Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter
Dear Fanfiction Writers
Well... I must say I am absolutely disgusted. First of all Hermione and I will never be together. EVER. You want to know how I would feel kissing, marrying or having children with her? Well then imagine yourself doing that to your sister, cousin or even mother and you will get a good idea of how I feel!
Second all speaking of couples what is it with me being paired with whoever you damn well please. I will never be with a Slytherin or a Ravenclaw or a Hufflepuff or anyone other than Ginny Weasley. ESPECIALLY NOT PANSY PARKINSON! For god's sake even you should have more sense than THAT. Of course there IS Draco Malfoy. After all every time he shoots curses at me I swooned. Whenever he called Hermione a mudblood i let myself get lost in his sweet voice. And of course the fact that he hates Gryffindors, Weasleys, muggle borns and works for Lord Moldyshorts, the thing that killed my parents doesn't matter because nothing stands in the way of true love. Seriously though the next person who pairs ME with HIM will have my wife sicced on them. Ginny has quite the temper.
Lastly, i am an only child. I am an orphan. My parents are Lily and James Potter. Why is it that my supposedly long lost sister suddenly turns up or my parents are miraculously alive or I suddenly find out that my father is Severus Snape. 'Shudder.' My kids are called James and Lily for a reason you know. And while we're on the subject of families I'll take this moment to point out that i am NOT the misunderstood twin of the boy-who-lived who turns evil from neglect. If my parents were alive and I had siblings we would be treated equally!
So kindly stop writing lies or ill give detention with Umbridge,
Sincerely, Harry Potter (not Harry Snape, Black, Lupin or whatever else you've come up with!)