Finally, a decently-sized one shot. This one shot is part of my Post-Pacifist Headcanon, which I may or may not create one of those superlong open-ended stories on. In the meantime, this one shot is set in Frisk's point of view. Enjoy~
...
When I first fell down Mt. Ebott, I thought the pain would end soon. It did, eventually, but not the way I expected.
What I found down there was, in fact, not my end. Really, you could argue it was my beginning. I finally started to feel like I meant something. I found a loving family and caring friends. I was accepted. I belonged. I found the feeling I had been looking for my whole life. And so I gave it everything I had, to give my underground friends the happy ending they deserved.
That moment in the sunrise, when I agreed to stay with Toriel on the surface, I could tell she was confused as to why I had so quickly decided to abandon my past and my origin. She doesn't know the truth about my childhood. Or why I jumped into the underground in the first place. Maybe it's better she doesn't know. I'd rather stay focused on the present. My life with the monsters is truly happy and fulfilling. I can put my past behind me and feel completely satisfied here. It's better than I could have ever asked for.
...
"Frisk, are you alright?" Toriel asks from across the room. I look up, and a tear falls down my cheek.
"Y-yeah, I'm fine," I say, wiping my face with my sweater sleeve. "I'm just... thinking about... my past... and how glad I am to be here..."
She smiles slightly, but with a clear look of sympathy and concern in her eyes. "I am glad you are enjoying it here. ...You never did tell me why you... fell. I do not want to be invasive, but if you do not mind my asking, does the reason you fell... have something to do with your past?"
"Actually, yes..." Ah, heck, I think. Do I really want to talk about this? Well, I guess it has to happen sooner or later. Maybe talking will help. She's your mother, Frisk. You can tell her anything. I sigh. "I wasn't going to talk about it, but I can't keep it to myself forever. It's time I told you my story.
"I wasn't born to the most peaceful or happy family. Things were just sort of okay for the first several years of my life, and then something-I don't know what, I was too young-changed and everything went to crap. My parents were pretty careless and ignorant, at least with me, because they almost never paid attention to me, and when they did, they were mad at me for things I didn't do. I got tired of that pretty quickly, but I couldn't afford not to care the way they didn't care. So I had to put up with the constant yelling, the ignoring.
"They told me things about myself that I don't think any child should hear. Things that hurt your mind so much, that it feels like it hurts your body too, right in the middle of your chest. And they said them so much that I believed them. I felt worse and worse about myself, and I started to think I didn't matter, I was worthless, powerless, meaningless...! It was awful.
"One night, my father came home more angry and impatient than usual... and decided to take it out on me. I was already scared enough of him.
"That same night, I packed what little I owned into a backpack and ran away. Not having anyone else to help me or anywhere better to go, I ended up climbing Mt. Ebott, where I found my final escape from this hell. I stood at the edge, thought about my situation and how determined I was to get out of it, and let myself fall forward into the pit, thinking I'd be better off down there than where I was before.
"Which, ironically, was perfectly true. I am better off here now. I just didn't die." I chuckle slightly, through the lump still lingering in my throat from crying. "That's good, though. I'm happy here. I was never happy before."
A silence falls over the two of us as Toriel absorbs my story and I absorb the fact that I've shared it. "...I will admit, I had no idea you were ever in a situation like that, especially for so long. I am sorry that you had to experience that," she says, placing a hand over mine reassuringly.
"It's okay," I respond. "I'm glad I'm here. It's the best thing to ever happen to me."
"I am glad you are here as well, my child."
...
some time later (a couple of weeks maybe)
I had always known that while on the outside, Toriel maintained a sweet and motherly character, deep inside lay a sorrowful background. During my adventure through the underground, it was hard to forget about Asgore or the other fallen humans. But I had not been completely aware of the real effect of that backstory until today.
I came home this evening from Sans and Papy's house, planning to just get ready to go to bed. But once I'd unlocked the door, stepped inside, and taken off my sweater, I turned around and realized that the house was totally quiet and Toriel was nowhere to be seen. "I'm home," I call out, hoping she just hasn't heard me yet. Nothing.
My heart drops in fear. I begin to panic. I half-walk, half-run into the hallway and turn towards Toriel's bedroom door. I anxiously lay my fingers on the doorknob and turn it hesitantly, grateful to at least find it unlocked. When I look inside the room, at first I remain silent. Toriel is sitting on her bed, staring at the middle of the floor. I can see a visible stream of tears down her face, and her shaky breathing is faintly audible even from the door. I step in and close the door behind me, bringing attention to myself. She hears me and glances up quickly, surprised. "Frisk!" she exclaims.
"A-are you okay?" I ask. "I just came home and I couldn't find you. I just got kind of worried... Do you want me to go? I can leave you alone for now, if you want me to-"
"No, it is alright. Please stay," she whispers, stepping forward and wraps me up in a hug. One that felt like she was the one who needed it, not me; and so she started it knowing I could give it to her.
I don't hesitate to return the embrace. "What's wrong?"
"I..." She pauses. "No, I should tell you. I should tell someone." She seems to be discussing it with herself. Then she takes a step back and takes my hands in hers. "Frisk, you know, you are the only one living out of any of the children I took in-or, adopted, you could say."
We both settle into a seated position on the floor as she continues. "When we lost Chara and Asriel, I was completely heartbroken. I had lost both of my children in one day. I felt as though I had failed them as a mother. I failed to protect them... And I left Asgore. I was determined to protect any other humans who fell, from meeting the fate he had in store for them. And deep inside, I will admit... I wanted to be a mother again, more than anything.
"But as human after human entered the underground and left the Ruins and met the same fate, I began to lose hope. Not one of my children had survived. I led a lonely life in the Ruins. I doubted my abilities to keep my children safe. I started to believe I was not meant to be a mother..."
A few tears slip from her eyes. I let one fall from mine, too, as I immediately reach out to comfort her, saying, "Oh, Toriel, no! Of course that's not true! I'm right here, I'm perfectly safe and happy."
She pulls me back into another tight hug and responds, "I know. You are the one reminder I have that... I am capable of taking care of you. Everything is alright and nothing bad can happen to you here."
"I don't have any reason that I could possibly think of to ever leave you," I assure her. "I know what I told you about my life with the other humans, but I promise, I'd never do anything like that again. I've come a long way, and I've finally found my home, with you and all the other monsters."
Though it seems she still has her doubts, she decides not to voice them. Instead, she says, "Of course, my child. I am sorry. Sometimes I think too much about things that have happened in the past, and fear that they will happen again in the future..."
"Oh, I know that feeling," I admit. "There's always this worry in the back of my mind that somehow I'll end back up the way I was in my human home, or maybe I'll lose everyone and everything I have here, or worse... that's it's all made up... but when that happens, I open my eyes and I look up at this life we as a group have built together, this life among friends. Look at all the progress we've made, we've rebuilt a monster village and we're well on our way to a proper reintroduction to the humans. And I've made personal progress, too-from the moment I landed underground and realized I wasn't dead I decided there had to have been something in me worth saving, and I was determined to find out what. And it's this.
"Toriel, I know you've been dealing with this a lot longer than I have. But just always remember, you alone are everything my past self could have ever wanted, and more. You have made such a huge different in my life, from the moment you found me in the Ruins. Of course I could have stayed there with you, but I knew I could give you something better than that. That's why I was so stubborn on leaving the Ruins, because I wanted to figure out how to give you the freedom you so clearly deserved. And the farther I traveled through the Underground and made more friends who deserved the same, I figured I owed them something for giving me everything I could have ever wished for.
"It's a bit off topic, I guess. But my point is, I'm happy I'm here. And you are why. You set this whole thing going by caring about me. I realized I was worthy of love even despite my past. Our past failures don't define our future successes. Our past mistakes don't define us." Finally satisfied with my lengthy monologue, I sit down and she pulls me into another hug.
"...Thank you, my child."
...
The next day, after I forget where I put my sweater and wake up cold and finally find it by the door, Toriel comes into my bedroom holding something. A book. No, not just a book: her journal. A page is bookmarked. She holds it out. "Frisk, my child, I would like for you to read this. I do not think I can put my thoughts to words any better than I did here." She opens the bookmarked page and hands it to me.
August 5
"Our past failures do not define our future successes." That is what Frisk told me this evening.
I had not known that they had come from such a sad background. But I am glad they are here now, in a a new home, a better home.
I was feeling doubtful today about a lot of things, reflecting on the past and wishing I could go back and do it all over. But Frisk reminded me of everything I have done for them, and told me how much it affected them. They said it was my actions that inspired them to move forward in the Underground. I had not known then how much Frisk had needed me. I do not think that tonight, they knew how much I need them.
My child, your kind words and reassurance have inspired me to move forward. I am grateful for your support. While I do not think I may ever forget what has happened in my past, I am beginning to accept that it is over now. I cannot hold onto these feelings while we are making progress together.
A mother is meant to help her child find their way through life, to soothe them when they are upset, to help them solve problems. Frisk assures me that i am capable of all of this. But as much as I help them, it seems that they too are helping me. With this realization, I have come to see my child as less of a child and more of an... equal. They are much more experienced and mature than they appear.
Thank you again, my child, for your kind and helpful words. I love you.
"Our past mistakes do not define us."
...