Disclaimer: Do not own Naruto
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Letting It Rain
It all started when he sat down beside me and hugged me. Of course I pushed him away, called him a pervert, jumped up and said more idiotic stuff that probably made no sense whatsoever, and then walked away. He just sat there and smiled his fake smile that I wanted so badly to rip off and his eyes flashed with something but I could not figure out what it was; it came and went too fast.
I did not even notice it until now. I don't want to think about it, about how he makes me feel; if I think about him then its like I actually care about him I know I am not that dumb. After all that Sasuke put me through I should not be having these kind of feelings for anyone let alone Sai who was more emotionless than Sasuke. What I am starting to feel for him is almost the same as how Sasuke made me feel yet it is also very different. And because of that my heart wants me to embrace it and accept it.
I don't like the feeling, this feeling which has caused me so much pain. But I'm okay now, really. I am stronger and wiser. I learned to never give my heart away so easily. But all that I've learned and gained after Sasuke left just flies out the window when he gives me those painfully fake smiles that could crack in to million pieces. Those smiles that were meant to make me feel better. I just want to go to him and hug him, hold him so tight, so I know he is there, that he will not leave. That he cares.
But nobody can tell how the other person is feeling, what they are thinking.
I realize now that I should have hugged him then. I should have smiled at him and thanked him when he offered comfort and protection. I should have taken that apple. I should have leaned over and kissed him softly so he could taste the apple in my mouth. But I was too afraid of what was to come.
There are many things I should have done, that I could have done, that I want to do, but I can't. Now, it's probably too late. May be he hates me; maybe he does not want to see me again. Maybe he will leave me too.
I have accepted it now, these feelings boiling inside of me; straining to break out, threatening to overflow and drown anything else out. I should not have tried to push it away. I should have known no matter how much I tried, it was going to be there. It was going to stay there. It would always be there now matter how much and how far I hide.
Someone sat down beside me, I knew who it as even without looking. I could just tell by the quality of silence. Dark clouds rumbled in the sky, giving permission, giving permission to do, to do what I felt was right. I had the courage now.
I turned to Sai and smiled. His fingers wiped away at something on my face. Something wet. Tears; I was crying. I did not know that I was crying that tears were slipping down my cheeks.
He came close and I gravitated towards him. Lips me lips as the clouds let out a scream of forfeit and rain poured down around us, drenching us, making us cling to each other.
Neither of us made to move, neither did we want to. The rain fell , like the tears from my blue orbs, letting go of all the pent of emotions. Everything was different now. I, myself was a different person. I let out a whoop of joy as my salty tears mixed with heaven's fresh water.
Said just pulled me close and smiled; a real smile albeit a small one. But I get all the credit to the smile and I want to see it again tomorrow and the day after and the day after that and more to come. But one is enough for now. Because I will make sure, as is my responsibility that next time will be better, the next one will be bigger and it will also be for me.
Next times are always better, no matter how good the first time was.