A/N: This was meant to be a oneshot, but obviously it isn't anymore. I don't quite know how long it's going to be, but hopefully it won't be longer than 5/6 chapters tops. I intend to alternate Jane and Lisbon's point of views with this. And hm. I have far too many multiparter ideas, I need to pace myself with starting them. Heh.
x tromana
Title: Better to Have Loved
Author: tromana
Rating: T
Characters: Jane/Lisbon
Disclaimer: It's better me not owning the show, believe me.
Summary: Apparently, it's better to have loved than never loved at all. Jane's not so sure now. Jane/Lisbon
Notes: Lyrics from 'Better to Have Loved' by Idina Menzel. mentalistprompt community on LJ prompt: 001 something new
Better to Have Loved
Better to have loved than never loved at all
Better to have dreamed than never taken the fall
Better to have held you and let you in
Than never to have touched your skin
Better to have hurt and screamed and cried
Fallen to the earth for a trip to the sky
Better to have loved you
-Better to Have Loved, Idina Menzel
Part One
Jane smiles as he allows his fingers to dance across her skin, relishing in the moment as she shudders in response. It's been a long while since he was last intimate with a woman but Lisbon had been so very keen and he had found himself swept along with her enthusiasm all too willingly. Of all the women currently in his life, he is glad that it's Lisbon who is teaching him how to love again. And though he'd never dare tell her, partially because she wouldn't take his compliments seriously, she does make a rather excellent tutor. He reckons that if she wasn't a cop, she should have gone into the education profession. He can just see her wearing those tight pencil skirts daily, barking instructions at a small class of unruly six year olds, making sure that they all…
He jumps as a small but firm hand slaps across his chest. The little minx is looking down at him, her face partially obscured with bed hair, but he can still see her sharp green eyes, round with intrigue.
"What are you daydreaming about?"
"You," he replies immediately, having no need to lie for a change. He smirks and pokes her in the side, stifling his laughter as she shies from his touch. "You need to wear skirts more often."
"Oh really?" she asks, her tone typically skeptical as she sits up. Jane has to hide his delight when he suddenly finds her bare legs straddling his waist. "What made you come to that conclusion?"
"Your court skirt."
"Well, I'm glad you're fantasizing in bed rather than wasting time at work, but it's not gonna happen."
"Why not?"
She finds his pout rather endearing and Jane knows that she always has. Unfortunately for her that means he likes to play on it, though she remains woefully unaware of the fact. Still, he doesn't expect her nimble hands to sought out his ticklish spots. Now, he's the one squirming and is entirely at her mercy, mainly because having three brothers means she's an expert when it comes to tickle fights. He doesn't get surprised when she manages to turn the tables in him, not anymore, but it doesn't mean he has to appreciate or endure the treatment. Eventually, he finds himself completely breathless and unable to make any sort of a resistance and therefore, has to call a halt to the brunette's style of torture. It's only when they have both stopped laughing and regained some composure that he realizes that he prompts her for an answer. He would genuinely like it if she started to wear more skirts at work and he's fairly certain that several other individuals who work at the CBI would appreciate it too.
"I could hardly apprehend troublesome suspects while wearing a skirt," she eventually answers, as if it is blindingly obvious. "It would make things a lot more difficult."
Jane nods, realizing he will have to concede defeat this time around as it is a very valid point. Instead, he allows his hands to run up her luscious legs, the ones that are pinning him to her, their, bed. They'd been occupying his thoughts minutes ago so he might as well enjoy them while she was practically handing them to him on a silver platter. At least she has no excuse to keep them hidden in practical garments in private he muses as he pulls her down to meet him for a searing kiss.
She has no excuse at all.
***
Jane hadn't thought it feasibly possible for his life to be turned completely upside down for a second time.
Lisbon is the most steadfast, faithful woman he knew yet somehow, she has completely disappeared off the face of the earth. Everyone else he knows would have a reason for going away suddenly. Cho practically lives under his mother's thumb, Van Pelt is still in regular contact with her college friends, Rigsby has family emergencies every other week and so on. Heck, he even knows that the night security guard is having marital problems and on days when his wife is co-operating, it's virtually impossible to get hold of him. But Lisbon? Anything she does is meticulously planned. It's a major operation for her to go and visit any of her family and requires a hell of a lot of persuasion.
Just twenty four hours ago, she had been in his arms, teasing him in that typical Lisbon-ish manner. Now, he didn't have a clue where she was and that was terribly disconcerting. It's not that he wants to shadow her; he's proud that she has her own life to lead, but he gets jumpy if he doesn't know where she is. After the losses he endured so long ago now, he hopes that it's understandable if he gets a little clingy at times. He wants to take his car and go canvassing the streets, but Cho and Rigsby have insisted that there's probably a logical explanation and have confiscated his car keys. Van Pelt is sitting in his lounge, sipping periodically at a chamomile tea, in a twisted sort of stakeout to ensure he at least gets a little rest.
If she hasn't turned up in a couple of day's time, then they'll allow him to worry.
***
It's a fortnight later and Jane finds himself barely wanting to move out of their bed. Not because he's catching up on sleep, if anything since she disappeared, he's sleeping even less, but because her scent still lingers on the sheets and he wants to envelop himself in the familiarity. As promised, the team agreed to approach not only Hightower, but Missing Persons. Hightower, annoyingly, just brushed them off and refused to listen to anything they had to say. The same with Missing Persons. Apparently, there were no suspicious circumstances and if Lisbon had chosen to leave Sacramento, there was little they could do about it. Jane, naturally, believes that is just an excuse, sheer laziness and them not wanting to take on yet another case. Lisbon's disappearance is suspicious in itself simply because of who she is. How can a lead agent of a CBI team go missing without it being a cause for concern? Anything could have happened to her and nobody is willing to give them any answers.
The moment she didn't answer her cell phone, he could feel the panic rising in his veins, all too familiar to the other time he'd lost a loved one. He'd been trying to get through to her regularly, but the line has been cut now so even trying to call is pointless. He's scoured the streets, asked countless people and even ran up a few leaflets, all to no avail. Now, he's just ran out of energy and wishes that he could sleep away his woes. Either that, or wake up and find out that it's all been a terrible nightmare and Lisbon is still sleeping peacefully by his side. Instead, he just feels like his heart is breaking all over again and he wants whoever it is who is hammering down the door to just go away and leave him alone. He doesn't have the energy to deal with people, unless it's Lisbon or they know where she is. Jane knows that he had been falling head over heels in love with the woman, had been enjoying every single waking moment he'd spent with the little spitfire. Even the arguments where they found themselves tearing at each other's throats had made him feel alive, something he hadn't felt for years.
But whether or not it is worth all this terrible heartache now that she's gone, he's not so sure.
It's not that she's left him that gets to him, it's that there's been no explanations or answers for her sudden disappearance whatsoever that hurts the most.
TBC…