The Art of Dumping
Characters/Pairings: Various
Rating: T
Summary: What do the Espadas do when they need to take a dump?
A/N: This is going to be a three-shot. The second and third chapters will feature the captains and lieutenants of the Gotei 13. I hope you all enjoy and that you review and tell me what you think!
Thanks for reading. :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Coyote Starrk: He puts it off to sleep a while longer, and minutes later Lillinette sees him dashing across the room for the bathroom.
Barragan Luisenbarn: "Ingrates. I am far too great for some simple body function. I am-"
Barragan paused abruptly. His Fracción loomed close as one of the muscles in his face jumped and he immediately began struggling to get out of his chair.
"FOOLS! GET ME TO A BATHROOM, THIS INSTANT! HURRY!" They did just that.
Unfortunately, Barragan had weak continence and ended up shitting all over himself halfway to the bathroom.
Tia Harribel: She disappears for awhile and then reappears, having done the deed without drawing attention to herself.
Nelliel Tu Odelshvank (former tres): "OH MY GOD! PESCHE! DANDOCHAKKA! HURRYYY! I NEED TO GO POTTY, LIKE, RIGHT NOW!"
Ulquiorra Schiffer: "There's really no point in indulging in such a pointless-" Ulquiorra paused...blinked. "Excuse me." He swiftly walked away, posture more rigid than ever.
Nnoitora Jiruga: "OUTTA MY FUCKING WAY!" Nnoitora screamed, running down the hall and plowing down passerby as he went.
Grimmjow Jeagerjaques: "HOLY SHIT!" Grimmjow yelled. Everyone in the meeting hall, including a narrow-eyed Aizen, turned to look at him.
"I need to drop a load. NOW." Grimmjow shoved Nnoitora's chair over, dumping the quinta into the floor, and rushed for the door.
Zommari Leroux: "My Amour will take care of it." Zommari continued to meditate. A minute later, he accepted that his Amour wasn't going to do shit about it and hurried to the bathroom.
Szayel Aporro Grantz: "Please, you simpletons. I have already come up with a scientific solution to that...irksome problem." No one believed him.
Aaroniero Arrurerie: He has a spastic colon because of his eating habits and shits spontaneously.
He was at a meeting with Aizen once when he spontaneously shit in his seat. Everybody smelled it.
Aizen was far from pleased. Gin, for once, was not smiling, and subtly backed towards the door.
Tousen frowned deeply.
Grimmjow and Nnoitora began pouring a waterfall of curses at him, but Aaroniero couldn't fucking stop and grabbed on tightly to the sides of his chair as shit exploded forcefully out of his ass.
Szayel began screaming because he was sitting right next to the Noveno and a potpourri of shit was spraying his virgin clean uniform. Aaroniero screamed, too, shit erupting from his ass the entire time.
This scene went on for about half a minute, Aaroniero screaming, Szayel screaming, Starrk sleeping through it all. Barragan wheeled his wrinkled ass on out of there with Harribel following him.
By the time it finally died down, Aaroniero's ass was still oozing a bit and he was now sitting on a huge gooey pile that probably weighed at least five pounds.
Szayel got up, still screaming, nearly slipped on the shit, and dashed out of the room, his uniform now a leapord-printed article spattered with ka-ka. A kaleidoscope of fecal matter decorated the table. Aizen just sighed and got up to leave, a handerchief held over his mouth and nose.
Aaroniero exhaled heavily, asshole sore.
Yammy Rialgo: Yammy takes a dump that has a nuclear effect on all of Los Noches and completely levels the facilities he used. The carnage is unbelievable. Reconstruction takes a month.
A/N: This is the second almost-fic that I've written on Aaroniero's bowel movements. I don't know why, it just fascinates me. I was hysterical while I wrote his section. Especially at Szayel's reaction. It's just so hilarious.
Show of hands. Who laughed their asses off? *raises hand* Heheheheh.