In private conversation between intimate friends the wisest men very often talk like the weakest; for, in deed, the talking with a friend is nothing else but thinking aloud.
~ Joseph Addison.
Stake Out ….
It had been snowing since three in the morning, big, fluffy flakes of lake effect snow. Ray and Fraser had been sitting in the crappy apartment since seven the night before. They'd brought sleeping bags and enough food for an army; canned goods, potato chips, and a camp stove for an emergency.
"I don't see why we have to stay up here until the winter blast is over, Huey and Louie can drive here the same as I did." Ray fussed as he lost the fifth hand of poker in a row. He and Fraser had been surveying the movements of an alderman's aide, hoping to catch him in the act of taking money from a rival in order to sabotage the coming election. The aide had come to the police and agreed to help. He and the alderman were good friends and well respected in their neighborhood.
"Perhaps they aren't as confident driving in inclement weather as you are, Ray." Fraser offered logically.
"This is Chicago, Fraser, you get good at driving in snow and ice or don't bother living here." The detective's Italian ancestry made him quite expressive, often blunt.
"I see your point." Fraser collected his candy and dealt another hand.
"Nah, I'm tapped out, I don't want to play for a while." Ray waved the Mountie off as he pushed away from the worn, wooden table. Fraser began dealing solitaire instead. Ray walked over to the window and pulled one side of the curtain away from the glass. Nothing moved in the six inches of snow laying on two inches of ice outside. Dief lay in the corner snoring loudly.
"This reminds me of the first time Angela and I went all the way." Ray leaned against the wood paneled wall staring at the drifts of snow forming outside. A video camera with a zoom lens set on a tripod, waiting for the alderman's aide and rival to meet.
"Oh, how so?" Fraser asked, shuffling the cards like Vegas pro.
"Ange and I cut class and snuck off to her old man's fishing cabin the first day of school after Christmas break. While we were busy that afternoon it snowed four inches. Ange had told her cousin where we were goin in case she needed a ride back into the city." Ray chuckled. "Her ole man came up to the cabin that night mad as hell." He turned away from the window and back to the small living room he and Fraser had been sitting in for a day and a half.
"It sounds quite memorable." Fraser's tone was impassive. Ray had heard enough about the Mountie and Victoria's first meeting to know they'd gotten intimate. He rather thought that she was his first intimate encounter. Still, he wouldn't bet on it, Fraser had always attracted women like honey attracts bears.
"Tell me about your first time, Benny, there's no one here but me and Dief." Ray sat back down at the table, sprawled out in the straight back chair.
"A gentleman does not kiss and tell, Ray." The answer came out a little too quickly, a little too tight lipped for Ray not to notice the tension.
"Okay, Benny, just thought since I shared you'd take a turn." Ray said sullenly, going back to the window. Fraser sighed, he hadn't meant to shut Ray down like that. Benton slid the playing cards into their box and dumped all the candy into a gallon sized freezer bag. He took up a position near the window, sitting in a straight back chair backwards, watching the snowflakes swirl.
"I first met Leila when I was seventeen. My grandparents had sent me to spend the summer with my cousin Peter in Ottawa, I suppose in the hopes of dissuading me from my decision to join the RCMP the following spring."
Ray took a seat on one of the sleeping bags near the window. He wouldn't interrupt for the world. It wasn't every day Fraser shared something so personal.
"Cousin Peter and I had very little in common, other than being with a year of the same age. He preferred to spend time watching television or wandering around the mall with his friends. Bored one afternoon, scarcely a week after arriving, I took a walk around the neighborhood to get out of Aunt Judy's house. I ended up at the library. There were more books than I had ever imagined." Fraser paused, unsure of where to start the tale, it had been ages since he'd thought of Lelia.
"She was sitting on the front steps of the library reading Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, a light breeze blowing her long, brown curls into her eyes. I stood stock still at the sight of her. I'd never seen a woman like her in person. I suppose I stared too long." The room faded away as the story began.
***(AN: If this were an episode this is where it would melt into a flashback.)
The young woman looked up at me and I saw that she had the most extraordinary eyes. They were like topaz in the sun.
"Hello, can I help you?" She asked me in a silky, alto voice.
"I, oh dear, I'm, I was just on my way into the library." I answered.
"Haven't you been in one before?" She put a slip of paper in the book and stood up. The young woman pushed her curls out of her eyes as she stepped toward me.
"Yes, my grandparents are librarians in the Northwest Territories." I answered automatically.
"Oh, that's nice. Was there something on your mind?" She held Frankenstein between her hands.
Before I could even think, I blurted, "You're beautiful." To my surprise, she laughed.
"Well, that kind of honesty is refreshing. I'm Leila Stratford." We shook hands. Hers were so small and soft.
"I'm Benton Fraser." I managed to remember my own name.
"Haven't I seen you around here before?" She asked, taking a closer look at me.
"Perhaps you've seen my cousin, Peter, they say we look like identical twins. I'm visiting for the summer." That answer seemed to satisfy her.
"Me too, my sister's having her first baby and I came to help out." Leila shrugged.
"That's nice, she must be very appreciative." I didn't know what to say, I'd rarely dealt with such a situation.
"She's very hormonal right now. Are you heading inside?" She asked, shoving her hands into her light weight denim jacket.
"Yes."
"Mind if I tag along, I was looking for a book and the librarians are busy with a summer reading program, I hate to interrupt." Leila walked up the stairs beside me, the breeze carrying her perfume. It smelled of vanilla and coconut.
"I could help you if you'd like." I didn't realize she had been hinting until later.
We walked into the largest library I had ever stepped inside. To me it was like the Great Library of Alexandria in Egypt. To say I was amazed would be an understatement, I was enthralled.
A librarian asked me if she could help me at the front desk and I obtained a library card. I distinctly heard Leila snicker when I gave my birth date.
After the librarian issued me the card, Leila and I wandered into the fiction section where she was looking for H.P. Lovecraft's book. We talked about our favorite books, then about the places we'd read about that we wanted to explore. It was quite late when I realized I should go home for dinner.
"Aunt Judy will be upset if I'm not home soon, she's cooking a pot roast and baking a cake for Uncle Carl's birthday." I hated leaving, I'd enjoyed talking with her.
"I can drive you, if you'd like." Leila offered with a shrug. I hesitated, not wanting to impose.
"Listen, I'm the reason you're so late, it's the least I can do. My car is just across the street." She persisted. I thanked her and we left the library.
Leila dropped me off outside my aunt's house with ten minutes to spare. I stood on the front stoop as her car pulled into traffic. She drove an emerald green, 1968 Ford Torino. After she disappeared, I went inside.
"Hello, Ben, how was the library?" Aunt Judy asked. She was a kind woman who loved to cook and take care of others.
"It was wonderful, I applied for a library card, I hope you don't mind that I used your address." Aunt Judy just smiled and laid the pot roast on the counter.
"Will you tell Peter to get washed up for dinner, please?" Aunt Judy treated me and Peter the same. If she bought one of us something she bought the same thing for both of us.
"Yes, Ma'am."
I found my cousin in the room we shared on the second floor of the small house.
"Aunt Judy asked me to tell you to get washed up for dinner." I laid my book on the dresser and went to the restroom in the hallway. Peter eventually got up off his twin sized bed and washed up. Looking at him, I couldn't believe we were cousins. He wore his dark hair long and had a scraggly mustache. We looked like a set of before and after pictures.
"Who'd you meet at the library, I saw you get out of a green Ford?" Peter asked me. I didn't want to tell him for some reason.
"I helped a woman find a book at the library, she offered me a ride home." I answered truthfully. Peter leaned against the door jamb, studying my reaction in the mirror. He didn't seem very convinced but he didn't push the subject, thankfully.
After supper we all sat down to watch television for a while before everyone readied for bed. It was a new experience for me, watching television every day. Usually at my grandparents' we listened to the radio, BBC programming or sometimes an American station if the weather cooperated. My grandmother loved to listen to the Grand Ole' Opry, especially the instrumental songs.
After the local, evening news, I went to bed to read before lights out. Aunt Judy was strict about bedtime despite mine and Peter's ages. I didn't mind, Grandmother Fraser was even more strict. I read one of the books I'd borrowed at the library. That night I dreamed about Leila and her green Torino. I could see the wind blowing her curls and hear her laughter as we drove down an empty highway. That has been a reoccurring dream since.
The next day after breakfast I helped Aunt Judy with the dishes, which was usually Peter's job.
"You shouldn't let Peter take advantage of you like that, he's gone to the mall with his friends and here you are, stuck with an old lady." Aunt Judy fussed.
"You aren't old, Aunt Judy." I told her, she was only thirty-five or so, much the age I am just now. She gave me a reprimanding glare for my efforts.
"I think I'll take a walk to the library after I'm finished." Tactfully, I changed the subject.
"Do you mind getting these things for me before dinner?" Aunt Judy pulled a grocery list off the refrigerator and handed it to me along with a money from her apron pocket.
"Is there anything else, I don't mind?" I offered. She had been so kind to me.
"No, have fun along the way." With that she shooed me out the back door so she could finish the dishes alone.
It was early, most people were on their way to work for the day. I walked slowly down the sidewalk out of the neighborhood, listening to the birds chirping and watching squirrels scurry up and down the trees along the way. I sat down on a bench to watch the cars go by when a dog appeared. He sat down at my feet and peered up at me with the most curious, brown eyes, his head cocked to one side. As I do with Diefenbaker, I spoke to him in the same manner I would a person.
"Hello, I'm Ben, what's your name?" The dog shifted it's weight a bit the barked in response. He was a beautiful German Shepherd, Border Collie mix.
"Why don't I call you Twain, after Mark Twain." The dog barked and stood up on all four legs. He stepped closer, sniffing the hand I'd put out for him to examine. After investigating to his content, he jumped up on the bench beside me and settled down. Timidly, I began petting him, which only served to make him want more.
"I'm sorry, I don't have anything for you to eat." Twain seemed to shrug. A clock somewhere in the city chimed the hour, reminding me of my destination.
"Would you like to accompany me to the library?" I asked in jest. He jumped off the bench and trotted a few paces down the sidewalk before looking back for me.
"Okay, no need to be in a hurry, it doesn't open for another thirty minutes." I caught up with him and together we walked to the library downtown.
"Hey, Benton." I heard Leila's voice as soon as I arrived in the library.
"Hello, I wasn't expecting you." I blushed at the greeting. I'd wanted to see her again, but hadn't thought she'd be back to the library quite so soon.
"I was halfway through Frankenstein when we met yesterday." She didn't take exception to my hasty greeting.
"Ah, you must read quite fast to be finished so soon." I find that few people read as fast as I do.
"I took a speed reading class last year." She held up the book as proof.
"I've never been formally trained, but Grandmother Fraser says she suspects I'm a self-trained speed reader." I admitted.
Making conversation had been easier the day before. Leila just smiled and walked with me into the library. The librarians were busy beginning the day's reading program so we were free to roam as we pleased. Again, Leila and I found ourselves in the fiction section of the stacks.
"Are you planning on coming here every day of this summer?" Leila asked me, peering at me through her side vision as she scanned the jacket of Black Beauty.
"Most likely, yes." I said after thinking a moment.
"Me too, I don't have a lot of money so I can't go to the movies, so here I am." Leila put the book back on the shelf. She didn't strike me as the cinema type.
"Perhaps I could take you, if you'd like to that is." Still, I offered. I genuinely wanted to spend time with her.
"It wasn't a hint, Benton." She turned to me, her topaz eyes dark. I didn't know what to say.
"Oh dear." I must have muttered.
"I'm sorry, I didn't meant to snap. Some girls are teases or gold diggers." Leila laid a hand on my shoulder, it's heat seeping into my skin through my shirt. She quickly pulled away and I felt sorry that she had.
"You don't seem to be either of those things." I suppose I seemed so young to her. I was unaware of her age, nor had I given it any thought.
"Thanks." She smiled and the space between us seemed to brighten. Her smile was like sunshine on a fresh, spring day.
Leila and I continued to browse the stacks, showing each other our finds and sharing stories. We talked until both of us were hungry.
"I think there's a hot dog vendor around the corner, why don't we get one and walk in the park." I suggested, wanting to see her curls blown again.
"Sure." She agreed. "Let me freshen up and I'll meet you outside." With another smile Leila walked toward the restrooms near the entrance. While she was busy I planned on checking out a guide to gemstones I'd seen the day before. While the librarian searched for the requested volume, a girl about my age, sixteen or so, came up to the counter. She had soft, blonde hair and freckles.
"I'm Jenny, what's your name." She asked softly, shy I suppose.
"Benton Fraser, my pleasure." I put my hand out to shake and she giggled, which confused me. The librarian returned, much to my relief. She checked out the gemstone guide to me while Jenny watched.
"Do you go to school around here?" Jenny made one more attempt. She wore braces and her hair in braided pigtails.
"No, I'm visiting Ottawa for the summer." I believe my voice cracked, as it was wont to do in those days.
"So where are you from?" I met her light blue eyes briefly as I looked off toward the restrooms.
"Pardon me, I'm supposed to me a friend outside." I saw Leila exit the front door and I rushed after her. I suppose I left Jenny disappointed.
"Who was the blonde?" She asked as we walked down the steps together.
"She said her name was Jenny, she was a most unusual girl." I still hadn't figured out why she'd come up to me and introduced herself.
"Most unusual, eh, have you listened to yourself?" Leila laughed, her hands stuck in her pleated, denim skirt pockets. She hadn't checked out any books.
"I have been told that I speak in an antiquated manner." I admitted. Grandmother Fraser was always keen that I not use slang or profanity.
"You talk like an old man, Benton." She shook her head. Another pair of girls about my age passed and I saw them whisper something to each other but I didn't pay them any attention. They gave me a coy glance then giggled.
"Why didn't you talk to Jenny a little longer, she wouldn't have minded." Leila asked.
"I had made plans with you for lunch and a walk in the park." I answered, unsure for the reason behind her question.
"Yes, but she's your age and obviously she was interested in getting to know you better." Leila stopped and leaned against a jewelry store building. I looked at her much the way Twain had looked at me earlier, curious and a bit confused.
"Benton, how old do you think I am?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I'm not certain, though you appear to be no older than twenty-five." Women have always confused me I must confess, they ask one thing wanting to know the answer to something else entirely.
"I'm twenty-three. How old are you?" She studied me, looking down at my boots, jeans and button down shirt.
"Seventeen and three-quarters." I answered truthfully.
"That's basically six years age difference, Benton. You should be hanging around with girls your own age." She said in a level tone.
"I don't understand what age has to do with spending time in the library?" I asked, genuinely in the dark.
"Benton, teenage boys are supposed to hang out with teenage girls, they have more in common, they're on the same page in life. You and I aren't." She pointed out, expressing herself with her hands.
"I have very little in common with girls in Ottawa. You and I have plenty in common." I argued.
"Name one thing." Leila challenged, her arms again crossed over her chest. It embarrasses me to say, but that only drew attention to said area.
"A love of books and the desire to travel." I met her challenge thinking I could meet any challenge at the time. Ah, the foolishness of youth.
"Name a third." She demanded. I thought for a moment but had to cede the point.
"Benton, you're a very nice, young man and in a few years, when you're older, you'll be a heartbreakingly handsome man; a full grown man. That's when we'll have something in common. Right now you're still in school, still living at home with your grandparents. You still need that kind of stability and support. I've been through college and had jobs, loves and losses. All those things are still in store for you, and with those things you learn, about yourself, about others. It's as much a learning experience as any book you'll ever read." Her words stung me. I thought I was prepared for anything. Her rejection took me aback. I suppose my expression betrayed my thoughts.
"Come on, I'll let you buy me a hot dog." She nudged me out of my place on the sidewalk and we began walking toward the vendor on the corner.
I avoided the library for a week, helping Aunt Judy and Uncle Carl instead. Leila's words kept spinning around in my mind. I didn't know if she meant them to ward me off or to be kind to me in some fashion I didn't yet understand.
Finally, after six days of staying around the house Aunt Judy asked me what was wrong one morning as I helped her weed her flower garden in the back yard.
"I met someone, the first day at the library, we seemed to enjoy each other's company but the other day she said something that made me think." Quickly, I gave her the gist of the conversation. Aunt Judy knelt on an old floor mat for a moment, a dandelion in her gloved hand. The July heat beat down on both of us but her broad brimmed, straw hat shielded her from the worst of the sun's rays. I wore an old t-shirt of Peter's that he kept for that kind of work.
"Benton, I know that I'm not your mother, I can't order you to or not to do something, but I want you to stay away from this girl. What she said about the two of you being on different pages in life is absolutely true, but even the Devil knows the Bible and uses it to his ends if he can. This girl may just be playing with your heart for some reason. Because you're from a rural area she may see you as an easy mark for any number of schemes. I want you to think long and hard before you trust someone, Benton. I know it's against your nature to be suspicious of people, but this isn't Tuktoyaktuk." I could see that she struggled with the best advice to give me in this situation.
"Yes, ma'am." I nodded. Still, I couldn't see anything but sincerity in Leila's manner.
"Good, now wash up and go buy us some ice cream for dessert." Aunt Judy pulled money out of her apron pocket and handed it to me. "Uncle Carl and I like fudge ripple, Peter doesn't care so get something you like too." I took the money and went to the grocery that afternoon. I still had a lot to think about. I didn't wish to disappoint my aunt but I wanted to see Leila again. It had been refreshing talking to someone, especially a girl, so near my age. What was six years after all, in the grand scheme of things?
The next day I worked up the nerve and walked downtown to the library. I saw Twain sitting in the shade of a large holly tree. Beside him sat Leila, reading Anna Karena.
"Somehow I knew you'd be back, eventually." She put her book mark in the book and stood up to meet me.
"Hello, Leila. I've given what you said a lot of thought." I'd rehearsed what I wanted to say all the way from the house. "I understand there is quite a difference in our ages, but I feel that age has nothing to do with a friendship." I saw her topaz eyes twinkle and the corners of her mouth begin to quirk upward.
"Friends then?" We shook hands in agreement.
"Yes, friends." I took her smaller hand in mine. It was soft and smooth. I could smell her fresh, scent on the breeze. I wasn't certain 'friends' was all I wanted from her after all, but I was committed to trying just the same.
Together we went into the library and past the librarians, who had by this time gotten used to the two of us. Quietly, we found our way to the biography section and began looking through the various volumes. Madam Currie, Annie Oakley, and Napoleon were among the ones I most admired. Leila liked more ancient people in history. She chose Aristophanes. I blushed when she began reading from his famous work, Lysistrata. My red face made her laugh as she read of the women of Greece swearing off contact with their husbands until they stopped fighting the Peloponnesian War. It was bawdy and my grandmother would have considered parts of it quite lewd or scandalous. Still, Leila
insisted on reading it. Finally, I could take no more and snatched the book away from her. That only served to make her laugh even harder.
"Why, Benton Fraser, don't tell me you've never been with a girl before!" She stared at me wide eyed when I nodded, my face burning so badly I thought it would peel.
"I'm sorry, I had no idea." She stopped laughing and put the book in my hands back on the shelf where it had been before.
"Perhaps a different section of the library would be better." I said, my voice thick as I tried to contain my embarrassment.
"Yeah, maybe." Together Leila and I walked into the natural science section. There was an awkward silence between us that I'd grown accustomed to with other girls, but never Leila. Talking freely with her was one of the main reasons I decided not to heed Aunt Judy's warning. I needed someone to talk to. It is rare in this life to have someone with which you can have a free and equal discourse with over every subject. I have only found three, perhaps four, in my life, Leila, you, Ray, Diefenbaker and Victoria.
"Benton, I really am sorry I embarrassed you like that. You're a nice guy and those are hard to come by." Leila spoke softly, her hand on my shoulder.
"It's alright, really." I assured her, wishing we could go back to only half an hour before, when there hadn't been anything awkward between us.
"What do you say we get out of here, go to the park or something?" She suggested. I'd made things worse.
"That would be nice." I shrugged. How was I supposed to tell her how I felt, how I hated being so shy? I envied my cousin Peter. He talked to girls as easily as I talked to Aunt Judy. It didn't feel fair.
Leila and I walked out of the library together and down the street toward a small park where office workers ate their lunches in the afternoon. As we walked Twain joined us. He'd taken to finding me when I walked downtown. I always brought along something for him to eat. He still showed up even when I didn't.
"Who's this?" Leila knelt down to scratch Twain between the ears, which he loved.
"I call him Twain." His tail wagged swiftly and he let his tongue loll as she scratched him.
"Like Mark Twain, the author?" She looked up at me, her topaz eyes shining in the sunlight.
"Yes, his muzzle reminds me of the photographs I've seen." I knelt down too, on her level. Her printed, button up blouse had shifted and I could see a mole quite low on her breast. She must have noticed me staring because she reached back and pulled her blouse up. I'd embarrassed myself again, this time she didn't say anything.
"My sister's apartment is two blocks away, why don't we go have lunch there?" Leila stood up again. Twain sniffed in annoyance. He certainly had a personality.
"I should probably go back to Aunt Judy's for lunch, I wouldn't want to impose on your sister." After a few more minutes of awkward silence we said good-bye and parted ways. I wasn't certain if I would go back to the library to see her again after being so thoroughly humiliated. I thought I'd started fresh with Leila. For a while I roamed around downtown, thinking. Finally, I went back to my aunt and uncle's house.
After dinner I tried to watch television with the rest of the family but my mind was preoccupied. I caught Aunt Judy watching me. The guilt nearly overwhelmed me. I kissed Aunt Judy good night and went to my room an hour before curfew. The events of earlier that afternoon troubled me. I wondered why I felt the way I did about something so normal, so biological, as sex. My head told me that what I felt was nothing new under the sun, that every young man had these feelings, this need for exploration. I knew that Leila could open up a whole new world to me; she could help me understand these swirling, conflicting emotions. The thoughts of talking about this with Uncle Carl or Aunt Judy made me queasy. Talking to Peter was simply out of the question; preposterous.
By the time Peter came up to bed I had already fallen asleep.
I met Leila at the library as usual, determined not to let my previous embarrassment keep me away. Like any fear, it could be overcome, so I thought at the time.
Twain had also decided to come to the library. Where he called home I never knew, but he had a sense about him of where I would be and when. He and Leila sat under the tree near the library steps, waiting.
"Hello, Ben, I'm surprised you're here this morning after what happened yesterday." Leila stood up and brushed grass off her faded, knee length denim skirt. I couldn't help but notice her long, slim legs as they glided down to her sandal clad feet. They were smooth and lightly tanned.
"It is a new day." I smiled. "How are you this morning?" I pushed on to a new subject.
"My sister is in one of her moods this morning, I've been sitting out here since seven-forty-five." I watched as she ran her fingers through her long, dark hair.
"Do you want to go somewhere else today, there's a concert in the park, it's free." Leila suggested, holding her book across her chest.
"That sounds interesting, yes." I'd have gone anywhere with her. My father would say I have a weakness for intelligent brunettes. He would not be wrong.
Leila and I walked from the library to the park a few blocks away. Twain kept us company as we ambled down the sidewalk in silence.
"Is your sister excited to be having a child?" I couldn't think of anything else to talk about.
"She can't wait until it's born these days. I don't blame her; her feet are swollen, she can't sleep comfortably, and she's got stretch marks, among other things." I was glad she spared me a list of the 'other things'.
The park had filled with people by the time we arrived. A band stand had been set up and the performers were scurrying around, getting ready. Most of the audience had set up on blankets, some with lounge chairs and the majority of them had coolers. Each person was as individual as a snowflake.
"Where would you like to sit, Ben?" Leila stood with me, looking for a likely spot for the three of us. I spotted an unoccupied spot along stage left. It was sufficiently close to the stage to be heard and situated near the restrooms and food vendors.
"That looks good." She took me by the hand and we claimed the spot for ourselves. Something that was as quick and easy as taking my hand to her, took my breath away. Such contact was nearly foreign to me.
Once seated, Leila and I made ourselves comfortable. Twain wandered off, I suppose to beg for handouts among the audience. Dumpling clouds passed lazily overhead, rarely obscuring the sun. At seventy degrees Fahrenheit, the temperature felt perfect. Summer is mild in Toronto compared to Chicago.
"Do you know who is performing?" I asked Leila as the musicians began to warm up.
"Nope, not a clue." She turned to me and smiled. "I thought you might like to do something spontaneous for a change."
"You're only young once." I felt myself smile back. She made me feel my age in a way I hadn't experienced before. I felt as if my possibilities were limitless for once.
The concert turned out to be folk bands. It was quite interesting. They played a wide variety of instruments, some of which I had only seen in books or heard over the radio. Leila seemed to enjoy herself as well. Some of the songs were familiar to me and others were original pieces I'd never heard. Some of the less sober audience members began to dance as the third band of the afternoon played a fast paced tune. I caught myself tapping along to the beat. Leila sang along with one of the widely known songs. She had a clear, alto voice that I very much enjoyed.
"Come on, Ben, sing along, I know you want to." She elbowed me playfully. Her happiness was infectious. I joined her in the song, my voice thankfully staying steady. It had quit cracking for the most part but still acted up on occasion when I sang.
"Now see, that wasn't so bad." She leaned toward me when the song ended and the crowd applauded. Our shoulders brushed, sending tingles up and down my arm. I had never felt such a thing. We stayed until mid afternoon. I didn't want to leave but I had to go back to my aunt and uncle's house.
"I can drive you, if you'd like." Leila offered graciously as we walked back toward the library.
"No, I think I'd like to walk." I declined, wanting to be able to sort out the thoughts running through my mind.
"Alright, well, I should probably get back to my sister's house." Leila waved as she walked to her car. Twain and I ambled back toward Aunt Judy's. I didn't know what I wanted. Leila hadn't given any indication that she was interested in me as anything more than a friend. My head told me that friendship was more important. My heart and my body spoke of other things. I had never been that confused before.
Over the next few days Leila and I met at the library and found different things around the city to explore. She was as interested in museums as she was fine literature. We spent hours roaming the city streets. Twain often accompanied us. He was a rather silent creature, content to listen to the two of us discussing various topics; art, music, books, the sights and sounds around us. When we entered a building where animals were prohibited, he would wait for us outside, never more than a few feet down the sidewalk.
By the first of August Leila and I had become inseparable. The days passed entirely too fast to suit me. I would have to leave before the end of the month to return to my grandparents. I had become comfortable with her, as I am with you, Ray. We had danced along with a street musician, eaten several different cultural cuisines, and watched the stars at the planetarium. Aunt Judy didn't ask as to my whereabouts but I believe she suspected me of keeping company with Leila. She didn't ask and I didn't volunteer.
The third day of August Leila didn't meet me at the library. She left a message with Twain, who sat waiting instead. The note said : Ben, I have to go to the hospital with my sister. I'm sorry. I'll meet you soon. Love Leila.
I felt disappointed that she wasn't able to meet me. Logically, I knew that her sister took precedence to spending time with a teenager. Still, I was somewhat adrift as to what to do with myself. I wandered through the library, but couldn't settle on a section to explore. Finally, I went back to Aunt Judy's for lunch.
The next time I saw Leila was three days before I was to leave for home. She met me at the library again. It was a relief to see her well.
"Hey, Ben, sorry I couldn't make it, this is the first time I've been away from the apartment since my sister gave birth." She seemed tired but nervous.
"Congratulations, I hope it went well." I didn't know exactly what to say. I felt nervous again at seeing her. There was so much I wanted to say. She was beautiful. I'd dreamed of her long, brown curls and topaz eyes in the last few days. Those dreams woke me up feeling confused and anxious.
"Yeah, she had a little girl, Andrea, she's seven pounds and fourteen ounces, twenty inches long." Leila pulled a photograph from her purse hanging on her shoulder. At that time, all babies looked alike to me. This one was no different.
"She's lovely." I said politely.
"Are you ready to go do something?" Leila put the photograph back and adjusted her knee length shorts. The rolled up cuff had unfolded. Not for the first time, I noticed her long, shapely legs.
"Yes, I'm ready." I barely avoided stammering.
Together, we went off in search of things around the city to explore. Eventually, we found a tour of the historic district. We each paid our own way. The tour guide was an older lady with a raspy voice. Several couples my aunt and uncle's age were present. Leila and I were the youngest people on the tour. We walked side by side in the rear of the walking tour. On the third or fourth stop, our hands bumped as we walked. I slipped my hand in hers, taking her small hand in mine. When I turned to look, she was smiling back at me. I felt her squeeze my hand.
At the end of the day, I could have floated home. I knew that a relationship between us would be frowned upon in the least and illegal at the most. At seventeen, I didn't care. Foresight is something that came with age.
"Ben, would you like to go to the drive-in tomorrow?" Leila asked when we arrived back at the library steps. I was surprised, to say the least.
"Yes, I'd love to, I've never been to a drive-in." I didn't care where we went.
"Great, I'll pick you up at your house at five o'clock." She offered.
"I think it would be best if we met here at the library." I tried to think of a plausible reason but lying has never come naturally to me. Confusion was clearly written across her face.
"My aunt wouldn't approve." I finally admitted, hoping she didn't think I had kept our days spent together secret all summer.
"I see, well, maybe it would be better if you didn't come. I wouldn't want you to have to lie to your aunt and uncle." She pulled away, obviously hurt.
"Leila, I never meant to hurt you. I would love to introduce you to my family." How could I tell her that I hadn't told them because I wanted something of my own? She was someone I could talk to about anything. I valued that more than anything.
"Hey, I get it." She pasted on a polite smile. "I'll be here at five to pick you up, I don't know when we'll be back." Leila shrugged.
"I'll be here promptly at five." I assured her. A smile spread across her beautiful features, lighting her topaz eyes.
"Are you ever anything but prompt, Ben?" Leila laughed, making me smile. She was a breath of fresh air.
The next evening I told Aunt Judy that I had plans to go to the movies for the evening and that I wouldn't be back for curfew. Since it was such a rarity, she and Uncle Carl agreed to forgo my curfew just that once. I ate a sandwich for dinner and prepared to meet Leila at the library. For the occasion I had paid close attention to my appearance. I wore jeans, a freshly laundered shirt and tamed my unruly hair as best I could.
At four forty-five, I saw Leila's Torino pull up along side the library. She was alone.
"Come on, Ben, let's get something to eat before the movie starts." She waved me over to her car. Together, she and I went to the drive-in and ordered hamburgers, french fries and milk shakes.
"So, did you lie to your aunt and uncle or sneak out of the house?" Leila asked as we finished our meal. The drive-in was filling fast around us. Other young couples sat eating, as well as a few families.
"Neither of those, I simply told them that I was going to the movies and wouldn't be back before curfew." I answered truthfully. A slow smile spread across her face.
"Ah, there's hope for you yet, Benton Fraser." She shook her head.
As darkness descended movie previews began playing on the screen. I'd barely heard of any of the actors. I felt too shy to ask questions. Leila wouldn't have thought any less of me but I was too deeply self-conscious. We could barely hear the dialogue coming through the speakers provided. Thankfully, I had taught myself to lip read.
"Look, over there." Leila poked me in the arm and pointed toward the car next to us. The windows were up and heavily fogged. As I watched I saw someone's foot against the door window and the vehicle began to rock slightly. Beside me, Leila laughed.
"That's against the law." I turned back to look at her when I heard someone moan.
"Yeah, I know, but it is kinda funny. I bet over half of the cars here tonight will be rolling love machines." She scooted down and took a handful of popcorn from the enormous bucket between us.
"Why would people want to do THAT somewhere they might get caught?" The concept blew me away.
"Hormones, the thrill of the challenge, just plain stupid I guess." She turned to me, watching my reaction. I couldn't imagine two people copulating, much less doing so in public.
"I guess they don't do things like that in the vast North." Leila nudged me with her elbow. I'd become quite uncomfortable.
"I wouldn't know." I stared straight ahead at the movie, a science fiction piece with poor special effects and flat acting.
"I know you said you'd never been with a girl, but have you even been kissed?" I felt a vice wrap around my lungs.
"No, no I haven't." I managed.
"I'd like to be the first." Her voice sounded soft and made me feel tingly. There was a tone to her voice I'd never encountered in a woman. It was sultry and suggestive. Her topaz eyes smiled as she tilted her head to look at me. I remember thinking she had beautiful lips, full and soft.
"I'd like that." I swallowed hard, trying not to let my voice squeak or crack.
Leila scooted across the leather seat and took my face in her small hands. Our eyes met for a moment. She moved in slowly and our lips met. I didn't know what to do. Gently, she began tugging on my lower lip, her tongue darting inside my mouth. I tried to mimic her but my tongue hit her teeth. We both giggled.
"That's what they call a 'French kiss', it's supposed to be passionate. Don't worry, it takes practice, like anything else." I drank in her words, my heart pounding and head whirling from so many new sensations.
"May we try again?" I wanted to master the technique. I wanted to be nearer to her.
"Okay, but this time put your arms around me." Leila pulled my wrists to her sides, encouraging me to embrace her. I obliged gladly. Our next kiss was more passionate. She tasted salty and a little like butter, from the popcorn.
"You are a quick learner, Ben." She said when we came up for air. I wanted more but didn't want to presume.
"Do you want to go further?" Leila backed away, but still held my hands. I couldn't speak for a moment, overwhelmed.
"If you don't it's okay with me, I won't think any less of you." She promised me earnestly. "It takes a man to have self-control and be honorable." For a moment she sounded just like Grandmother Fraser.
"I don't want to be honorable." I surprised even myself when the words flew out of my mouth. Her lovely eyes smiled at me.
"Okay, I know where we can go." Leila scooted back over to the driver's side and started the engine. The loss of her warmth left me cold. She'd lit a fire in me that felt unquenchable.
After leaving the drive-in, Leila drove through the city, to her sister's apartment building. At first I was confused.
"Alissa and Myron are staying a few days at Myron's parent's house, they left this morning." Leila explained when I didn't immediately get out of the car. "Come on." She jangled the keys, a devilish smile on her face. I followed like a puppet on a string. We nearly ran up the three flights of stairs to the apartment. When we arrived at the front door, I captured her and kissed her. Instinctively, I began kissing her neck; soft, trailing kisses. I could smell her vanilla and coconut scent stronger the farther I kissed down her slim neck. My tongue felt her heartbeat throb below her ear. It coursed swiftly, her breathing increasing as I reached the cleft of her breast. I felt her fingers running through my hair but I didn't pay them any attention. Slowly, I began fumbling with the buttons of her shirt.
"Ben, slow down." She whispered loudly, taking a handful of my hair and pulling me away. Shocked, I released her.
"Pace yourself." She took my hand and pulled me toward the bedroom, slipping out of her sandals as she went. The house was dark but my keen eyes took in the layout of the apartment. We walked into the master bedroom. Leila turned on a bedside lamp, laying her sister and brother-in-law's picture face down on the night stand.
"Come on, take off your shoes." Leila sat down on the bed, her feet pulled up beneath her. I drank in the sight of her legs as they peeked from beneath her ruched, denim skirt. Her blouse hung open, revealing a white, lace bra. That excited me beyond measure. Teasingly, she reached behind her back and unfastened her bra, letting it sag.
"Sit down here." Leila patted the bed, her eyes smoldering. I took off my shoes, socks and shirt. Nearly undressed, I sat down beside her, nervous.
"I know this is your first time, so I'll have to do most of the work." She slipped out of her blouse and bra. She took both of my hands and placed them on her breasts.
"If you want to do something, go ahead, explore." She moved my thumbs across her nipples, making them tighten. They were a dark, reddish brown and her breasts were heavy. She began working on the button and zipper of my jeans, her small fingers flying. My arousal had begun to strain my boxers, it felt good to shed my pants.
I unfastened her skirt next. Leila wore white, lace panties that matched her already discarded bra. Soft, dark curls escaped the flimsy material. I looked at her mostly naked form. She had already pushed off my boxers so I stood before her completely undressed.
"Touch me, Ben, run your hands where they want to go." She nipped at my earlobe, pressing her bare breasts against my chest. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Slowly, I slid my hands down her. Her skin was soft and her form tone from walking and youth. Hooking my fingers in the waistband, I pulled her panties down her thighs. For the first time in my life I looked on a woman completely naked.
"Touch me deeper, Ben." Leila took my arousal in hand, stroking my length. I was a hard as a railroad spike.
"Guide me." I took her free hand. She slipped two of my fingers inside her wet mound. She moved against me, pushing my fingers deeper within.
"Explore, it's okay, you won't hurt me." She whispered in my ear, cupping my head. Timidly, I felt her depths, eliciting sharp intakes of breath and a whimper. When I found her clit her body tightened then relaxed.
"Harder, Ben, swirl your finger around it." I did as she said and felt her fingernails bite into my back. We kissed, my arousal lying against her warm thigh as we pressed our bodies together.
"I need you now, Ben, I need you inside me." Leila pushed me down on the bed and straddled me. She took my arousal and, using her weight, Leila slid down on me, driving my arousal several inches inside. There was friction between us. I grasped her hips, using my feet to brace, I thrust upward, much to the satisfaction of both of us. In the dim light of a single lamp, Leila and I explored each other, touching and teasing. It felt right, somehow, to be with her that way.
When orgasm overtook her, Leila threw her head back and called my name. I attempted to stay the course until after her but orgasm took me as well. It was a form of release that I'd never felt before. I felt like my body had been torn apart in a whirlwind and reassembled somewhere else.
Too weak to move, Leila slumped forward, on top of me. Both of us were covered in sweat. Still, she held me inside. I'll never forget the way she kissed me, tears in her eyes. I pulled her to me and together we lay in the afterglow of what we'd just done.
"How was it?" She whispered, nestling closer to me.
"It was wonderful, you were wonderful." I kissed her forehead, down her nose to her lips.
"I'll never forget you, Ben. You've made this summer the best I've had in a long time." Her body laid the length of mine, her curves soft against my body.
"I've had the most amazing summer as well. I wish I didn't have to leave day after tomorrow." I sighed, wondering how I was supposed to leave someone I thought I couldn't live without.
"I have to leave next week myself, I have to go back to school soon." Leila yawned.
"Me too." I laid my head against hers, wishing for the first time I were more than my seventeen years. If I were but one year older I'd never let her leave.
*** (Back to Ray and the stake out)
"I gave Leila my address and she gave me hers. She and I still keep in touch." Fraser pulled out his wallet and found a picture. Ray took the photograph and examined the family of three smiling for the photographer.
"That is her son, Benjamin, and her husband Andrew. Benjamin was born premature. Leila and Andrew married a few weeks after I left Toronto." Ray took the picture to the window for better light. He compared the teenager in the photo with his friend.
"Premature my ass." Ray thought. "The kid's the spitin image of you." All he could do was shake his head. Andrew was a lot like Ben, tall, fair complexion, light eyes and dark hair.
"That's a nice picture, Benny, thanks for sharin'." The detective clapped his friend on the back. Dief snored where he lay in the corner.
"As you said, I took my turn." Ben gave a polite smile and went back to the small table in the middle of the room.
"What other firsts have you got for me?" Ray grinned, looking out the window for the alderman's aide.
"Would the first time I skinned a caribou?" Fraser asked, playing cards flying through his hands.
"Nah, maybe later, Benny." Ray waved him off, watching a street walker trying to navigate the snow and falling on her scrawny butt.
The End
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