanya. I fucking hate that name.

I was barely aware of the ceremony itself. If someone asked whether I liked Esme's dress, or what I thought of the ceremony, I wouldn't have been able to answer. I hadn't noticed anything, because during the forty minute ceremony, my eyes never left Edward Cullen.