Held in his arms, I watch him slowly breathing. So quiet and rhythmic, it's very peaceful. I snuggle deeper into his arms, closing my eyes. These moments we have together are too few, so I find myself treasuring every second.
Adam and I have been together for a little over two months. To say I fell hard for him when he first transferred to the squad is an understatement. He was witty, charming, and handsome; the perfect male human package. It didn't take us long to hit it off, and we've been together ever since.
As I watch him now, I wonder if this is even real. I think about it over and over again, does he really love me? How could he? He never really sees me... all he sees is a blond bomb-shell beauty, my outer shell. The real me, he could never, ever, ever see. He would leave me, and I couldn't have that.
To think I was to destroy this squad over 3 weeks ago... I have failed my Queen horribly.
The host I have taken has lost her mind completely. It is as if she is dead. If I was to leave her body, she would only fall into a deep state of coma. This host body now completely belongs to me. I have full access to her memories. I sometimes lay in my bunk at night and replay through them, playing with these emotions. Working on them as an actor would rehearse a part. I enjoy it greatly.
They say bugs can't feel anything. That all they do is what the Queen commands. Well, that's only partly true. The drones, like the ones they call "Warriors", are the Queens loyal servants. But, they have no choice. Their mind could never comprehend the things these humans know. Emotions like friendship, compassion, and even.. love.
Is it impossible for me to love? I can control this female host and act in ways in love. I can speak of it, and I can think of it. But do I really feel it? When I look at Adam through my host's eyes, am I truly feeling this emotion?
I close my eyes. It doesn't matter. I could never return to the Hive. I have already severed my physic link back to it. They probably think I am dead, killed somehow by these humans. How ironic that I have fought beside them instead to destroy my fellow bugs. I may not be human, but as long as I am able to live among them, with Adam, I will. For these few moments... I will be as human as I can.
Adam and I have been together for a little over two months. To say I fell hard for him when he first transferred to the squad is an understatement. He was witty, charming, and handsome; the perfect male human package. It didn't take us long to hit it off, and we've been together ever since.
As I watch him now, I wonder if this is even real. I think about it over and over again, does he really love me? How could he? He never really sees me... all he sees is a blond bomb-shell beauty, my outer shell. The real me, he could never, ever, ever see. He would leave me, and I couldn't have that.
To think I was to destroy this squad over 3 weeks ago... I have failed my Queen horribly.
The host I have taken has lost her mind completely. It is as if she is dead. If I was to leave her body, she would only fall into a deep state of coma. This host body now completely belongs to me. I have full access to her memories. I sometimes lay in my bunk at night and replay through them, playing with these emotions. Working on them as an actor would rehearse a part. I enjoy it greatly.
They say bugs can't feel anything. That all they do is what the Queen commands. Well, that's only partly true. The drones, like the ones they call "Warriors", are the Queens loyal servants. But, they have no choice. Their mind could never comprehend the things these humans know. Emotions like friendship, compassion, and even.. love.
Is it impossible for me to love? I can control this female host and act in ways in love. I can speak of it, and I can think of it. But do I really feel it? When I look at Adam through my host's eyes, am I truly feeling this emotion?
I close my eyes. It doesn't matter. I could never return to the Hive. I have already severed my physic link back to it. They probably think I am dead, killed somehow by these humans. How ironic that I have fought beside them instead to destroy my fellow bugs. I may not be human, but as long as I am able to live among them, with Adam, I will. For these few moments... I will be as human as I can.