Alienation Of Affection In The Great Outdoors

by 51Dreaming

Three weeks after a disastrous visit with the DeSotos, Johnny attempts to undo the damage he caused. All Emergency characters are owned and copyrighted by Universal Studios and Mark VII productions. No copyright infringement is intended.

Alienation Of Affection in The Great Outdoors

Sequel To "Alienation Of Affection"

For my Readers who requested a sequel

Careful what you wish for

Chapter One

"Anyway, so then Gage hauls little Jenny up, and she's covered in syrup, see, and he says they knocked Joanne out."

Chet shook his head as he tied his boot.

Marco snorted. "He says they 'knocked her out?' He didn't explain she went, oh, I dunno, into a 'fairy sleep?'"

Chet laughed. "Nah, which is really stupid, if ya consider Jenny ASKED if there were fairies at the hospital. He coulda just SAID - "

Chet and Marco's conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the subject of their gossip. Johnny Gage. Firefighter/Paramedic Extraordinaire, Adopted Uncle, man currently in the DeSoto doghouse.

He glared at Chet. "I told you that in confidence, Chet. I needed someone to talk to, and I talked to you IN CONFIDENCE."

"Yeah, well...sorry, Gage. Won't tell anyone else." Chet raised his hand to his forehead in a Boy Scout salute. "Scout's honor, man."

Johnny's eye's narrowed. "You weren't a Scout."

"Chet looked hurt. "Yeah, I was. Cub Scout."

Johnny rolled his eyes. "Get outta here."

Chet disappeared.

Johnny considered Marco, who was carefully not looking at him.

"I suppose he told you everything."

"Only what he told Mike and Cap."

Johnny pulled off his shirt and hung it in his locker. He pulled out a uniform shirt and slipped into it. "Great. Just what I need. All you clowns on my back all day. Listen Marco, if I hear so much much as ONE WORD - "

But Marco had disappeared, driven out by the arrival of Roy DeSoto. Firefighter/Paramedic Extraordinaire, Long Suffering Husband And Father, builder of DeSoto doghouse. He opened his locker.

Johnny smiled ingratiatingly. "Hey, Roy."

Roy nodded at him and opened his locker. "Junior."

Johnny's hopes rose. Roy had used Johnny's pet name. The name he had dubbed him during training. The name he used when he was in a good mood, or trying to reassure Johnny. He never used that name when he was angry at him. Maybe things were looking up. Maybe -

Roy stared at something in his locker. "Joanne says hello, and thanks for the gift."

Johnny grinned. "Glad she liked it. Ya see - "

"And she wants to have you over for dinner on Saturday," Roy continued coldly.

"Saturday? Yeah, yeah, Saturday's good, Saturday's great, that'll be incredible." Johnny made a mental note to cancel, for the third time, his date with Urleen, the foxy nurse he'd been trying to get to come over for dinner for weeks, the nurse who made him crazy just by smiling in his direction, the nurse who...oh, well...three strikes and he was out.

"Saturday...that'll be great. And uh...thanks for callin' me 'Junior.'"

Roy slammed his locker closed. "It was a slip of the tongue. Don't read anything into it, JOHN."

"No, no, of course not, it's just that after three weeks of gettin' the cold shoulder, except when we're on a run, ya know, because you'd never do that in front of victims, they need to see us workin' together like, I don't know, like - "

Roy slammed his way out of the locker room, the door swinging back and forth angrily in his wake.

"...like friends..." Johnny's voice trailed off. He sat on the bench, sighed, and stuck his green pen in his pocket. Chet suddenly materialized by his side.

"It's okay, man. You got a dinner invite. That's progress."

Johnny threw Chet a sidelong glance. "Ya know, Roy may be my best friend, but man, he holds grudges. It's just incredible. So I made a few mistakes. So Chris threw a game. So I took the kids to Disneyland and lost Jenny. So she wants to marry me and not him. So I - I - "

"Messed with his kids' minds and made 'em think their mother was killed by a doctor."

"Yeah, so I - " Johnny shook his head, jumped up, and headed toward the door. "Who asked YOU?"

Chapter Two

Johnny took a deep breath and rang the DeSoto's doorbell. At the sound of the bell, six year old Chris and four year old Jenny were heard pounding down the stairs in a race to answer the door. Roy's voice was raised in a futile, "Slow DOWN!" as the kids reached the door and battled for control of the knob. Johnny grinned. Still the favorite uncle.

Chris triumphantly wrenched the door open. His "Uncle Johnny!" was cut off as Jenny pushed him aside and leapt into Johnny's arms, knocking him off the stoop onto the walkway in front. He landed on his back, Jenny's arms around his neck. She squealed with delight.

"You're here, you're here!" She leaned toward the house and screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Guess who's here? It's Uncle Johnny!" She turned back and beamed at him. "You're really here! I KNEW you'd come back!" Johnny nodded and struggled to his feet, Jenny still clinging to his neck. He bent down to place her on the stoop, but she refused to let go. He tried to pry her hands loose.

"Jen, leggo."

She shook her head, then relented. He placed her carefully down, took her hand, and crossed the threshold, only to be met by Roy, shaking his head and tapping his foot.

Johnny cleared his throat and tried to place Jenny's hand in Roy's. "Here ya go, Jen. Go to Daddy."

She shook her head. "No, I wanna stay with you." Johnny sighed, inched past Roy, and headed toward the sofa, Roy's eyes boring a hole in the back of his skull. Jenny tugged at his sleeve.

He looked down at her lipid blue eyes. "Yeah, Jen? What is it?"

"Are you and Daddy best friends again?"

He glanced up at Roy. As Roy shook his head "No," Johnny laughed nervously. "Sure, Jen. Best friends."

Jenny beamed. "Good. And we're engaged, right?" Johnny glanced again at Roy.

"Uh...yeah, we're..." Roy advanced on him, fists clenched. "...Er...we can discuss it, maybe in twenty, thirty years..."

Chapter Three

Joanne winced from the pain in her abdomen, her appendix incision still throbbing after an appendectomy three weeks earlier. "So, Johnny. It's been relatively quiet around here since you left. I must admit, we got used to you being here during those two weeks your apartment was being retrofitted." She winced again, as she stood to clear. Johnny and Roy leapt up and spoke simultaneously.

"Let me."

They grabbed a platter, almost devoid of the five pound roast beef Joanne had made for dinner. Johnny had stuffed himself more than usual, having skipped lunch in order to show his gastronomic appreciation for Joanne's fine cooking.

Roy tugged. Johnny tugged.

Roy tugged harder. Johnny thought perhaps a fight over a platter was not such a good idea. He released it, and the platter flew up, smacking Roy in the face.

Chris laughed.

Jenny giggled.

Joanne's mouth puckered suspiciously.

Johnny looked elsewhere and grinned.

Roy glared at Johnny.

Johnny cleared his throat. "I'm, uh...I'm goin' to the car. I gotta surprise for y'all." He disappeared.

Roy sighed, and grabbed his napkin. As he wiped the au jus off his face and neck, he remarked, "You're right, hon. Place hasn't been the same since he left."

Chapter Four

Johnny reached into the Rover and grabbed a large sheet of paper, rolled and tied with a ribbon. He looked at it, his mind racing with with anticipation. As he slammed the door, Jenny tugged at his sleeve. He looked down at her little face, so sweet, so loving, so manipulative.

"Gimme a horsey ride."

"Uh, sure." He crouched down and Jenny climbed onto his back, her arms around his neck in a strangle hold. "Jen, I can't breathe." She giggled and slid her arms to his shoulders. As he walked to the house, she whispered in his ear.

"I love you, Uncle Johnny. I really, really do."

He smiled and patted her arm. "And I love you, too."

"Well, if I love you and you love me, doesn't this mean we're engaged?"

Johnny gulped. "Jen, I told you we'd discuss this when you're a grownup, all right?"

She shook her head, her voice rising. "But Daddy says when a man and a woman love each other, they get married. Then they have babies."

Johnny sighed. "Well yeah, but Daddy said a man and a WOMAN." That's why - "

Jenny's arms tightened around his shoulders. "And Daddy says a man and a woman don't go out with other people after that. And Daddy says a man and a woman live together."

"Daddy's right. Absolutely." He crouched down and slid Jenny off his back. She patted his cheek.

"Okay. So you won't go play with any more lady friends, right?"

"Jen, listen - "

She looked intensely at him. "And you 'specially won't have any more sleepovers with lady friends. Cause Daddy says - "

"Yeah, yeah, okay. No more sleepovers with lady friends."

She smiled and opened the door to the house. "Guess what everybody! Uncle Johnny isn't gonna have any more sleepovers with lady - "

"Jen, shut - " Johnny stepped into the house to find Roy staring angrily at him. "the door. Yeah, shut the door, sweetie."

Chapter Five

"What is this?"

Joanne stared at the paper Johnny had unfurled in front of her.

Johnny grinned. "It's a schematic - a drawing of your front yard."

Joanne peered at it. "This isn't our yard."

"It will be when I'm done with it."

"But - "

"Ever hear of landscape architecture?"

"Well yes, but - "

"I used to work for a landscape architect when I was a teenager." He became aware of Roy peering over his shoulder at the schematic.

"Funny...first time you've mentioned this." Johnny glanced back at him.

"Well, yeah, but - "

"Ever."

Joanne patted Roy's hand. "Now honey, I'm sure there are stories from your past Johnny doesn't know about."

Roy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah." He sat down next to Joanne and took a sip of coffee.

Johnny sat on the other side of Joanne and grinned at them. "So...I'm gonna redo your yard."

Roy took another sip of coffee. "Like hell you will. listen, JOHN - " Joanne cut him off.

"Oh my God, Roy, did you hear that? This is so...so...generous." She threw her arms around Johnny and hugged him.

Johnny emitted a small "Ow."

Joanne released him. "How did you know I wanted a new yard?"

"Well I figured ya did, since the yard looks like a piece of - " Jenny hopped into his lap - "land. A piece of land waiting to be made beautiful. Yeah, that's it."

Roy rolled his eyes. "'Beautiful?' Just what is your definition of 'beautiful?'"

Johnny pointed to the schematic. "Right here! Roy, ya don't want a lawn that ya gotta water all the time, not in this climate. So I'm gonna put in a dry creek and drought tolerant plants. Less watering, much better for the environment. Course I'll have to kill the lawn and hedge so they won't compete for water."

Roy's eyes narrowed. A 'dry creek?' What the heck is that?"

Joanne laughed excitedly. "Honey, you saw them at the garden show a couple of weeks ago. Remember how thrilled I was? A dry creek is a creek bed."

Roy nodded doubtfully. "Oh, yeah...I hated them. A creek with no water. Made no sense at all." His eyes took on a dreamy look. "Now a lawn...kids playing in the sprinklers...something to mow...THAT'S beautiful."

"Honey...the yard is too old fashioned...it, um..."

"It sucks," Johnny offered, helpfully.

"Sucks," Jenny giggled.

Roy's face turned red. "Now, wait a minute! There's nothing wrong with that yard! It's got a great lawn, flowers, a hedge, it looks like everyone else's!" He leapt up and stalked to the living room window, looked out, and turned back to Johnny. "Just what is WRONG with that yard?"

Johnny and Joanne looked at each other, then at Roy. Joanne shook her head. "Hon, there's nothing WRONG with the yard. It's just - "

"You bet there's nothing wrong with it!" Roy turned back to the window. "I put in that yard. I planted the lawn, the hedge, Joanne does the flowers..."

Johnny got up and joined Roy. They gazed out at the yard. Roy mumbled under his breath. "Come to a man's home, eat his roast beef, criticize his yard..."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to - "

"Well, don't."

Joanne abruptly burst into tears, got up, and took the coffeepot into the kitchen. Roy threw Johnny a withering look and followed Joanne. Johnny had the courtesy to remain behind. Chris joined him at the window.

"Boy, I haven't seen Daddy this angry since the time Jenny got stuck under the seat of his car."

Johnny nodded, then raised a suspicious eyebrow. "How'd that happen?"

"I put her there."

"Yeah, well..." Johnny dropped onto the sofa. Jenny climbed into his lap. They sat and listened to the argument, first loud and clear, then muffled and more intense.

"Uncle Johnny?"

"Yeah?"

"Are Mommy and Daddy gonna get a divorce?"

"What? No. Of course not." He placed her on her feet and pointed her toward the stairs. "Why don't you...uh...go get in your pajamas?" She smiled bleakly and disappeared upstairs. Johnny looked at Chris, creeping toward the kitchen. "You too, Sprout."

"But I wanna hear - "

"You, too."

"All right, all right." He disappeared.

Johnny sat a few more minutes. Just as he was wondering how to politely leave without thanking the DeSotos for the lovely evening, Joanne and Roy came out. Roy dropped onto the sofa and gave Johnny an evil look.

"Who's going to pay for this?"

Johnny blanked. He hadn't considered it. Then he realized he was stuck.

"I am. Who else? Ya think I'd offer a gift and make you pay for it? Geez, what kinda guy you think I am?"

Joanne came up behind him and dropped a kiss on his head. "We accept. And thank you, Johnny, you really shouldn't have." She dropped another kiss on Roy's head and returned to the kitchen.

Johnny and Roy sat in awkward silence for a moment. Johnny took a deep breath. "Uh...Jen thinks you're gettin' a divorce."

Roy stood and stretched. "I'll talk to her."

"Yeah."

Roy headed toward the stairs, then returned to the sofa. He looked down at Johnny. "Just for future reference, I would never divorce my wife." Johnny nodded. Roy placed his hands on Johnny shoulders and squeezed. Hard. "But I would divorce you and your dry creek. In a flash."

Chapter Six

Roy opened one eye and glanced at the clock.

Six am.

He looked over at Joanne, fast asleep.

He listened. The house was silent.

Roy eased himself out of bed, and tiptoed to the bedroom door. He locked it with a soft "click."

He tiptoed back to bed and slid in. He curled around Joanne. She stirred.

"What is it? The kids okay?"

"The kids are fast asleep." He kissed her neck and gently rolled her onto her back. He kissed her lips and smiled down at her. "I'm feeling kinda..."

She smiled up at him. "I'm feeling 'kinda,' too. My incision hurts. But the doc said we could if you're gentle..."

He grinned, as his hand unbuttoned her -

CRASH! RUMBLE!

The house shook.

Joanne sat up, panic in her eyes. "Oh, my God, we're having an earthquake! Get the kids, get the kids!" She pulled away from Roy and stumbled out of bed. She ran to the door, unlocked it, and disappeared.

The phone rang. Roy grabbed it.

"Hello?"

"Roy? Is it too early?"

Roy's jaw clenched. "Not anymore."

"Huh?"

"Whadaya want, Johnny?"

"Oh. Yeah, I meant to tell ya yesterday at the end of shift. I just remembered, and I - "

"Tell me WHAT?"

"Huh? Oh! Don't park your car in the garage. They're delivering rocks for the dry creek today, and - "

"They just did."

"Oh. Good."

"Yeah, it's great, just great. My car is in the garage."

"Geez. Sorry about that. Joanne's, too?"

No, she's parked on the street."

"Great!"

"Yeah, great."

"Okay, well..." Roy heard a feminine giggle over the phone, and a soft, "Honey, I'll get off the phone in a minute. Oh yeah, that feels - "

"Johnny?"

Sounds of laughter, then another feminine giggle.

Roy hung up.

Joanne returned to the bedroom, smiling with relief. "False alarm."

He grinned. "I'm still kinda - "

Joanne shook her head. "The kids are up. I'm gonna take a shower." She leaned over the bed and gave Roy a kiss on the cheek. She disappeared into the bathroom.

Chapter Seven

"No Spout, you can't help. Not with this part of the job. This is for grownups only."

"But - "

"Not his time. Go find something else to do."

Chris's shoulders drooped as he walked away.

Johnny read the ingredients on the tank of chemicals he held. He sighed as Joanne walked over to him.

"John? What's wrong?" Joanne patted Johnny on the back as he read the chemical list again. He looked at her and shook his head.

"It's just...there's a lot of chemicals in this stuff. A lot. I mean...ya could just turn off the sprinklers and let the lawn die."

"How long would that take?"

He shrugged. "Not long. Say, in the summer heat, no rain...couple months. It'd kill the hedge, too."

"A couple of MONTHS?" Joanne shook her head. "And what do we tell the neighbors? 'It'll get better in the fall?'"

"Johnny shrugged, then grinned. "You could put up a sign. 'Coming This Fall - A New Yard!'" He looked at JoAnne's aghast face. "No?"

"No."

"I'm only thinkin' of your health, ya know. Herbicides are dangerous and ya got kids."

Roy drove up in his rental car, parked in street, and watched a rock detach from the pile in the driveway, bounce merrily down the driveway, and hit the side of the rental. He sighed, got out, and picked up the rock. He walked over to Joanne and kissed her, then looked at Johnny and attempted a smile.

"Okay. What are you doing today?"

"Killin' yer lawn."

"Fine. Get on with it. I'm gonna take a nap." He took Joanne's hand and headed toward the house. They went inside and slammed the door.

Johnny sighed, picked up the tank of herbicide, and read the directions. He donned a pair of work gloves, picked up the tank, and muttered, "Wish I had my turnouts...this stuff is..."

"You wanna wait two months? In THIS neighborhood?"

Johnny jumped. Roy had returned, laughing.

"Well, yeah, it'd mean bein' more...ya know...organic...better for the kids 'n all...we do rescues with victims who got chemical burns, we see the chemical fires 'n explosions, I mean, God knows what's gonna happen to our health in twenty, thirty years from all the...hey, stop laughing!"

Roy struggled to contain himself. Finally, he stopped laughing, wiped the tears from his face, and patted Johnny gently on the shoulder.

"Junior...this is a very...conservative neighborhood. Almost every yard the same. You ever notice that? A hedge, a lawn, and flowers." He looked up and down the block. "People are already asking me what the HECK we're doing with our yard. Just put the new yard in, so we can get back to some semblance of a normal life. Okay?"

Johnny grinned. "Ya called me 'Junior.'"

"Yeah."

"For real?"

"Yeah. Now kill the lawn, okay? Don't go all hippy on me."

"Hey, ya know, I was readin' an article that 60% vinegar and 40% clove oil - "

"Uh, no."

"But - "

"Junior - "

"Okay. Chemicals, fine."

Roy walked away and went into the house. Johnny began spraying the herbicide in the DeSoto's lawn. A light breeze came up, and he moved around, in an attempt to keep from getting the herbicide on himself, inwardly cursing his stupidity in not wearing more protective clothing and a mask. Finally, his thoughts became verbal.

"Geez, talk about going off half-cocked..."

"Yeah okay, I do act without thinking...but not on the job, I'm good at my job."

"Shoot, Gage, of all the stupid, inane, thoughtless.."

His self-recriminations were cut-off by the sound of a wagon. He stopped spraying and looked up.

Jenny. In her wagon, being pushed down the sidewalk at high speed right toward him. He dropped the tank and ran toward her, yelling, "No! Stop!"

She, in turn yelled, "UNCLE JOHNNY!"

Just as the wagon reached the edge of the lawn, Johnny snatched Jenny from it. The wagon rolled onto the lawn, coming to a rest in the center of the area he had just sprayed.

He placed her on the ground. She whimpered and held her arms up to him. "Pick me up."

His heart broke, as it always did when she gave him that look. And she knew it. Boy, did she know it.

They stared at one another for a moment. Finally, Johnny shook his head.

"I can't. I been sprayin' poison on the lawn and I got some on myself. I ain't touching ya till I get cleaned off. Understand?"

To his surprise, she nodded. "Yeah. You're TOXIC."

"Toxic?"

"Yeah. Daddy taught me that word. Toxic." She turned to go, then stopped and looked at him. "Daddy says you should wear...uh..."

He nodded impatiently. "Protective clothing."

Her face lit up. "Yeah. And a mask."

He nodded again. "Your daddy is right. And I'm real dumb for not doing that.

She looked at him thoughtfully, then smiled. "You're TOXIC."

"Oh, go inside, would ya? And stay off the lawn. It's - "

"TOXIC." She skipped into the house singing, "Uncle Johnny is toxic, Uncle Johnny is toxic, Uncle Johnny is toxic...la la la..."

Johnny sighed and resumed spraying.

"Uncle Johnny is toxic, Uncle Johnny is never gonna live this down, Uncle Johnny is toxic, la la la..."

Chapter Eight

"Like I was saying, Gage got in a little over his head," Marco snickered. "Not only can't he afford to relandscape the DeSoto's yard, he had to dig up their dead lawn with a shovel. But now he's gotta till it. So he rented a power thing."

Chet laughed. "You mean a - "

Johnny walked in and glared at Marco and Chet. "Geez, thanks, Marco. Dumber and Dumbest. Shoulda known. You can't keep anything to yourself, can you?"

"Uh, not when it's this good."

As he and Marco brushed passed Johnny on their way out of the locker room, Chet guffawed, "Dumber and Dumbest? Which one is Roy and which one is Johnny?"

Chapter Nine

Joanne woke up, yawned, and stretched. She listened. The house was silent. She looked over at Roy, curled up on his side, facing away from her. Gently, she reached out and rubbed his back. Roy stirred, sighed, and rolled onto his stomach. Joanne leaned over him.

"Wrong side, hon. You wanna be on your back."

Roy laughed softly. "First things first. I'm awfully sore from last shift."

Joanne rolled her eyes. "You want a massage?"

"Like I said honey, first things first. First a massage, then - "

ROAR!

Joanne jumped.

Roy rolled on his back and sighed. "Johnny's here."

Joanne shook her head. "What? I can't hear you!"

"I said..." Roy shook his head, got up and went to the open window. He slammed it shut and turned back to Joanne.

"I SAID, 'JOHNNY'S HERE!'"

Joanne fell back on the bed. "At six am?"

The phone rang. Joanne answered it. She listened for a moment. "Yes, I know, it's six am, yes, I'm sorry." She covered the phone and hissed at Roy. "You'd better go stop him."

"I'm gonna stop him, all right..." Roy grabbed a pair of jeans, struggled to pull them on over his pjs, and fell on the floor. Joanne ran to him.

"Honey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm - " Joanne left him in a heap, and ran to the window. She wrenched it open.

"JOHNNY!"

Johnny was standing in the middle of the formerly chemically induced very-dead lawn, now awkwardly dug up. He looked up at Joanne and waved. "Hey, Joanne! Morning! I'm gonna rota-till yer yard here, then I'll be able to plant yer...whoa, whoa!" The rota-till got away from him and he took off after it.

Roy struggled to his feet and over to the window. "Johnny! Look out for the - "

The rota-till hit the kids' wagon. The handle of the wagon broke off, hurtling toward the open bedroom window where Roy and Joanne stood. Roy slammed the window shut, grabbed Joanne, and threw her to the floor, landing on top of her just as the handle hit the window with a loud "crash!"

Roy rolled off Joanne and tried to help her sit up. She shook her head, panic in her eyes.

"My incision! Oh, my God, it hurts."

"Let me look at it." Roy gently lifted her nightgown, took a look, and winced. He tried to help her up again, but she shook her head vehemently. "Okay, okay, I'll carry you..." He stuck his bare feet in a pair of shoes, scooped her up, carried her down the stairs, and out of the house.

Johnny, meanwhile, had fallen flat on his face, then scrambled to his feet, and chased the rota-till. Unfortunately, he wasn't fast enough. The rota-till dug a straight line across the DeSoto's yard, burrowed neatly through the hedge, across the neighbor's lawn, and came to a halt just inside the hedge separating the next two yards, a bike seat caught in its blades.

Johnny grabbed the rota-till and shut it off. He tugged. It remained in the hedge. He pulled harder. Nothing.

Another pair of hands, a feminine pair of hands with beautifully manicured nails, grabbed the rota-till and gave it a yank. It came out of the hedge. Johnny looked at the owner of the hands. A lovely face, dark curly hair with the sweetest smile he had ever seen. Unfortunately, she had a wedding ring on her left hand and two little girls standing behind her, wide-eyed, jaws slack, gaping at Johnny. Still, she was the most lovely thing, and her smile melted his -

A hand gripped his shoulder and spun him around. He looked directly into Roy's face.

Roy smiled, a sneaky twisted smile that Johnny couldn't place. He just knew something was up.

"Johnny, I need to take Joanne back to the hospital. She took quite a fall. Will you stay and watch the kids?"

Johnny stared uncomprehendingly at Roy. He sounded so calm, so nice, not angry at all.

Something was definitely up.

"Stay with the kids. You want me to - "

"Stay with the kids, right." Roy nodded slowly. "Would you do that, Johnny?"

"Uh, sure, of course, I mean after all, this whole mess is - "

"Your fault, right." Roy smiled and patted Johnny on the arm. He turned to go back to the car, where Joanne sat, in abject misery, hunched over in pain. He was half way across his yard when he called out to Johnny and the neighbor.

"Mrs. Hooper, this is Johnny Gage. He'll take care of damages."

Roy scuttled over to the the car, got in, and drove away. As he took the turn onto the next street, Joanne eyed him.

"That was awful, Roy. She's gonna eat him alive."

Roy shrugged. "Who, Johnny? Please. He works in crisis situations. He can handle Alice."

"Honey, no one 'handles' Alice. Ow, my gut is killing me..."

Chapter Ten

"Gotta go, the kids..."

Johnny smiled at Mrs. Hooper. She smiled back. Her smile was so sweet...had she not been married, Johnny would have asked for her phone number.

"Of course. Kids come first. You go. Tell Joanne that everything will be all right." She reached out her beautiful hand to him and he shook it gratefully. As he walked quickly back to the DeSoto's house, dragging the useless rota-till behind him, he had a growing sense of discomfort. Why had Roy smiled in that weird, sneaky way? Was it just that he still didn't trust Johnny with his kids? When was he gonna trust Johnny again? Geez.

Chapter Eleven

Jenny opened the front door, just as Johnny reached it. She was wailing.

"Mommy and Daddy are goooone!"

Johnny scooped her up and hugged her. He thought very carefully about what to tell her. Very carefully. Extremely carefully. Then he did what so many people do in such delicate situations.

He lied.

"Mommy and Daddy just...ran an errand. That's it. They ran an errand."

Jenny stopped crying and looked at him thoughtfully. "You telling the truth?"

"Me? Of course! I always - um - tell the truth. Thing is, sometimes what I say isn't understood, ya know. Geez Jen, do ya really think I would lie to you? To YOU?"

She shook her head. A rivulet of snot ran out of her nose, and she sniffed. Johnny placed her on the floor and directed her toward the stairs. "Go blow your nose. And wash your face."

He looked down at himself, crusted in dirt, sweaty, smelly...and he had no change of clothes. Maybe he could borrow one of Roy's shirts. Might be a bit loose, but still...

"Uncle Johnny, where are Mom and Dad?" Chris stood on the stairs, staring at him, jaw hanging.

Did all kids gape like that? Or was it just at him?

"They ran an errand. Hang on, I gotta find a shirt to borrow."

"I'm hungry."

"Get some cereal and milk."

"It's Saturday. We always have - "

He nodded wearily. "Pancakes."

"IHop?"

Johnny threw Chris a defeated look. "Yeah sure, why not?"

"Chris grinned and pounded up the stairs, yelling, "Jen, IHop!"

Johnny followed, went into the DeSoto's bedroom, and opened Roy's closet in search of a shirt. Suddenly, Jenny was at his side, tugging at his sleeve.

"Uncle Johnny, Uncle Johnny, look!" He followed her pointing finger, and saw dirty footprints on the carpet.

"Oh, sh-shoot. Jen, you know what to do about this?" She shook her head.

"Dirt, IHop, broken window...great, Gage." He eyed Jenny. "I suppose you're gonna hurl, like the last time I took you to IHop..."

Jenny shrugged. Then she giggled and ran out of the room. Johnny retraced his steps, carefully placing his feet in his previous dirty tracks, across the carpet, down the stairs, and out of the house.

Mrs. Hooper and her girls were standing by the Rover. He had a feeling they would be there.

"Going somewhere?" she asked, in the sweetest, most flirtatious voice he had ever heard. Maybe she was a widow? Maybe - "

"Mr. Gage - going somewhere?" she repeated. He gulped.

"IHop. You, uh...wanna join us?"

"We'd love to!" She looked at him expectantly. He awakened from his reverie about her possible lack of a partner and opened the door. She smiled and slid in, her skirt hiking up just far enough for him to catch a peek of her perfect thighs. He looked down at his bedraggled, filthy self just as Chris and Jenny came flying out of the house and toward the car. They greeted the Hooper kids with whoops of delight. Johnny let them all in, slammed the door, and took a deep breath. Then he got in the driver's seat, put the Rover in gear, and they were off to IHop.

Chapter Twelve

Alice rested her hand on Johnny's arm. He grinned at her. Her ring glittered in the lights of IHop. His grin faded to a polite smile.

The hostess came over. "This way, please."

"just a moment." Alice smiled at the hostess. "We'd like two tables...one for the children, and one for the..." She smiled at Johnny. "...the adults." johnny's jaw dropped.

The hostess eyed the two of them. Then she nodded, muttered, "Whatever..." and showed them to two tables. Johnny pulled a seat out for Alice. She smiled and shook her head.

"We'd like a booth." The hostess nodded impatiently, and showed them to a booth. They slid in. The hostess slapped two menus down and walked away.

Johnny looked for the kids. They were just within sight. Jenny was already standing up, waving at him. He waved back. A hand gripped his wrist.

Alice. Her smile was just as sweet as ever, but her eyes had a strange look in them.

"Leave them. They'll be fine." Her fingers walked up Johnny's arm to his shoulder.

"Uh...look, Mrs. Hooper, I don't think you and I - "

"Alice."

"Yeah. Alice. Uh...what exactly can I do for you?" He immediately regretted the question. Her eyes told him exactly what he could do for her...and he wasn't about to. Not unless she was widowed. Or divorced. Or separated, maybe, but - "

"Dichondra."

"Dichondra?"

"Dichondra. It's what I have instead of grass."

Johnny took a moment to register exactly what she was saying. Her fingers walked down his arm to his hand. She squeezed his hand gently in her own.

"You ARE going to pay for damages, right Johnny?"

"Yeah, of course, just like Roy said, I'm - "

"Responsible, yes." She laughed, a light-hearted sound that put his mind at ease. For a moment.

"The thing is, like I was saying...my ground cover isn't grass. It's dichondra."

He gulped. She took his other hand.

"The seed is...expensive. But it's sooo worth it," she purred.

He nodded dumbly.

"You know what would be even more worth it?"

He shook his head dumbly.

"If you could take down the hedge between my yard and the DeSoto's yard, and plant dichondra in both yards," she smiled.

"But I was gonna put in a - "

"Dry creek, yes, Joanne told me. But Johnny...Joanne doesn't have the best taste. I mean..." she laughed, "look who she married."

"Who she married?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! He's not a friend of yours, is he?"

"Well, yeah, he's my - " Alice squeezed his hand again. " - partner. And uh...yeah, he's my best friend." He smiled in triumph. Roy would be so proud.

"Oh. Well. At least he has good taste in friends," she smiled coyly.

He laughed and nodded. The waitress came over, snapping her gum.

"What'll it be?"

"A dish of fruit and a cup of decaf." Alice handed the waitress her menu. The waitress looked at Johnny. He glanced at the menu.

"I'll have the breakfast special, and coffee," he said, not knowing what he had ordered. He gave the menu to the waitress, who snapped her gum and walked away.

A finger traced a line up his arm, over his shoulder, and a hand caressed his cheek. "So, Johnny. How about it?"

Johnny's head was spinning. How about what? Did this chick want him, or just his dichondra planting abilities?

"Johnny. I could make it worth your while..."

Despite himself, a grin crossed his face. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yes."

He leaned toward her. "How so? Ya see, I don't - "

A hand gently went over his lips, silencing him. A rosy mouth leaned into his ear, and that sweet voice whispered, "I won't tell my husband Bruno what happened, and he won't break your arm."

Johnny drew back. "B-Bruno?"

She smiled, inches from his face. "Bruno. He's a pro wrestler. Maybe you've heard of him."

"Nuh uh."

She patted his face. "'The Bone Crusher.'"

Johnny gulped. "'The...Bone Crusher?'"

She smiled sweetly and nodded.

Chapter Thirteen

"Joanne, you're gonna be just fine." Dr. Morton smiled down at Joanne. "I'm prescribing a painkiller or you, and you should be up and around in a few days." He wrote out a prescription, gave it to Joanne, then motioned to Roy and left the room. Roy followed. As soon as they were in the hall, Morton turned on him.

"Look DeSoto, it's not usually my place to pry into your private life, but just what were you thinking, throwing her down and pouncing on her like that?"

"No, it wasn't what you think. You see - "

"I know it's been a few weeks and a man gets urges, but for God's sake...take it easy, would you?"

"Now wait a minute - "

"I gotta go. Now, control yourself." And Morton was gone.

Roy sighed and returned to the treatment room. Joanne was sitting up, waiting for him. She smiled.

"What did he say?"

Roy blushed. "He said to stop throwing you down and pouncing on you."

"Pouncing on me?"

"That's what he said."

Joanne smiled. "I wouldn't mind that, you know. Just throw me on the bed instead of the floor."

"But - "

"That is how we got Jenny, after all. You kind of...pounced."

Roy smiled at the memory, then kissed Joanne. "Okay, as soon as you feel up to it, I'll pounce. I'd kind of like to have another baby, anyway."

Joanne nodded. "And speaking of babies, we'd better get home. We left the kids with you-know-who." She started dressing.

Roy nodded and helped Joanne on with her nightgown. He looked around for a jacket to put on her, then realized the only clothing they had with them was his pair of jeans...with his pajama bottoms squeezed in beneath them. "Johnny. Our oldest baby. So help me, I'm gonna - "

"No, you're not. You love him. Right now you think you hate him, but you love him and you know it."

Roy shrugged. "Yeah, why is that?"

Joanne laughed. "Because he's your partner, he's saved your life multiple times, and...well...someone has to love him."

Roy helped Joanne off the table and down the hallway toward the exit. As they got in the car, she grimaced.

"Honey, you think Johnny took the kids to IHop?"

Chapter Fourteen

"If you soak her clothes in cold water, all those stains will come out."

Alice held Johnny's hand as she climbed out of the Rover. Johnny nodded, let Alice's gaping kids out, reached in and hauled out a weeping Jenny, covered in strawberry syrup, chocolate chip waffles, and assorted barf. He held her to his shoulder, despite his urge to keep her at arms length. The mess on her clothes slowly oozed into his shirt.

Alice nodded kindly. "There, there, Jenny. That'll teach you to eat too much sugar." She smiled at Johnny. "Johnny...sweetheart...one thing about children...you MUST keep an eye on them at all times, especially at this age." She looked down at her daughters. "Girls...thank Mr. Gage for buying you breakfast."

"Thank you, Mr. Gage," they robotically repeated.

Alice smiled, not so sweetly this time. "Well, we must get going. Thank you for a LOVELY time, Johnny. I'll get Roy the price of replacing Bruno's bike, and you can give me the cash...I don't accept checks...bouncy, bouncy..."

Johnny smiled bleakly. He turned to go. Alice steered her girls toward home. Just as Johnny reached the DeSoto's front door, he heard Alice call out, "Johnny...what's the magic word?"

He answered, "Dichondra."

Chapter Fifteen

"Roy, no!"

Roy slammed the brakes of Joanne's car.

A nanosecond too late.

Chapter Sixteen

"You owe Joanne a new bumper."

Roy glared down at Johnny, who was crouched next to the bathtub. Johnny squinted up at Roy.

"You drove into the - "

"Big pile of rocks in the driveway, yes."

Johnny lifted Jenny from the tub, wrapped her in a towel, and handed her to Roy. He pulled the plug and watched the water drain.

Jenny moaned. "Daddy...I have a tummy ache."

Roy kissed her wet head. I know, sweetheart. Let's get you in your pajamas, so you can take a nap." He stood and looked at Johnny, who was standing by the tub, a sheepish grin on his face. A foul odor rose from the tub. Roy motioned toward it with his head. "You are going to clean that up...aren't you." Since this was a statement, rather than an inquiry, Johnny nodded guilty.

"Of course I am! It's my fault Jenny got sick."

Roy left the bathroom. Johnny looked around, then called after Roy. "Where's your bathtub cleaner?"

"Under the sink, dope."

Johnny grabbed cleanser and a sponge, then begin to scrub the tub. This was not easy, considering the shirt now clinging to him, covered with nothing he wanted touching the tub.

When Roy returned to the bathroom, Johnny was rinsing the tub. Johnny paused for a moment, then looked at Roy. He attempted to get the topic off himself and onto something else. Anything else.

"That neighbor of yours...Alice...very persuasive person." He finished rinsing the tub, stood up, and stretched his back. "Listen, ya got a clean shirt? I'm real disgusting and I - "

"How about you go home?"

"Uh...okay." Johnny handed the cleaning supplies to Roy. "I'll be back tomorrow."

"We'll look forward to it." Roy turned and left the bathroom. Johnny thought a moment, then ran after Roy. He found him settling Joanne in bed. Johnny stood in the doorway.

"Hey, uh...Roy...you bein' sarcastic?"

Roy sighed, winked at Joanne, turned and smiled at Johnny. "Come on, John...why would I be sarcastic?"

Johnny nodded warily. "Oh, good. Cause I wasn't sure if I'd - "

Roy walked slowly toward Johnny, his voice low and soothing. "I'm never sarcastic. I'm always kind, patient, I get along with anyone, I'm just Mr. Perfect, I am. That's why everyone loves me..."

Finally, Johnny realized Roy was, for sure, angry. He started backing away, his hands up in self defense.

"Okay, I get it. You're mad. And you have every right to be."

Roy smiled and kept advancing. He backed Johnny down the stairs. "I'm not mad, Junior. Even if I was, you know I'd be over it in a day. I always get over my anger."

"Yeah, you are angry, come to think of it...okay, I get it...Roy, yer startin' to give me the creeps..."

Roy backed Johnny into the front door. The knob hit Johnny's lower back. He winced. "Roy, I'll go now, okay? Tomorrow I'll bring a new roto-till, take care of the hedge and get to work on the d - "

"The dead lawn area, yes." Roy's face was inches from Johnny's. He reached around Johnny, grabbed the knob, and opened the door. He backed Johnny onto the porch and down the steps.

"Roy, not the dead lawn area, I'm tryin' to say that I'm gonna put in di - "

"Dinosaurs? Fine. Just finish it. All right?" Roy grabbed the broken rota-till, backed Johnny to the Rover, got the door open, and gently pushed him inside. He lifted the rota-till into the back.

Johnny started the engine.

"Bye, Roy..." Roy climbed into the passenger side, and stared menacingly at Johnny.

"You need to go, John. I think I'm starting to feel angry..." He backed out and slammed the passenger door so hard Johnny cringed.

Johnny nodded, and drove away. As he rounded the corner, he heard Roy let out a blood-curdling scream.

chapter Seventeen

"So John says to me, "this guy Bruno must be seven feet tall..." Mike Stoker shook his head as he polished the engine. He glanced at Chet. "It was hard to believe him. But the way he was shaking, I kinda had to..."

Chet laughed with glee, as he grabbed a rag, scooped a hunk of polish onto it, and commenced polishing. "Then what happened?"

Mike shrugged. "He asked for a loan to pay for Bruno's new bike."

"Yeah, and?"

"And Mike is gonna shaddup about it!"

Mike and Chet looked up from the engine to see Johnny standing in front of them, arms folded, shaking his head. "Not one of you jokers can keep a confidence. Not Chet, not Marco, not you, Mike, and I bet not even Cap. You've probably told him, too."

"Told me what, and why are you just standing there, instead of helping Roy check supplies?" Cap appeared behind Johnny, holding a clipboard and pen. Johnny looked around, startled, then threw all three a withering look before scuttling over to Roy, who was crouched over the drug box.

Roy's brow was creased in concentration as he counted supplies. "Two, three, four, okay, we're good." He closed the drug box and placed it in the squad. He turned to find Johnny grinning stupidly at him. He sighed and opened the hood of the squad. He checked the oil level. "I think there's a leak. Johnny...stop staring at me, and go look under the squad."

"What? Oh! Sure, yeah, okay, look under the squad. Sure, no problem." He slid under the squad as Roy grabbed a can of oil and began pouring.

A moment of silence.

Johnny slid out from under the squad, covered in oil. He stared at Roy suspiciously. "You did that on purpose!"

"Who, me?" Roy leaned into the squad with some tools, then looked down at Johnny. "I think I fixed it. Go back and check."

Johnny shook his head.

"Fine. Get up." Johnny and Roy exchanged places.

A moment of silence.

Roy slid out, smiled at Johnny, and stood up. "All fixed." He leaned into the squad and grabbed the handset. "Squad 51, out one hour." He looked at Johnny. "Go take a shower."

Johnny sighed and headed toward the door into the locker room. He stopped and turned to Roy. "Look, I know I said I'd finish the yard yesterday, and I didn't. I will next day off. It was just an unforeseen delay. It happens. Give me a break, Pally."

Roy cracked a smile. "Okay, Junior. I'm uh...sorry about the oil."

"Yeah, well...what's a little oil between friends?" Johnny looked down at himself and smiled. He looked at Roy hopefully. "Friends, right?"

Roy nodded. "Friends. Just get that pile of rocks outta my driveway."

"Tomorrow. Scout's Honor." Johnny sighed with relief and disappeared into the locker room. He stripped off and climbed into the shower. Suddenly, Chet opened the shower door and grinned at him.

"'Scout's Honor?' You weren't a Scout."

Johnny grabbed the door, slipped and fell. He got up, glared at Chet and closed the door. "Don't you have something better to do?"

"Than what? Razz you? Never, Gage."

Chet's laughter echoed through the locker room as he sauntered back out to the bay.

Chapter Eighteen

"Go, Uncle Johnny, go!"

Chris stood in the driveway, watching Johnny pull the hedge at the front of the DeSoto's yard out of the ground.

With the Rover. And a chain.

Inelegant, but it worked.

Unfortunately, the hedge was now in the middle of the street.

Johnny parked the Rover, got out, and looked at the mess. Roy came out of the house and watched, saying nothing.

Johnny unhooked the chain, walked over to Chris, and stared at the hedge. He smiled at Chris. "Wanna help me get that to the dump?"

"Yeah!" Chris jumped up and down with excitement.

"Great. Go ask your mom."

"Or dad."

Johnny looked up to see Roy standing behind Chris, smiling at him.

Smiling?

"Johnny...let me help."

"Uh...really?"

Roy nodded. "Really."

"Uh, why?"

Roy laughed, patted Johnny on the shoulder, and walked over to the hedge. He started heaving it onto the roof of the Rover.

"I feel real guilty about that oil thing."

Johnny started heaving hedge as well. "But - "

"And the Alice thing."

"Yeah, well..."

"And threatening you. Backing you into the Rover. Scaring you." Roy stopped, leaned against the Rover, and shook his head. "I know...your heart is in the right place."

"Yeah, well, glad you know that."

"And Joanne pointed out...you are my partner...and...friend. My best friend."

Johnny grinned. "True."

Roy fastened the chain around the hedge. He mumbled something Johnny couldn't quite hear.

"What ya say?"

"He said, 'someone's gotta love ya!'"

Johnny looked down at Chris. "He didn't say that."

"Yeah, he did."

"Oh. Well. Thanks, Pally."

Roy smiled. "Anytime, Junior. Let's go." He climbed into the Rover.

Johnny lifted Chis into Roy's lap, and climbed into the driver's seat. As he started the engine, a hand reached in and tickled his arm.

Alice.

"Johnny. What about the hedge over there?" She nodded toward the hedge between her yard and the DeSoto's.

Johnny gulped. "I'll uh...do that next."

Alice smiled. Johnny noticed, for the first time, how her incisors looked like little daggers. She patted his face. He pulled away.

"Okay. Bruno will be home later. He wants to thank you for his new bike. And the yard work."

"B-Bruno?"

Alice nodded. "Bruno." She stepped back as Johnny drove away.

Roy turned to Johnny, shaking and sweating in the driver's seat.

"What was that about?"

"I, uh...don't wanna talk about it." He paused for a moment, then gave himself a shake and tried to laugh it off. "Alice...kinda gives me the creeps." He glanced at Roy. "Doesn't she give you the creeps?"

Roy nodded. "She's different, all right. But she's good to my kids, so..."

"Ya ever meet Bruno?" Johnny asked, trying to make his voice conversational.

"Bruno? Yeah, a couple times." Roy stared at Johnny, who had begun shaking again. "John...what's up?"

"Nothing. It's just that Bruno...ya know his nickname...is he really that, uh...much a 'bone crusher?'"

Roy laughed. "Oh. Bruno. She told you about Bruno, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's sure got a short fuse."

"A...short fuse?" Johnny squeaked.

"Yeah...especially when you make a mistake."

"A mistake. Geez..." Johnny moaned.

Roy's eyes narrowed. "Johnny...did you..." He covered Chris's ears. "...make a play for Alice?"

Johnny shook his head. "NO! Alice? No! She's married, not my type, and...no!"

Chris pulled Roy's hands away. "Hey!"

Roy tousled his hair. "Sorry, son."

Johnny pulled over, and glared at Roy. "Could we...drop it? Please?"

Roy laughed again. "Yeah, sure, Junior."

"Fine!"

"Okay, Johnny. Okay."

Johnny pulled back into traffic. They rode silently for a few moments. Finally, Roy turned to Johnny.

"Listen...about Bruno..."

"Roy, shaddup."

"Okay, okay." Roy looked out the passenger window and muttered. "Bruno...yeah, well..."

Chapter Nineteen

"Now what? The dry creek?"

Roy stared at his yard. The entire yard was neatly rota-tilled. The hedge between the DeSoto's yard and The Hooper's yard was gone. The strip across the Hooper's yard was also rota-tilled.

Roy picked up a rock and held it out to Johnny. "Where do these go? Or do we lay plastic first?"

Johnny scratched his head. "Uh...plastic?"

"Yeah, to keep the weeds from growing between the rocks in the...Johnny, you DID think this out, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah, but I gotta tell ya..." His voice drifted off into silence. He looked around. "Nice day. Real nice day. Whadaya say we grab the kids and go hiking?"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

Silence. Johnny smiled sheepishly, as Roy struggled to control his temper. Finally, he walked over to Johnny, put a hand on his shoulder, and spoke quietly. "You have something to tell me?"

"Johnny shrugged. "Well, it's like this: the plan for the yard kinda...changed."

"The plan changed."

"Well, yeah."

"How so?"

"Roy..."

"Yeah?"

"Did ya ever think about...dichondra?"

"Dichondra?"

"Yeah...real pretty."

"You mean, like the dichondra the Hoopers have?" Roy began tossing the rock up and down, ever so slightly, in front of Johnny's face.

"Well...yeah. It would make your two yards look more expansive, ya know. And the kids could...play in both yards...ya ever think of that?

Roy shook his head. "No, I hadn't thought of that, Junior."

"Yeah! And dichondra is cool on bare feet, nice and cool! And real pretty, ya ever notice? Real pretty!"

Roy kept tossing the rock up and down, up and down. Johnny backed away, raised his hands, ready to shield himself, and started babbling.

"Now, listen Roy, I DID intend to put in that dry creek, ya know, and a split rail fence, real pretty, and drought tolerant plants...save ya loads on your water bill...I really, did...just like the schematic showed...remember the schematic? Drew it up myself...but...uh...plans change...happens Roy...ours do too, ya know...we intend to do one thing on a rescue, then we havta change plans right in the middle, ya know...sometimes, to, uh...save a life, and this is EXACTLY like that...I mean it's my life we're talking here, cause if I don't do what she says..."

To Johnny's shock, Roy was laughing. Tears were running down his face.

"Uh, Roy...this ain't funny, Roy. Alice said - "

"That Bruno'd break your arm."

"Yeah! And...uh...wait...how'd you know that?"

Roy finally stopped laughing. He hiccuped. "Johnny...Bruno Hooper...works for the IRS. He does audits."

Johnny raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Alice said - "

"He's a pro wrestler."

Johnny turned and looked at the Hooper's yard. "The 'Bone Crusher' audits people." He felt Roy's sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah. Alice's little idea of a joke." Roy placed the rock in Johnny's hand. "Wanna throw this?"

Johnny stared at the Hooper's house. "You bet I do. His shoulders rose, then fell. "But I'm not gonna. Gonna forget about it."

Roy patted his back. "Good choice. I wouldn't have let you, anyway."

"Yeah, well..." Johnny tossed the rock back into the pile, and eyed Roy suspiciously. "Just how big is Bruno?"

"Oh, about 5'3". Slight build. Real nervous guy. I think Alice scares him."

Johnny's head fell. "I feel - "

"stupid, yeah. Well, don't. Alice pulls that stunt on everyone."

Roy started back into the house. Johnny stood still for a moment, then called after Roy. "Hey! Why didn't you tell me before - "

"You broke our window, Joanne got hurt, Jenny got sick, we were woken up at six in the morning several times, half the neighbors are mad at us...Morton thinks I'm a maniac...you kinda deserved it." Roy began laughing again and disappeared into the house. He was met by Joanne, shaking her head at him.

"Roy - "

"I know. I'll talk to Alice."

"You'd better. This has gone on long enough. Poor Johnny." She parted the curtains and looked out the living room window. "What's he planning on doing now?

"Dichondra."

Joanne turned and stared at Roy. "What the Hoopers - "

"Yep."

"oh, no he won't! I'm not gonna have Alice telling me how she twisted Johnny round her little finger! Do something!"

"okay, okay!" Roy kissed her cheek and opened the front door.

Johnny was standing alone in the driveway. He sighed. Suddenly, he heard Roy's voice.

"John...no dichondra, I hate dichondra."

"But - "

Roy closed the door.

Johnny shook his head. "No dichondra, fine, no dichondra." He took a bag of dichondra seed from the back of the Rover, and proceeded to plant it in the Hooper's yard. He crossed back to the DeSoto's yard and thought. A smile crossed his face.

"No dichondra...okay, Roy...no dichondra."

He knocked on the DeSoto's door. Roy answered it and heaved a tired sigh.

"Whadaya want, Junior?"

"Just wanted to tell ya...I'll be done with your yard in the morning."

Roy's eyes narrowed. "You said today, not tomorrow."

"Yeah, but since ya don't want dichondra...I gotta pick up a few other things."

Roy nodded. "Okay, tomorrow." He started to close the door, but Johnny caught his arm.

"Roy, you'll like it. Promise."

"okay, I'll like it."

"you really will - "

Roy shut the door in his face.

"Really. Promise." Johnny said to the closed door.

Chapter Twenty

Roy opened his eyes. He glanced at the clock.

Nine am.

House was quiet.

Roy settled back down to catch a few more winks, when one thought brought him fully awake.

The house was too quiet.

Roy pulled on a robe and slippers and walked downstairs. He heard scuttling, a whispered, "Sh, he's coming," and a giggle.

The front door was closing as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Okay, what the - " he called as he opened the door.

"Surprise!"

Joanne, Chris, and Jenny stood on the porch, grinning at him. Behind them stood Johnny, wearing the widest, dumbest grin of them all.

"Well Pally, I promised you a new yard. And here it is!" Johnny stood aside and ushered Roy down the porch steps.

Roy stood and stared. He looked at Johnny.

"THIS is the new yard?"

"Well, yeah. Ya like it?" Johnny looked at him hopefully.

"It - uh - kinda looks - "

"Just like yer old one!" Johnny threw an arm around Roy's shoulder. "See, I got to thinking. Who am I to tell a man what kinda yard he should have? After all, you planted the lawn and hedge. Ya must a taken a lot of pride in 'em. So I gave 'em back to ya."

Roy's head started spinning.

"You...gave them back to me."

Johnny nodded vigorously. "Yeah! Well, not exactly. I laid new sod - expensive stuff, sod, ya know, but I matched the hedge exactly. 'Course it's gotta grow in, but the flowers, they're the same..."

Roy clutched Johnny for support. "You redid the yard exactly the way it was."

"Yeah!" Johnny paused. He looked anxiously at Roy. "Ya like it?"

Roy took a deep breath. "Yeah, I do."

"Great! Cause ya know, I worked all night putting this in. And I got rid of the rocks. In the dark. I'm exhausted."

Roy looked at Johnny and smiled. "Go get some rest, Junior."

"Well, uh...okay..." Johnny looked confused as Roy took his arm and guided him toward the Rover. He got in and rested his head on the wheel. He sighed with fatigue, then raised his head and regarded Roy through bloodshot eyes. "Anything else I can do?"

Roy bit his lip, smiled, and shook his head. "Nope. Just get some rest, Junior. I'll see you at the station tomorrow."

"Tomorrow, right! Enjoy the yard!" Johnny waved and drove away, a strip of sod unfurling out the back of the Rover and dragging on the ground like a royal green robe, until it disintegrated and left clumps of dirt and grass in the street.

Joanne walked up behind Roy and took his arm. He shook his head. "I don't know whether to laugh or cry." They gazed at the yard. "At least his heart was in the right place."

"Yeah. Um, honey...Johnny ran a little short of cash in the end - "

"Of course. I paid to get the same yard back, right?"

"More than you did originally. Sod is more expensive than seed."

Roy laughed. "I don't care, I really don't. He's gone, we got our yard back. That's what counts." He took her hand and led her back into the house, followed by the kids.

A dog came down the street, sniffed at the sod, kicked it until it rolled up slightly, and left a deposit of fertilizer underneath.

THE END